And this time I mean it!

[drollbot]

Hello gentlemen!
Day 3.

This is where I begin my journey. I have been battling with p addiction since I was 12. I am now 33. What has truly shocked me upon finding this forum is just how similar my story is to all of yours.

My addiction. Started with R rated movies, bumped up to dads porno mag collection in the garage, and graduated to hardcore gonzo after a computer was brought into the house. Been hooked ever since in one fashion or another.

Now, i don't have so much trouble with watching p, rather my battle has been with responding to casual encounter ads. I guess it wouldn't be an addiction if I had once in the last 4 years mustered up the nerve to follow through with my response.

Numerous times I have made the contact, persuaded the girl to meet me, and then I just don't go through with it. I get such a rush from seeing women lust for me, but there is no follow through.Like you all, its a method of getting that dopamine hit. Not once have I followed through.

But guess what, I'm tired of hurting myself and others with this effed up addiction. Its not fair to the my family, friends, or the women on the other end of the email. My resolve is to simply not send out anymore emails enquiring after sex I have no intention of having. Wow, it sounds so pathetic when you write out and say what it actually is.

No matter, I'm tired of this creep-tastic habit and I hope you men and this forum will give me something better to focus my attentions on while I am sitting here bored out of my mind at work.

More to come! Thanks to all the men who have already gone before me and had the courage to say that they are addicted and want to change.

 

[that1beachguy]

welcome to the forum bro. Glad you were able to find this place. I, like you was amazed at the similarities  of various stories to my own. It's nice not to feel alone in a struggle that is so personal. I used to go on casual encounter sites too.whenever I told myself I was giv ing up p, I would look through casual encounter sites and tell myself I was looking for a real lady. But unlike you I never had the balsa to make the call, I would just look through the pics and kid myself that I was actually interested, but in reality just another way to get that dopamine fix from the pics. I hope you find strength here... There are a lot of great success stories here I hope you and I are among them some day

 

[drollbot]

Thanks for the welcome, brother. I am already feeling a great deal more confidence in abstaining. Day 3 was a success. I effectively got through all my typical triggers, boredom and stress. Sadly, this is always at work. I have no problems at home. Let's face it, I hate my job but I'm there 70% of the time. I am in process of getting a new position, but I doubt changing jobs will solve all the mental and heart issues.

I'm hopeful for tomorrow. Check back again guys. I really appreciate the support and fellowship. Until tomorrow! Here is to new beginnings, gents!

 

[drollbot]

Day 4.

The triggers are whispering sweet nothings of p in my ear today. "We all know that the ladies you desire are out. Go ahead, have a look. I bet you'll find her in the next post you look at."

Bull crap! I've been playing this game for nearly 5 years now and not once have found that big breasted sex fiend that could persuade me to more than sending out emails for a dopamine rush. Clearly sex with women is not what my body wants. Had numerous chances, didn't do it.

Final statement for the morning gents: Shit or get off the pot.

Well, I'm off. Someone else can desperately search for a hit. I'm done!

 

[drollbot]

Triggers triggers triggers, Go away!

 

[drollbot]

A thought! Finding this forum has been significant to me in the sense that now I truly know that I am not alone in this struggle to change.

I have so many people that love me and care about me, but when it comes to having them really understand the truth of this addiction they unintentionally issolate you. Most of them think of it like picking your nose; everyone does it, everyone knows its gross, but you can choose to use a tissue.

They don't understand why you won't just not look at p. What's worse they look down on you if you do, when they know you don't want too.

Its never said, but I can see the disappointment, bewilderment, and offense they take to your recent slip. As unintentional as it is, it drives you deeper into the addiction, makes you cling to the very misguided hope that hurts you.

Long story short, thank you gents for having the knowledge and truth of this addiction. We are men, not perverts! A pervert feels no shame for his actions. Men feel the shame and strive to find a solution no matter how long it takes.

Keep moving forward, brothers.

 

[drollbot]

Day 5:

Since the root of my issue seems to be communication with women , I'm taking on opportunities to physically talk to women face to face.

I've always wanted to just be able to walk up to a random lady and start talking to her and have the end result be something healthy and good. What has always stopped me is the fear of rejection. But since my goal is purely for the act of communication and not a date or sex, what does rejection matter?

I've done this twice now. Once last night, the other this morning. Both times were a great experiences. I got the same rush I do from p, and all I did was say hi, introduce myself and talk about the weather, lol.

I think what gave me such a rush was how surprised the ladies acted. I guess men don't actually talk to women much anymore. What's interesting is after me initially starting the conversation they did all the talking.

I find this to be a much healthier alternative to the rush of p and casual ads. Still managing to ward off my triggers. I'm feeling really good about the decisions I have made.

Any thoughts from the peanut gallery? Anyone have a similar experience with the ladies?

 

[that1beachguy]

Great plans man, anything that replaces digital stimulus with the real deal, I think is a good thing. Especially if you are concentrating on the beauty and intimacy rather than objectifying their bodies. plus I don't know if it's all in my mind or what but I find that (without consciously making the effort) I am talking and smiling with more women strangers than before. I think the lack of PMO /MO kicks your biology into gear. Just yesterday I was putting some weights back at the gym and caught this beautiful girl looking at me, she knew she got caught and couldn't help but smile, I started up a brief conversation that resulted in nothing more than a pleasant exchange of smiles, but that is still more than I used to do... I think you're on a great path, just stay strong, don't listen to the demons beckoning, they are not worth your time, mind or health.

