Will Stalwart
Active Member
Thanks. This stuff happens. Means I’m a bit stuck at home for the next couple of days which is the bigger challenge.
Cars are an east fix, unlike this dumb addiction we have.
War of the cycle
- Thread starter Will Stalwart
- Start date
Cars are an east fix, unlike this dumb addiction we have.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
I can already feel the pull today, and I know it’s going to be a tough one. That dark part of my brain is pulling all the usual tricks, and today it has the time and space to do it. I know distraction is key, and so I’m making a list of jobs that need doing around the house.
It always hits hard around this time, so I know it is a storm to be weathered, and things are much easier on the other side.
It is a battle of wills against the self. A battle against my baser cravings. It is a battle I have lost before, but also a one I’ve won. For now the war continues, but I won’t lose today.
It always hits hard around this time, so I know it is a storm to be weathered, and things are much easier on the other side.
It is a battle of wills against the self. A battle against my baser cravings. It is a battle I have lost before, but also a one I’ve won. For now the war continues, but I won’t lose today.
Galatians51
Active Member
You got this, don’t give in
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Made it through day six.
Now I’m not sure if anyone else has had this, but I’ve been having what I can only call intense flashbacks. Yes, flashbacks to porn. When my mind wanders it sometimes lands on images that I have used a lot in the past, and comes with an intense rush of those same feelings, followed by the craving.
On top of this, I have been swarmed with intense sex dreams the last couple of nights. It seems by brain is just lashing out any way it can!
I know this is that part of my brain trying to get its fix, and that it is all a part of recovery. But damn each time hits hard, and I have to fight that part of myself back down.
I expect another long day ahead. But determination is still high and I’m feeling confident.
Now I’m not sure if anyone else has had this, but I’ve been having what I can only call intense flashbacks. Yes, flashbacks to porn. When my mind wanders it sometimes lands on images that I have used a lot in the past, and comes with an intense rush of those same feelings, followed by the craving.
On top of this, I have been swarmed with intense sex dreams the last couple of nights. It seems by brain is just lashing out any way it can!
I know this is that part of my brain trying to get its fix, and that it is all a part of recovery. But damn each time hits hard, and I have to fight that part of myself back down.
I expect another long day ahead. But determination is still high and I’m feeling confident.
Flashbacks seem to be a very common phase of recovery.
Galatians51
Active Member
I agree, everybody i know has flashbacks and dreams… all part of how we wired our brain with these images. They get less and less as you go on
Will Stalwart
Active Member
One week down.
Glad to hear those flashbacks were common. They really did get intense, and can’t say I’ve ever had them before. For now everything seems to have died down.
Yesterday was by far the toughest day so far this reboot. Like every part of me was desperate for me to fail. It feels like most of my energy yesterday was spent resisting.
My goal is still to free up time for other things, and it’s disappointing when porn is still taking up so much energy even when not using. But this is just the start of the journey, and something that we have to go through before it gets better.
On a more positive note, I do feel my perspectives shifting somewhat. Each day used to revolve around porn, even if it didn’t start that way, so it is good to know I have drive to do other things.
This may only be a week clean, but I have have been on this now for a few months. Overall my consumption has been massively slashed during that time, even accounting for my stumbles and falls along the way. Once again, determined for this to be my final reboot.
Glad to hear those flashbacks were common. They really did get intense, and can’t say I’ve ever had them before. For now everything seems to have died down.
Yesterday was by far the toughest day so far this reboot. Like every part of me was desperate for me to fail. It feels like most of my energy yesterday was spent resisting.
My goal is still to free up time for other things, and it’s disappointing when porn is still taking up so much energy even when not using. But this is just the start of the journey, and something that we have to go through before it gets better.
On a more positive note, I do feel my perspectives shifting somewhat. Each day used to revolve around porn, even if it didn’t start that way, so it is good to know I have drive to do other things.
This may only be a week clean, but I have have been on this now for a few months. Overall my consumption has been massively slashed during that time, even accounting for my stumbles and falls along the way. Once again, determined for this to be my final reboot.
Galatians51
Active Member
hey great job getting through yesterday, it seems like there are certain timeframes that are like barriers and once we get through them things get much easier, for me i noticed around the 2 week mark, around day 30 and then again around 45-50, the days around those timeframes were tough for some reason. Then things got noticeably easier after that, both on my current reboot and the one from last year. You might find you have timeframes that are just tougher, but get through those and things get better.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
It is amazing what a difference it can be from one day to the next. And things have certainly been smoother sailing today. I feel like I have some of my sanity back for a start.
