olafthewise
Active Member
From a psychological point of view;
Men are visual. There are some exceptions, but once men or teens access porn or soft porn, it?s all over. I had a time when I was young...I had a stash of playboys that I bought, as a teen, from the grocery store I worked at. (The young men/clerks assisted in this) I collected much. Put them in my closet and eventually decided after I met my wife to burn them...with her (my girlfriend at the time) helping me, at my parents? house! While we were doing this, she took one opened up a brunette centerfold and said, "You like this?" I pondered the centerfold for a moment; in my thoughts I knew she got naked for me all the time. My cup, as they, say was always full. I then said to her, "yeah, I do like that (centerfold)." So we proceeded to burn all of them. I didn't need to burn them; I just didn't want some teenager discovering them in the trash at some point. That time ended my porn, even though it never got any worse than playboy.
I married her and sex and sexuality was good for about 8 years. In the beginning we were broke, barely making it. We moved to another state to start my new career. The career ended within a year and a half. I attempted to get it back for 10 years with no success. Her sexual frigidness began slowly at first then she started just wanting a quickie to get me off, then I resorted to playboy again and was doing the PMO. Then in 1995...internet...ow! She continued to be cold sexually. But at the same time I was stagnant in my job. She took over most decisions. Years went by as she discovered that, as we were saying, "men want sex all the time." I felt that a balance of sex was more like it. Instead my wife discovered ways to make good excuses. Those excuses put me on the computer at night surfing until I found that right picture. PMO and late to bed. I quit porn sometimes for months. Mostly she was frigid and once in a while (4 times a year) sex was good. Then I was fired. Game over, porn re-began with a vengeance. Faster internet and scheduled porn viewing since she was so frigid we stopped going to bed together. (A bad marriage sign) I attempted to lighten the porn load and get real about it in 2013 by stopping the O in PMO.
I realized my "performance" could not take the Orgasm part of porn, so I just viewed the stuff at different times and began looking at my marriage to determine where I went wrong...note the "where I went wrong" part. I then came to a realization that many decisions that I was supposed to make, I surrendered to my wife. Her constant belittling and criticism of most things I did was a result of disrespect. From a biblical perspective, she was wrong AND I was wrong in surrendering my leadership as a secret trade to do porn unhindered. So I began to challenge my wife?remember though, I?m broke, on welfare and she works, so her ?respect? for me would have to be gained without my successful career and provision of money. This has been an impossible task.
Remember, she wants to stay married, wants to show family that she is able to stay married and knows she needs the physical protection of a husband. I also want to stay married but I know that removing years of disrespect and then rebuilding actual respect will take time. Often we are battling each other over home issues. She gets it now.
Unfortunately, the missing element is a job for me. She is over-worked and I am working on a master?s degree. Kids are special needs and money issues are continual, so stress is our middle name. Therefore sexuality is last. She claimed recently that ALL women in menopause have pain during sex, so she is hesitant to see a doctor. Meanwhile, I wait.
As I said here before, she gets all the sex she wants/needs?no sex!! I get nothing. We are supposed to share in decisions right? Why does she get to make the decision about sex without my input?
So back to the statement: If I suddenly had lots of money what would I do?? Hmm. If she had lots of money, she would want a new home and would continue to tolerate me, but IF I had money?I might leave?I see her loyalty is poor when I am at my worst. And my worst is a husband/dad who is in shape physically, don?t drink, don?t smoke, don?t gamble. I shower. I dress respectably. I?m a good catch?except I have no job?
Theory: women are willing to let a lot go as long as the guy has money and is not adulterous. Guys thrive on a woman who is there for them sexually. (He has to be reasonably kind)
The mix: men who have a means to a career show an ability and confidence; a trait most women want in a man. Most men want a smart woman who shows him respect (not a ?bossed? woman) and is there to fulfill him sexually-keep in mind, the woman may think the man only needs sex once per month?this is not sexual fulfillment?he will tell her if he is satisfied or not! Her ability to encourage him and help him take care of the home is all he needs. Everything else is extra.
In some cases, a woman is concerned about possessions and is willing to do anything for money. Yet her loyalty can be tested when his money is gone. Unfortunately, often when the money is gone, so is his confidence. He isn?t too fun to be around after that so a woman divorcing him at that point is not surprising.
A good looking woman who becomes poor is worth her weight in gold!
