A second chance

T

Trisquel

Active Member
Hello guys.

In ten days I will be two months without P!
I'm not counting some minor relapses, but still. I feel I'm breaking free from it.

I still have anxiety problem and exhautasion, but I'm taking care of it and asking gor help. I have a meeting programed with my student counselor to re schedule some of my courses. I'm also having a meeting on financial advice to manage my work and scholarship. And I bought dome tickets to be able to have a looong break during Christmas.

I feel all of this is helping, and even though I'm usually striked with panic attacks and anxiety and low focus, I feel there is hope and it'll get better.
I surprised myself yesterday having a good time with my housemate, and climbing with a friend, and thinking thst my life was so much better without P.

I'm committing everyday to get into my life, and out of this addiction, and it is starting to feel real.

I commit only for today to no P, no fantasies and no subtitles.

I'm going to completely stay away from YouTube for a while. I already did that with Instagram.

That's all for today.

See you tomorrow!
 
the_mountain_goat

the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Happy for you my friend! Keep it up. Never be afraid of asking for help. It's the most human thing we can do. We tend to forget it in our "individualistic" world, where we can get a lot of things without much effort / without asking for anyone's help, but it's actually so nice to get some help, and/or, to help someone. This is how we humans were made! (Apologies for this cheap philosophy lecture!)
 
T

Trisquel

Active Member
Hi guys.

Yesterday I got fired at my work, so I'm going under a lot of stress at the moment.
I'm trying to cope with it and to be more self compassionate about it. I don't have an easy sittuation, I have mental health problems, I'm alone in a strange country and I'm trying my best.

Today I make 60 days without PMO!
tbh I have had a couple of slips in the middle where I would MO to fantasies, which is very unhealthy, but still. I decided to count this as progress.
Today, since I'm stressed and exaushted, I was M to some fantasies in the morning, but I could realize what I was doing, and I decided this is not who I wanted to be.

It's beeing a very difficult period, but I'm getting trough. hopefully better times are ahead of me.

This 60 days is a huge win. all in all, it's so liberating to be out of the grasp of P. But it's to early to claim victory. I could relapse at anytime. That's why it is important I'm commiting to fight this addiction every day.

I commit to one day on no P, no subtitues and no fantasies. I will specially carefull with fantasies. And Specially when I'm lying in bed.
No instagram on my phone, and no youtube in my phone neither.
The last one is diffictult to commit to, but it does help.

That's all for today,
see you next time!

Love,
Trisquel
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Sorry to hear this news @Trisquel. You're a hell of a fighter just doing what you're doing. 60 days is amazing and I can tell you, going back now will only make your life that much worse. Stick to your plan and try to focus on the good things, and don't get bogged down in negative thoughts, because those often lead to searching for "pleasure".

Best man, you got this.

Take it from me, it's not worth it.
 
Androg

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Trisquel said:
Hi guys.

Yesterday I got fired at my work, so I'm going under a lot of stress at the moment.
I'm trying to cope with it and to be more self compassionate about it. I don't have an easy sittuation, I have mental health problems, I'm alone in a strange country and I'm trying my best.

Today I make 60 days without PMO!
tbh I have had a couple of slips in the middle where I would MO to fantasies, which is very unhealthy, but still. I decided to count this as progress.
Today, since I'm stressed and exaushted, I was M to some fantasies in the morning, but I could realize what I was doing, and I decided this is not who I wanted to be.

It's beeing a very difficult period, but I'm getting trough. hopefully better times are ahead of me.

This 60 days is a huge win. all in all, it's so liberating to be out of the grasp of P. But it's to early to claim victory. I could relapse at anytime. That's why it is important I'm commiting to fight this addiction every day.

I commit to one day on no P, no subtitues and no fantasies. I will specially carefull with fantasies. And Specially when I'm lying in bed.
No instagram on my phone, and no youtube in my phone neither.
The last one is diffictult to commit to, but it does help.

That's all for today,
see you next time!

Love,
Trisquel
Click to expand...
I know you are in school. Do you have to work too?
 