And the hurdle of a week does certainly give you the motivation to keep going. Roll on week 2.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Eight days and the worst of the pangs are over for now. I’m also massively busy for the next week or so, which means I don’t have much time to myself. Normally something I find frustrating, it is a welcome relief. That should get me to two weeks if all goes well.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day nine done. Feeling like I’m able to make a bit more space for other things without my mind immediately jumping to porn now. I do eventually drift if I spend too long on something, but it is an improvement on my previous state of mind.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
A small slip today. Not a full PMO but enough where I wouldn’t feel comfortable without a reset. That niggling of a peek turned into a long look. I was able to pull myself away but I’ve now been 0 days without porn.
I do feel overall I am improving. And this episode was less than the one before, and that less than the one before that. So even in the bad we should look for the good.
On a more positive note, I later had sex with my wife and it was much better still than any of those days when I was locked in the porn cycle. A true sign of the benefits of this process, and the thing I will be focusing on today, rathe than my slip.
The war continues, but I feel I am learning and growing.
I do feel overall I am improving. And this episode was less than the one before, and that less than the one before that. So even in the bad we should look for the good.
On a more positive note, I later had sex with my wife and it was much better still than any of those days when I was locked in the porn cycle. A true sign of the benefits of this process, and the thing I will be focusing on today, rathe than my slip.
The war continues, but I feel I am learning and growing.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Well first day is over. Back on the wagon as it were.
After some time to reflect, I understand some more of what went wrong. That said it is no major revelation just your typical addict relapsing into old patterns.
As we all know, for an addict there is no such this as just one drink, one cigarette, one hit. For us, there is no such this as one peek. It is like inching towards the edge of a slippery slope in the pitch black. You’re always going to fall.
I was lucky enough to catch myself before I hit bottom this time. Next time might not be so lucky. So I don’t intend to do that again.
Anyway, here I go again, my last attempt and this time I will kick this for good.
After some time to reflect, I understand some more of what went wrong. That said it is no major revelation just your typical addict relapsing into old patterns.
As we all know, for an addict there is no such this as just one drink, one cigarette, one hit. For us, there is no such this as one peek. It is like inching towards the edge of a slippery slope in the pitch black. You’re always going to fall.
I was lucky enough to catch myself before I hit bottom this time. Next time might not be so lucky. So I don’t intend to do that again.
Anyway, here I go again, my last attempt and this time I will kick this for good.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
It’s amazing how I can make the same spelling mistake twice in the same post. I should probably spell check before I post from my phone again. Or maybe not. It does make for brilliant quotes like this."For us, there is no such this as one peek."
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day two down. And not much to report.
I’ve decided a name change was probably overdue. The last name I set when I signed up here almost ten years back. And that in itself was a name I used for video games when I was in my teens.
Its safe to say I’m not the same person I was back then, and this reboot is not the same as my first. This reboot is final, and I won’t stop until I have rid my life of porn for good.
I’ve decided a name change was probably overdue. The last name I set when I signed up here almost ten years back. And that in itself was a name I used for video games when I was in my teens.
Its safe to say I’m not the same person I was back then, and this reboot is not the same as my first. This reboot is final, and I won’t stop until I have rid my life of porn for good.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Three days done, and into the fourth. I’m finding that each subsequent attempt is getting easier, and the cravings are noticeably less.
That is not to say there are no challenges. It is still hard at times to resist the urge, but it comes less often and I am able to distract myself when it does. These changes make me feel that recovery is happening despite the failures along the way. And that my perseverance has been worth it.
That is not to say there are no challenges. It is still hard at times to resist the urge, but it comes less often and I am able to distract myself when it does. These changes make me feel that recovery is happening despite the failures along the way. And that my perseverance has been worth it.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Just a quick check in to keep me on track. Smooth sailing so far. Still that incessant niggle that likes to tempt me. But it’s all good.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
It’s been over a week since my last post and all has been well.
I’m feeling the need to quickly check in. Typically around now things have gotten tough. It has also been a historical falling point so I need to be extra vigilant. Usually the slip happens out of nowhere and what is a good run ends quickly before I can stop myslef.
I intend to be logging in more often over the next week or two just to make sure I am staying on course.
I’m feeling the need to quickly check in. Typically around now things have gotten tough. It has also been a historical falling point so I need to be extra vigilant. Usually the slip happens out of nowhere and what is a good run ends quickly before I can stop myslef.
I intend to be logging in more often over the next week or two just to make sure I am staying on course.