Ok?
Men are visual. There are some exceptions, but once men or teens access porn or soft porn, it?s all over. I had a time when I was young...I had a stash of playboys that I bought, as a teen, from the grocery store I worked at. (The young men/clerks assisted in this) I collected much. Put them in my closet and eventually decided after I met my wife to burn them...with her (my girlfriend at the time) helping me, at my parents? house! While we were doing this, she took one opened up a brunette centerfold and said, "You like this?" I pondered the centerfold for a moment; in my thoughts I knew she got naked for me all the time. My cup, as they, say was always full. I then said to her, "yeah, I do like that (centerfold)." So we proceeded to burn all of them. I didn't need to burn them; I just didn't want some teenager discovering them in the trash at some point. That time ended my porn, even though it never got any worse than playboy.
I married her and sex and sexuality was good for about 8 years. In the beginning we were broke, barely making it. We moved to another state to start my new career. The career ended within a year and a half. I attempted to get it back for 10 years with no success. Her sexual frigidness began slowly at first then she started just wanting a quickie to get me off, then I resorted to playboy again and was doing the PMO. Then in 1995...internet...ow! She continued to be cold sexually. But at the same time I was stagnant in my job. She took over most decisions. Years went by as she discovered that, as we were saying, "men want sex all the time." I felt that a balance of sex was more like it. Instead my wife discovered ways to make good excuses. Those excuses put me on the computer at night surfing until I found that right picture. PMO and late to bed. I quit porn sometimes for months. Mostly she was frigid and once in a while (4 times a year) sex was good. Then I was fired. Game over, porn re-began with a vengeance. Faster internet and scheduled porn viewing since she was so frigid we stopped going to bed together. (A bad marriage sign) I attempted to lighten the porn load and get real about it in 2013 by stopping the O in PMO.
I realized my "performance" could not take the Orgasm part of porn, so I just viewed the stuff at different times and began looking at my marriage to determine where I went wrong...note the "where I went wrong" part. I then came to a realization that many decisions that I was supposed to make, I surrendered to my wife. Her constant belittling and criticism of most things I did was a result of disrespect. From a biblical perspective, she was wrong AND I was wrong in surrendering my leadership as a secret trade to do porn unhindered. So I began to challenge my wife?remember though, I?m broke, on welfare and she works, so her ?respect? for me would have to be gained without my successful career and provision of money. This has been an impossible task.
Remember, she wants to stay married, wants to show family that she is able to stay married and knows she needs the physical protection of a husband. I also want to stay married but I know that removing years of disrespect and then rebuilding actual respect will take time. Often we are battling each other over home issues. She gets it now.
Unfortunately, the missing element is a job for me. She is over-worked and I am working on a master?s degree. Kids are special needs and money issues are continual, so stress is our middle name. Therefore sexuality is last. She claimed recently that ALL women in menopause have pain during sex, so she is hesitant to see a doctor. Meanwhile, I wait.
As I said here before, she gets all the sex she wants/needs?no sex!! I get nothing. We are supposed to share in decisions right? Why does she get to make the decision about sex without my input?
So back to the statement: If I suddenly had lots of money what would I do?? Hmm. If she had lots of money, she would want a new home and would continue to tolerate me, but IF I had money?I might leave?I see her loyalty is poor when I am at my worst. And my worst is a husband/dad who is in shape physically, don?t drink, don?t smoke, don?t gamble. I shower. I dress respectably. I?m a good catch?except I have no job?
Theory: women are willing to let a lot go as long as the guy has money and is not adulterous. Guys thrive on a woman who is there for them sexually. (He has to be reasonably kind)
The mix: men who have a means to a career show an ability and confidence; a trait most women want in a man. Most men want a smart woman who shows him respect (not a ?bossed? woman) and is there to fulfill him sexually-keep in mind, the woman may think the man only needs sex once per month?this is not sexual fulfillment?he will tell her if he is satisfied or not! Her ability to encourage him and help him take care of the home is all he needs. Everything else is extra.
In some cases, a woman is concerned about possessions and is willing to do anything for money. Yet her loyalty can be tested when his money is gone. Unfortunately, often when the money is gone, so is his confidence. He isn?t too fun to be around after that so a woman divorcing him at that point is not surprising.
A good looking woman who becomes poor is worth her weight in gold!
Ok?
