My Reboot Journal

[cordy212]

Thanks for the words of encouragement presson, really appreciated. It's never the same for anyone but what has mainly worked for me are a few things, staying busy is the most important for me. I've found things such as regularily going to the gym, trying to read everyday, completing some university work really help.

It's also very important that you know when your most at risk of PMO, for example if you know your at risk of PMO if you spend a few hours in your bedroom then make a concious effort to spend as little time in your room as possible. For me I'm most at risk after wet dreams, haven't been to the gym or when my libido feels low ( I tend to try and get hard to see if my libido is still there but this usually ends in PMO).

Best of luck man 

 

[cordy212]

Day 5

Had a wet dream last night which is odd this early into the reboot, also by reading other peoples journal I tend to have a lot more wet dreams which is a bit weird

Had a 9 hour shift at work today and went pretty well, didn't feel fully confident but didn't feel as anxious as I have been.
Before coming back to university I was going to ask a girl out who I work with, shes made it pretty clear that she want's to go out with me. However I'm not sure when to ask her out, I don't want to take her out when I'm still feeling a bit anxious and not good at making conversation because of PMO. I'd like that when I take her out she can see the good confident side of me which I know is asleep at the minute because of PMO.

Plans for the rest of the night are to have a shower, eat, possibly do some revision, hopefully do some reading and then sleep until about 7a.m.

 

[cordy212]

Day 6

Last night I started M'ing in my sleep again, this tends to happen shortly after a wet dream and I was not aware I was doing it until I woke up later. Didn't O but feel this may also be down to fantasizing before going to sleep, I've not really taken fantasizing seriously but I feel I may have to begin cracking down on it because my imagination is just as real as P.

Felt relatively confident today but I still have these periods of anxiety.

Busy day which is good  Had an appointment with a physiotherapist at 9a.m and she gave me some exercises to help my shoulder pain. Went to gym after and trained with a mate I met there which was decent. Then washed some clothes and been to the shop and now in the process of revising.

Been looking at a lot of guys' journals lately and I seen a guy who said he struggles with transitions, for example going to university after the summer break. This really hit home for me because I realized that I too have this issue, the majority of my relapses have come shortly after a transition in my life. I feel this may be due to the natural stress and anxiety that comes along with something new in your life and I tend to revert back to my old ways of dealing with stress and anxiety which is PMO.

This is a long post today but I've had a lot on my mind  After re-reading my journal I feel I understand why I relapsed, by re-reading it is apparent that it was building towards a relapse which I didn't see coming at the time. I had a lot of wet dreams and edging was becoming more frequent. Plans going forward are:- Post almost everyday, read other journals as much as possible, try not to fantasize and my biggest issue, if I'm not getting random hard-ons don't try and force it because this usually leads to O.

Some friends are going to a nightclub on thursday and they want me to come but I'm not sure whether I'm ready to go out just yet, will see how I feel on the day but from past experience it normally takes a couple of weeks into a reboot before I feel confident enough to go out and have a good time in a nightclub without feeling anxious.

 

[cordy212]

Day 7
Good day, been busy and went pub with some mates earlier. Came back to flat and had to organize the flatmates to clean the kitchen but as always only 2 of us did it which pissed me off again, I try not to get too wound up though because stress may lead to PMO. Going to keep post short today because really tired and going to bed but just been thinking today about how badly I want PMO out of my life, today has been first day in reboot without anxiety and I'm a much better person to be around and I feel so much better, theirs always that fear of a weak moment though.

Night guys 

 

[cordy212]

Day 8

Wasn't going to post today but I'm feeling very anxious and a bit vulnerable at the minute so I feel it's for the best that I get my thoughts down. Again started masturbating in my sleep, this can't really be helped as I am still asleep when I do it, no O which is good but I find it odd that this keeps happening.
Been obsessing a bit today about a couple of issues I've got going on at the moment and it's making me really anxious, plan on keeping myself busy tonight to try and get my mind off it. Not really had any major urges to PMO yet, last night I had some urges but didn't succumb, will try and get through the weekend and got a party next week so I really need to avoid PMO before then because if I do PMO it will be a bit of a disaster

 

[cordy212]

Day 10

Edged this morning which I've been pretty pissed off about and have not felt great today because of it. Been at work all day and haven't been to the gym so haven't had an outlet to dissipate my anxiety. Plans for tonight is to do some work and get some sleep before work in the morning again, hopefully tomorrow will be better !

