Viper's venom

[Viper]

Pretty good evening the other night with my lady.
She hasn't given me any shit about what I'm going through, thank goodness.
But she also knows that I'm making every effort to recover.
I've been open about this and other mens issues with her.
Funny thing is since we know a lot of couples, she ponders weather certain guys we know that may be going through something similar to me. This is based on whatever knowledge we have of their love life.
Or they can possibly have something else going on the down low. But of course, they act like everything is A-OK in person.
Hell, that's what we're doing  8)

 

[fcjl8]

Yes,Viper so many men and women wear masks and compartmentalize their lives. One mask in public and another in private with their pains... I know that is how I have lived so much of my life.

I am trying to be more genuine. I am working on that.

What you wrote about the discussion you had with your lady , you are more authentic already. That is progress.

 

[LetItGoAlready]

Viper,

I'm glad you and your lady are working on this privately and keeping it together publicly. I think about the public/private mask a lot these days. My wife and I are also working through this problem privately, yet we continue carry on publicly as though nothing has happened. One good thing has come out of it, though, is that, since admitting my addiction to myself and my wife, I've found that I tend not to judge people as harshly as I used to. I'm more compassionate, more open-minded about people in general. I see that as a net benefit of admitting to my own faults and imperfections. It sounds like you have also begun to take a wider view about the problems that other people are facing, and I take that as a sign of the progress that you're making in this fight. Keep up the good work!

 

[Viper]

Woke up this morning and to my delight, I had a fairly decent hard on. 
A small but notable step. Now during my reboot, I have had some morning wood. But that's
when my lady is laying next to me which gives me the natural motivation.
I still struggle with getting turned on the conventional way.
But I slept alone last night and the cool thing is, I didn't have any lustful thoughts to maintain it
for a few more minutes.

 

[LetItGoAlready]

Good that you can keep it going without lustful thoughts. That sounds like real progress, Viper.

 

[fcjl8]

This is good progress Viper!

Not only have you made some great changes but you have contributed so much positivity to so many of us here!! Not sure about the word positivity but you know what I mean. It is great being at a forum with a fine man like you sir!

 

[LTE]

Woke up this morning and to my delight, I had a fairly decent hard on. 
A small but notable step. Now during my reboot, I have had some morning wood. But that's
when my lady is laying next to me which gives me the natural motivation.
I still struggle with getting turned on the conventional way.
But I slept alone last night and the cool thing is, I didn't have any lustful thoughts to maintain it
for a few more minutes.

Cool!

 

[Jverhoye]

That's good news, V.!

 

[WiP]

NICE,
Flat line city for me these last couple of weeks

 

[Viper]

I think going to the mall was a big mistake.
I'm not disciplined enough to keep my eyes off all the beauties walking around.
I've been good with everything regarding my reboot but I'll have to stay away
from the beach and the mall for now. I mean, I go shopping, but it doesn't have to be an indoor mall
where women tend to doll themselves up just a little bit more than grocery shopping.

Now please don't get it twisted...I"m not gawking. I'm not walking around salivating.
I walk, notice a PYT, and then immediately calculate sexual compatibility in my head.
And this is just the type of thing that I need to get over. And this is possibly just as much
a trigger as browsing facebook. Only difference is, I'm not walking around looking for
eye candy because I really did have to buy a new pair of shoes for work.
It's something that is hardly mentioned on this board but I think it's relevant.

 

[fcjl8]

Hi Viper,

That awareness that you are not comfortable letting lust creep into your mall walk shows progress in your recovery, I think? Sure, you have lots of mental re training but you seem to want to change your thought process in regards to lovely ladies.

We can't stay away from beaches and malls forever so we might as well find a way to see the world in a different light. Right??

 

[Viper]

Hi Viper,

That awareness that you are not comfortable letting lust creep into your mall walk shows progress in your recovery, I think? Sure, you have lots of mental re training but you seem to want to change your thought process in regards to lovely ladies.

We can't stay away from beaches and malls forever so we might as well find a way to see the world in a different light. Right??

You're right. The way I handle it on my commute to work which sometimes include trans and buses, I wear my headphones and sorta get lost in what I'm hearing or I read.
But for everything else, like you said, I have reach deep inside to see not only lovely ladies, but other things in a
different light.

 

[Jverhoye]

I think "not looking at or lusting after attractive women" is one of the biggest challenges.  The images are all around us in the media, and we are socialized to view women as objects for our own gratification from an early age (I.e., Porn).

 

[somethingelse]

I think going to the mall was a big mistake.
I'm not disciplined enough to keep my eyes off all the beauties walking around.
I've been good with everything regarding my reboot but I'll have to stay away
from the beach and the mall for now. I mean, I go shopping, but it doesn't have to be an indoor mall
where women tend to doll themselves up just a little bit more than grocery shopping.

