Let's get back to a healthy sex life!

[BailHope]

Day 49: noticed something strange today. I opened a browser window and opened an incognito screen to do some searching that I don't want to have affiliated with my Google account (nothing porn or anything like that). And as soon as the incognito window opened up, I had the urge to type in one of my porn sites that I used to frequent daily. The idea just came out of nowhere, as if an incognito screen and porn go hand in hand. Strange.
Anyway, I didn't do it, so yay me!

Today is day three without the MO again. Slowly building it back up. My last record was 18 days without any MO. I'm doing everything I can to beat this record. I got out of bed okay today. I woke up like five minutes before my alarm clock rang. No morning wood, but that's okay. It'll come back eventually I suppose.

I'm finding it easier and easier to get aroused by simple (non porn related) things. I'm almost 50 days into my reboot, so I guess something should be happening around this time. It's nice to see that I don't need hardcore porn thoughts anymore to arouse me.

Met a nice girl, let's call her Sophie. She was a nice chat and we seem to be compatible in some ways. I like that. I'm going to ask her out today and see how that goes.
Asking a girl out actually really falls outside of my comfort zone, so I'm a bit nervous about it, but I'm sure that it's something I want to do. So let's do it and see what happens

 

[BailHope]

Day 50: actually feels more like a milestone than the 45th day, to be honest. But yes, I've made it this far!

Got out of bed today on time, I feel great, energized. Yesterday I started writing a story that's been in my head for ages. For some reason, each time I tried to write it down, I experienced writer's block almost immediately - the inspiration just stopped for some reason. Now I seem to be able to write again. I wonder if it's the brain fog that is finally lifting that is allowing me this. I used to stop at something simple like a name for my main character, or I'd stop at the first road block ("How will the main character tackle this?") and now the ideas just popped into my head and kept popping. Very refreshing!

Sophie, the girl I met recently, actually agreed to go out with me (much to my surprise). This feels great and is also a great motivator to keep going with the no MO and no PMO as well.

 

[Diesel driver]

I knew someone who wrote articles for newspapers and whenever she had writer's block she would buy a bus ticket and go for a ride. Just to kill some time and then return to work.  I'm sure you can find your own method on how to overcome it. It might also be porn withdrawal.

Good luck with the girl!

Cheers!

 

[Christian]

Congratulations on the 50 days Bail! It sounds like things are going great, the journal posts have been good too.

When I experience writers or artists block, I take a small break where I don't think about what I'm working on at all. Getting a "Fresh start" has given me a lot of success in writing classes. I also go back and make small improvements on things I've already written; its always easier to get the juices flowing with something your familiar with than trying to continue a brand new story. A "Refresher". And nice job on getting the date!

Christian

 

[BailHope]

Day 51: f*ckitty f*ck f*ck. I had a terrible night. I was dreaming about something and I kept waking up. Every time I woke up, I had serious wood. I didn't do anything with it, until this morning. I felt so drained of energy and willpower, and I gave in by masturbating. I didn't use porn and I did it without using death grip masturbation, so I guess that's something. But it is the third time I will have reset my MO counter, and it's getting quite annoying.

I've spent the day looking at what I do from day to day, to try and decide if there's maybe something I'm doing wrong. I've decided to cut OkCupid and Tinder from my life for the time being. I have noticed that sometimes, I can get quite aroused looking at all the pictures and browsing through the profiles. I guess it's a form of artificial stimulation for me. So I'm cutting it out of my life.

At my first attempt of no MO, I didn't have these, and I lasted for 18 days, so I might be on to something I suppose.

In the past, I reported feeling a sort of brain fog from time to time. I believe this is to do with the orgasms. I felt it this morning after I had masturbated again. I cycled to work and was hit with a good deal of really cold rain, after which it disappeared again. The rain kinda felt like a cold shower feels, so that might have something to do with the absence of the brain fog right now.

