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Feetfirst
Guest
Lyon 03 and Ianmac, thanks for your ongoing support. Glad to see you both are doing well too. May 2015 be victorious for us all!
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ChangeNow
Guest
I really enjoyed your list. It is something that I agree with and will review from time to time. Ingraining those truths into my brain permanently.
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Feetfirst
Guest
Having had some time away and 42 days pmo free but starting to feel the slip! Eek! So here I am re connecting with you guys in the effort not to slide any futher. I clearly need to.build in stronger defences. Having been a bit stressed last couple of weeks from overwork and then horny and slipping into fantasy of P. Although I am immediately fighting against it I feel almost like the tide is against me. It is a very frightening prospect to get dragged back in. Also dreaming of relapse. Very disturbing. So here I am today seeking your help acknowledging I cannot do this on my own. This pride filled idea that I can conquer on my own needs to be knocked properly on the head. Any views on this welcome. There is a clear line here between not visiting here regularly and feeling how I do right now. So I commit now to visit on a daily basis to clean and clear my mind of the delusions that porn is a solution. The following are the two most useful intentions for today;
I want to feel like I'm a good person. I cannot use porn and feel like I am a good person as porn use creates feelings of unworthiness, self loathing, guilt and generates NO good feelings toward self whatsoever! Porn use is clearly incompatible with all my values and goals in life.
I do not need porn I do not want porn.
I joyfully let it go!!!!
I want to feel like I'm a good person. I cannot use porn and feel like I am a good person as porn use creates feelings of unworthiness, self loathing, guilt and generates NO good feelings toward self whatsoever! Porn use is clearly incompatible with all my values and goals in life.
I do not need porn I do not want porn.
I joyfully let it go!!!!
I
ianmac
Guest
Hey Feetfirst,
I'm so glad you came back before you slipped any further. It's extra hard to resist when you're feeling down. I know it helps tremendously when you involve others in your struggle. I'm not sure ANYONE can do it completely alone. I definitely can't. You don't have to be alone. Glad you came back.
You're absolutely right about the wake of shame that follows falling to PMO. Sometimes we can manage to feel like a good person while using, but then we have to be dishonest. I think it's better to be honest and feel bad, but determine to do something about it. So the knowledge that PMOing will trigger the shame stuff ("...feelings of unworthiness, self loathing, guilt and generates NO good feelings toward self whatsoever!") is real motivation to keep your butt on here, especially if you get the urge.
Congrats on 44 days.
Ian
I'm so glad you came back before you slipped any further. It's extra hard to resist when you're feeling down. I know it helps tremendously when you involve others in your struggle. I'm not sure ANYONE can do it completely alone. I definitely can't. You don't have to be alone. Glad you came back.
You're absolutely right about the wake of shame that follows falling to PMO. Sometimes we can manage to feel like a good person while using, but then we have to be dishonest. I think it's better to be honest and feel bad, but determine to do something about it. So the knowledge that PMOing will trigger the shame stuff ("...feelings of unworthiness, self loathing, guilt and generates NO good feelings toward self whatsoever!") is real motivation to keep your butt on here, especially if you get the urge.
Congrats on 44 days.
Ian
ready2go
Active Member
Your posts have been inspiring. I'm glad you came back to be with us. We will hold you up as long as you need. That's not you trying to slip, it's the habit giving up and screaming out once again as it goes. You are not a bad person, you are a great person moving toward your and our betterment. Your courage and generosity in sharing your story, goals, and trials honors us. Thank you for being here with and for us.
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Feetfirst
Guest
Thank you Ian, I so appreciate your support. What a difference it made coming back reading some kind words from fellow humans on the same path.Such a simple action makes all the difference, stepping back into the the safety zone and I immediately feel a shift in my mind. Agitation levels drop, cravings drop, and all through a simple action. Connecting with people who understand! It makes me realize we are each others higher power.thank you all for your presence. Be safe. FF
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Feetfirst
Guest
many thanks ian mac for your kind words i really appreciate the support you have given me. what a difference is has made just coming back on site and reconnecting with you guys, reading people's posts, all of us in the same boat. Tbere is something very powerful about that It makes me realise that we are each others greater power. Whilst I will probably never meet you guys I am eternally grateful to you all. By helping ourselves in this community we help each other. It is a very precious thing. FF
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Feetfirst
Guest
I have tried several times to post here but to no avail. So this is just a test.
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Feetfirst
Guest
Checking in. still pmo free. But finding these days a little bit more of a struggle for some reason. I have been taking counselling and maybe this is just bringing up difficult stuff. last week was the last session and i feel quite relieved to give it a break. it has certainly been useful in getting the process is underway and committing myself to the path. I think some specific understanding of ones own schema is helpful. Knowing and recognizing how we respond in given situations which trigger our negative core beliefs which when trigger?d our search for relief is a certainty. so where am I in the scheme of things right now? Well I havlng a stressful time of it and there is no question I feel uncomfortable with myself right now and I do crave relief from this dripping tap. So I remind my self of my choices. Eek! And maybe there is a problem looking me in the face. I'm still seeing porn as an option. WTF!!! This feels like a little light bulb moment. We all need relief when our schema is triggered but Porn cannot be on the table of options. Ok so I close that door again. Porn is not an option. Old habits die hard, be kind to yourself but keep reaffirming Porn is not an option. Lyon I think I will adopt your motto!
