Christ My Savior
Member
My 1st post?
Porn has been the devil in my life since I was around the age of 8. My father had magazines in the bathroom that he used to hide by stuffing them between the wall and the cabinet. I accidentally found them one day and so began my long journey. That was 34 years. It saddens me to realize that for most of my life I have been addicted to this evil.
Porn stole from me the innocence of youth. Porn stole the opportunity for a normal childhood, affecting my relationships with everyone.
To this day, porn affects my work, my relationships, and m health.
I reached a low point yesterday which is hard to imagine because I`ve had some really low ones concerning porn throughout my life but yesterday was a reminder of how bad things have gotten for me. My wife and children are away on vacation with other family members, I work so I could not go.
I came home from Church and spent the majority of the afternoon watching and downloading one video after another. I even tried to masturbate for several hours and nothing got me excited. I stopped, went for a walk, came home and spent another 2 hours watching even more videos and trying to masturbate. After 5 or 6 hours of wasting my life, I finally decided to call it quits for the night. I ordered some food, watched some tv, cleaned the house, and decided to go to sleep.
The entire night I kept thinking about porn. I`ve had many nights like this in my life where I spent so much time watching it during the day that I dream about it at night. Its awful.
I said a prayer and said to myself, "No porn tomorrow. Just go one day without it."
I think I slept a few hours after that, then woke up. I got out of bed and my wife was calling me to see how I was doing.
I love my wife. And the truth is, she is the most beautiful person I know, not only personality but her physical beauty.
She deserves a better man that the man I have been. She knows I watch porn but she doesn`t know the addiction. And thats exactly what it is.
I`m addicted to porn and I`m finally saying it. I need help.
That is why I joined this forum. I want to share my story, I want to read yours, and I am hoping to find a way out of this tremendous darkness in my life.
Porn is truly the one thing in my life that has been the most difficult to overcome. Its a drug that is so easy to get and its everywhere.
I fight this battle everyday. I want to be free and I want to end the suffering.
When I was in my early 20s, I gave up porn for a good 6-7 months. It was the best time of my life and it was also during that time that I met my wife. That was almost 20 years ago. I started to watch porn again soon after we met and after we were married, my addiction real started to take over my life. The internet was available and I would spend all day while she was at work watching it. Then when hi speed internet came around several years later things got even crazier. I`m sure most of us in our late 30s, early 40s have similar stories so I`m pretty sure you can relate.
Now I`m a father and I am horrified to think of my children growing up addicted to porn as I was. And its so easy now for them to find it. I know I need to overcome porn in my life before I tell them they cannot get pulled into it. I need to be an example and I need to be able to look them in the eyes and tell them I was once addicted to porn but no longer.
Right now, I feel at the bottom of a deep and dark hole. Its filthy down here and I am alone but there are voices constantly calling me, luring me further down into this hell. I am tired of the fight and I am weak so all I can do now is to put this in the hands of God. This is why I am using Christ My Savior as my username. I need to be reminded everyday that God is in control.
God, I put this in your hands. Amen.
Porn has been the devil in my life since I was around the age of 8. My father had magazines in the bathroom that he used to hide by stuffing them between the wall and the cabinet. I accidentally found them one day and so began my long journey. That was 34 years. It saddens me to realize that for most of my life I have been addicted to this evil.
Porn stole from me the innocence of youth. Porn stole the opportunity for a normal childhood, affecting my relationships with everyone.
To this day, porn affects my work, my relationships, and m health.
I reached a low point yesterday which is hard to imagine because I`ve had some really low ones concerning porn throughout my life but yesterday was a reminder of how bad things have gotten for me. My wife and children are away on vacation with other family members, I work so I could not go.
I came home from Church and spent the majority of the afternoon watching and downloading one video after another. I even tried to masturbate for several hours and nothing got me excited. I stopped, went for a walk, came home and spent another 2 hours watching even more videos and trying to masturbate. After 5 or 6 hours of wasting my life, I finally decided to call it quits for the night. I ordered some food, watched some tv, cleaned the house, and decided to go to sleep.
The entire night I kept thinking about porn. I`ve had many nights like this in my life where I spent so much time watching it during the day that I dream about it at night. Its awful.
I said a prayer and said to myself, "No porn tomorrow. Just go one day without it."
I think I slept a few hours after that, then woke up. I got out of bed and my wife was calling me to see how I was doing.
I love my wife. And the truth is, she is the most beautiful person I know, not only personality but her physical beauty.
She deserves a better man that the man I have been. She knows I watch porn but she doesn`t know the addiction. And thats exactly what it is.
I`m addicted to porn and I`m finally saying it. I need help.
That is why I joined this forum. I want to share my story, I want to read yours, and I am hoping to find a way out of this tremendous darkness in my life.
Porn is truly the one thing in my life that has been the most difficult to overcome. Its a drug that is so easy to get and its everywhere.
I fight this battle everyday. I want to be free and I want to end the suffering.
When I was in my early 20s, I gave up porn for a good 6-7 months. It was the best time of my life and it was also during that time that I met my wife. That was almost 20 years ago. I started to watch porn again soon after we met and after we were married, my addiction real started to take over my life. The internet was available and I would spend all day while she was at work watching it. Then when hi speed internet came around several years later things got even crazier. I`m sure most of us in our late 30s, early 40s have similar stories so I`m pretty sure you can relate.
Now I`m a father and I am horrified to think of my children growing up addicted to porn as I was. And its so easy now for them to find it. I know I need to overcome porn in my life before I tell them they cannot get pulled into it. I need to be an example and I need to be able to look them in the eyes and tell them I was once addicted to porn but no longer.
Right now, I feel at the bottom of a deep and dark hole. Its filthy down here and I am alone but there are voices constantly calling me, luring me further down into this hell. I am tired of the fight and I am weak so all I can do now is to put this in the hands of God. This is why I am using Christ My Savior as my username. I need to be reminded everyday that God is in control.
God, I put this in your hands. Amen.