My #ihateporn Journal

[ajcoals]

Fellas -

I'm grateful for my online friendships here!  Definitely helpful to have this forum on here to post to daily.

So...another not great day for my to-do list, but overall was good physically and purity wise.

Overslept, and now have spent the last five hours with my wife trying to get lice out of my daughter's hair.  Awful! But been great to be able to serve my family.

Will post tomorrow.

Thanks again for the tips guys!

 

[MrDude]

Hey, just a quick post, my sister had lice as well a long time ago and the strong lice killing shampoo weren't doing the trick. In case you have a hard time with your daughter's hair, there is a simple, natural and efficient that solved our lice crisis. It simply to put olive oil in her air for 3 hours, use the lice comb and then several shampoo to remove the oil. Works great, it axphyxiates the lice. Here's some info about that trick.

http://headlicecenter.com/head-lice-olive-oil-treatment/

Good luck with that!

 

[ajcoals]

MrDude - that's awesome. sent it to my wife and we used olive oil and mayonnaise in her hair this week!  Probably first time every someone has discussed lice on a PMO forum hahaha.

Anyway...
Day 18:

Guys - I'm really, really excited to say I've been EIGHTEEN days without an orgasm.  I'm honestly not sure if I've every done that in my life (since puberty).  It's been exhilarating.  Hard, but awesome.
Here's what I've learned so far:

- My wife and I have rewired a couple of times, by kissing, touching, fondeling.  She's brought me close, but not to the point of O. And it's been INCREDIBLE.  We thought at first it would make things harder, but instead it's made me feel closer to her and it's helped the urges ease.  It's been fantastic for intimacy are well.
- My penis is extremely sensitive to her touch, which I love.  She can barely touch me and it drives me crazy.  Granted, it's been almost 3 weeks since an O, but still, I think it's also due to rebooting.
- My love and appreciation for my wife has deepened significantly.  We're in a post-pregnancy phase where sex is not frequent anyway, and instead of frustration about that, it's heightened my sense of awareness of who she is and what she means to me which is awesome.
- I have felt stronger, more focused and significantly more confident at work.  My head is clearer. 
- I use sex and orgasms to make myself feel better. Now that that has been temporarily suspended in my life, I've had to find other things to turn to, which has been good.
- I've made sex WAY too big of a deal in my life and marriage, and this has helped downsize it back to a normal size. Good for me and very good for my wife.

I'm so ready for day 30 to be here, and i'm SO ready to have sex. But you know what...life isn't all about sex.  And this has been good for me.

Grateful for what God is doing in my life.  Thanks for your support fellas!

 

[firstofall22]

Hey there cknfella,

i am on day 19 now, so we are more or less at the same "level" lol. I don't find it hard really because PMO digusts me still.
I find it very impressive that you can hold back for so long even when you're being teased all the time. I honestly couldn't do that. That's cool, but isn't it pretty hard to stay focused?  anyway, good on you and your wife and your relationship. Cool!

Keep the days rolling, mate.

Bernie

 

[ajcoals]

Hi Bernie,

Thanks for posting!

Idk...I'm not sure I can recommend it to everyone, however I haven't struggled with PIED or ED at all. I just struggled with looking at P and Psubs, so trying to give those a hard boot and reorient my sexuality back to center...hence the 30 days. 

I'd say it depends on what your struggling with (I haven't read your journal yet...sorry!). If you're battling PIED, seems like YBOP recommends a full reboot BEFORE rewiring.  But if you're not, then I have found rewiring to be very productive and helpful.

As far as getting close...don't let me fool you, I wanted it and I wanted it bad and I got CLOSE.  Fortunately my wife knows what I'm doing and was happy to oblige, but helped me with restraint as well.  I'm also not sure I could handle heavy teasing, but we've done some light stuff and its been fun. 

Keep up the fight man!

- Aaron

 

[firstofall22]

Hi there,

yeah there are many possible ways to do a rewiring when having PIED or similar stuff. I think you're right when you say that I first need to reboot before rewiring, makes total sense. Because without a reboot there is no chance to get a hard willy when being in bed with someone. It just needs a lot of time and even then it will be "hard" to get hard. I thought about using generics to get a boner earlier just to have sex and therefore some kind of success, so my self-esteem would probably rise and I would be more confident next time in bed - losing my "fear" of real sex. Anyway, I don't think moving from porn addiction to generics addiction makes the whole story better for me so I just wait and see.

All the best, Bernie

 

[ajcoals]

Fellas - Day 19.

Feeling good, but ready for some action with my wife!  10 days to go!

Hope you're doing well.

 

[ajcoals]

Day 20...
been the strugg.

Thoughts have been more intense, and I"m really really really ready to have sex.  But, you guys know that already.

Anyways, trucking on.  Another day in the books.  Trying to steer clear of edging right now, so wanted to post something.

 

[firstofall22]

That's probably the best thing you can do, steer away from edging! And continue your way, doesn't matter how hard you
have to keep it up!

 

[ajcoals]

Day 22:

Mornings have been rough the past few.  Been waking up wanting to M and O. Haven't had the urge for P as much as I'd thought, but ready to be sexually active again. 

Again, one of the biggest takeaways for me has been learning serious self control.  Started to edge yesterday w/ my hand and stopped and hopped in the shower. Every time i'm tempted, I just remember why I'm doing this, and that I don't NEED an orgasm.  It's been hard, but truly so freeing. I"ve lived my whole adult life feeling like I needed sex/orgasms,and to go over 20 days without one is a huge milestone.  I also think about why I NEED to do this. My addiction is so destructive, and M'ing or edging will only perpetuate it. 

