Let's get back to a healthy sex life!

[BailHope]

That's right, starting with day 30!

I'm very proud of myself for getting this far. Just this morning I noticed that I was very aroused by simple thoughts (not porn related). I really feel like I am getting better. It's hard to know if the supplements of Acetyl L-Carnatine or Maca have something to do with it or not, but I'm feeling much more confident about myself than I was a week ago. It really seems like I'm getting out of my flatline.

This also means that I will try dating again sometime soon. Not to have sex or anything (it's not the goal), but to keep my rewiring process going! If I happen to meet someone that I really like, I know what exactly I'm going to tell her (to not come off as a freak or a pervert) and we'll see how things go from there.

Also, last night I went to the gym. Had a bit of a workout. Some running, some cycling and some weight lifting. Today, I didn't wake up with sore muscles, which I usually do have. Maybe my body is using more testosteron for muscle build up now or something, I don't know.

 

[Diesel driver]

Awesome job!

Interseting what you say about your muscles not being sore. Sometimes when I go to the gym I wouldn't have sore muscles the next day but the day after that. Not sure what it means and if it's related to rebooting.

Have a great time on your dates!

 

[BailHope]

Interseting what you say about your muscles not being sore. Sometimes when I go to the gym I wouldn't have sore muscles the next day but the day after that. Not sure what it means and if it's related to rebooting.

Hey Diesel Driver:

this is actually the second time I've noticed that I no longer get sore muscles after workouts. I usually go to the gym once a week. I only go once, because I have a workout (with a trainer, so it's a responsible work out) and I usually have sore mucles for three days, which is why I only go once a week usually. The last time, and this time, I didn't feel anything in the way of sore muscles or muscle aches at all. I do feel that I've worked out though when I check my arms, for instance. The muscles are harder than they are normally, which is what I always feel the day after a workout. But no more muscle aches.

I'm really wondering if it's related. I suppose it can be, as muscle build up is also governed by the androgen receptors in your muscles. You also have androgen receptors in your brain - these get fried when you binge or masturbate to satiation - so maybe my muscle's androgen receptors are receiving more testosteron now that I'm pretty well along in my reboot.

Also, I'm noticing that the last few days I've been walking around with a very mild headache. I heard this can occur during reboot, but I also read it can occur when taking Acetyl L-Carnitine, so I'm wondering what is the reason. If the headaches persist, I'll try staying off the Carnitine and see if the headaches stop.

 

[BailHope]

Day 31: I've been getting some solid headaches to contend with for the last three days. Today is a holiday in my country, so I didn't have to go to work. This resulted in me sleeping a lot. I feel somewhat better now.

Last night, I woke up after a very erotic dream of a real girl I happen to know. I was rock hard. I can't even remember when I had an erection like that. It was amazing. Didn't do anything with it though, which was hard (no pun intended), but I managed it. All day today, I've been feeling just a tad aroused. I think it's nice. I think it means I'm getting out of my flatline!

 

[BailHope]

Day 32: today I experienced again what I experienced a few days ago. A total and utter disinterest in starting my day. I just wanted to stay in bed. No idea what caused it.

Staying in bed is - for me - a problem, because that's where I used to MO and PMO. So that is a time, for me, when I get aroused and want to do that stuff. Today, I kind of felt a trigger for the first time. I pushed it down and decided not to do it. I'm very proud of myself for doing this.
But that didn't mean I could get out of bed. There was simply no motivation at all. It's very weird.

Especially because for the last week and a half, I've been jumping out of bed every morning, feeling very rested. Today just was not that kind of day. Let's see how my day progresses and how I feel for the rest of the day. I hope this "sluggish" feeling I'm experiencing right now goes away though.

Side note: I went to the gym yesterday, had a great workout. Today, I still don't have any muscle aches at all. This is quite strange.

 

[Diesel driver]

I wake up early in the morning without alarm and I can get out of bed easily but half an hour later I feel crushed and tired and want to go back to bed again. Also I get the physical urge to go to sleep at 6pm already and sometimes even earlier.
So I try to practice a good wake/ sleep rhythm and although my body should be used to it by now I'm still messed up in this weird way. Don't even mention motivation.
I believe this is rebooting depression.

That missing muscle soreness is indeed strange. I have no explanation for this and I don't experience this at all. I had delayed soreness a while ago as I already told you but that's it. Maybe your muscles became too accustomed to your exercises. Maybe change your workout a bit? Do you make gains?

Cheers!

 

[BailHope]

Hey diesel driver. Thanks for posting back!

