36 year old Christian (will respect the rules) needing to quit 16 YR PMO problem

[nomox3]

It's the slow season.... off work early. Not a normal day, no one at the house. So here I am, all alone, no one knows I'm off work, The thought came to me to look at P. But, ima be good.

I feel temptations sometimes, but some how, for some reason, they are not overpowering.It's early still in my reboot,  So I am hoping against hope that I will stay strong. I am wondering If I am flatlining? I mean, I really didn't think that out would be this easy to say no. I had pictures in my mind of me curled in the fettle position crying in pain while chomping down  on my belt sweating bullets. So far, I have just been a little tempted followed by a little prayer, and checking this place out.

Anyways,
I've gone from working 60 hours a week to around 30.... hope it picks back up soon. Don't want to have to cash out my vac days to make ends meet.

Well, I'm out. See y'all around.

 

[nomox3]

15 days. Wow. Going to keep on going. P is not an option.

Getting rid of internet in a few days. Not because of P, but because of my brother. He is not doing any thing. Lives with me, but no income. I'm not going to continue to make it comfortable for him.

 

[Jason]

Hello, nomox3

Just remember to take it easy on yourself as you walk in recovery.  I think many of us struggle with feelings of shame and guilt, so do not tear yourself down mentally but instead keep things positive.  Just strive towards creating some type of simple routine in your daily routine and learn to laugh at yourself a little.  It is awesome that you have decided to choose to walk in sobriety from porn.  Jason

 

[Jason]

Hello again nomox3

I wanted to add if you are a religious person (I state that because there are men on this forum that are not and I want to respect their viewpoints)!!!  However, if you are interested check out the resources on Pure Life ministries website because they have materials that just might help in your reboot.  Jason

 

[challenged]

nomox3, Jason's post made me recall an excellent book that I read on porn addiction/compulsion (and related sexual addictions).  It is called "Surfing For God," and the author is Michael John Cusick.  I highly recommend it.  You can check out the reviews on Amazon.  It deals with the root issues relating to why we struggle with porn and other sexual temptations, and how to deal with the shame and guilt.

 

[Jason]

Thanks challenged I am going to purchase that book.  It sounds awesome.  As they say in recovery circles "Always a student."  Many thanks for your wise counsel.

 

[nomox3]

Thank y'all both for your suggestions. I'm going to check them both out.

What I have found is, one of the main reasons I was stuck in the cycle off shame was because of a lack of hope. I thought  that my brain and my body were both damaged to a point where they could not be repaired. I thought that if I did ever get a wife that I would never be able to please her. Never be able to be truly attracted to her because of P. So I figured that any woman I was interested in, I would be doing them a disservice by saying them. Marrying them was just out of the question! I would never put a woman through that.

So, when I found all this, that cycle broke. I have a hope now. I see a possibility of being whole. I can see a time when my brain and my body work properly again.  So until I fall, for now, I am feeling no shame. I cannot fail in this. Iamnot talking about white knuckling my way through this. I'm just saying that the hope of a real future is enough help for me to resist when the desire comes to take me down.

After church on Wed. Nights, I'm always more worm down. My defences are weakened. I feel a sense of release from the tension of preparing and delivering a message to the teens. I know that I am weaker at this point in the week than any other. So I pray.

And I am going to pray now, cause there it's a whole lot to pray about!
Y'all have a great night.

 

[nomox3]

For a chance to talk to one of my nephews today. He is 16. Very smart. I'm talking genus level. Was able to tell him about this place. I hope that he isn't addicted, but the statistics are against him in that. Maybe he will check it out and and see some merit in this.

For some reason, this whole week has been a rough one. I don't feel like I have had a break. Still clean though. No relapse yet. I don't want one either. Watched a movie today on Netflix about yokuza in Brazil. It want that bad. Not that great either. I'm trying to decide if I chose it because they were going to be in Brazil, or if I chose it because net flix had nothing better to offer.  Probably a bit of both. Luckily they couldn't afford any good looking actresses, so no real temptation there. Now I'm trying to decide if I'm disappointed because the movie sucked, or because I didn't getto see any held naked Brazilians....

Thinking too much. It doesn't matter. Sleep. Cause i got a long day tomorrow. Then the weekend... 3 more days of work. Hope they are full days, need the money.

 

[hellexfire]

hey guy- poppin' in to check in. Props on the no internet deal- that's a hard one for most of us. I don't think I'm just addicted to P, I think I'm addicted to the whole damn web.

Don't lose hope. I Corinthians 10:13-14 man- look it up, print it off, read it every day!!

Romans 5: 3-5

Let me know your thoughts. x

 

[ntg2978]

17 Days bro!  Good going!  Stay strong.  Looks like you're figuring a lot of things out and that's awesome.  Focusing on how you can help others is fantastic, because anytime we can take our focus off ourselves and our own problems, we actually begin to forget them.  If you need any more advice/tips about exercising, just let me know, would be glad to help out.

 

[nomox3]

Hellexfire, 1 Corinthians 10:13 has been in my memory since I was 15. How ever, I never read it together with 14 also. My bible splits it into a new chapter at 14. But that is really interesting because Idolatry and lust are usually interchangeable. If I remember correctly they are the same word in the original Greek. So that really applies to this whole issue.

