Warning triggers!
39 years old, been watching porn since 15 years of age.
At my worst I would PMO 10 times + once in a while but a standard of 3 times a day.
Went to sexchats and fetish after fetish built as I was spiraling down the endless addiction trail.. The PMO 3 times a day has been pretty much going on since 20 years old, almost for 20 years now. And the sexchat started 4-5 years ago. That’s when I found out, if I don’t stop I will be running to prostitutes in the future.. as this addiction progress.. Transsexual and sissy porn was the latest fetishes I started to watch 4-6 years ago.
I don’t want to feel the shame anymore and being in a relationship where we have gone sexless for more than a year now. I want to sort it out now and get back a healthy intimate sexlife with my gf whom I love very much. She knows about my struggle and want to help. I just feel awful about all this that’s been going on behind her back..
I want to get back up and feel like I’m not living a lie anymore.
I’m back here to look in once in a while and give some updates on my progress. I’ve been without pmo for 33 days. I’m in so called semi monk mode, I sort out the MO like a couple times a week. I feel this works best for me, cutting down each week. As long as I don’t watch porn… I know this will probably take years, but staying sober is about healing for the rest of my life.
I’ve been experiencing some really bad anxiety this week, I feel nauseous on and off, as soon as I focus away on something or feel calm it goes away. It’s been like this nervous feeling in my body on and off really bad throughout the days.. But I get inside my head really easy and there it is again, feeling so nauseous I want to vomit sometimes. Also I feel the lightheadedness and slightly dizzy, bad sleep too.
I guess this is part of withdrawals from my brain being used to getting those overloads of dopamine from the kicks of porn and chatting.
Right now I don’t feel like going back to pmo at all, but I get flashes a lot. Memories playing through my head like a slide show kind of.
Feels good to write a little..
39 years old, been watching porn since 15 years of age.
At my worst I would PMO 10 times + once in a while but a standard of 3 times a day.
Went to sexchats and fetish after fetish built as I was spiraling down the endless addiction trail.. The PMO 3 times a day has been pretty much going on since 20 years old, almost for 20 years now. And the sexchat started 4-5 years ago. That’s when I found out, if I don’t stop I will be running to prostitutes in the future.. as this addiction progress.. Transsexual and sissy porn was the latest fetishes I started to watch 4-6 years ago.
I don’t want to feel the shame anymore and being in a relationship where we have gone sexless for more than a year now. I want to sort it out now and get back a healthy intimate sexlife with my gf whom I love very much. She knows about my struggle and want to help. I just feel awful about all this that’s been going on behind her back..
I want to get back up and feel like I’m not living a lie anymore.
I’m back here to look in once in a while and give some updates on my progress. I’ve been without pmo for 33 days. I’m in so called semi monk mode, I sort out the MO like a couple times a week. I feel this works best for me, cutting down each week. As long as I don’t watch porn… I know this will probably take years, but staying sober is about healing for the rest of my life.
I’ve been experiencing some really bad anxiety this week, I feel nauseous on and off, as soon as I focus away on something or feel calm it goes away. It’s been like this nervous feeling in my body on and off really bad throughout the days.. But I get inside my head really easy and there it is again, feeling so nauseous I want to vomit sometimes. Also I feel the lightheadedness and slightly dizzy, bad sleep too.
I guess this is part of withdrawals from my brain being used to getting those overloads of dopamine from the kicks of porn and chatting.
Right now I don’t feel like going back to pmo at all, but I get flashes a lot. Memories playing through my head like a slide show kind of.
Feels good to write a little..