Through another Hell (Journal)
- Thread starter Hablablos
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Hablablos
Active Member
75th day
I managed to hold my another treshold. But last few days were pretty tough. I have a cold, terrible headache, don't sleep well and last but not least I have sexual fantasies and memories of stories I read. I probably caught the cold somewhere, because weather is not so warm as it used to be. But it's autumn.
But I think the other symptoms can be porn related and my brain is trying to get his dose. This is exactly one the situation, where I must just hold on. ?When you?re going through hell, keep on going.? ? Winston Churchill
I was browsing through emergency site and I found another great quote: ?Don't count the days, make the days count.? ? Muhammad Ali.
Thank you guys for replying to my journal.
@BeastMode it's a good idea, it never crossed my mind so far. But I had a little different plan. I'll try to write something similiar to Gabe's Road to Recovery including some nice quotes
. Can't help myself, they sometimes express important idea in few words and helps more then a long article.
I managed to hold my another treshold. But last few days were pretty tough. I have a cold, terrible headache, don't sleep well and last but not least I have sexual fantasies and memories of stories I read. I probably caught the cold somewhere, because weather is not so warm as it used to be. But it's autumn.
But I think the other symptoms can be porn related and my brain is trying to get his dose. This is exactly one the situation, where I must just hold on. ?When you?re going through hell, keep on going.? ? Winston Churchill
I was browsing through emergency site and I found another great quote: ?Don't count the days, make the days count.? ? Muhammad Ali.
Thank you guys for replying to my journal.
@BeastMode it's a good idea, it never crossed my mind so far. But I had a little different plan. I'll try to write something similiar to Gabe's Road to Recovery including some nice quotes
. Can't help myself, they sometimes express important idea in few words and helps more then a long article.CarloGualvez
Member
Hablablos: Yeah bro! Another motivation is to keep yourself accounted so that people who are reading your journal will be motivated. If ever relapse comes across your mind, it will never be an option because people who are reading your journal will be slashed also. That's why I am also excited to post in my journal also, keeping myself accounted and inspiring people who fight PMO!
Dream on Bro!
Dream on Bro!
Dareius
Member
Hey dude,
dont give in mate you got so far already! Gj on stopping yourself and dont let your brain trick you into any bullshit. I had this a few times now and whenever you stop yourself its like you train your brain one more lesson that this doesnt work anymore. Beeing sick is a new challenge, feeling weaker etc. makes it harder. Just another obstacle you ll pass on your journey.
Stay strong man,
Cheers Dareius
dont give in mate you got so far already! Gj on stopping yourself and dont let your brain trick you into any bullshit. I had this a few times now and whenever you stop yourself its like you train your brain one more lesson that this doesnt work anymore. Beeing sick is a new challenge, feeling weaker etc. makes it harder. Just another obstacle you ll pass on your journey.
Stay strong man,
Cheers Dareius
Hablablos
Active Member
81st day
I think the headache has passed. Last three weeks I had problems with working out. Some days I worked out, some days I completely passed. Even before I was sick. So now I am working to get back on track.
@Dareius Don't worry, I can't give up not because of myself, but because all of you. I just can't let you guys down, when many of you told me that I inspire you as BeastMode pointed out. It's a pressure, but in a good direction and for that I am very grateful.
I think the headache has passed. Last three weeks I had problems with working out. Some days I worked out, some days I completely passed. Even before I was sick. So now I am working to get back on track.
@Dareius Don't worry, I can't give up not because of myself, but because all of you. I just can't let you guys down, when many of you told me that I inspire you as BeastMode pointed out. It's a pressure, but in a good direction and for that I am very grateful.
Hablablos
Active Member
89th day
I managed to stay cold turkey for an amount that many of you wants. I feel quite a difference, yet I still know that in my case I need more time.
Past few days I had few mood swings, but it's not bad. I also feel that my body needs release. But that's not suprising if you consider I didn't M almost 90 days.
I'm slowly writing my version of road to recovery, but I'm not hurrying anywhere. I will probably try to help people on this forum until end of the year. After that who knows.