 

[cordy212]

Day 15

Haven't posted in a few days but it's been good. Went out to some nightclubs the other night and was good, little to no anxiety and felt pretty confident. These last few days I haven't really been counting days for no PMO whereas in previous reboots I always feel the need to count until at least 3 weeks and then I suddenly start to feel better.

Exams are fast approaching and its going to be a very stressful month, need to deal with the stress through other outlets that don't include PMO.
Even though I haven't really been counting days I'll change goal to a month and fingers crossed I don't collapse before then 

 

[presson]

Good work getting back into the swing of things. Good luck with your exams!

 

[mtaha2015]

good luck with exams.
and be careful about the stress.
stress can lead you towards porn.

try to unwind the stress as much as you can.

 

[cordy212]

Good work getting back into the swing of things. Good luck with your exams!

good luck with exams.
and be careful about the stress.
stress can lead you towards porn.

try to unwind the stress as much as you can.

Thanks for the support guys. really appreciate it, will try my best to not let myself and you guys reading down 

 

[cordy212]

Day 21

1st exam over, didn't go as bad as I thought it would which is good news. Need to not get complacent and continue working hard. These last 5 days or so have been okay, went work and both shifts went well, need to remember to get my head down and work hard whilst there though as would like a promotion by the end of the year.

Supposed to be working this and next weekend which I'm trying to fingerscrossed get off, really need these days off work for exam revision.

On the reboot side of things, today highlighted to me that I've still got a long way to go. Was talking to some classmates today and was struggling to keep eye contact and felt pretty anxious. I slowly got better as time went on but I really hate this feeling when it happens. I hate the feeling that people may judge me as the anxious person who can't look them in the eye whereas I know that deep into a reboot my social skills are great.

Had no real urges to watch P or M the last 6 days however I do keep getting boners and I can sometimes get lost in fantasy of thinking of girls I have a chance of possibly getting together with. THIS NEEDS TO STOP, not only does it increase chance of PMO but it increases my anxiety when I'm around them because I've been visualising them in a sexual way.

Plans for the next week or so, revise, go gym regularly, maybe go to work which I don't want to, and no PMO!

 

[Pinky]

Hey Man of Steel, great journal!

I cannot say much about exams (I fapped my way through the college), but nofap is great for job interviews (which are often quite similar to exams). I had interviews both during nofap streaks and during PMO periods. Without porn, I feel more confident, but what is more important, I have more time for a proper preparation -  in my college years I began watching porn whenever I felt anxious about the upcoming exam, which was  a huge time sink.

I am on my day 19 and had a very tough job interview yesterday. Anxiety still was a problem (sweat was almost dripping from my hair at some point), but it was way better than another tough interview, which I had after a week of PMO.

Best of luck!

 

[cordy212]

Hey Man of Steel, great journal!

I cannot say much about exams (I fapped my way through the college), but nofap is great for job interviews (which are often quite similar to exams). I had interviews both during nofap streaks and during PMO periods. Without porn, I feel more confident, but what is more important, I have more time for a proper preparation -  in my college years I began watching porn whenever I felt anxious about the upcoming exam, which was  a huge time sink.

I am on my day 19 and had a very tough job interview yesterday. Anxiety still was a problem (sweat was almost dripping from my hair at some point), but it was way better than another tough interview, which I had after a week of PMO.

Best of luck!

Thanks for the encouragement, really appreciated.
I understand the huge temptation to PMO whilst in exam period. Huge stress and spending most of the day on the computer to revise can so easily lead to the stress outlet of P.

Good to see your improving and not only that but also getting out of your comfort zone. A problem for me is that after a relapse I tend to hide away until about a month before I feel confident enough to do anything stressful such as a job interview

Best of luck to you too 

 

[cordy212]

Time for another rant ...

Day26

Last 5 days or so have been good overall. Went to nightclub on friday and had good time, talked to some friends that haven't seen in a while and felt pretty confident. Had long days at work over the weekend and only had 3 hours sleep before saturdays shift and was feeling a bit hungover from friday night 

Haven't done any exercise in 3 days and haven't done much all except for being at work.