 

[freedom2015]

Hey there BailHopper, I'm sorry you have had a rough day brother.  I know the feeling for sure.  I'm glad you aren't beating yourself up too much and you are rather analyzing what may have hindered your progress.  Something I found kind of interesting is that you mentioned you were having some good things happen in your life and that you were feeling pretty good.  These are the HARDEST times for me.  Yesterday, one of the main professors in my college complimented me and said I had a bright future, and it literally almost made me relapse.  I feel okay handling the hard times, when I am stressed and such, but because I have used porn at all times of my life not just the bad times, it is very easy for happiness to trigger urges to masturbate and look at porn.  Maybe you are in the same boat, so I am not being really cautious when things are going well for me because I know I haven't combated a lot of urges when I feel like things are going well.

 

[BailHope]

Day 4 of my second reboot. Also day 4 of no MO.

I'm finding it is once again difficult to quit masturbation. Staying away from porn is again no problem. I was at home an entire day today, and I did not have one urge to start watching porn. I did have the urge to masturbate as soon as I woke up this morning, as I do every day. But I managed not to do it so far. Let's hope this continues.
My goal is to achieve at least 20 days without any orgasm. That would be a new record for me. And if I can, I will try to make it to the end of december without any form of orgasm. I'm very curious if I will make it.
Masturbation is a choice. I need to remind myself of this. Masturbation is a choice. And I can choose not to.

 

[BailHope]

Day 2 of no PMO and day 7 of my second reboot. Going great so far, I suppose. My goal is to make it at least until Christmas without any O's at all. This is proving to be quite a challenge for me. Today I had to get out of bed on willpower alone because I really didn't feel like it. But I got out okay thanks to the alarm clock ringing on a different floor from mine. Still, it was very tempting to get back into bed when I had turned it off. But I did it.

 

[mindfulmike]

BailHopper,

Good to see you're back on the warpath again. Keep fighting strong!

Based on what most people seem to experience (myself included), the first two weeks are the hardest. But that should be motivating, not demoralizing, because once you get to Christmas, it will be that must easier to go beyond Christmas. It will be your Christmas present to yourself. But only if that's what you want, because it is only good to go for goals that you feel good about. If you feel good about getting to Christmas, and you feel confident in your ability to do so - so confident that you expect to get there - you will be more likely to achieve that goal. This sort of belief-based psychology is talked about in the book "Awaken the Giant Within"

I also read another book recently, "The Selfish Gene", and that has another anecdote that may inspire you. In it, there is talk of dominance hierarchies. The question is: why don't animals go all out when they fight for dominance? Apparently, it is only in rare circumstances that they end up killing each other, so surely one or both is holding back their true power...

It turns out that crickets (and possibly other animals as well) have a system for holding back power. If a cricket loses its first fight, it will mark itself as "loser cricket" and it will then lose most of its fights throughout its lifetime. If it wins, it will be a "winner cricket" and it will be more likely to win fights. Whether or not this applies to humans is uncertain, but I think there may be truth to in in the way it applies to human psychology and specifically the belief systems we place on each other. Basically, by believing that you're a winner, destiny will be on your side. And by going 50+ days no PMO, 18 days no MO, you already have the statistics to show that you're stronger than most of the people on this website, and the statistics will only be further in your favor the further you go at this

Hope that helps, you got this

 

[BailHope]

So yeah, I disappeared for a while, due to life and other arrangements. Some friends took me out for a small week of Amsterdam to go see Florence and the Machine live. It was awesome!

But unfortunately, after this morning, I can reset my MO counter again. Made it up to 3 days before resetting.

Thanks mindfulmike for your post. You're right. The first two weeks are hell. I remember how much easier it became after the first two weeks. Not easy mind you, but easier.
I'm thinking of switching it up some more to really cut old habits short by moving my bed somewhere else, or sleeping downstairs on the couch instead of on my comfy bed. Maybe that helps to avoid the MO, I don't know.

On a positive note, that female that walked out of my life - let's call her Karen - walked right back in my life just yesterday. Mind you, last time she walked out it was because she couldn't handle what was going on sexually (= my inability to have sex with her like a normal man could), so I'm not overall excited that she still seems interested in me, but I'm interested in finding out where it goes.

 

[mindfulmike]

Glad to have you back, BailHopper

A new environment can make things feel fresh. It seems that the brain is so complicated that it connects different concepts to different places in space, so if you mix up your environment you may be able to mix up your habits. At least to some degree - even if it is only a small degree, that can make a huge difference if you combine it with other strategies