An interesting thought provoking discussion for those trying to stop PMO with a Christian perspective:
Addicted to Masturbation?
Lasting change begins with right motives
If you are addicted to masturbation, and want to stop, you?ve come to the right place. This is such an important step before considering courtship or marriage for several reasons.
1. Thinking about another woman (or man) lustfully in your heart is adultery (Matthew 5:27-28). You are setting yourself up for infidelity.
2. It sets you up for unrealistic expectations in marriage of how your husband or wife should perform in bed. You will inevitably be disappointed.
3. It decreases your ability to perform when you do get married because your body develops a need for certain stimulation which is unrealistic in marriage (you need something more exciting, more provocative or more dangerous to be aroused. Also the friction of your hand is more abrasive than the friction of intercourse which leads to sexual frustration in marriage.)
4. Masturbation is often used as an escape or coping activity for stress, anger, loneliness, tiredness, or fear, keeping you from developing a dependency on Christ to minister to you in difficult times through His word.
5. It fuels a feeling oriented not principle oriented, self-indulgent not self sacrificing attitude of life. A good marriage (or any relationship for that matter) grows and thrives when both parties look for opportunities to give, not take.
6. Your husband or wife will be very hurt, feeling rejected, replaced, betrayed, and deceived if you carry this on into marriage. Without trust there can be no true intimacy.
I?ve looked to see if other websites have addressed being addicted to masturbation already and to my sadness I mostly found hopeless responses like the following:
?What you're doing is pretty normal to be honest. You're not addicted to anything, just doing what everyone does.?
?For a 16-year-old boy to stop altogether is going against nature, no matter what that Big Punitive God in the Sky says?
It IS a habit many ordinary men and women can't break but that doesn't mean it's not possible. (Don't you want to be extraordinary?) And just because it may be "natural" does not mean it's right. (God wants you to be holy which requires SUPERnatural grace!)
For someone who is experiencing the negative effects of being addicted to masturbation like anxiety, mood swings, guilt, depression, loss of motivation, and fatigue, just to name a few, you need to know that you can find freedom from this! You are not hopeless!
Before going into the ?how to? of overcoming the addiction to masturbation, let?s first discuss a foundational truth about motivation. If I were to ask you why you want freedom from this, what would you say?
I don?t want to burn in hell
I?m tired of all the guilt/shame/depression/anxiety, etc it causes
I can?t focus on school and my performance at work is horrible
I want to enjoy REAL relationships, not virtual, imaginary ones.
I don?t want people thinking I?m not spiritual. I?m afraid of being found out.
I hate myself. I want a better self-image
I know this will prevent me from having a healthy marriage someday
What do all of those reasons have in common? Yourself. They all revolve around you. This is self-worship. Instead your focus should be on the glory of God.
I?m not saying this to add another layer of guilt to your already burdened heart. I?m saying this because if you desire freedom for the wrong reasons you will not be successful in overcoming being addicted to masturbation.
Lasting change happens only with true repentance. True repentance is being sorry for the sin, not just the consequences. Confessions forced from a guilty soul by an awful sense of condemnation and a fear of judgment without a deep, heartbreaking grief in your soul, that you have betrayed the spotless Son of God and denied the Holy One of Israel is the same type of confession that Judas made. But if you begin to work for the glory of God instead of your own glory you will find freedom from this habitual sin.
Here?s why:
You cannot expect God?s assistance if your focus is on yourself and what freedom can do for you.
Isaiah 48:11 says God will not share his glory with another.
In the story of Gideon, God reduced the size of his army so that when they won the battle Israel could not claim glory for itself. (See Judges 7:2)
God does not want us to boast in ourselves or a program we follow. God works for his own glory. (NOTE: glory means honor, praise, exaltation, magnify, spotlight. Jesus was the ?brightness of His glory and the express image of His person? (Hebrews 1:1) Jesus ?glorified? the Father by bringing attention to God?s true character by becoming flesh and giving us a visual, tangible example.)
So ask yourself, ?Is my motive for overcoming to bring honor to myself or honor to God??
This question must be settled if you want to stop being addicted to masturbation. You can either work in concert with God or at cross-purposes with Him.
Let this become your new motto: ?Therefore whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.? (I Corinthians 10:31)
This will ensure your success because God will come to your aid so that he will be glorified.
It reminds me of an 80?s movie about a dorky guy who wanted to become popular. He paid one of the beautiful cheerleaders to go out with him for a month because he knew that association with her would bring him into the ?cool? spotlight. She felt pressured into the deal because she needed the money. Sure enough, his plan worked. When the month was up he made a dramatic ?break up? with her and began acting like a hot shot. With his new single status he began flirting with the other pretty girls. The beautiful cheerleader felt used and betrayed because she actually started liking him. (Can?t Buy Me Love)
The point is - God will not enter into that kind of bargain. He does not want to be used for your own promotion. If you want to be intimate with Him and enjoy the benefits of association with Him it must be out of love to Him, not love for yourself. He wants a genuine commitment and wants the credit for the change he has made in your life.