Heres where I start to rant ... Got an exam in 5 hours time, still haven't been to sleep and I'm shattered. I fell asleep for 15 minutes then a couple of my wanker flatmates start screaming in the corridor. I woke up and told them to shut the fuck up, they quickly ran to their rooms and they'll probably try and avoid me over the next few days because I'm really pissed off at them. Since then I haven't been able to fall back asleep.

If this affects my performance in the exam then I feel sorry for my flatmates because they'll have to deal with me.
Really pisses me off because I've been working hard all weekend, had hardly any sleep, got an exam tomorrow whilst in the meantime these two wake up at 7pm! On a daily basis, do no work, just watch TV and do fuck all and then they finally decide to do things at 4am to wake the whole flat up. I try not to get too wound up because I know that in the end they are just useless, inconsiderate and aren't worth me wasteing my time on them.

Anyway... Back to no PMO. Had no real urges, however, I seem to have a boner for about 30% of the day which I suppose is a good sign  Asked a girl out and we going out on friday, trying not to build this up and trying to remain calm (one because I've got exams to focus on, and 2 I just want to go out and have a good time with her and not worry about anything else)

Plans for the week are to revise (ALOT), go gym, see this girl and then revise some more ( ow and no PMO) 

 

[mtaha2015]

good.
Day 30 isn't that far away.
keep working for your own good.
keep working hard.

 

[cordy212]

good.
Day 30 isn't that far away.
keep working for your own good.
keep working hard.

Cheers bro 

Day 28

Not much happened, revising for exam tomorrow and is going ok. No urges in last couple of days but had a lot of thinking.
Firstly I was feeling a bit down and was thinking thoughts such as "all the time I've wasted in the past over PMO", I know these are irrational thoughts as I just need to look forward to the future and cannot change the past. This however got me thinking about when I went a year and a half without PMO and I realized I didn't have a smartphone back then and I never used my laptop for anything except work.

These last couple of weeks it seems I've replaced the dopamine rush of P with other mindless activities such as repeatedly looking at the football news (soccer) or weightlifting websites. Plan is to block any websites that I procrastinate on and also replace my smart phone with my old crappy one. In the future If I have spare time or just need a break I'l either just lay down or read a book.

Not far off 30 days, got to stay alert 

 

[cordy212]

DAY 30!

Woow  Bit of a overview, feel much better than did starting day 1 but still only feel like I'm running on 90% capacity at the moment. Going to change counter and go for 45 days, so far the reboot has gone pretty fast but I need to stay on my toes.

Last night went out to some clubs again after my exam ( which went okay), was socailizing well and had a good time. Feel like I can still do better and as silly as it sounds I feel that one factor to improve this is to begin reading again. I find that reading helps me calm down, not only that but it helps me socialize without anxiety and helps me remain calm in all situations. Feeling much better already for getting rid of the smart phone, as I said just need to get my reading habit back and I should start to feel 100%.

Looking forward to first weekend off work in a long time, need to stay busy though !

 

[mtaha2015]

yes stay busy.
don't make that weekend a problem for yourself.
keep your self busy and let it go fast.

 

[cordy212]

Thanks man!

Don't mean to keep posting like crazy but feel like I should post while I still remembered what happened. So, had a date tonight and went pretty well, I know that the girl is really into me as a few of her friends have told me. Don't mean to sound cocky but I could have definetly taken her home with me, instead... I told her a don't think we should date anymore.

My dick was saying to take her home, but I just had a feeling that I knew it wasn't going to work between us two. So rather than be a dick and lead her on I thought it would be for the best to just end it before it begins. There are going to be times in the next few days where I get a hard on and will really regret no bringing her back but I feel deep down that I've done the right thing.

Anyway.. Was first date in a while and it actually went quite well which is a definite bonus and I didn't feel anxious at any point. Hopefully this is the start to getting back into looking for a girlfriend and hoping that I can meet someone who I really like 

 

[Parabolic_Krush]

Congrats on the 30 days- awesome. Journal's great- looks like you've got good consistency so far, keep it up.

Also congrats on the date and having solid self control when it didn't work out- sounds like you did the decent thing there.