Day 34: Thanks Chiefmitch and Horpio...it sounds like I'm congratulating superheroes in some action movie. Your posts meant a lot. Ahhh relationships and recovery, ying and yang. ChiefM I now believe there are two kinds of relationships: happy and sad. Stay with the happy, run like hell from the sad.
Happy relationships aren't always easy, but on the whole they make you feel good about yourself. Stick with these relationships. Unfortunately, most porn addicts create sad relationships. We hate ourselves so we attract people who either reinforce these negative feelings. Here is an easy test: when you start to recover, does someone try to bring you back down again? If yes, run.
While I'm talking a big game now, for years I surrounded myself with people who fed off of my negativity and failures. So I chose to end these relationships. Addicts get too comfortable with guilt and shame. I rarely finished a PMO session and screamed, "Goddamn that was amazing! I am THE MAN!" No I felt like sh*t, had to clean up my jizz, pull up my pants, turn off some obscene video, etc. We've all been there. I eventually got comfortable being a loser. My ex-wife has always been unhappy. She enjoyed when I was unhappy. She does not enjoy the strong/happy me. So goodbye b*tch.
I've always envied those people on this website who just decided, "the porn stops now". That's why I called my thread 'porn is not an option'. This overwhelming sense of confidence is thrilling. Chiefmitch if you're getting nothing from your relationship, have worked hard to improve things, are seeing no results, and now realize you will never get anything from your relationship, get the f*ck out. You cut out the porn, now rip the sad/negative people from your life. This may include your partner/spouse. Difficult: yes; life-threatening: hell no.
Just an update: had a great workout; body is coming along nicely; and confidence (but not arrogance) returning. Business is also good. Imagine that! Sales increase when you're not spending 8 hours a day surfing porn. I feel like a man again. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION. Thanks for reading and look forward to my journey to 365 days.