The root of being addicted to masturbation is self-centeredness. God cannot free you from the addiction without pulling up the root. You must have your focus on the Lord, not yourself. If he were to free you, you'd just find another form of self worship. God wants your heart more than good behavior.
Focusing on the glory of God will inevitably bring change.
?Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17 Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. 18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.? (2 Cor 3:16-18, NKJV)
Did you catch those two important points?
1) Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom!
2) Whatever you behold is what you become like
You?ve likely tried to quit being addicted to masturbation before and it didn?t last long. Were you thinking about your guilt, your discomfort, and your darkness instead of beholding Jesus and His glory and grace?
Demolishing Strongholds
It's also likely you have wanted to quit but you've allowed some strongholds in your mind and therefore cannot overcome being addicted to masturbation. A stronghold is a false argument/ lie of Satan. Or in the terminology of 1 Corinthians 10:3, "every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God."
1 Corinthians 10:3 "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: 4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds
5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ"
This verse says that if we want to win the war against sin, we must use God's mighty weapons which are guaranteed to destroy strongholds. How do we knock down those strongholds? By taking captive every thought and sifting it through the grid of Scripture. Here are some strongholds that have prevented people who are addicted to masturbation from finding freedom.
1. God wouldn't forgive me for this horrible thing, so why even bother? The truth is, God turns NO sinner away. John 6:37 says, "him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out." When the thief on the cross said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom." Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth today, you will be with me in paradise" (Luke 23:42-43, NIV). The thief didn't have time to clean up his act first before Jesus would accept him.
In fact, you don't even need to repent before you come to Jesus! Just like forgiveness is a gift, so is repentance. Peter said the Israelites, "Him hath God exalted with His right hand to be a Prince and a Saviour, for to give repentance to Israel, and forgiveness of sins." Acts 5:31. You do not even need to wait till you have repented before you come to Jesus. The invitation is open to all, "Come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28) Don't let the guilt and struggle of being addicted to masturbation keep you from coming to Jesus.
2. "God, you can't meet this need." This is a lie that God cannot satisfy us intimately. "Nagging deep within us is an incessant craving to find completion by becoming one flesh with another human. Of course, sexual intimacy is a significant part of this. We sell ourselves short - frighteningly so - if we do not realize, however that the cry from our innermost being extends far beyond craving for orgasms...the height of intimacy between two humans, as deep and fulfilling as it is, is superficial, relative to our desperate need to become one spirit with the most astounding Person in the universe." (link)
Psalm 16:11 says, "In thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore." When God created the Garden of Eden, he created the garden of pleasure. Eden means pleasure. God created you, he knows you and he loves you. A relationship with Him will be more satisfying, pleasurable and wonderful than any fleeting stimulation.
The woman at the well had 6 husbands. Apparently she had a thirst for love that nothing had seemed to satisfy. When Jesus offered her His Living water she became so excited that she left her water pot and went to tell others about Him. Jer 2:13 says, "For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water." Remaining addicted to masturbation is like trying to drink water out of a broken water bottle. Drink of the Water of Life and you will never thirst again.
3. I am single and not allowed to have sex, so I need to do something to release these emotions. This stronghold communicates that you believe you are entitled to being addicted to masturbation. That's like saying, "Since I can't find work right now, I can steal this piece of candy." You don't need candy. And you don't need to release your sexual drive through masturbating. Either God's word is true, or He's a liar. Phil 4:19 says, "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." So if he hasn't supplied it, you don't need it. God has given us healthy boundaries not as a means to find the source of pleasure elsewhere, but to find it in Him. And in due time, if its His will, you will get to experience sexual pleasure in marriage. It's definitely worth waiting for.
4. I need to do something to prepare myself for my spouse. In reality, you are endangering your sex life in marriage. Studies have shown that men can develop abrasions or swelling of the penis, difficulty in performing real sexual intercourse because of a weak erection, premature ejaculation, semen leakage, reduced orgasm and loss of sex drive towards the opposite sex. Even females who are addicted to masturbation will find it hard to truly delight in marital sex. One woman shares, "Rather than finding fulfillment in thrilling my husband and in his delight in me ? unleashing sex into a giving, living celebration of love ? I had short-circuited my sexuality, hideously perverting a precious, God-given gift into self-obsession....Sex is divinely designed to be powerfully addictive so as to bond a woman and man together for their entire lives. I have abused this gift, using it to bond myself to myself. "(read her whole testimony here)
If you are ready to give up being addicted to masturbation, confess that to the Lord and let your prayer be:
Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us,
But to Your name give glory,
Because of Your mercy,
Because of Your truth.
(Psalm 115:1, NKJV)
For those looking for more resources because you are really tired of being addicted to masturbation check out www.settingcaptivesfree.com to take their free online Bible study course called "The Way of Purity" as well as www.purelifeministries.org. where they have excellent free resources as well as a book and workbook I recommend for men called "At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry" and one for women called "Create in Me a Pure Heart". They also have a live in program to "detox" from sexual addictions.