Just for this moment no PMO
- Thread starter Zyrock
- Start date
LetItGoAlready
Active Member
Zyrock, I suspect that what's lurking behind that fear of letting go is a lot of pain you don't want to deal with. It's understandable. Pain sucks. No one wants to deal with it, but not dealing with it only holds us back. Keep fighting, brother!
Jverhoye
Active Member
Hang tough, Z. We have all been there in the depths of the struggle. For me, isolation = PMO. Finding a support group, going to meetings, exercising and limiting your time on the computer can all be helpful. Also, my experience tells me it's going to be tough for you if you do not "lock down" your technology and make it extremely difficult to access P. When I lacked the skills to abstain early in my recovery, I HAD to have filters and restrictions on all my machines. I still have them and I personally believe everyone should. Why not? Give it some consideration and just know that you have a ton of support here.
I applaud your resolve but, as I see it, filters are a band-aid. In the first place, they are easy to circumvent. Secondly, we need to build the self control needed to break the shackles of this problem and I'm not sure that filters do that. Perhaps as a temporary measure at the very beginning, but the reality is we live in a world full of temptations, when one is off limits there are plenty of others to take their place. Without Internet porn there are still plenty of sources of erotic materials and plenty of ways to act out.Jverhoye said:
Jverhoye
Active Member
I concur with you LTE. Filters and restrictions are not the answer and they can be dismantled and worked around; however, continuing to have the same easy access to P doesn't help the situation. All I'm suggesting to Z is if he struggles to make it a day without using and acting out, then perhaps he needs to make it more difficult to access. The alcoholic who gets rid of all the booze in the house can still drive to the liquor store and get some, but maybe when he gets halfway there he'll stop and turn around. For me, having a filter and "locking down" my technology was helpful at the beginning of my recovery.
Zyrock
Active Member
i appreciate the interest and suggestions. the only way i look at porn is through my phone and no way to block it but i agree for me i dont have any desire to block it. for me when i want to stop i stop. dont misunderstand me. i consciencely have decided to PMO the first time and then after that it was for the most part compulsive. with PMO there is always the "everlasting, endless supply" but eventually i either hit a wall or decide i have had enough or go on to more extreme porn. well i am going to say this.
1) i am powerless over PMO and my life has become unmanageable.
2) i am willing to believe that i can stay stopped from PMO if i seek power.
i know that PMO is an endless supply and the last time i PMO i made a conscience decision that there isnt anything else that i desire to see, or "just one more video, or picture, or whatever" i have not found religion, or seek to be more moral, or free of sin. i have tried PMO all of my life on and off and i have found it very lonely. i dont think less of anyone and i dont think i have found any "ah hah" answer. i am just thinking that i have had enough and that i can quit now that i have had time without PMO and then went back to PMO and now making a decision to not PMO.
i am going to be willing to follow suggestions, and keep an open mind, as well as work on my honesty. i know i could possibly contact my ex female lover and have real sex and then my desire to PMO is all but gone, but i also want to not be with her just because we went out own seperate ways and i dont want to let her use me or me use her for sex.
1) i am powerless over PMO and my life has become unmanageable.
2) i am willing to believe that i can stay stopped from PMO if i seek power.
i know that PMO is an endless supply and the last time i PMO i made a conscience decision that there isnt anything else that i desire to see, or "just one more video, or picture, or whatever" i have not found religion, or seek to be more moral, or free of sin. i have tried PMO all of my life on and off and i have found it very lonely. i dont think less of anyone and i dont think i have found any "ah hah" answer. i am just thinking that i have had enough and that i can quit now that i have had time without PMO and then went back to PMO and now making a decision to not PMO.
i am going to be willing to follow suggestions, and keep an open mind, as well as work on my honesty. i know i could possibly contact my ex female lover and have real sex and then my desire to PMO is all but gone, but i also want to not be with her just because we went out own seperate ways and i dont want to let her use me or me use her for sex.
Zyrock
Active Member
i feel a certain freedom. i havent exercised at the gym for the last two weeks because i was sick. kind of amazing that i saw my ex-wife signing up at the gym about the last day i went to the gym. anyway. i have been living a life full of changes since last sept. life is all about change.
Zyrock
Active Member
i went to a meeting on friday and saturday. i am planning on going to a meeting on mon tue and wed. yes dealing with the pain of divorce is painful. accepting can be painful. but the only way through it is through it. all of this has taught me some very painful lessons. there is no other way around it. its not punishment. its just painful. PMO isnt going to make the pain less or go away. PMO is not anything for me to desire. its always been a solution to my problems, loneliness, boredom, numbing out, celebrating, stress release, sleep aid, etc. triggers such as attractive women, short clothes, naked women in regular movies, regular magazine advertisements, my libido etc. if i am going to not PMO its going to be because i dont want to. not because i think its a sin. i am afraid of developing ED or going further in my extremes, and not being able to develop meaningful relationships with other women.