So grateful for this forum and YBOP.

Keep fighting guys!

 

[LeirTheFox]

Day 22:

Mornings have been rough the past few.  Been waking up wanting to M and O. Haven't had the urge for P as much as I'd thought, but ready to be sexually active again. 

Again, one of the biggest takeaways for me has been learning serious self control.  Started to edge yesterday w/ my hand and stopped and hopped in the shower. Every time i'm tempted, I just remember why I'm doing this, and that I don't NEED an orgasm.  It's been hard, but truly so freeing. I"ve lived my whole adult life feeling like I needed sex/orgasms,and to go over 20 days without one is a huge milestone.  I also think about why I NEED to do this. My addiction is so destructive, and M'ing or edging will only perpetuate it. 

So grateful for this forum and YBOP.

Keep fighting guys!

Good one, man. You're getting into the hardest parts of no-PMO, but it's great that you're pressing on. We're at your side!
One great way to deal with edging is to realize what makes you edge, where it starts, and being able to identify it and deny it. Countering the thought with a strong decision works wonders. Besides, that advice I put might help you

Stay strong!

 

[firstofall22]

Stay strong, mate. It's not an easy way, but you can do it if you focus! There is nothing more important than a life without this addiction so keep the days coming. Much power

 

[ajcoals]

Day 23!!!!!!!!!!

So excited to see progress.

Two things I've noticed
- I've never had a flatline, but I think I've hit one.  I quit having morning wood two days ago, and seems like the temptation to M has dropped off significantly.  Would this be considered a flatline? I didn't think I'd get one, as I feel as though I have a pretty high drive, but this has been interesting. I feel almost asexual at the moment.
- My thoughts seem to have shifted dramatically. They don't always seem on the edge of pornographic anymore, which is fantastic.


Anyone else feel this way during a flatline? 

 

[MrDude]

I can't confirmed that a flat line is like that since I can't tell if I have experienced one, but I've felt the same for sure. It feels great, like your not a "born to reproduce" creature. Just be careful when stress and fatigue combines, temptations are likely to come back a bit, but that's not regression at all. I would say that I feel asexual as you said for a week or two, followed by few days of cravings and then it starts over (I mean, this cycle, not my reboot).

What I observed thru weeks is that even though cravings come back periodically, they are less and less problematic and related to P. For instance, this week I was craving to see beautiful woman with a dress. And not to M at all, just to contemplate and wish to meat one. The tough of looking at P is starting to turn me off strangely, I really want to have something real. A hug would be great.

Man, you're doing good progress. I'm sure your wife is proud of you and you're a great example for your kids. In their hearts, you're really the best father.

Have a good one!

 

[igetum]

Had flatlines during my first reboot. It felt just as you described. It is like you forget about sex for a moment.

 

[ajcoals]

Struggle and urges came back tonight. Started to edge. No P or M, but read some online forums I shouldn't have.  Going to bed!

 

[IAdmitItIHaveAProblem]

Don't let it discourage you, keep strong!

 

[firstofall22]

I can't confirmed that a flat line is like that since I can't tell if I have experienced one, but I've felt the same for sure. It feels great, like your not a "born to reproduce" creature. Just be careful when stress and fatigue combines, temptations are likely to come back a bit, but that's not regression at all. I would say that I feel asexual as you said for a week or two, followed by few days of cravings and then it starts over (I mean, this cycle, not my reboot).

What I observed thru weeks is that even though cravings come back periodically, they are less and less problematic and related to P. For instance, this week I was craving to see beautiful woman with a dress. And not to M at all, just to contemplate and wish to meat one. The tough of looking at P is starting to turn me off strangely, I really want to have something real. A hug would be great.

Man, you're doing good progress. I'm sure your wife is proud of you and you're a great example for your kids. In their hearts, you're really the best father.

Have a good one!

I love this post man, it gives me hope!!

Greets at you all, stay strong

 

[ajcoals]

Guys,

Been struggling lately by reading some Reddit posts about sex.  Been a form of edging, so I'm sharing with you guys.  I'm committing to staying off reddit, those forums, unlike these are very unhelpful.

Here's to pressing into day 26!!

 

[MrDude]

Ah ya, those forums. They became a P substitute for me as well in my previous years of fight against P. I was reading them for two reasons:

1- Read exciting stuff (clearly a P sub)
2- Convince myself that I've a very different sexual lifestyle and that I shouldn't be ashamed of how P transformed me.

I know we are very good at convincing ourselves that it's helping us to go browse those threads on reddit. But it's really not helping. Instead it's mentally pleasuring ourselves with stuff that isn't real and making us believe that we're totally alright sexually.

I use a lot of "we" since I've started wandering around last week on Wikipedia in topics about weird sexual tastes, problems, orientations, etc. I've stop there, I saw the bad trend. It was a stressful week I've figure out.

So here's my advice. Really don't waste your time in these forums, even if some thread have a serious approach, you risk to fall into P again very subtly. Try to identify why is this form of craving appearing right now. Is there something stressful?

It's good man that you're writing it here rather than keeping it for yourself with some bad excuse: "Oh well, it's not P, I don't need to write about that". It reflects how committed you are. That's good!

I like to follow your progress, it's... progressing
(seriously)

Have a good night!