I managed to stay cold turkey for an amount that many of you wants. I feel quite a difference, yet I still know that in my case I need more time.
Past few days I had few mood swings, but it's not bad. I also feel that my body needs release. But that's not suprising if you consider I didn't M almost 90 days.
I'm slowly writing my version of road to recovery, but I'm not hurrying anywhere. I will probably try to help people on this forum until end of the year. After that who knows.
Hablablos
Active Member
91st day
I have to share a story. On Sunday, after I wrote to few people here and updated my post I went to, which translates many interesting videos and topic into my language. It's also place, where are teens and people around age 25. There was a video about benefits of masturbation. I wasn't much interested in the "facts", but wanted to read comments. As expected, lot of people welcomed this, but there wasn't any mention about porn.
I knew, what masturbation WITH PORN can cause, or already caused in many people. And I pointed out to the difference masturbating with porn and pointed out to Gary's The Great Porn Experiment. Funny thing is that today this server posted another video, talking about porn.
This action reminded me a short story:
?Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.
One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.
As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.
He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"
The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."
"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.
To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."
Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"
At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said,
"It made a difference for that one.?
? Loren Eiseley
I have to share a story. On Sunday, after I wrote to few people here and updated my post I went to, which translates many interesting videos and topic into my language. It's also place, where are teens and people around age 25. There was a video about benefits of masturbation. I wasn't much interested in the "facts", but wanted to read comments. As expected, lot of people welcomed this, but there wasn't any mention about porn.
I knew, what masturbation WITH PORN can cause, or already caused in many people. And I pointed out to the difference masturbating with porn and pointed out to Gary's The Great Porn Experiment. Funny thing is that today this server posted another video, talking about porn.
This action reminded me a short story:
?Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.
One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.
As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.
He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"
The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."
"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.
To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."
Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"
At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said,
"It made a difference for that one.?
? Loren Eiseley
Hablablos
Active Member
96th day
I'm probably suffering from withdrawal syndroms. I'm still having mood swings and most times and I have sexual fantasies quite often latety. Also I feel my body needs a release. Thing is I'm just not sure, if I should masturbate (without porn of course) or not. So I'm asking for your opinion guys on this.
I'm probably suffering from withdrawal syndroms. I'm still having mood swings and most times and I have sexual fantasies quite often latety. Also I feel my body needs a release. Thing is I'm just not sure, if I should masturbate (without porn of course) or not. So I'm asking for your opinion guys on this.
M
mtaha2015
Guest
Sex is fine.
Masturbation isn't good.
Masturbation isn't good.
zaraki888
Active Member
Hello Hablablos,
Congratulations with reaching 90 days! Well done!
Are you able to reach 100 days? Perhaps you can hold it up to 100 days and then see what happens.
I like your story about the old man and the young man Very inspiring!
Perhaps you can try to find a girl and use the build up of sexual energy and transmute it into making contact. Going out and talking to pretty girls. Or hit the gym.
Sexual fantasies are I think not so good, unless these fantasies are like when you meet a women in real life. It depends I think on what kind of scenes you are thinking of. If it is a porn scene which is fake, then you shouldn't think about it because then you are rewiring again I think. Even if you don't masturbate I think these thoughts are bad. But if you think about the beauty of a women and meeting her in real life, then you may let these thoughts come and go. Making real love and not just physical lust.
I don't believe masturbation is bad if one is able to only release it after an amount of time has passed. If you do release it I think you have to enjoy it and love yourself so the energy is not fully being wasted. But no sexual thoughts of images.
Also, the body does needs to get rid of tension after a period of time so it isn't bad to masturbate I think. You have already reach an incredible amount of time without masturbation. The body might needs to release this energy. Just listen to your body, do not fantasize when releasing and be careful of the chaser effect. Feel within what is best for you at the moment. You are already a winner!
Good luck!
Congratulations with reaching 90 days! Well done!
Are you able to reach 100 days? Perhaps you can hold it up to 100 days and then see what happens.
