Great day today. I only had to work for a few hours today, I am used to being away all weekend Fri to Mon but not today. I got up early and went for a nice walk in the rain and ran into several different friends that I haven't spoken to in a while. It was nice to catch up. The off to work for about 5 hours and back home. Made a great stirfry for just myself as the kids are at their mothers and the GF is working. Then I downloaded a spy type movie "Jack Ryan" and fell right into that...James Bond without the smut. Good stuff. I will have to get to bed soon as I have to be at work early tomorrow, no more easy days. Nice not to have to talk about my addiction on the forum today....it doesn't need any attention.
chicken strikes again
- Thread starter chicken
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Back in a hotel tonight, an unavoidable part of my job I am afraid. It isn't good for me to spend too much time in a hotel room, the scene of so many past mistakes. I went out for a drink with a co-worker, a short walk, dinner and did some computer work that I have been procrastinating. Nothing on TV (what's new) so I have read my book for a while and going to call it a night.
S
SO Reboot Partner
Guest
Congrats on 48 days and finding a strategy that works for you. You deserve this so much and to be content with yourself.
Continued peace.
SORP
Continued peace.
SORP
savingmysoul
Active Member
Grats on 50 days!
Taking any particular situation to the edge like you did and still found the courage to resist and move forward is fantastic.
Embrace your strength
Taking any particular situation to the edge like you did and still found the courage to resist and move forward is fantastic.
Embrace your strength
Thanks for the encouragement. Believe me, I definitely didn't want to test myself last weekend. It is still a wonder to me how I got myself into a situation where I was on the edge. It shows the power of this addiction to take over, if I am not paying close attention. This is especially true if I am angry, alone, or stressed.
I now have myself a sponsor! This is a great step for me. I have committed to calling him today and will do so, but for some reason I am a bit nervous. I have been reading a little bit of SAA's "green book" and can really identify with it. I would recommend it to anyone even if they don't plan to ever attend meetings. Good things on are the horizon.
Here is an update: I called my sponsor and had a good talk with him...I was concerned that my behavior the weekend before should be considered a reset. He said that in his opinion it wasn't a reset but if I keep behaving in that way, it would lead to one quite soon. I was glad for his answer because I really don't want to have to start the counter over again but I wanted to make sure that I was being honest. I figure that if you are not honest with yourself then you really have nothing.
So the very next day, I was at it again. Not a good situation. This is not okay with me, and doesn't make my feel good about myself, I also think that it is counterproductive for my recovery. I phoned my sponsor again today to discuss this and we have come up with a plan. I am now going to add masturbation into my no go zone, what the SAA call the inner circle. While P has always been the vice MO is the gateway to it for me. So now any P any M or MO with be a reset...It is a pretty clear. I had been abstaining from M for a while because I thought it best...but never actually put it off limits and I think that was a mistake because once I started down that road again, it became compulsive.
I also had a discussion about abstaining from sex with my GF. I am concerned that it may be effecting my recovery as my addiction may be using sex with her to get a fix. What a horrible situation if that is happening. My sponsor suggested that perhaps taking a month off may be useful, but to talk with her to see. So I will have that discussion with my GF tonight and see what insights she may have.
So the very next day, I was at it again. Not a good situation. This is not okay with me, and doesn't make my feel good about myself, I also think that it is counterproductive for my recovery. I phoned my sponsor again today to discuss this and we have come up with a plan. I am now going to add masturbation into my no go zone, what the SAA call the inner circle. While P has always been the vice MO is the gateway to it for me. So now any P any M or MO with be a reset...It is a pretty clear. I had been abstaining from M for a while because I thought it best...but never actually put it off limits and I think that was a mistake because once I started down that road again, it became compulsive.
I also had a discussion about abstaining from sex with my GF. I am concerned that it may be effecting my recovery as my addiction may be using sex with her to get a fix. What a horrible situation if that is happening. My sponsor suggested that perhaps taking a month off may be useful, but to talk with her to see. So I will have that discussion with my GF tonight and see what insights she may have.
One more day in the bank today. Had that discussion with my GF and she would like to talk with our joint therapist to get her take on it. This therapist specializes in addictions and sex related issues, so her insight should be helpful. We see her next week. The kids are out of school now and it is great to spend so more time with them, pretty soon it will be off to the cottage! ;D
Okay so today has been a great day with the kids, we went for a walk and got some apple fritters and then grabbed our bikes and went out biking with the dog running beside us, a quick lunch and off to the water park for some fun and then it was badminton in the back yard for some laughs before supper. Then I had a babysitter come over while I went out to my SAA meeting. Sounds like a good day and it was but I was fighting all day to control my addiction, even thought I was having so much fun I had to say "no" to myself constantly. What a pain in the ass and a complete reversal of yesterday, but and it is the very important kind of but....but I got through it. One more day in the bank.
Hit the big 60 Days now. Happy about that. I know that my counter isn't everything...but boy do I love keeping it intact. It has become quite important to me. Just another motivational tool I guess. Anyway today I am avoiding triggers skillfully and got in some retail therapy. I caught a good break at work and get to have a couple extra days off!
I have a lot of stuff to do in the next couple of days. I am going to start the packing process as we are going to head to the family cottage on Tuesday. It is the start of our summer routine when I share the boys a week at a time with my ex-wife. This means I have every other week off of work, but work the other week straight. It is well worth it.
S
SO Reboot Partner
Guest
Congrats on 60 days - and extra wishes for 60 more.
Thanks SO! Here is what I wrote on YBR today.
Well I avoided one of my old pitfalls today. One trigger that I have is the expectation of intimacy going unfulfilled, and today I managed to dodge that bullet. I thought it might happen this morning but it didn't, but the old "it is definitely happening" thought was a more manageable "wouldn't it be nice" feeling. When it didn't happen my old way to handle the situation would have been PMO. That wasn't the solution today, and it wasn't even hard for me. Tada! Another day of sobriety.
Well I avoided one of my old pitfalls today. One trigger that I have is the expectation of intimacy going unfulfilled, and today I managed to dodge that bullet. I thought it might happen this morning but it didn't, but the old "it is definitely happening" thought was a more manageable "wouldn't it be nice" feeling. When it didn't happen my old way to handle the situation would have been PMO. That wasn't the solution today, and it wasn't even hard for me. Tada! Another day of sobriety.
Well I haven't posted for a few days. I am at the summer cottage with the family and having a great time. There is no internet here but I do have data on my phone. There is no chance of PMO here at least, but my postings will be a bit sparse. Also I will miss many of my SAA meetings, which I am a bit upset about. I will spend every other week here with the family and work solid for the other week. Things are well.