Whammy raised to the power whammy - The beginning of the Journey
- Thread starter akpal2
- Start date
thanks to the edging yesterday I resorted to edging today and then more sexting and MO. Goddammit
New reboot. This is so fucking frustrating. I can't believe I relapsed after posting a success story. I suppose my suppose my success story was another story of premature ejaculation. sigh
New reboot. This is so fucking frustrating. I can't believe I relapsed after posting a success story. I suppose my suppose my success story was another story of premature ejaculation. sigh
Day 5 since last reboot, so far so good. During the day i feel flatline but have been seeing morning wood every day for the last 3 days. I am hoping morning wood is a hopeful sign. But I am far from healed. Unfortunately the addiction to fantasizing and edging has hardwired my brain to a completely different way of Orgasming which is requires constant stimulation. Trying to let go of this awful habit and rewire my brain to only have sex with the wife.
I have disappointed her so much but she is such a sweetheart and has been nice enough to stick with me. Doing this for myself so I can help satisfy her too and let her not think that my erection problems stem due to her.
So help me God.
I have disappointed her so much but she is such a sweetheart and has been nice enough to stick with me. Doing this for myself so I can help satisfy her too and let her not think that my erection problems stem due to her.
So help me God.
Day 6: Got a christmas e-card yesterday that ended on an erotic image which caught me off guard. Has been affecting me since but not too much. Had morning wood again last night but seemed like it wasn't as hard as the earlier ones, at least that what it felt at first. It lasted a fair while and later seemed to have become much harder. Of course, once I stand up the morning wood seems to go away quite quickly. Although today it seemed that it stayed for a while longer. Since my first reboot using this forum i don't think I have had severe problems with Porn. I have been able to control porn after breaking that initial cycle, however my real problem is the edging and fantasizing. It seems to me that the porn was just a substitute for my fantasizing and edging for hours on end giving my brain dopamine rush after rush.
After having gotten out of this problem once and started getting rewired to my wife I seem to have relapsed. Looking back I also realize that I hadn't recovered 100% and hadn't rewired completely to a real women and so the relapse has really been a gut punch because I was so close, and yet so far now. It also doesn't help that this past year i have been stuck at home mostly since everything has moved online. It is very easy to indulge in sexting which has been my latest go to for getting that dopamine rush. The brain can trick you so well.
Just writing my thoughts out here in case they help somebody along with myself.
So help me God.
After having gotten out of this problem once and started getting rewired to my wife I seem to have relapsed. Looking back I also realize that I hadn't recovered 100% and hadn't rewired completely to a real women and so the relapse has really been a gut punch because I was so close, and yet so far now. It also doesn't help that this past year i have been stuck at home mostly since everything has moved online. It is very easy to indulge in sexting which has been my latest go to for getting that dopamine rush. The brain can trick you so well.
Just writing my thoughts out here in case they help somebody along with myself.
So help me God.
Day 7: Feeling somewhat better today. was not feeling too good yesterday and the urge was too strong, sexted for a few of minutes and peeked at a 10 second porn clip before I got hold of myself and got away from my work position. I was getting dopamine rushes and I could feel them coming.
The thing that made me get up was that i think I am making some progress and I don't want to lose it. I know edging and fantasizing is fucking dangerous and has ruined me so many times. I haven't been able to rewire to a real person because I am always in my head fantasizing and getting these dopamine rushes. Also it seemed like i got hooked to porn before I met a real person which also contributes to my problems in sex.
So help me God
The thing that made me get up was that i think I am making some progress and I don't want to lose it. I know edging and fantasizing is fucking dangerous and has ruined me so many times. I haven't been able to rewire to a real person because I am always in my head fantasizing and getting these dopamine rushes. Also it seemed like i got hooked to porn before I met a real person which also contributes to my problems in sex.
So help me God
Day 8: I feel quite restless and anxious for no reason. Not too much anxiety but just a little.
The main problem seems to be lack of concentration. I can't concentrate on getting any stuff done, it is just hard to focus.
This morning I got a bit of a trigger and the trigger was Gary Wilson's video about porn addiction. He had put a picture of bikini clad women in there. I had an immediate trigger and stopped looking at the screen and just listening to him. Just awful. Just a week back pics of women in bikini wouldn't even make me bat an eye and now i am getting all hot and bothered. My taste for extreme porn (such as gay porn) for myself also seems to be breaking somewhat. Need to fight this damned trigger now.