T

Trisquel

Active Member
Blondie said:
Sorry to hear this news @Trisquel. You're a hell of a fighter just doing what you're doing. 60 days is amazing and I can tell you, going back now will only make your life that much worse. Stick to your plan and try to focus on the good things, and don't get bogged down in negative thoughts, because those often lead to searching for "pleasure".

Best man, you got this.

Take it from me, it's not worth it.
Click to expand...
Thanks!
 
T

Trisquel

Active Member
Hi guys!

I'm doing a bit better.
I'm talking with my family and friends, and looking for professional help, I've realised that I cannot continue going like I've been going for the past years.
I'm very depressed and that needs to take care of, because it's slowly killing me. Quite literally. I went to the hospital the other day because I had a lot of suicidal thoughts. Also, my body has been giving me clear signal that it cannot go on like this anymore.

I feel a lot better now that I'm looking for help and seeing there are possibilities around me. I can stip my studies and continue next year, to go back home, or I can drop some courses to make it easier. For now I'm trying to calm down, have some stability, and see what I need.

I commit to one day of no P, no M and no fantasies. I won't take subtitues neither.

Only gor today. I will be specially careful with subtitues (social media and junk food)

I was M this morning, but then I thought: WTR am I doing? I don't want to go back, I want to be free from this shit. It's a good signal, I guess.

That's all for today,bsee you guys the next time.
65 days without P.
My longest streak!
I know it's very easy to relapse, and I know I can do it anytime!
So let's not forget that.

See you guys!
 
T

Trisquel

Active Member
Thanks for checking out @the_mountain_goat !

I've been okay. I still feel very weak, I'm realizing I'm really not okay, and I need some serious help.
Today I spoke with my psychiatrist, and I'm on a waiting list for specialized mental care. I still go to university and to work, but I'm trying to focus more on myself and my health. My mental health is delicate, and I'm trying to make it my first priority, although it is difficult.

For the rest, things are alright.
My mum is coming to visit me today, first time in two years, looking forward to that.


Just feeling a bit lost and figuring out what I want to do now with my life. The only thing that is clear is that I cannot go on like I've been.

A few weeks ago, I almost had sex with a girl, but it didn't happend in the end. I was quite disappointed and sad. But that's okay. We are still getting to know each other.

I'm without P for 80dayw now!

It is my longest streak so far!
Sometimes I still feel the temptation to go back to it, but it is very small, and I can control it and take it as what it is: my brain craving some easy dopamine/entertainment.

I don't have time for P in my life, and it feels less and less like an option. I think now I'm trying to look at my problems without using P to cope with them. I guess I can be happy and proud about it.

That's all for all guys, thank you for your support and for checking in. See you next time

Trisquel
 
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the_mountain_goat

the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Hey Trisquel. I'm glad you are seeking support. I am glad you are admitting to yourself how "delicate" your mental health is. It's a nice way to phrase it I find, full of kindness to yourself and honest in the sense that it needs to be looked after. Stay strong, be patient, and appreciate your mother's visit!
 
T

Trisquel

Active Member
Hi guys.

Today it's 92 days I haven't used P.

It's the longest streak I've had since I was a little kid, and I'm grateful for it.
I'm definitely not cured. I'm still struggling with urges and fetishes, but I hope that this long streak will help and the trend will continue.

Also, I'm struggling with mental health. I'm looking for help and letting things be. It seems that's all I can do for now.

That's all for today folks, see you the next time.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
This is amazing @Trisquel.

It feels great to get to a place where you haven't been in a very long time. I understand about you still having some urges and fetishes etc., that is to be expected, but give it more time and this too shall pass. You're making great progress.

Best
 
T

Trisquel

Active Member
Blondie said:
This is amazing @Trisquel.

It feels great to get to a place where you haven't been in a very long time. I understand about you still having some urges and fetishes etc., that is to be expected, but give it more time and this too shall pass. You're making great progress.

Best
Click to expand...
Thank you! It's been a journey getting here!
And you are right, these difficulties too shall pass, the healing process continues:)))

Cheers
 
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