I think a lot about how I got to 179 days and then “fell off the wagon”… normally with a sense of discouragement. I’m not sure why this thought came to me but I think it’s helpful for me. If I would have remained clean from my first attempt (though this definitely wasn’t my first attempt to quit, it was my first attempt after discovering reboot nation and YBOP) then I think I would have felt more “invincible” like I couldn’t fall back into it. Now that I realize I am still full human and subject to failure… I will move forward much more cautiously… even when I’m well over 100 days. I know I will get there again, I’m determined, I just want to keep this in my mind as I move forward.
It’s been a tough week in a lot of ways, but I mostly want to write about PMO on my journal so I’ll try to limit this post to that.
My family visited a beach this week and well, let’s just say ladies don’t cover up like they used to and I found my mind wandering several times. This then would cause me later in the day to think about women and for the first time in this reboot I faced serious urges to give in. I was able to resist those thoughts, I just don’t like that my mind wants to fight so hard against what I want. I want to be free of this habit and my brain has it’s own desires - i understand this is all part of the process and why it’s so difficult, but I wish that my brain would just get on board with the plan.