"Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"

  • Thread starter IAdmitItIHaveAProblem
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AgnitioSano

AgnitioSano

Member
Keep strong my brother, this too shall pass one day.  I know empty days are the hardest for me too, its so tempting when your bored and it gets harder to ignore your triggers.  Congratulations on making it past two weeks by the way, thats awesome.  I will be praying for you, we are all in this together.
 
IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

Active Member
Day 23:

I've been just super lonely, angry, depressed, blah blah the works etc. No pmo, just really, really down this week for several reasons. First, I might have to put my dog down. He's been unable to function like he used to after his seizures, and I'm not sure he's gonna bounce back this time. Second, third and fourth are all problems I'd rather not post on the internet, surprisingly.

In the end, I just feel like nobody really believes in me, and the few who do are far away and/or I can't talk to them.
 
IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

Active Member
Day 25

I was on twitter today exploring a little bit when I stumbled upon a spam account with a mildly dirty picture on it. I stared a little before turning my head and clicking out. Went directly here to journal. Frustrated, but overall happy I didn't go further.
 
IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

Active Member
Day 29

Almost a month! Excited for that. Difficult, yes. But totally worth it in the end. People are sick. You can see that fact on any social media platform, but what will YOU do? How will you react when you stumble across junk? Nah, man. I'm tired of it all. So, I'm posting here today to dump all over what my body wants versus what I want.
 
M

mtaha2015

Guest
30 days. what a great accomplishment.
keep it up buddy.
if you can make 100, that would be excellent for your recovery.
 
IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

Active Member
Day 43

Im very thankful that I haven't had to post on here lately. I've been feeling it really bad for the past couple days. I felt like it was important for me to reinforce the reasons why I'm doing this.

1) It's a hideously disgusting, deceptive industry
2) I'm going to reap physical, emotional/mental, and spiritual benefits from keeping strong.
3) I want to prove myself to be a worthy adversary against whatever stands up to me. (cheesy, I know. But hey - whaddayagonnado)

The biggest thing has been my depression. I have this 'no one loves me' mentality that keeps creeping up, and I know it's false, but it still lingers like a bad fart in my brain.

 
M

mike510

Member
Stay strong bro..lots of us have gone through those same emotions including me..sometimes you feel neglected or unloved but its because you go through a depression..its quite normal when your in the process of rebooting. Just know there's light at the end of the tunnel. At the end everything will be worth it.the reboot process will make you stronger mentally and your motivation to accomplish your goals in life will  be off the roof..I'm not cured 100% yet but I can say I see life in a different perspective and my ambition to become a better person both physically and mentally has helped me a lot through this process..good luck on your reboot bro..me and the nation are always here to support
 
I

ironman2015

Guest
great buddy.
you are doing awesome.
congrats on getting closer to 50 days.
 
IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

Active Member
Day 45

Last night was REALLY difficult. I stuck around something wayyyy longer than I should have, but I didn't M to O. Really difficult, but I backed away before I completely failed. I need to change my game plan if I'm going to keep this going. I incentivized this process for me. If I can reach one of my goals, I'll get to fix my 6 CD changer in my car lol (aside from the other benefits)

Of course, I refuse to completely fail. I'm going to give the best of what I can.
 
C

clearstar

Guest
good luck. keep give your best and you will reach goal in spite of adversity.
 
IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

Active Member
A little less than day 65 was my max this time, and I feel really bad, for several reasons.

I'm annoyed at myself for losing sight of my accountability. I'm depressed because I couldn't even come close to beating my previous record. I'm stressed because now I'm back to 0, same as always. I want to be an inspiration for people, you know? I want to be a man of integrity, someone you can look at on this website (or with regard to life in general) and go 'yes, he has it together' not just the mask type of put-together, the person everyone sees, but genuinely cleaned out.

I want to say thank you to everyone who has helped me by posting on my reboot journal so far, it's a good thing. I hope we can be a continued support for each other.
 
IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

Active Member
this is getting rough again. I'm depressed again, I've had the nagging feeling etc.

I know precisely what situation gets me to cave in, and it's just avoiding that one thing, but GOSH it's hard to avoid.
I've regularly made it a point to get away from my toxic influences, and yet, sometimes I cave in to a minor degree and feel like a complete 100% failure. I don't want to do this anymore. It feels like when I'm not depressed, I'm full of guilt, and but when I'm not full of guilt, I'm emotionally jaded because that's what P does to your senses.

I'm just venting. Had to type it all out for the usual reasons.

I'm gonna tell you something special. There's a girl I really like who, for lack of a better phrase was 'extremely worldly' at one point. Whenever I think about her trying to improve herself, it calls my mind back into action because I want to be better, if not for myself, then for the people I love. The lackluster personality I have, and the lack of conviction and emotion I have are both byproducts of my disgusting habit. I would want her to know me for me, not a me that's been influenced by degraded, filthy sex acts.

In the end, I'm doing this for a whole slew of reasons, each one as personal and dear to my heart as the last. I'm always sorry that I can't be better than I am, but I'm really trying hard to be! I think somewhere down the line, a glimmer of optimism has been lost because of repeated failure. As of right now, I've not P M'ed or O'ed at all for the last 3 days, which is, realistically, a humongous step up from where I was... but it still isn't enough because I glanced at the dirty screen for a couple minutes. That's why I came here, to say that and push myself into a corner where I know I have complete control of my actions.

 
IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

Active Member
49 days, a lot happens in 49 days.

Maaaan, I saw the girl I loved get married to another man this week. It cut me extremely deep, almost put me over the edge. I'm very depressed and sad right now. I don't want much to do with the world of the living. I'm just kinda here.
 
LeirTheFox

LeirTheFox

Active Member
IAdmitItIHaveAProblem said:
49 days, a lot happens in 49 days.

Maaaan, I saw the girl I loved get married to another man this week. It cut me extremely deep, almost put me over the edge. I'm very depressed and sad right now. I don't want much to do with the world of the living. I'm just kinda here.
Click to expand...

Hey man,

I'm sorry to hear that. Seen your loved one with someone else can be really painful. I feel you.

In this time we believe there ain't much on life to keep us happy. That feeling too, shall pass.
Just passing here to remind you that this is life. No matter how much we strive to be better men, bad things will happen to us.
And somehow, these bad things are the very reason we grow up, somehow. I believe this pain will end up changing you: use it so it can you for the better.

We're here for you if you need us.

Congratulations. You went really far on this one.
And you can go way more.

Stay strong,
L.

 
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