F
Feetfirst
Guest
Checking in. still pmo free. But finding these days a little bit more of a struggle for some reason. I have been taking counselling and maybe this is just bringing up difficult stuff. last week was the last session and i feel quite relieved to give it a break. it has certainly been useful in getting the process is underway and committing myself to the path. I think some specific understanding of ones own schema is helpful. Knowing and recognizing how we respond in given situations which trigger our negative core beliefs which when trigger?d our search for relief is a certainty. so where am I in the scheme of things right now? Well I havlng a stressful time of it and there is no question I feel uncomfortable with myself right now and I do crave relief from this dripping tap. So I remind my self of my choices. Eek! And maybe there is a problem looking me in the face. I'm still seeing porn as an option. WTF!!! This feels like a little light bulb moment. We all need relief when our schema is triggered but Porn cannot be on the table of options. Ok so I close that door again. Porn is not an option. Old habits die hard, be kind to yourself but keep reaffirming Porn is not an option. Lyon I think I will adopt your motto!
lyon03
Respected Member
Thanks for sharing brother. I too was tested when the 'porn fog' lifted. I think it's great you're in counselling, but I also know confronting what led to the addiction is challenging. You are not alone my friend. Keep posting fighting, growing, and living your life. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
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Feetfirst
Guest
Thank you Ready to go for your kind words, they are much aporeciated and timely too. It is amazing the power of a few kind words. For all our complexities we are also very simple creatures who desire happiness and acceptance above all else. I guess the problem for us lies in where we seek our happiness or more to the point understanding what is the source of happiness. Whatever it is. One thing for sure. It is not porn. Porn is not the source of happiness. I should write that out a hundred times. Porn is not the source of happiness. Ha ha!
Been doing some meditation these last days and what a difference sitting still makes. Allowing the agitated mind to settle and disapate. Arising from meditation with a new view of the world. Fresh eyes. This I believe is a clue to my recovery. Maintaining connection to still place inside of me. This is my safety. This is my happiness! I commit to regular meditation practice from today. FF
Been doing some meditation these last days and what a difference sitting still makes. Allowing the agitated mind to settle and disapate. Arising from meditation with a new view of the world. Fresh eyes. This I believe is a clue to my recovery. Maintaining connection to still place inside of me. This is my safety. This is my happiness! I commit to regular meditation practice from today. FF
I
ianmac
Guest
Hey Feetfirst,
Every time you make a stand to not PMO, you're weakening the old brain pathways that drove you to it over and over every day. So glad to see you're up to 51 days. Keep on keeping on. Also glad you're staying active here.
I too am finding meditation helpful for disengaging the PMO urge.
Ian
Every time you make a stand to not PMO, you're weakening the old brain pathways that drove you to it over and over every day. So glad to see you're up to 51 days. Keep on keeping on. Also glad you're staying active here.
I too am finding meditation helpful for disengaging the PMO urge.
Ian
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Feetfirst
Guest
checking in after the weekend. 52 days. I've never bothered with counting before but there is something useful to a counter it seems. Even a little reminder to me how far i have come before i go and blow it all. What is this fascination with the self distruct button? Its like its sitting there going "go on press me. I dare you"
Time for a new set of habits and a different set of buttons. These buttons will read... "Fantastic life free from porn!". "happiness", "laughter!" "More laughter!" "Even more laughter!" "Healthy loving relationship" "clear conscience" "yet more laughter!". My hand is starting to bleed banging the laughter button. Ha ha ha ha
Time for a new set of habits and a different set of buttons. These buttons will read... "Fantastic life free from porn!". "happiness", "laughter!" "More laughter!" "Even more laughter!" "Healthy loving relationship" "clear conscience" "yet more laughter!". My hand is starting to bleed banging the laughter button. Ha ha ha ha
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Feetfirst
Guest
Each time I come here even for the shortest visit, my mind shifts away from porn and back to the wholesome path. Thank you for being here. FF
F
Feetfirst
Guest
Another day under the belt as it were. i felt tremendously upbeat today for some reason might of been to do with having done quite a lot of exercise and meditation. Stress is the killer. So building in spaces into the insane timetable of life is essential. The idea of choosing your buttons definately works. Today I have been pressing the happy and calm buttons all day on the whole its been a good day with only a minor urge later on today when I got tired and stressed and then bing goes the self distruct button again. So keep cool and keep light is the message to self today! FF
FF
ready2go
Active Member
Wish I had seen your post earlier today since I was brutalizing myself for the first half of it with crap I don't want to be involved with. Fortunately, there was nothing having to do with PMO. This, right now, is the time of day that I would most commonly pull a 3-4 hour PMO session, and here I am at home, laptop in hand, committed to NOT doing it and working on something else instead.
Great job, and very inspiring FF. I'll copy and paste your note into my own journal so I can find it next time I'm beating myself into a fine pulp.
Thanks!
Great job, and very inspiring FF. I'll copy and paste your note into my own journal so I can find it next time I'm beating myself into a fine pulp.
Thanks!
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Feetfirst
Guest
You are so welcome Ready2go. Being able to help anybody else in the process of helping myself is a joy in itself. Well done for diverting the stress of the day. Every little victory counts! Nice one. FF