enough is enough

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enoughisenough

Member
I'm sorry, Today is the Day. I don't remember where I read it, or even if it was on ybop. I imagine the feeling in my chest is somewhat similar to how a drug or booze addict feels when they know they want a hit, and they are having the internal struggle with themselves whether to have the hit or not. Quickened heart rate, restlessness and so on. Which would make sense as this is an addiction.

Speaking of which, I am definitely experiencing cravings at the moment. It is a real battle right now. 21 days clear of no PMO. 10 clear of masturbation.

 
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enoughisenough

Member
Day 22 of no PMO, 8 days since any O, 11 days since the only fap of this reboot.

Woke up without morning wood this morning. Quite disappointing in a funny way. Without thinking about them too much, I've been enjoying those morning visits! We'll see if this is just today, or part of the flatlining I've read about here. We'll see.
 
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enoughisenough

Member
I've relapsed twice since my last post (about relapsing). I am depressed, frustrated and disappointed, and down on myself for not beating this thing. No pun intended. Yet I am also numbed, desensitized. Because that is what this does.

I don't think I am taking the level of addiction involved seriously enough, respecting the hold it has over me. Nor am I really appreciating the extent to which it is affecting my life. As such, I am hereby setting myself a goal of 30 days no porn, no fap. At that point, if I want to go further then I can set a new goal. But I need to weaken its hold on me. And I want to prove to myself I can do it.
 
lyon03

lyon03

Respected Member
I hear you brother. This is a journey, not a destination. Be gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself. Frustration and guilt just feed the beast and lead to a relapse loop. Break the cycle soldier! Yes you relapsed but you're learning more every time. Knowledge is power. Have you read "Your Brain on Porn"? If not, get an e-copy and every time you have the urge, read, post, exercise, and do other things that feed the no-fap warrior in you. It also tricks your brain into natural highs and healthy stimulation. Determine your triggers and deal with those before they degenerate into a PMO session. If you relapse again, write down the hollow feelings, guilt, and shame you feel. You can even post it here if you're ok with that. Then read that post-PMO letter to prevent your next relapse. Ok so it didn't work this time. No one is judging you, we all love/support you in beating this addiction. So change it up by trying new things. I'm rooting for you brother. Stay strong. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
 
Havetodothis40

Havetodothis40

Active Member
EisE,

My first attempt went 25 days.  Then for months I relapsed on and off. Most of my streaks were 3 to 4 days long.  It was really rough. 

It wasn't until I started doing something different each time I relapsed that I was able to build my current streak of 29 days.  One relapse I installed K9 on my computer and Tablet.  K9 didn't work on my Tablet.  I relapsed.  I put the Tablet in my garage ( It is not an attached Garage).  I relapsed a couple times using my smart phone.  I looked into getting help from LDS through skype.  I then talked to a friend who is a recovering Drug and Booze addict.  She mentioned that every morning she starts out saying that she will not drink that day.

This clicked for me, and I start every morning with saying into a mirror "I am not watching porn and I am worth better than what Porn can give me"

This seems to really have helped me, and I feel better.

The main thing is to keep trying.  Each person is different so it may take a while for this to stick, and different approaches might be better for you than others.

This is my journal, in case it helps.

http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1556.0



 
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enoughisenough

Member
Almost done with Day Three. Very manageable so far, because I have just been very busy. Also, the counter is great. The positive reinforcement of being over 10% to my goal already really helps!

I can see my way through to Day Six pretty easily, knowing what my schedule will be like. And then I will need to be very disciplined for the next eight or nine days. Here goes!

 
Fappy

Fappy

Respected Member
Stay focused, stay busy! Well done mate! Remember the old phrase:
Idol hands are the devils fap things
 
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enoughisenough

Member
Had sex wearing a condom for the first time in quite a while. Not good. I got ED after just a few minutes of sex. Add this to the long list of reasons to reboot. She did, however, go down on me until I came, which was great and very nice of her. One step back (ED), one step forward (finishing without any "self-help").

The journey continues...
 
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enoughisenough

Member
Thanks Fappy. That experience has helped remind me in a very real way of one positive outcome I might expect from this reboot process: being able to enjoy sex - and help my partner enjoy sex - while wearing a condom. A worthwhile result!

Coming up on (no pun intended) eight days now. The counter is very helpful!

I'm enjoying reading one of David Deida's books at the moment, at the recommendation of a friend. It's really good. Very aligned with what we are trying to do, but incorporating more spirituality/spiritual philosophy/self-help into it. Worth checking it out.
 
lyon03

lyon03

Respected Member
Glad to read about your progress and keeping a happy/healthy attitude. Be well brother and keep sharing.
 
ntg2978

ntg2978

Active Member
TodayIsTheDay said:
Can you elaborate some on that feeling in your chest you experienced?  Do you remember where on ybop they talked about that?
Click to expand...

I can really identify with what you said.  When I first got into porn use when I was a young kid, it sucked me away from all "real" activities that were social, and I ended up more often than not, just alone in my room with a computer.  Everyone around me could never understand, they'd say, you're a good looking guy, why not go out and socialize, or that I was rotting away in isolation or what not.  But I just felt so anxious and unprepared for "reality", that I would turn to porn to feel good.  I also used it as a way to feel good whenever I felt rejected.  I think that after a while, if you use it as a way to cure emotional lows, then withdrawing from it can definitely cause those emotional lows as a result.  And when you're in a situation where you normally would turn to it in order to get a "high", you have to find something else to substitute that, not just stop porn and that's it.  For me, it was working out.

Don't worry about relapsing, don't focus on I was clean for X amount of days, and now I've relapsed; instead, focus on the present, and say, "I've been clean for 1 hour" or 1 day, or whatever.  If you think about what you've lost, you start the cycle of needing to feel good again, and this is how porn addiction rears it's ugly head.

Keep it up, I'm taking encouragement from reading your blog.
 
ntg2978

ntg2978

Active Member
The quote I thought I had selected was:

I think there is also a trigger for me of any kind of rejection - which this wasn't particularly, but I am way emotionally over sensitive to it in any form. It'll pass

Sorry about that lol
 
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enoughisenough

Member
Thanks Lyon and NTG. I really appreciate your support and company on this journey.

10 days done. I'm glad to be in double figures. I'm starting to feel some of the physical effects of the reboot again now. I'm a little more edgy than usual. I notice it especially in my breath. While the sort-of-anxiety is something new to deal with, it's amazing to think I have been dulling this energy for so many years.  I also have been having more vivid dreams, including parts of the dream last night being quite erotic.

10 days. Standing strong. A third of the way to this goal, and heading toward unchartered territory. My last streak was 8 days no O (now at 7), and 11 days nofap (now at 10). I went 25 days no PMO that time, so I am a bit away from that. I'm curious to know how things will change and evolve in the coming period.
 
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enoughisenough

Member
Day 12 of no PMO, 10 days since last O. Feeling pretty strong so far. I can see my way to Day 14, then I'll have to manage temptation as I change geography again, and I will be back to spending a bit more time on my own for a week or so before going back to work properly.

My voice seems a bit deeper and clearer. Fewer "ums" and "ahs" in my sentences. This would be a welcome development!
 
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enoughisenough

Member
Day 14, one sleep away from being 50% to this goal. As expected, I am feeling pretty strong temptation. Going to shut the laptop down now before temptation turns into action. Tomorrow is a new day.
 
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