Counting days into my freedom.

igetum

Active Member
Day 20,
Finally, the pain in my upper body is gone. I found some remnants of porn in my laptop and quickly shift deleted it. I am still sleeping heavily during the day, though the hours are decreasing. My memory is improving noticeably. Did I say that I can now speak freely with people? :) :) :) . Though I am still dealing with procrastination, I feel so happy and restored.
 

BunnyBoy2015

Active Member
igetum said:
Did I say that I can now speak freely with people? :) :) :)

Hi igetum,

That is really good. I am going through the same process and can't believe the friendships I am now forming and the pleasure I now feel in the company of others I used to try and get away from. Keep up the good work!
 

igetum

Active Member
@ mountainsummit
Thanks alot, you wouldn't believe how much you have inspired me in my journey to freedom.
 
M

mtaha2015

Guest
congratulation igetum on getting through 21 days.
prepare yourself for upcoming cravings and urges.
you have to train your brain to resist the craving, even on the worst day.
keep moving forward.
 

igetum

Active Member
@mtaha
Thanks alot. I am preparing to wage an upcoming battle successfully. In fact last night I was alone in the house and a thought surfaced "you are alone tonight, give yourself a dose". And I whisperd back, "poor mind, you have been alone and lonely for like eternity, no dose". And slept.
 
M

mtaha2015

Guest
good igetum.
the following technique might help you in letting go the craving.
DEADS
    D = Delay. The mental activities of cravings and urges disappear over time unless you actively maintain them with your attention. Given time, they will run their course and disappear. If they aren?t gone in 10-15 minutes, then chances are you are still exposed to the stimulus that cued the urge in the first place. Just don?t give in no matter how bad the urge is and it will pass. All the urges you have ever had have passed. Once you have denied an urge, you know you can do it again and again. And after a short time, there will be fewer cravings and the ones you have will diminish in intensity. Waiting them out is a great step to recovery.

    E = Escape. Just leave or get away from the urge provoking situation. Run away from it. Leave the pub so that you can stop staring at the beer taps. Leave the supermarket where all the bottles of wine are so nicely displayed. If there?s an alcohol ad on TV, switch the channel. Just the act of escaping the trigger will focus your mind on something new ? which will quickly lessen the urge.

    A = Accept. Put your urges and cravings into perspective by understanding that they are normal and will pass. It?s important in the recovery process to learn to accept discomfort. It won?t ?kill? you and will be gone pretty quickly. You?ll feel good about what you?re learning and achieving.

    D = Dispute. Tell yourself about the harms of the addiction and benefits of not indulging in it.

    S = Substitute. When you get an urge, quickly substitute a thought or activity that?s more beneficial or fun. Take a walk or any other form of exercise. Pick up something new to read or turn on something to listen to. The possibilities to substitute (and lessen the craving more quickly) are endless. Think about and write down some possibilities to  have a list on hand when an urge occurs. Then just pick one to employ an effective response.
 

igetum

Active Member
Day 23
I think i am in the flatline. Though in the early mornings I had erections, in the day i have had a sleeping johny. Headaches and indecision have been with me since yesterday. I have tried reading, but i just don't seem to enjoy. I spent the whole day indoors with no urge to go out. I hope the head ache goes away.
 

BunnyBoy2015

Active Member
Hi igetum,

Be careful, when in the state of confusion, and restlessness is when I have MO'd because I couldn't get anything done, and I wanted to get back to 'normal'. Even if you are struggling to be productive, not doing anything is still more progress than MOing or PMOing. Day 23... keep up the good work.
 
T

thailandexpress2112

Guest
Hi igetum,

Great job getting to day 23. Every day of withdrawals you endure is one less day you'll have to endure later, so keep going. The withdrawals are a necessary part of recovery so this is a sign that recovery is happening. Keep reminding yourself of this and try to view the withdrawals in a positive light.

Also if you can get out of the house more that might help. On certain days just resting and being easy on yourself is the way to go but other times you should challenge yourself to stay busy. I find I start to go a little crazy when I'm home for a long time period even when I'm not fighting withdrawals.
 

igetum

Active Member
@thailandexpress2112
Thanks man, actually today I was out for the whole day. My mind became foggy though and in the streets I was afraid some crazy driver might knock me. Imagine standing in the midst of people, my mind overwhelmed to an extend crossing a busy road is a problem. 
 

igetum

Active Member
day 24
I wake up with hard wood, and this is becoming more frequent. I am also having more memorable dreams. I had a foggy mind, with no focus for like the whole day. I also have this feeling like I miss my lady so much, this time for real. I might tell her about all this, and I am prepared whichever way shw might recieve the news.
 

BunnyBoy2015

Active Member
Hi igetum,

I am too rediscovering old feelings about girls I thought I had gotten over. I guess I had been distracted from these feelings for so long through PMO. Good luck with her, I hope you get a positive response. Don't worry if not, there are plenty others out there!
 

igetum

Active Member
Hello there mountainsummit,
I am going to do it(tell my girlfriend). I really do not know how many people I must have upset during my PMO days. My bet is many, Sometimes I just sit down and feel so empty. Now that some of my friends have always thought something about me was very wrong, I do not know what they think about my recent antisocial behavior, or the recent coded recovery charts I have put in my room. My family is telling me to get some medical assistance about my increased sleeping time but I know this is a withdrawal symptom which will fade over  time as i distance myself from PMO. My friends and family seems to be another dimension of my life which I have all along been taking for granted. They are now surfacing one by one.
 

igetum

Active Member
Had a dream watching porn. It did not feel that great when I woke up. I think I have  developed this huge dislike for porn and nude media.
 

igetum

Active Member
Had a dream watching porn. It did not feel that great when I woke up. I think I have  developed this huge dislike for porn and nude media.
 

igetum

Active Member
Day 28 morning,
It is in the morning here and am feeling such an urge to MO. I can not stay at one place for the feeling is so large. I am going to take a walk to avoid going back. I have not felt such an urge since I began the current reboot session. I think it is because of some images I found in my facebook account which I didn't bother to open. I am moving foward, to hell with the MO urge. Dancing seems to lower the feeling but if I stop and stay idle for a while, the feeling just comes back even stronger. Dear mind, stop persuading me. You will just have to let me win this battle because in the end I will win the war.
 

igetum

Active Member
day 28 night,
Fought a good battle here. With burning urges and a lonely day, this was so close. I danced, I walked, I read and I wrote did some assignment and meditated. The good news is there is no MO and I feel great. My mind tried so much but I overcame.
 
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thailandexpress2112

Guest
Igetum,

Great victory today overcoming those urges man! You are on days 28 and I keep coming back to see how your reboot is going. I'm 10 days behind you with my reboot so it's inspiring to see you breaking through these challenges. It helps me think that I can do it too.

I think keeping busy like you did by walking, meditating, etc.. is key to recovering, and living life in general. Keep it up and hopefully the withdrawals will soon leave you.
 

igetum

Active Member
Thanks alot thailandexpress2112, and mountain summit. One thing I must tell you guys is that quitting pmo is one of the greatest decisions I have made. But I can not do it alone. When I read your journals I get encouraged by what you people have achieved so far. I am very happy to know that I am also a source of encouragement to you.
 
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