In any case, 10:13 has been my go to verse for the longest time. Just don't seem to ever take the way out provided.

Again, for me it is pretty much a hope issue. So the second verse you have is good too. Hope does not disappoint. But all the other things must happen first. Tribulation (suffering, and most likely in this passage, persecution but could mean any suffering for the sake of Christ), perseverance, character, hope. It's strange that these all go together. And just down right weird for hope to be a result of that process. But I will take it.

For me, the suffering producing character through perseverance makes perfect sense. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Though, you gotta have that middle part (perseverance) for it to work. Praying for that, just got to keep on with the keep on! No P ever again.

The story of Joseph gengreat example of all this. He ran from his master's seducing wife and got thrown in prison for it. Psalms 105:18 says his neck was put in irons. But the Hebrew for neck was the word for soul. Any ways, up have heard it preached that that meant Joseph's heart became like iron in prison. The whole forging of character through suffering and perseverance.

Thanks for the thoughts. One day my hope will be realised.

But that brings me to ntg's comments lol. For that to happen, I gotta get in shape. Well, loose weight anyways. This week was really bad for all that. Took a friend too the doc in a town an hour and a half away. As payment he took me to a Tia fusion restaurant For lunch. It was pretty healthy. Chicken and green curry. And a bowl of sea food in what tasted like Meso soup.

Then I took my brother and my mom out for their birthdAy dinners at golden corral. All you can eat. This is one of the better ones I've been to. So two times in one day, then today,  a friend from church took me out for some sushi, and paid. Not too mention the 2 times this week that I was just in a hurry any are fat food.

Any ways. I was too full to work out Wed. And to tired Thursday from taking my mother to the hospital for a heart Cath. Not a very good second week back to exercising. Considering that I took it easy the first week, I may as well consider this a reset on my work out timer! Not that I am keeping track. Just need to not easy so unhealthy, and get off my lazy bum to work out every week.

Ngt, you have any advice on staying motivated?

Have a good night all, 3 days off work, then back to my time off.

 

[ntg2978]

Dude, I have TONS of advice on staying motivated.  This is something I have studied for the better half of 15 years probably.

First, your best friend EVER is your imagination.  Learn to visualize your end result; feel it, make it real, then link as much pleasurable experiences to that end result as possible.

Example:  you want to get fit & gain some muscle.  That's your goal.  Make it real in your mind.  See yourself AS THAT PERSON, if you don't do this, YOU WILL NEVER GET THERE.  You have to be able to visualize a goal in order to make it a reality.

Once you've made it real, think of ALL the experiences you could have that are pleasurable, for example:

-Get youth involved in working out (I seem to remember you said you're a youth pastor)
-Feel great about yourself
-Be able to move furniture around on your own
-Be able to bike for extended periods of time....maybe take biking trips with some friends you'll meet while you're getting into shape

These are examples, pick some (or create your own) and again, make them REAL.  I mean so vivid, you can feel and see these as if you're already there.  Once you feel like you're there, and you have this motivation to make this goal a reality.  This is the 3rd step:

Think of ONE thing you can do RIGHT NOW that will help to accomplish this end result.  Visualize yourself DOING this activity - this tells your brain, essentially, "hey, we want to get all this pleasure from accomplishing this....here is how we're going to start" - your brain will pickup on it, and man, your ass will be out of bed or eating right, or whatever, pretty much automatically.

Example: see & feel yourself working out in your gym; I mean wherever you're going to be working out, make that experience VIVID in your imagination, and feel yourself doing it.  Feel the cold of the steel against your fingers, feel the sweat dripping off your forehead, you get the idea.  Make it as REAL as you possibly can.

Important:

You have to repeat these steps DAILY, for about 1-2 months straight, in order for them to become part of your habitual thinking...but once they are, you'll be automatically propelled towards the direction you've shot for.


Visualization is so important, I cannot state it highly enough bro.  Anything you can visualize, you can create or have...I truly believe this.  I have seen it happen in my own life (from owning a house to becoming who I want to be to accomplishing what I want to accomplish).  This will entirely change your mindset, which controls your behaviours, which obviously control your future.

 

[nomox3]

Thanks for that. I really need to examine my motives, think about the future, and figure out what pleasure I can derive from being in shape. The only things that I know for certain that I really enjoy is youth ministry, helping people when and where I am competent, wood working, creating things, drawing and painting, and spending time with a few good friends. Porn used to be pretty high on that list, but I really didn't enjoy it any more, and it sucked up all the time I had for other things.

So, for my visualization, I have to imagine that the things I most think will change are my aching joints. Today was a 12 hour day that started at 3:30am. After work, I went to a friend house and helped him put together a bed frame, and clean a few things for a house showing tomorrow. Sat and talked for a bit, but my knees hurt really bad, and my right leg hurts from the hip joint down to mid thigh. I think that is from back in the day when I used to do a lot off martial arts. So, that along with my back no longer hurting would vivre a great visualization.

Any ways, I will work on all that.

