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Jimbo

Jimbo

Active Member
I'm glad I can help, R.


Another rough day emotionally. I've heard from a few female friends this past week about how great a guy I am. Yet I sit here alone. I guess I better get used to it. I know. Stay positive. I'm positive I'm going to be alone for some time if not ever. God knows I deserve it. I've always had a hard time meeting women. But I've always been on pmo. I just want the doom and gloom feelings to go away.

Not gonna pmo today. Maybe tomorrow. ( I think I'll tell myself that everyday. )
 
Jimbo

Jimbo

Active Member
I took a nap yesterday afternoon and then was up till 4:30. Was only able to sleep for about an hour at a time with an hour up until 9:00 ish.

I keep thinking about the ex. It really really bothers me that I wasn't ever able to please her in bed. That has never been an issue with me. I think it maybe her but she swore up and down its me. I just can't get over that. And that was the sole reason for our break up. I saw a real future with her. She was in my life for a reason.

I am learning I need to let go of the wheel and let God drive. But since I'm not M'ing I got the death grip on that wheel. Relax. Deep breaths. A little loneliness and hard work now will lead to a wonderful, fulfilling, lasting relationship later. God knows I'm not ready for that just yet.

Delaying a few minutes of instant pleasure for just a little while will lead to a lifetime of satisfaction. Man this sucks! Lol

Not gonna pmo today. I will pmo tomorrow.
 
H

hope2reboot

Member
Keep going brother!! I can't really offer any advice on woman as I'm probably the least experienced guy on this site when it comes to a lasting relationship with a woman. The longest I went was about 1.5 yrs. I broke it off as I just knew it wasn't right but then again maybe I have commitment issues. Anyway, keep going strong! There will be time later on when you've overcome this thing to think about a relationship. I've decided for myself to not go on any more dates until I'm healthier.....dating is stressful!
 
Jimbo

Jimbo

Active Member
Thank you H2R. Not looking for advise on that. I'm just putting my thoughts down on "paper". It helps me when I get it out. Speaking of getting out, gonna go out with a friend tonight. I have to get out of the house. Probably a watering hole for a pub burger and a couple cold ones. Trying to get a little nap in before that.

I can not pmo today. I will tomorrow.
 
Jimbo

Jimbo

Active Member
Why is it so hard to Not do something? You'd think doing something would be a bigger challenge that just avoiding something. If I ever get thru this I will be absolutely amazed at myself. I have always had the best of intentions with everything I've ever tried to do. I just fall short. And I know I'm a better man than I have been. I know this sounds like I'm beating myself up. I'm not. I just know I'm flawed. And this is probably the hardest thing I've ever tried to do.
 
bob

bob

Respected Member
LTD,

I am just beginning to realize I don't need to stop a thing. What I need to do is to start something. Start something that gives me a kick, puts me in touch with people, and sends me another direction, away from porn. For me, just avoiding something is the hardest thing to do.

While doing something else isn't easy, we need to come up with that substitute so we can move forward. You will be amazed at yourself; and you should be. When you get closer to your goal the feeling doesn't completely go away. It does seem a little less intense though.

Peace
 
Jimbo

Jimbo

Active Member
Again, thanks Bob.

I have changed some daily routines and rituals and doing other things like going to church and doing my exercises. I guess it's not enough. Just a tough day overall. Still no P. Just went on a little M binge. Absofreakinlutely no self control!

Tomorrow is a new day.
 
Jimbo

Jimbo

Active Member
Good day today! Church was another cry fest. The rest of the day I was positive, upbeat, and just plain happy. :)
 
H

hope2reboot

Member
Same for me at church again yesterday but not quite as much crying as last Sunday. Went forward again for prayer and laying on of hands....seems to be helping as yesterday was a very good day. Had an anxiety episode during the beginning of the sermon but it faded away after about 10 minutes. Keep going to church brother. There's a spiritual warfare going on. A book that has been recommended to me by my sister and a friend is "Battlefield of the mind" by Joyce Meyer. I started reading it yesterday and so far I think it will be a very helpful tool. If you're interested, you should be able to pick it up at the library.
 
Jimbo

Jimbo

Active Member
Thank you H2R. I'm planning on attending every Sunday. That personal finance class I'm taking is at the same church on Sunday's and starts next week. That lasts 9 weeks. I would like to make it thru a service without the waterworks but I kinda like it. Hard to explain. It feels like I get filled up with hope, love, and encouragement. And it seems to overflow thru the eyes. Kinda wish I had that daily.
 
Jimbo

Jimbo

Active Member
Continued.....

I know it's not what I want! I know it's not what God wants! I know it's destructive! Yet that doesn't stop me. I'm doing the things I set out to do to keep me busy. The urge comes knocking and I can't help but answer.
 
Jimbo

Jimbo

Active Member
The date gets cancelled. Ex calls and backhandedly insults me. And it's my late mom's birthday. Another wonderful day.
 
Jimbo

Jimbo

Active Member
The Lord works in mysterious ways!

So that date fell thru. It was a punch straight to the heart. Got done with work, went to my friend's to chill by the pool and read a book. Cleared my head from the hurt for a while. It was good. Got home and my landlord gave my number to a friend of hers. Thinks we might hit it off. The girl calls me and we shared a great conversation for a couple of hours. (We actually met a few months back but we were both attached and didn't think much of it) But we really connected on that call. We have conflicting schedules but plan on meeting soon. Crazy how things go.

Oh! Before I went to my friend's I told the ex to quit calling me. What a relief.
 
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