I like your story about the old man and the young man
Very inspiring!Perhaps you can try to find a girl and use the build up of sexual energy and transmute it into making contact. Going out and talking to pretty girls.
Or hit the gym.Sexual fantasies are I think not so good, unless these fantasies are like when you meet a women in real life. It depends I think on what kind of scenes you are thinking of. If it is a porn scene which is fake, then you shouldn't think about it because then you are rewiring again I think. Even if you don't masturbate I think these thoughts are bad. But if you think about the beauty of a women and meeting her in real life, then you may let these thoughts come and go. Making real love and not just physical lust.
I don't believe masturbation is bad if one is able to only release it after an amount of time has passed. If you do release it I think you have to enjoy it and love yourself so the energy is not fully being wasted. But no sexual thoughts of images.
Also, the body does needs to get rid of tension after a period of time so it isn't bad to masturbate I think. You have already reach an incredible amount of time without masturbation. The body might needs to release this energy. Just listen to your body, do not fantasize when releasing and be careful of the chaser effect. Feel within what is best for you at the moment. You are already a winner!
Good luck!
Dareius
Member
Hey man,
I very much agree with this sentense from Zaraki "Perhaps you can try to find a girl and use the build up of sexual energy and transmute it into making contact. Going out and talking to pretty girls. Or hit the gym."
I would not MO man. Try to find your girl.
Cheers Dareius
I very much agree with this sentense from Zaraki "Perhaps you can try to find a girl and use the build up of sexual energy and transmute it into making contact. Going out and talking to pretty girls.
Or hit the gym."I would not MO man. Try to find your girl.
Cheers Dareius
Hablablos
Active Member
100th day
Thank you guys for your opinions. I didn't M so far and I don't intend to. It will be pain in the ass, but it would be better this way. Beside that, during week I am in work or I am working on myself with things like reading, working out, meditating. You mentioned hitting the gym. Truth to be told I don't feel the idea going there and I am also very short on money. I'll get my first payment next month and I have to give most of it away.
Talking to pretty girls is also good idea, but again it costs money, which I don't have. But it's also a lame excuse, so I'll try to do something about that.
Thank you guys for your opinions. I didn't M so far and I don't intend to. It will be pain in the ass, but it would be better this way. Beside that, during week I am in work or I am working on myself with things like reading, working out, meditating. You mentioned hitting the gym. Truth to be told I don't feel the idea going there and I am also very short on money. I'll get my first payment next month and I have to give most of it away.
Talking to pretty girls is also good idea, but again it costs money, which I don't have. But it's also a lame excuse, so I'll try to do something about that.
Hablablos
Active Member
110th day
This week was really hard for me. It got to the point, when I edged to P and that was on Wednesday and yesterday. I didn't PMO, but it wasn't exactly plaesant experience either. On the other hand now I know, that I don't feel the need to watch so much as I used to. P didn't give me much and I would rather be the one who is doing some of those things, not watch them.
During the edging on Wednesday I had a really bad feeling and I was pissed on myself. Then I remembered TOP 3 FATAL MISTAKES so instead I was thinking was caused it. At this moment I am short on money. I can hardly buy a lunch during the day and my monthly bus ticket is ending soon. I'm still waiting for my first payment, but that will be after 14 days. But realization of the cause helped me a lot.
Thanks to my edging I prolonged my healing. There will be consequences, because I could "feel the movement" in my brain toward the pleasure center. Even today I hardly slept. But I don't mind that much, because I know I am capable to hold on the necesary time. I used all of these 110 days to be better person, to create a healtier habits. I believe all of that helped me to avoid the relapse.
I probably dissapointed some of you and for that I am truly sorry. But you guys deserve the truth.
This week was really hard for me. It got to the point, when I edged to P and that was on Wednesday and yesterday. I didn't PMO, but it wasn't exactly plaesant experience either. On the other hand now I know, that I don't feel the need to watch so much as I used to. P didn't give me much and I would rather be the one who is doing some of those things, not watch them.
