Okay let me get started, I was born curious and misusing my curiosity has led me through close to 10 years of PMO bondage. My quest for porn began when I was way very young(12 maybe 11) when I heard some boys discussing about people acting doing it (sex). Being a well brought kid (with strict christian foundation moral upbringing), I was reluctant to join the conversation. That though did not prevent me from keeping the conversation in mind.
Flash foward three years down the line, I joined high school a bright focused boy. I was determined and I wanted to conquer the world. Then I never knew my "mother of all problems" was about to begin and my dreams were valid. Then my quest was reawakened. I overheard my friends discussing something on low tone and I joined. It was the doing it(sex) acts and they called it porn. I had been warned of drugs and irresponsible sex but no one ever mentioned porn to me. it was a new term and two weeks later I stumbled across a porn magazine and I went beserk looking for magazines.
I was introduced to internet porn later but what changed my mind towards total PMO was masturbation. How did I come to know about it? friends? inteenet? Well I found it in a small book lying in a wardrobe probably left there by the previous occupants. It described the act as "healthy, done by most men and easier way to relieve tension and discover your body". I doubt there is any truth about that statement and if there is it has not applied to me. I went for almost a year trying masturbation but it did not work. When it finally worked though it felt like the best thing that happened in life.
So now I had tools for self destruction and combining them would later produce a potent shortcut to pleasure and nearly kill my hope, dreams, relationships. First it started as a one time a day thing.Soon, it was twice thrice and even more. When i had a chance I would use TV porn to masturbate. Whenever I did this I felt so down. Internet porn accelerated my PMO activities. One thing that perplexed me though was the urge to look for more porn despite having over 50 gb in my computer disk.
As for relationships with ladies, I have never had any serious relationship. Ladies show signs and even some send my friends but I have had this tendancy to terminate relationships before they begin. My first sexual experience was a failure, I could not maintain an erection. I have tried it severally again but everytime it has been a failure and a lowered self esteem, and then more PMO.
I have tried to quit but failed severally. When i stumbled across Reboot nation, I knew there was a real chance to get myself out of the PMO cycle. With explanations of why the habit is so hard to break, and rewiring, rebooting and stuff, The dimensions of the problem are now clearly defined. I now know that its me against a dopamine soaked mind. I know as I begin this journey the challenges lying ahead but getting my true life back is worth the fight.
Flash foward three years down the line, I joined high school a bright focused boy. I was determined and I wanted to conquer the world. Then I never knew my "mother of all problems" was about to begin and my dreams were valid. Then my quest was reawakened. I overheard my friends discussing something on low tone and I joined. It was the doing it(sex) acts and they called it porn. I had been warned of drugs and irresponsible sex but no one ever mentioned porn to me. it was a new term and two weeks later I stumbled across a porn magazine and I went beserk looking for magazines.
I was introduced to internet porn later but what changed my mind towards total PMO was masturbation. How did I come to know about it? friends? inteenet? Well I found it in a small book lying in a wardrobe probably left there by the previous occupants. It described the act as "healthy, done by most men and easier way to relieve tension and discover your body". I doubt there is any truth about that statement and if there is it has not applied to me. I went for almost a year trying masturbation but it did not work. When it finally worked though it felt like the best thing that happened in life.
So now I had tools for self destruction and combining them would later produce a potent shortcut to pleasure and nearly kill my hope, dreams, relationships. First it started as a one time a day thing.Soon, it was twice thrice and even more. When i had a chance I would use TV porn to masturbate. Whenever I did this I felt so down. Internet porn accelerated my PMO activities. One thing that perplexed me though was the urge to look for more porn despite having over 50 gb in my computer disk.
As for relationships with ladies, I have never had any serious relationship. Ladies show signs and even some send my friends but I have had this tendancy to terminate relationships before they begin. My first sexual experience was a failure, I could not maintain an erection. I have tried it severally again but everytime it has been a failure and a lowered self esteem, and then more PMO.
I have tried to quit but failed severally. When i stumbled across Reboot nation, I knew there was a real chance to get myself out of the PMO cycle. With explanations of why the habit is so hard to break, and rewiring, rebooting and stuff, The dimensions of the problem are now clearly defined. I now know that its me against a dopamine soaked mind. I know as I begin this journey the challenges lying ahead but getting my true life back is worth the fight.