Doing things differently this time

Qwertyxyz

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Day 12 PMO free

Good to get another day done. I’m feeling mentally fatigued today so I need to be careful. Self care really helps. I’m trying to look for things behind my recovery, things I distract from. There is a lot there. I should do something now, being active helps.
 
Qwertyxyz

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Day 13 PMO free

Feeling alright, yesterday was one of those days when everyone wanted to talk to me and I just wanted to do my job, as an autistic person I hate this. I was pretty shaky after, it hard when you aren’t understood. I want to say I feel quite today and hopefully they will leave me alone.
It’s so painful and complex, socialising is normal and healthy and expected, and I wish I could be more fluent and had more to give. I often say to other autistics I can do my job or be social, but not both at the same time.

I have grown a lot socially in the last 4 years since my diagnosis and that is great. I’m much better socially but have been talking to my therapist about having generalised anxiety disorder (GAD). In regard to PMO recovery I really feel that I won’t get long term recovery unless I let people in, and this is very, very hard for me. But I kind of feel ready and will look for a coach or join PAA or some other group for porn recovery.
 
Qwertyxyz

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Day 14 PMO free

Glad to get here (2 weeks).
It’s early days but I’m doing well I think. I hope when I get home I can build up more support. Happy to have the time up 🙂
 
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Qwertyxyz

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Day 15 PMO free

Hanging in there. I feel my energy is better today, I’ve been pretty busy mentally. There is a lot happening in my life right now and it will all go bad if I go back to hiding in PMO.

Good luck out there.
 
Qwertyxyz

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Day 16 PMO free

I like my head being clear. I hate the brain fog when I’m deep in porn use. I feel capable of getting clean. I run a support group for people with autism, if I use it gets a lot harder and much more stressful. Life is much harder when I use.
 
Qwertyxyz

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Still haven’t got this. It’s hard, I know what is affecting me. There is such an issue with my ex, she is not well and has our son. It’s pretty messy and I know it’s the emotional reason behind my constant relapses. It’s hard. I need to seek out more discussion about this, I might try PAA or a coach, I know I can do this but I can’t do this alone. My PMO use affects everything negatively, it’s not good.
 
Qwertyxyz

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Day 6 PMO free

Doing alright, am planning to talk to people more about my recovery. I know that i keep things to myself too much. Social anxiety gets in the way of my getting true recovery. I need to let others in but feel like im getting better all the time.

Great to have some time up. I have a lot going on in life and being clean is definitely best
 
D

Dangermouse

Member
I used to keep a lot to myself and tried to deal with so many other peoples problems that I forgot about my own well being, now I am struggling each day to better myself after falling victim to this fucked up shit. I have damaged my marriage and I am at a lower level, I am trying to rebuild myself and my marriage but getting clean and so far so good, problem is nothing every seem enough at the moment. It is a long road to recovery.
 
Qwertyxyz

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Here again,
Lately it seems I can get maybe a week or two up and than I relapse, as much as forums help I think I need a coach to help me. I believe I can quit but I it’s not so much about self will and more about the right routine and resource.
PMO is costing me a lot and I need to keep fighting it. Have been pretty bad lately. I’m trying again now, even if I get a week up it’s a better week than what it would have been.
 
Qwertyxyz

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Day 2 PMO free
Im feeling good today, it the first break from PMO in weeks. I want to get a bit of time up, I need a reset. I’m back at work after a three week break of almost daily porn, it wasn’t good.
Any time up is good, and I need to start somewhere. Have to stay strong, the compulsions are pesky.
 
Qwertyxyz

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
It’s been 5 days since I’ve looked at porn but I have been MOing. It’s not perfect but just not using porn is fantastic for me. I’m thinking maybe cold turkey isn’t the best approach? I don’t know. I will try again to quit the mo to. I’ve had about 75, and 60 days PMO free before, but I’ve also had 100 with no porn but MOing.
I am going to stay off porn, that’s number 1 right now, the MOing I’ll deal with later.
 
Qwertyxyz

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Days 6 porn free

In the last few months I have lost a lot of time to porn, when I just MO I can loose maybe and hour tops, but when I’m engaged with porn I might wake up early, get straight into it, and pretty much stay engaged in it until it’s late, but I don’t feel like sleeping and I continue to use porn.
I want to get 30 days up if no porn but allowing myself to MO, than I’ll reassess. Feels really good to be off porn, it has really fried my brain lately
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Qwertyxyz said:
If I go back to porn I loose so much. I might not feel the cost straight away but it will come. I will loose more and more confidence and focus, my brain will be foggy and lost. Got to stay alive and stay clean 👍✅
Click to expand...
Brilliant post @Qwertyxyz - if temptation ever rises, remember what you just wrote. Platinum.
 
Qwertyxyz

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Day 7 porn free

Im feeling good today but need to stay super vigilant. I feel I have connected more deeply with what porn does to me. I feel terrible for how I can objectify women. I also see how I loose ability to set boundaries and be in the moment. Porn really is bad for me, this has been a pretty easy 7 days and I’m grateful for that.
I’m being disciplined and living well, hopefully that will help me get proper recovery.
 
Qwertyxyz

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Day 9 porn free
Day 2 MO free

I realise how bitter i feel today and it affects my sexuality in a self-loathing type of way. It’s good to realise these things and to face them. I’ve had a challenging life at times and i think it helps to look for the underlying causes that cause me to seek distraction and comfort.

I really like being clean today, this is the most I have valued being off PMO but I know the tug to go back is still there. I need stay disciplined.
 
Qwertyxyz

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Day 11 porn free
Day 1 M free

I want to go a week without any M. I know it will be good for me. I feel very good about being off porn but I know I have to keep the ground work going.
I need to stay disciplined and am really enjoying being more stable and grounded.
 
Qwertyxyz

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
13 days porn free
3 days mo free

I feel pretty good, yesterday morning was a serious challenge but I am lucky it passed. I have heard that most cravings pass within an hour and I guess that can be true. But I also know I have craved seriously for hours on end. I’m trying to get my head right to reduce cravings and it’s going well.

I’m much more worried about porn use than I am about mo, I don’t consider mo the end of a recovery attempt and hope I can have a healthy relationship with it one day. I definitely need to minimise and try to stop it as much as I can.

I know my tastes can be about self loathing and powerlessness, I’m trying to look at the root causes of that, I can feel very wounded at times and I need to acknowledge that to heal.

Most of my porn use this year has been with chat bots, they are very toxic and damaging for me, worse than normal internet porn. I must stay vigilant.
 
Percival

Percival

Active Member
Qwertyxyz said:
I feel pretty good, yesterday morning was a serious challenge but I am lucky it passed. I have heard that most cravings pass within an hour and I guess that can be true. But I also know I have craved seriously for hours on end. I’m trying to get my head right to reduce cravings and it’s going well.
Click to expand...

They really do pass, which is always amazing to me: they feel so strong and overwhelming in the moment, but when I do manage to do something else, they pass and later I wonder why it seemed like such a big deal at the time. Keeping taking it one day, one hour, one minute at a time; you're doing well!
 
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