I actually did a harder workout this time, because I thought maybe I was getting used to the exercises after all. But even with some more weights, this did not induce any muscle soreness. You know: just as well. I can totally live without any sore muscles in the morning. When I was riding to work just now, I noticed that my legs did feel a bit tired, but no soreness. Might be due to the supplements of Acetyl L Carnitine I'm taking, as this should have a positive effect on my androgen receptors, which have an effect on my muscles.

So far, I don't notice a real difference in muscle build up, but it's only been a week since I've been taking these supplements so it's far too early to tell of course.

I'm not really worried about the non-sore muscles. If I sprain a muscle, I still feel it, so all is good I guess.

 

[Dick Suffers]

Congratulations on getting past 1 month

For getting out of bed in the morning: have you tried putting an alarm clock across the room, or in another room?

 

[BailHope]

@Dick Suffers:

I have. My alarm clock is on a different floor in my house even.

And in 95% of all the days, I get out of bed, and I stay out of bed without any problems. On days without motivation, like today, I just turn the alarm clock off and get back into bed. I know it's wrong. I even think about stopping myself, but can't at that point and lie down before I even get a chance to stop myself. When I'm lying down again, I can think about getting up, but I really don't want to, and I stay down really long.
It's very strange and different from all other days. So far, I have not been able to identify what it is that triggers this, but I seem to have one day like this per week, and it's usually around thursday too. Problem is, I don't do anything special at all on wednesday evening, it's a normal night like any others, so I don't see the link.

 

[BailHope]

Day 33: today started out as the opposite of the previous day. I was awake almost two hours too early. I just got up. Didn't need to sleep any further. No idea where the movation suddenly comes from, but it's nice!

Today: also, no headaches! A clear head. Let's hope the rest of the day stays this way.

 

[BailHope]

Day 34: today I again experienced my regular boost of energy I've been experiencing during my reboot. No depression, no troubles getting out of bed, ... I also noticed a clear mind and a lot of concentration. Today I started doing a 600 piece puzzle and spent two hours doing nothing else but the puzzle. It isn't finished yet, but it's going great.
I can't remember the last time I did something for two hours straight without getting bored of it, or without getting mad at myself because it wasn't going well enough, or fast enough.
Comparing my concentration to yesterday, I now understand what "brain fog" is, and during the last days, I seem to have experienced a lot of it.

I have noticed that there seems to be an inversely proportional relation between my mood and my sex drive. The last few days I have experienced a bit of depression, lack of concentration/focus, ... but I did have sexual drive.
Today, I have increased focus and energy and my mood seems to be optimal, but there isn't anything to be found at all in terms of sexual drive. The flatline seems to be back with a vengeance. Will keep this in mind during the next few days, to see if there is any truth to this.

 

[freedom2015]

Hey there, I am just stop dropping a quick message to say how encouraging it is to see someone who has almost made it to 35 days.  That is really cool, and I hope I can make it that far too.  I was reading some of your entries, and I noticed you said you were exercising.  What do you feel is the best to help with releasing tension that would normally be released by PMO.  I'm currently 320, and I really want to drop weight, so that I can feel comfortable and enjoy life more.  Do you feel cardio on the treadmill is good enough or do you think I would have more success with lifting weights regularly.  Thanks for any info, and I wish you the best of luck on your reboot.

 

[BailHope]

I was reading some of your entries, and I noticed you said you were exercising.  What do you feel is the best to help with releasing tension that would normally be released by PMO.  I'm currently 320, and I really want to drop weight, so that I can feel comfortable and enjoy life more.  Do you feel cardio on the treadmill is good enough or do you think I would have more success with lifting weights regularly.  Thanks for any info, and I wish you the best of luck on your reboot.

If you want to lose weight, any fat-losing exercises will work, but a variety of excersises work best. Don't focus on just the treadmill. Go running, do some push ups, lift some weights ... You want to burn fat in all places. Also: replacing body fat with muscles won't make you lose weight, but it will make you a ton healthier and that is very noticeable! A muscled man is by far more attractive than an overweight man 

At my local gym, they have virtual lessons: which is basically just a tv with someone giving instructions, while all the equipment (like weights) is in front of you. I do this once, sometimes twice a week. It's an hour long workout that exercises your entire body for 5 - 10 minutes at a time. I'm usually parched after I do this, but it feels very nice. I guess something similar could work great!

 

[freedom2015]

Thanks BailHope, I really appreciate the advice.  I am really interested in getting in shape, and I feel that it will help a lot with my issues with porn and masturbation.  I have always used porn as a way of winding down or ramping up, so I really need something that will serve as a replacement to that.  I would love to find a forum that is supportive about exercise similar to how this forum is with staying away from porn.  I may just begin to add into my logs what I have done for that day.  It means a lot to me to hear some advice and I appreciate you taking the time to respond.  Best of luck to you friend. Speak to you soon.