During the edging on Wednesday I had a really bad feeling and I was pissed on myself. Then I remembered TOP 3 FATAL MISTAKES so instead I was thinking was caused it. At this moment I am short on money. I can hardly buy a lunch during the day and my monthly bus ticket is ending soon. I'm still waiting for my first payment, but that will be after 14 days. But realization of the cause helped me a lot.
Thanks to my edging I prolonged my healing. There will be consequences, because I could "feel the movement" in my brain toward the pleasure center. Even today I hardly slept. But I don't mind that much, because I know I am capable to hold on the necesary time. I used all of these 110 days to be better person, to create a healtier habits. I believe all of that helped me to avoid the relapse.
I probably dissapointed some of you and for that I am truly sorry. But you guys deserve the truth.
Hablablos
Active Member
1st day
Yesterday I slipped and relapsed. Otherwise today would be my 117th day. I know the reasons which lead me to PMO. I also knew the danger, yet I underestimated it. But I am not mad at myself.
In two days it will be my one year anniversary since I discovered I am porn addict. During all that time I tried many ways how to fight it, but for a long time I wasn't much successful.
Now I proudly tell I am glad for this addiction, through I never want to repeat it again. You may ask why the hell should I be proud for something that was ruining my life for so long? Thanks to it I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am better. Much better. And I know I will beat it, it just take little longer.
Before the discovering I was asking myself all the time, what have I done wrong that I must suffer so much? Also I was full of excuses why this and that can't be done and I was rather locked it my bedroom wasting my time. I fell for this addiction and I am the only one have to beat it. Nobody won't do that for me, only myself.
I used every single day of last 116 days to be better person. I am meditating, working out, I am reading books. I have a list of 60 books (to this day) I want to read. Since March I borrowed 15 books, I read them aloud and half of them twice. I am trying be better in writing so I started my personal journal where I write once per three days at least. I am talking with my family more, I found a job so after time I can live on my own. With my friends we are working on one project and I have few others.
Thanks to all of that I feel alive and I like myself! And it's an amazing feeling. Yesterday I fell, but I stand up and fight more. I don't give up. That word is not in my vocabulary anymore. I wake up every morning to be better that yesterday. All that will help me overcome this addiction. And this approach will help me with my life.
You have that strength in yourself too.
Yesterday I slipped and relapsed. Otherwise today would be my 117th day. I know the reasons which lead me to PMO. I also knew the danger, yet I underestimated it. But I am not mad at myself.
In two days it will be my one year anniversary since I discovered I am porn addict. During all that time I tried many ways how to fight it, but for a long time I wasn't much successful.
Now I proudly tell I am glad for this addiction, through I never want to repeat it again. You may ask why the hell should I be proud for something that was ruining my life for so long? Thanks to it I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am better. Much better. And I know I will beat it, it just take little longer.
Before the discovering I was asking myself all the time, what have I done wrong that I must suffer so much? Also I was full of excuses why this and that can't be done and I was rather locked it my bedroom wasting my time. I fell for this addiction and I am the only one have to beat it. Nobody won't do that for me, only myself.
I used every single day of last 116 days to be better person. I am meditating, working out, I am reading books. I have a list of 60 books (to this day) I want to read. Since March I borrowed 15 books, I read them aloud and half of them twice. I am trying be better in writing so I started my personal journal where I write once per three days at least. I am talking with my family more, I found a job so after time I can live on my own. With my friends we are working on one project and I have few others.
Thanks to all of that I feel alive and I like myself! And it's an amazing feeling. Yesterday I fell, but I stand up and fight more. I don't give up. That word is not in my vocabulary anymore. I wake up every morning to be better that yesterday. All that will help me overcome this addiction. And this approach will help me with my life.
You have that strength in yourself too.