Been a long day. And not am easy one. Did about 20 hours of production according to production sheet. Adams am finding myself tempted with the young girl I am training. She isn't really flirty any more. But she is a whole lot more comfortable now, so we had a really great conversation about racism, marriage, sex, and love. Been teaching a set of lessons on love the lady few weeks. 1 cor. 13:4-8 is the perfect explanation of what true Christian love should be. If you get a chance, rewrite it, replacing the word love, or charity, with your name. Then read it back, and see how well you match up!

Super tired! Gotta sleep! Not sure if I am even making any sense any more.... good ZZZ's y'all

 

[nomox3]

Got my table saw and router table set up and running! Already did started a project for the church, and Will finishthiswe'llafter work. It's good to be making stuff again! Gets all my creativity out, and I have something to show for it.

Any ways, been doing good so far. The girl at work I am training still is really cute, way too young though. But nice to spend time with any ways. I try to be encouraging to her, but she is really green when it comes to this kind of work. She had the computer down, and is grown more confident on the lift, but I can't seem to get her to show more initiative! It's frustrating! I had to find a nice way to tell her that our bosses don't want any helpers, they only want people who can make it happen. She is in college and has goals.  So I remind her of that, and try to build her self confidence.

Any ways, being around her is almost like being around one of my youth girls, only slightly older. I find I am taking on more of a big brother role than anything. Just chalking up my physical desire for her to this reboot, and to the close proximity we have to work .

Well to bed, then tues I get to work my wood!! ....that will be the first time in a long time I can do that with no guilt!!

 

[nomox3]

It is really good to be PMO free!!

Been working out, helping people, putting up home made dry erase boards at the church.
Visited a pawn shop and bought some more tools. Got a dremel with stand and pen extension for $40

Any ways, got to find some free wood... Got to start making things that can sell. I really enjoy the intense detail of cabinetry. Been so long, but it's all coming back.

Well just checking in. No internet at the house is not so bad. Just means I'm not at the house often either.

Keep up the good fight, it's worth doing!

 

[hellexfire]

Dude! 34 days?! I'm stoked bro, I'm so stoked.
There is love man and forgiveness and beauty and I'm starting to see the sun peep out from the clouds every once in a while! Had the first conversation in a long time a few days ago with my Father.
He's hard for me to face.

pillage onward!
x

 

[nccornhusker]

I was reading through the posts today.  I am so encouraged by everything that has been said.  I believe part of the reason it is not talked about in the church so much is that many struggle through it.  Part of the issue is there is so much shame in what is being done.  Then people don't want to talk about it.  Honestly I believe other addicts have a safe haven because it is socially accepted as addiction. 

So today the church is as I have heard from many not wanting to put it into its own category!  And let us be honest sex porn and all that is not easy to talk about.  Especially dealing with older individuals in the church who have a more traditional view of marriage.  Then look at the senior ministers in church's today and the average age is 65.

Then the youth think that older members of the church and or the books behind all this is just bible hum drum.  So this and ybop which is socially gaining traction today.  My hope and prayer is that as I mentor and help young people in the church is I can give them these tools to help them develop a close relationship to God.  Their future wife and their family. I also believe they honestly don't feel church as a safe haven.

I give God the glory for the things I have found in the last few weeks.  I am convinced as I have seen on the posts here this P no matter belief, creed, what religion or non religion you have creates a bad lifestyle.  But when we can get rid of it that is when our life is so much healthier.

In conclusion all of those of us who are brothers in Christ let us help and left one another up in prayer as well as the future of manhood everywhere.  I hope that I am not stepping over any line.  But so glad to have some posts that I can relate to as a Christian.

So there are a few of my ramblings concerning your post on Jan 25th I believe.

Thankful for all of you out there! Pray for me brothers I need it.

 

[nccornhusker]

I have been using a web site that I have found extremely helpful on a daily basis.  http://porn-free.org/Devotions/devotions.htm  This has been a great encouragement to me as a Christian and getting from someone else who had problems with porn.  I truly hope that this can be a tool for you all to help in your pursuit of freedom.

 

[nccornhusker]

10 days a great milestone for me!!! Yeah just happy feeling great!

 

[nomox3]

It has been a while. A long while.

So. Been doing great up until today. I had a near miss a few weeks back. But tonight, I failed. Gotta rest my counter. Not sure what my trigger was. I didn't binge, didn't even go to a web site. Just looked up something on Google pics, and there I was. Pretty disappointing 5 min off shame really.

It's strange how the mind works. I do not want to go back to this crap. I feel that this is the slip of my foot off a very steep very deep chasm.

Gotta regain my footing.

Do I have an excuse? Sure I have 300 or so. But they don't matter. The important this is to stop the leak before it becomes a flood, crashing into every favour of my life. I don't even remember what I looked at. Just generalities.

From here on, MO is off the table also. 90 days. This small mess up isn't going to break me, it has pissed me off more than anything. I'm bout feeling the normal loathing and shame. I am up set with my self for giving in. But also for letting down my guard.

I will be on here more often from now on. Sorry that I don't have time to reply to y'all's comments. Gotta be up early for work in the morning.