Now please don't get it twisted...I"m not gawking. I'm not walking around salivating.
I walk, notice a PYT, and then immediately calculate sexual compatibility in my head.
And this is just the type of thing that I need to get over. And this is possibly just as much
a trigger as browsing facebook. Only difference is, I'm not walking around looking for
eye candy because I really did have to buy a new pair of shoes for work.
It's something that is hardly mentioned on this board but I think it's relevant.

I can attest to this. I liked the comparison to fb. I think fb once taught me to be predatory. Being shallow was the mode in which I'd just amass friends, get likes (acceptance) and take absurd photos on like the top of Everest, it was like running my own PR campaign. Sexual compatibility is just a projection of that shallowness. Luckily it's reversible. 

 

[Viper]

I think "not looking at or lusting after attractive women" is one of the biggest challenges.  The images are all around us in the media, and we are socialized to view women as objects for our own gratification from an early age (I.e., Porn).

Think about this for those of you parents out there;
Your child is born and it's a girl. All you care about is not only she's normal with no birth defects but
you really hope that she's the cutest. And you hope she grows up to be beautiful.
If you have a baby boy, all you care is if he grows up to be strong and/or smart.
It's so true. So the emphasis on looks for a woman starts from birth.

What I need to do is look at an attractive woman and just think "that's an attractive woman" instead of "wow, she's got d*** s**king lips" or "I would tap that from the back"
I'm not in junior high school anymore and I believe I can overcome this thought process.

 

[fcjl8]

How are you coming along in this "overcome the thought process" area? I am working hard at seeing people with my heart, and seeing their heart. Rather than objectifying them!

Viper, you make so many outstanding comments on others journals. Just wondering how you are sir?

 

[Viper]

How are you coming along in this "overcome the thought process" area? I am working hard at seeing people with my heart, and seeing their heart. Rather than objectifying them!

I think I am improving in this area but in small doses.
The tendency to look down at an ass isn't quite what it used to be. It's more challenging now
that the weather is getting better and now you get to see a lot of nice legs.
What's so funny about that is that it could be 20 degrees outside and the women who know they
have awesome legs would wear a skirt anyway. Doesn't matter how much they're freezing.
They wear a heavy winter coat for the top and wear a skirt below- lol

I think it's more about priority and focus. So for example, instead of going to the mall and pondering what beauties
await my gazing eyes, I instead just focus on whatever it is I'm going to buy. This way, my booty radar isn't on high
alert and just maybe I'll notice better sales on my purchases instead  ;D
But yeah, weather it's my commute to work or wherever I go, I have what it takes
to just appreciate a woman's beauty as just that and move on mentally from there. [/quote]

Viper, you make so many outstanding comments on others journals. Just wondering how you are sir?

Well it certainly takes one to know one. Like you, I'm trying to give
back to the community and if anything, offer some insight and straight talk.
As far as my personal development, the urge to look at porn is not as challenging as beating my meat.
Because I really didn't require porn to jack off so maybe that's the case but make no mistake about it,
I abused porn. So now I believe I'm somewhere in the middle passage of my reboot. Depression is still
there and some days are better than others. I'm blessed that I'm gainfully employed but even my job
is unfulfilling. Relationship is on the rocks which I'm ok with in a sense.
Back in the gym is refreshing hitting the weights and running. I'll be going out of town on
a mini vacation here real soon so I'm looking forward to that. Sounds bad the way it's read but there
are some great people out there who are doing some real suffering and if PIED and job dissatisfaction
are my only problems, I'm actually doing good 

 

[LetItGoAlready]

As far as my personal development, the urge to look at porn is not as challenging as beating my meat.
Because I really didn't require porn to jack off so maybe that's the case but make no mistake about it,
I abused porn. So now I believe I'm somewhere in the middle passage of my reboot. Depression is still
there and some days are better than others.

Viper, I can relate to all of what you're describing. After you remove P and M from the equation,  some of the more stubborn underlying issues come bubbling to the surface and you must deal with those as well. Admitting that some days are better than others sounds like a healthy approach to recovery as these issues will take time to sort themselves out.  Keep at it, Viper. You're doing great!

I'm blessed that I'm gainfully employed but even my job
is unfulfilling. Relationship is on the rocks which I'm ok with in a sense.
Back in the gym is refreshing hitting the weights and running. I'll be going out of town on
a mini vacation here real soon so I'm looking forward to that. Sounds bad the way it's read but there
are some great people out there who are doing some real suffering and if PIED and job dissatisfaction
are my only problems, I'm actually doing good

I think you've got a great attitude about this. Someone's always got it worse. Indeed, you are lucky that job dissatisfaction and PIED are your only problems!

 

[Jverhoye]

I appreciate your attitude, V.!  I think that will continue to be a huge asset for you!

 

[Viper]

Thanks for all the words of encouragement.
This forum is getting so populated.
I hope the new guys/gals see all the support we give each other on here.