 

[BailHope]

It means a lot to me to hear some advice and I appreciate you taking the time to respond.  Best of luck to you friend. Speak to you soon.

No problem. Do you have a journal as well on this website?


Day 35: today, I almost relapsed. It was subtle. It was quick. And I was watching before I even realized what was happening. I don't really know what triggered me.
But I do think I know what started me down this path again. Last Wednesday, I started using the dating app Tinder again to see if I could connect to someone for some non-sexual fun (rewiring you know). By Friday, I was using the app so extensively, that it was interfering with my work. I took action on Saturday, by staying away from the app. I felt an urge to check the app the entire day today, which was annoying. At some point, I did, and suddenly, I was also looking at a website for escort services.

It felt wrong to watch, and I felt the immense surge of good feelings that I used to know when watching porn. I managed to close it and walk away and that was the end of it. But damn, this addiction is sly. I don't even know why I started watching, only that all of a sudden, I was watching.

Went for a family visit after that, and left my smartphone at home, to make sure I didn't get any more urges. Spending some time away from my smartphone seems beneficial.

Today, I also noticed that something had changed again in my general view of women. I quit porn almost three months ago, with a few relapses along the way. One of the subtler changes I noticed was that I started gaining more respect for women as a whole, not just as sexual objects. Today, when I was swiping on Tinder, I actually objectified every pretty girl I saw. I heard my own thoughts and knew they were wrong. For a moment, it seemed like any progress I had made during the last few months had been for naught. Only this time, I also realized that the thoughts I was having were wrong. I pushed them down and stopped using the app. Thinking like this is not OK!

Today, I also started down a new path where I will try to stay away from the Internet more. A porn addiction is also an internet addiction. The internet is full of novelty wherever you look, even on this forum. I don't feel this would do me any good. I will keep posting daily in my journal.

 

[BailHope]

Day 36: Today I started off pretty motivated. Set my alarm clock pretty early, maybe too early. What I did was, I switched it off, and read a few pages on my bed until I felt I had really woken up. After that, I checked my OkCupid profile (it's a dating site), and saw that I had received some likes. I read some biographies of girls, and decided to message two who were living near me for a chat. Strange, this is the first time I actually felt up to taking the initiative and talking to a girl. Even if it's online, it still feels like a big step for me. Glad I could take it. We'll see what comes out of it.

During the day I noticed something completely new. I was horny as hell for a period. If any woman would have wanted to hook up at that time, I'm very sure I could have performed admirably. That was a very strange feeling. Not just an erection, but actual arousal as well (higher blood pressure, that feeling you get in your gut when you want something/someone, the tunnel vision that accompanies it so you can only see your interest and nothing else, ...)
Hello, libido. It's been a while since we last met.

 

[mindfulmike]

Good luck with OKCupid, BailHope. I tried it a few years ago, and at first I was afraid of taking that initiative, but after awhile I must have got desensitized to it because I ended up sending hundreds of messages

Ended up getting 1 date, and 3 numbers, so not the best success ratio. You will probably do better because you seem more well-established than I was when I tried it, and women like that security

But yes, it can be addicting, especially when you think you're really connecting with someone and you're eagerly awaiting their next reply. Pure torture. Yes, it's probably just better to walk away from the internet completely at that point so you don't even have the option to check. If you can do that, because it can be tricky if you have work to do that requires a computer

I ended up setting up a complicated setup to try to conquer that addiction: an internet machine in one room (which was uncomfortable to use), and an offline machine in the other room (very comfortable). That might have worked for some things, but I ended up needing to use the internet so much that my offline machine eventually became another online machine. The best method seems to be self-discipline or having something better to do than checking your profile and then actively steering yourself in that positive direction

 

[BailHope]

To help you walk away from the internet, you can install a timed power switch near your internet's router or something. I have. It shuts off after 10 p.m. And it only turns at something like 5 p.m. That gives me a window to do what I need to do on the internet, and still reserve time for other stuff outside of this window. Especially during the weekends this has proven to be very beneficial!

I remember, when I just installed the power switch, I would constantly fill up that entire 5 hour period with internet (ab)use. Now, I hardly even use that window anymore and do other things. The 5 hour time window has even become too long. I like it.

 

[mindfulmike]

That's even better. I don't think I could totally lock myself out for any period of time, but it sounds like an effective strategy for someone who doesn't need the internet very often

 

[BailHope]

You can lock yourself out if you have plenty of other things to do (reading books, going to the gym, ...). Stuff that you can even do on the week-ends, which is when most of my binging happened.

If you find you still need the internet, the timer power switch is great. If you have homework to do, the switch will motivate you to keep working and not look up porn, because the internet will be gone soon and you really need to finish your homework.