if i continue to PMO then i feel like i am saying "nothignis wrong with me, i just need to find the right woman. but i want to change, i ackknowledge that i can become a better person. i see these men who are happily married and appreciate their wives and i know me. i thougt i appreciated my wife and maybe i did but i desire to be somethig special. i dot want to be like the men at work who are married and masterbate. not because i think its a sin but because i want real connection with a woman. i liked the connection with my female friend i just think we needed a break and both of us are hard headed. i am sure we both miss the other but neither of us wants to give in and plus, we really arent ready to be together. i desire someone to be with and she has other responsibilities. just rambling on. thanks guys
if i continue to PMO then i feel like i am saying "nothignis wrong with me, i just need to find the right woman. but i want to change, i ackknowledge that i can become a better person. i see these men who are happily married and appreciate their wives and i know me. i thougt i appreciated my wife and maybe i did but i desire to be somethig special. i dot want to be like the men at work who are married and masterbate. not because i think its a sin but because i want real connection with a woman. i liked the connection with my female friend i just think we needed a break and both of us are hard headed. i am sure we both miss the other but neither of us wants to give in and plus, we really arent ready to be together. i desire someone to be with and she has other responsibilities. just rambling on. thanks guys
Zyrock
Active Member
feeling pretty ok (i would have put good) but i fear unpleasant feelings so i humbly put ok. deleted games and facebook from my phone. i could call someone and that would beat the lonelyness. i have to awake early tomorrow. i am starting to feel optimistic. before i got married i was a very optimistic guy. before i moved to my present county i felt very much blessed and like i was "winning" at life. during my divorce i felt lost. today, right now i feel like i have finally hit the bottom i needed and now i am working toward rebuilding. i must admit, i will have to spend some money which is ok, and i will have to work, and take action but i definitely see that my new bottom has changed. granted i still can see myself having to deal with lonelyiness and closeness ans companionship, but when i put the effort, there are plenty of willing women.
so tomorrow i start to exercise again, not looking forward to the hard work its going to take. another thing, i have wanted to contact my ex female lover but have decided to not. i am either waiting for her to breakdown and contact me or just keep moving forward. either way its a positive growing.
thanks for being here. i still in some ways miss my ex wife or i should say the future or past memories but i told myself earlier, cant change the past and must focuse on the present
so tomorrow i start to exercise again, not looking forward to the hard work its going to take. another thing, i have wanted to contact my ex female lover but have decided to not. i am either waiting for her to breakdown and contact me or just keep moving forward. either way its a positive growing.
thanks for being here. i still in some ways miss my ex wife or i should say the future or past memories but i told myself earlier, cant change the past and must focuse on the present
somethingelse
Member
I thought I remembered the name Zyrock, it was off YBR. Particularly of= your motivational posts on the journal of a user called Apuleius. I noticed around those days you must have been well into 100 days no pmo. Things were looking up for you, you were exceptional at expressing yourself, helping and inspiring others.
Some of what you right connects with me to an astonishing degree, we sometimes look back at the past and think what if we did such and such different. The reality is, don't trouble yourself thinking about 'what has been' and remember 'what can be'. I use to be that guy, to some degree maybe still am that guy that won't meet a person halfway or has to let the other initiate rapprochement.
The truth is, always choose to be the conciliator. We all have flaws whether you'd call them sins/ human error is dependent on your own beliefs. When we are upset/angry we too readily magnify the faults of others.
Especially with women, it's more virile of us if we chase them, than vice-versa. Only if we are just with women, can we be just to ourselves. For me anyway, that's what travelling on this no pmo journey is substantially about. I get the impression that your a wonderful guy, who someday soon a lucky lady will cross his path.
My only advice, if I may, is that you soften your heart, forgive and forget (this includes yourself too) , there will be another much more fulfilling lady who could very well be the one as romantics will state it and your next wife. After all premaritally you were 'optimistic' and again after that last marriage you still can be, and I testify to this optimism through your ybr journal.
I thank you for those lovely reads you once provided and implore you to never give up on your dreams to live out your nightmares. It's not a fair trade. You're better than this pmo garbage and you know it!
One day at a time, my friend.
Some of what you right connects with me to an astonishing degree, we sometimes look back at the past and think what if we did such and such different. The reality is, don't trouble yourself thinking about 'what has been' and remember 'what can be'. I use to be that guy, to some degree maybe still am that guy that won't meet a person halfway or has to let the other initiate rapprochement.
The truth is, always choose to be the conciliator. We all have flaws whether you'd call them sins/ human error is dependent on your own beliefs. When we are upset/angry we too readily magnify the faults of others.
Especially with women, it's more virile of us if we chase them, than vice-versa. Only if we are just with women, can we be just to ourselves. For me anyway, that's what travelling on this no pmo journey is substantially about. I get the impression that your a wonderful guy, who someday soon a lucky lady will cross his path.
My only advice, if I may, is that you soften your heart, forgive and forget (this includes yourself too) , there will be another much more fulfilling lady who could very well be the one as romantics will state it and your next wife. After all premaritally you were 'optimistic' and again after that last marriage you still can be, and I testify to this optimism through your ybr journal.
I thank you for those lovely reads you once provided and implore you to never give up on your dreams to live out your nightmares. It's not a fair trade. You're better than this pmo garbage and you know it!
One day at a time, my friend.