savingmysoul
Active Member
one day at a time to be sure.
embrace your strength - you can beat this!
embrace your strength - you can beat this!
Just for this moment no PMO
- Thread starter Zyrock
- Start date
Zyrock
Active Member
well today was a great day and I had an error at work and so im rather down. and its dreary out and im tired. fortunately I have two reasons why I am not PMO. 1) I treated three gential warts yesterday so I dont want to spread that around so I dont wbwn want to touch myself. 2) I want to not have PMO before I have sex again.
Zyrock
Active Member
some days of not PMO are easy but days like today it isnt so easy. I didnt PMO and its because I dont want to be touching myself since I did a treatment yesterday for gential warts. I am grateful for each day that I dont PMO regardless of the reason why I dont. earlier I felt like I was alone in this journey. I know Im not but one of the reasons I tell myself its ok to PMO is "who is it going to hurt?" "nobody is going to care" but then minutes turn into hours and I find myself bored and just feeling down about myself. even though I know that Its not healthy for me I still do it. Just for this moment I am not PMO and hopefully someone is able to read what my experience has been and is encouraged just for now to refrain from PMO. I appreciate all the support. thanks
Zyrock
Active Member
I suppose I build strength after each little victory over PMO. i dont have any desire to PMO right now. now im just looking for the inner strength to start on a positive project whether its cutting the grass or going to the gym, whatever.
I get alot of encouragement from everyones responses. every little bit helps. thanks
I get alot of encouragement from everyones responses. every little bit helps. thanks
Zyrock
Active Member
well slowly im building a relationship with Laurie and we were talking on the ohone and basically hving phone sex and although she was touching herself I didnt touch myself. it may not seem like a big deal but for me it is, one cause i told her i am saving myself for her to touch me. second cause I didnt have any desire to touch myself even though i was aroused. I think and I may be wrong but I think there are two different driving forces one for sex and one for PMO. right now I know I have possibility of havig sex with Laurie so I dont want to PMO so I can preform. meanwhile I also dont want to have sex with her until I have secured that we can have sex on a regular basis because once I start having sex I will want it with regularity. I would rather not have sex if its just once and awhile and I dont know when I will have it next. I think my desire to PMO is about self comfort. whether I am scared or bored or hurt PMO feels like a safe alternative. But when I PMO it feel negative and get into a vicious cycle, no matter how much I try to control it or manage it, I eventually become indifferent to the real thing and when with the real thing I desire it to be like my movie scenes. so day 6 and seeming strong, but real strength for me doesnt occur intil after day twenty somthing when I become a master of my domain and im not wired for PMO
savingmysoul
Active Member
Hang in there Zyrock,
You can do this - it sounds like your brain is in the right spot. I know it its always easy, but you got momentum and you have a goal.
Use that to fuel your courage and your strength. You arent alone, we are all here with you. Day 20 is right around the corner.
You can do this - it sounds like your brain is in the right spot. I know it its always easy, but you got momentum and you have a goal.
Use that to fuel your courage and your strength. You arent alone, we are all here with you. Day 20 is right around the corner.
Zyrock
Active Member
well on friday evening I had swx with laurie and then after I was with laurie I came home and nicole and I had sex twice. Now Laurie and I are exclusively seeing each other and I am thinking I dont know if I want to put up with her. I like nicole as a friend and we have tried to be exclusive but it just becomes too much like marriage. I hate to say it but I actually like being free to do what I want. I would like to find a woman to be exclusive with but I am just a mess right now. at least I didnt PMO. I am going to have to break things off with Laurie which sucks cause I am goin to miss her, maybe we can just be friends and work on that and I think she may actually go for that, what do I know. im going to sleep. no pmo and I dont want to pmo i jist need to confess that I am seeing more than one woman. personally, i would rather have 5 women friends and not have sex with any of them than one woman friend and have sex with her. I like many women in my life and sex with one. thats what I need to find.
Zyrock
Active Member
well, I am normally a very honest person and today I am not desiring to PMO, im actually not desiring to have sex (so to speak) I am desiring to hang out with different women. before last week i was hanging out with several different women friends not having sex but rathwr PMO. after a week of only talking to one now I feel deprived kinda. at least deprived of the friendships. no pmo so on one side of the scale I am not PMOing but I am now womanizig. I know I should be able to have both not pmo and not womanizing, im riding it out and seeing how it plays out. meanwhile I didnt have a switching error which was a relief. i think I need to confess to my slonsor and get honest
Zyrock
Active Member
i stayed home from work, and the desire to PMO is strong, I think the problem with Laurie is going to be solved, waiting on a text from her, I think she is goig to tell me that we can be friends but not have sex any more, which will be good. I also think nicole is a great person she just has to focus on being comfortable in her own shoes. im not acting out in PMO. ok, update laurie wants to just be friends so problem worked itself out. note to self. dont get involved in exsclusive relationship unless i am sure that is what i want.
savingmysoul
Active Member
Keep hanging tough!
You're doing great.
You're doing great.
Zyrock
Active Member
thanks for the encouragement. I dont feel so great today. i worked 13 hours today at work then came home and ran and then this woman wanted to meet me. so we met and we t to my bed and we were both naked and then she stopped in the middle of sex and left. it was kind of odd, but basically im glad it happened but it was weird. no desire or i should say very little desire to PMO. rather have the real thing. honestly its all getting kind of tiring.