Dareius
Member
Hey Hablablos,
I like the positive attitude you got. Thats just one slip and as you said you improved yourself alot. You made a big step in healing yourself, just watch out right now for the chaser effect. You said porn didn't really give you sth. which is a great sign of healing - keep going
I like the positive attitude you got. Thats just one slip and as you said you improved yourself alot. You made a big step in healing yourself, just watch out right now for the chaser effect. You said porn didn't really give you sth. which is a great sign of healing - keep going
Hablablos
Active Member
8th day
Another week, another update. Through the week I didn't have problems. First ones appeared at Friday's evening, when I edged again. (that chaser effect). Thanks to it I woke up at 4am next day and did that nonsense again, but I didn't relapse. It was even harder, because I learn the password on my filter. So I had to change it. First I chosed something which would let me think about my upcoming action, but when I entered it again today, I knew I have to do something else. So I wrote down some random numbers and letters and put it somewhere where I need a chair to be able reach to it.
As I wrote last week, porn don't have the same effect on me as before. I know I relapsed last week, but funny thing is, I was watching P most of that day and orgasmed without even touching myself. That was the odd thing about all of that. Yet I know I must be harder on myself and this weekend confirmed me that. Also when I relapsed, I could feel emptiness inside me. But it was kind of emptiness where I know I need another person to fill it.
That's all for now.
Another week, another update. Through the week I didn't have problems. First ones appeared at Friday's evening, when I edged again. (that chaser effect). Thanks to it I woke up at 4am next day and did that nonsense again, but I didn't relapse. It was even harder, because I learn the password on my filter. So I had to change it. First I chosed something which would let me think about my upcoming action, but when I entered it again today, I knew I have to do something else. So I wrote down some random numbers and letters and put it somewhere where I need a chair to be able reach to it.
As I wrote last week, porn don't have the same effect on me as before. I know I relapsed last week, but funny thing is, I was watching P most of that day and orgasmed without even touching myself. That was the odd thing about all of that. Yet I know I must be harder on myself and this weekend confirmed me that. Also when I relapsed, I could feel emptiness inside me. But it was kind of emptiness where I know I need another person to fill it.
That's all for now.
Hablablos
Active Member
22th day
Last week I didn't update my journal, because I didn't have much to say. But it would be good to give some update. So I dediced I recommend you a few books for start, if you aren't reading anything already.
1. The Slight Edge (Jeff Olson) - it's recommended by many other people on this forum and for a good reason. This books talks about how important are your daily decisions and habit and what they do to you in time. Because we all expect some instant solution these days, which will help, but life doesn't work like that. That I know from personal experience.
2. The End of Procrastination (Petr Ludwig) - this book is not translated into english yet, you can look for that on site www.procrastination.com . This book enhances the idea as The Slight Edge and gives you tools to help you fight with procrastination.
3. Learned Optimism (Martin E. P. Seligman) - how the positive thinking affect you in time and why is being an optimist is better than being a pessimist. Also gives you tools how to learn how to be an optimist.
4. Outliers (Malcolm Gladwell) - Perfect book which talks about succesful people, but this is not a motivation type of book. It explains teory of 10 000 hours, difference in some cultures and more.
Once again, you don't have to rush anywhere. Start with small task like 10 pages every day. It doesn't seem like much today, it won't do any miracle tommorow, but give it time and you will see the results.
Last week I didn't update my journal, because I didn't have much to say. But it would be good to give some update. So I dediced I recommend you a few books for start, if you aren't reading anything already.
1. The Slight Edge (Jeff Olson) - it's recommended by many other people on this forum and for a good reason. This books talks about how important are your daily decisions and habit and what they do to you in time. Because we all expect some instant solution these days, which will help, but life doesn't work like that. That I know from personal experience.
2. The End of Procrastination (Petr Ludwig) - this book is not translated into english yet, you can look for that on site www.procrastination.com . This book enhances the idea as The Slight Edge and gives you tools to help you fight with procrastination.
3. Learned Optimism (Martin E. P. Seligman) - how the positive thinking affect you in time and why is being an optimist is better than being a pessimist. Also gives you tools how to learn how to be an optimist.
4. Outliers (Malcolm Gladwell) - Perfect book which talks about succesful people, but this is not a motivation type of book. It explains teory of 10 000 hours, difference in some cultures and more.
Once again, you don't have to rush anywhere. Start with small task like 10 pages every day. It doesn't seem like much today, it won't do any miracle tommorow, but give it time and you will see the results.