 

[drollbot]

Hey, thanks brother. I think you might be right about the biology. I fully intend on keeping the good path before me. You do the same!

 

[drollbot]

Day 6

Today, thankfully, for the first time in a long time, I have so much work to do at my job that a meeting has been called to determine my list of priorities.

That being said, I seriously doubt I'm going to have much time to be bored and hit a trigger.

I am really glad I found this forum. I have motivation to stay on the good path now, so I can continue to be a support to all of you.

There is hope for us, men. Never give up!

 

[drollbot]

Damn it, damn it, damn it! Just when you think its going to be a trigger free day.

Without going into vast detail, I have a female coworker, she is pretty cool, and really sarcastic. Love that in a woman. The issue however, she is amply blessed in all the places that catches my eye to a woman. The fantasies run rampant. Next thing I know, since I can't interact unprofessionally, I'm craving some p and email contacts.

No, I will not give in! My coworker is REAL. The alternative is not and will not ever be real. I am done screwing a piece of technology. No more!!!!!!!!!!

 

[drollbot]

Day 7.

Not much to report at the moment. The morning started off well, peaceful. No triggers to speak of at the moment. I'm just here.I hope this isn't the calm before a storm.

Spoke to another lady this morning. Again, my goal was the act of making the connection, nothing sexual. I really enjoy this. Who would have thought, women actually are receptive to conversation! Its amazing what obvious facts you learn when you're not drowning in p. and c.e.m. (casual encounter mail).

 

[drollbot]

I keep noticing a trend.  I seem to get the itch for some p right after lunch. I haven't noticed any particular trigger, but the urge has consistently hit me around 1 o'clock everyday this week. Not sure what to do with this at the moment, but I am feeling the desire pretty hard right now.

 

[drollbot]

Day 10

I checked my email this morning and found a casual encounter email (cem) response. Apparently, one of my old posts is still floating around out there. So, this morning i got have a visit from my old friend pathetic horny desperation. My mind immediately flooded with thoughts of what if, as it always does when a lady responds to a post.

I don't necessarily have problems with checking my email or even having a productive and normal conversation with somebody. The issue come when I don't follow through. The act of endless dirty emails becomes a rush of dopamine for me.

This morning I am faced with the choice of playing the old game, again. I don't want this choice at all, I didn't ask for it, nor did I go searching for it, but its here anyway. Have any of you ever got an unwanted surprise visit from the past? They suck!

I have been doing so well, I feel. A hole week with no p or cem posts, now this. Time to deny myself and clear out the old inbox.

I'll be honest. I'm struggling and could use an encouraging word from somebody.

 

[that1beachguy]

Delete it... Next time, once you know what it is, don't even read it. Get rid of it immediately. The other day I accidentally clicked on the wrong button on instagram and it showed a sexy boobs shot, I immediately exited the app and turned my attention to something else. it may seem unfair that you are going through all the right steps and temptation finds you anyway, but it's important to remember that you gave temptation a roadmap to find you, and now it's  time to relocate. The old posts will eventually die off, don't tell yourself to go look for it because then you will find yourself in the old world again. You have to have enough resolve to NOT give yourself a choice. It's not well "what if this time..." It has to be " NOT AGAIN"  personally for me, it's never again... I refuse to let my happiness continue to be governed by a collection of videos. Once you make that choice and don't hesitate in your execution of that choice, then all you're doing is fielding whatever life throws at you, you can take it with confidence knowing that you will not breaking, you refuse to break, temptation will happen it's part of life, it will always find you no matter what you do, but how you let it influence you is YOUR choice, stay strong and after that it's a waiting game. Good luck friend

 

[drollbot]

Thank you, friend.

Your encouragement was needed. And you are right, temptation will come. Not even sure why I was at all surprised.

The email was deleted, and I have no intention of going to look for the post. That would be a rocky slope. Its really nice having somewhere to go and men to talk to about this. Thanks.

 

[drollbot]

Well, I am off to a pretty rocky start today. My brain is just begging me for a dopamine overload. What I am going to remember is that I don't have a choice in this. Women are women and digital activity cannot replace them.

I am not going to give in this early, or ever!

 

[drollbot]

Holy crap!

I cannot believe how hard my triggers are hitting me today. This cant all be due to a surprise cem can it? Is this pretty typical for week two?

 

[joe_ireland]

Stick with it. Second/third week can be difficult, especially if you have relied on this for a long time.
From what Ive read of your post, I would make ever opportunity to talk to women without wanting to get anything from them. Interaction with women is the healthy alternative to porn. Make a commitment to interact with at least one woman ever day.
Good luck to you!

 

[drollbot]

Thanks for the encouragement and advice. That is my goal. I am very intentional about it. Everyday I see women I want to talk to. If I see any chance for conversation I take it. Again, the victory is in speaking to them. It wouldn't bother me if they all told me to beat it, as long as it is face to face and not over email.