The main problem seems to be lack of concentration. I can't concentrate on getting any stuff done, it is just hard to focus.
This morning I got a bit of a trigger and the trigger was Gary Wilson's video about porn addiction. He had put a picture of bikini clad women in there. I had an immediate trigger and stopped looking at the screen and just listening to him. Just awful. Just a week back pics of women in bikini wouldn't even make me bat an eye and now i am getting all hot and bothered. My taste for extreme porn (such as gay porn) for myself also seems to be breaking somewhat. Need to fight this damned trigger now.
after the Gary Wilson video trigger, which i successfully negotiated (such a facepalm moment), I realized my brain was trying to get its dopamine fix by looking at people walking on the street and having erotic thoughts about them.
Had to remind myself "NO hypesexualized thoughts WHATSOEVER"
Had to remind myself "NO hypesexualized thoughts WHATSOEVER"
The remainder of day 8 passed by ok, thankfully. Although we are in lockdown here in Canada but I took the family out for a drive. Was good to get that time away from the desk.
This coronavirus crap and all the accompanying lockdowns have made it that much harder to stay away from sexual thoughts.
So its my Day 9 today of the reboot and staying away from porn pics and videos has not been hard but the urge to have the thoughts in my mind is always there. I am just fighting the urge many times a day. Still got a pretty good morning wood today which stayed when I turned to different sides. Of course, it goes away in a flash as soon as I stand up, so recovery is still far away.
Wife has told me that it is really stressful having sex with me because she is always thinking that she is unable to get it up and the fault is with her. I feel like crap hearing that and so back to my reboot. She is the love of my life and has been so patient. I owe it to her and myself to get myself back to a healthy life. We also want to conceive one more time. So I need to get back in shape for that too. So many motivations, but this damn lockdown and the damned addiction doesn't make it easy. Have been staying away from sexting too except for the couple of short lapses in the first 4-5 days of this reboot. They are the trigger and lead to eventual MO on hypersexual thoughts and videos.
So help me God
This coronavirus crap and all the accompanying lockdowns have made it that much harder to stay away from sexual thoughts.
So its my Day 9 today of the reboot and staying away from porn pics and videos has not been hard but the urge to have the thoughts in my mind is always there. I am just fighting the urge many times a day. Still got a pretty good morning wood today which stayed when I turned to different sides. Of course, it goes away in a flash as soon as I stand up, so recovery is still far away.
Wife has told me that it is really stressful having sex with me because she is always thinking that she is unable to get it up and the fault is with her. I feel like crap hearing that and so back to my reboot. She is the love of my life and has been so patient. I owe it to her and myself to get myself back to a healthy life. We also want to conceive one more time. So I need to get back in shape for that too. So many motivations, but this damn lockdown and the damned addiction doesn't make it easy. Have been staying away from sexting too except for the couple of short lapses in the first 4-5 days of this reboot. They are the trigger and lead to eventual MO on hypersexual thoughts and videos.
So help me God
It's a weird time. I get very good morning woods during the early hours of morning. However during the daytime, however, I am experiencing a flatline for last 3 days it seems. My dick seems so shriveled up. It was looking so small and shriveled that I roughly measured it. It's somewhere between 1 and 2 inches. God, talk about small penises. Honestly, it kind of freaked me out. At full strength I used to be a respectable 6.5 to 7 inches. Oh, how the mighty have fallen, pun intended. Thanks to PMO. Goddammit.
imaquitter
Active Member
Just ignore it.
Don't touch or look.
Don't think about it.
Don't touch or look.
Don't think about it.
Day 10: The day seems to be flatlines. Not much desire. Which is not too bad since i don't have any craving to look at any sexual images. Even my sexting partners don't seem to be worthy enough of my time in the flatline because there is 0 desire. Of course, the shriveled up dick isn't aesthetically pleasing, to say the least, but it is keeping me in hardmode. I don't mind the flatline as much as some others.
However, concentration and focus are still distant which is getting to me. Must be the brain playing tricks.
However, concentration and focus are still distant which is getting to me. Must be the brain playing tricks.
Day 11: Did have a bit of morning wood today but it wasn't very good, maybe at 70% hardness. Having a bit of horniness in the background which i think is my brain trying to look for its porn fix. My penis is somewhat alive today as well, or feels that way. However, it seems to be my brain trying to get me to indulge in some sort of P or P substitutes. I also notice that since morning today my mind has been wandering a lot towards hypersexualized images. Hopefully the day passes alright.