Whammy raised to the power whammy - The beginning of the Journey

[akpal2]

It is a tough day today man. I had a bit of nocturnal erection last night or morning wood, can't recall which one.

One thing I do notice is (because I get anxious so I check), that I can get hard with just the touch of my hand when I am sitting and try to masturbate. However, that erection goes away as soon as I stand up. Same for the morning wood, it stays with me when i am lying down but vanishes in 2 seconds when I stand up.

Putting these things out there to make myself feel good because today is really tough. I want to PMO, and I have some stressful meetings coming up. I already resorted to a wee bit of sexting but I really don't want to go there but my brain just wants its share of dopamine. I can't focus dammit.

 

[TheHeartacheKid]

Hey ak,

Remember, this is all in your head.  You're stressed as you said, and what does everyone's brain do when we're stressed?  Tries to calm us, soothe us.  And what does addicts brain do?  Tries to calm us, soothe us, but it has the added bonus of soothing us in a way that makes us feel shitty, so we soothe more.  Don't give into it.  And a suggestion?  When you're stressed?  Put that phone away.  Put it in another room if you can, don't give yourself the option to sext or PMO. 

Stay strong man, you can do this.

 

[akpal2]

Thanks Hak, I really appreciate the motivation

 

[akpal2]

Day 8 was tough. I sexted a bit and edged to pics and then edged a bit to fantasy in my mind. So it was bad. However, the good part is that I didn't graduate to porn videos and that I was turned on by the pics. The effects of yesterday are rubbing on slightly and I fantasized a little bit again this morning and edged for a few mins but have realized that I am slipping and have caught myself from slipping further. Lockdown doesn't make it easy..makes.it 10 times harder. But I don't have a stressful work meeting today so the trigger should not be there. Hopefully things stay on track today. I didn't MO yesterday so hopefully can build on it and stay away from any pics and mental fantasy.

Day 9 today. Help me God

 

[scott.84]

I think the important part is that you could stop yourself from slipping any further. You finally managed to control those impulses in that situation. So I totally get that it was tough for you, but I think you did well. Fighting all of those impulses and not giving in is finally overcoming the addiction. You made it, another day. And you can make it one more. You?re doing just fine.

 

[akpal2]

Thanks for the words of encouragement scott84. It's weird but my brain reaches immediately for the strongest dopamine rush as soon as I am triggered i.e. looking at pictures of phalluses. But yes, yesterday and today we're tough but hopefully am moving in the right direction.

 

[Orbiter]

As long as you're facing urges, saying 'no' to them and weakining their power over you, you are definitely moving in the right direction.

Keep up the good work akpal2!

 

[akpal2]

Thanks orbiter, I think today could have been much better but also that it could have been much worse. Trying to stay positive and get today behind me. I also think that staying away from sexual thoughts is harder in lockdown that we're having in Canada.

 

[anubu0]

I agree with you akpal. Being out and with friends or even just interacting with strangers would be highly beneficial. I had these thoughts and still do sometimes, but then I also have another thought: we are in quarantine, this is time for us to improve and get back into the real world 1000x better! We can do this even if our journeys are more challenging.

 

[akpal2]

Thanks anubu, I can't believe you're so young. You sound like an old safe, definitely wise beyond your years.

Day 10 today, feeling better today after yesterday's slight pic watching and sexting and fantasizing mess up. The mess up wasn't totalz thankfully.

I did get a number of nocturnal erections and morning wood as well. The quality of wood could have been better though but it wasn't too bad quality.

Hopefully day 10 passes uneventfully.

 

[akpal2]

Woke up with a painfully hard morning wood today which stuck around while I was in bed. It went away when I stood up. Of course, classic PIED symptoms. This reboot is weird. In the days where I have no urges it feels like a flatline down there because I have 0 libido. However I get some very solid morning woods. Haven't read anything like this yet. Hopefully it's a good sign.

 

[stepbystep]

Keep up the good work akpal. Those urges will go away slowly over time. Just make sure to stay busy in your life outside of work, like exercising, talking to friends, etc. That will make staying away from urges easier.

 

[akpal2]

Thanks for the advice sbs. The lockdown is making all the things harder but I am trying. Today I was good in the morning but now am feeling a slight constant feeling of horniness in the background. Like my mind telling me it's porn time or do something to get some dopamine.

 

[Orbiter]

Woke up with a painfully hard morning wood today which stuck around while I was in bed. It went away when I stood up. Of course, classic PIED symptoms. This reboot is weird. In the days where I have no urges it feels like a flatline down there because I have 0 libido. However I get some very solid morning woods. Haven't read anything like this yet. Hopefully it's a good sign.

This exact thing happens to me all the time. Whatever the reason for it is, it's at least re-assuring to know things are still working physiologically speaking. Keep up the good work and i'm sure things will continue to work themselves out PIED-wise.

 

[akpal2]

Thanks orbiter, I woke up with another morning wood today. Yesterday had started off well but mid day I developed some horniness that wanted me to PMO but it was in the background and I didn't do anything.

Day 12 begins

 

[TheHeartacheKid]

Hang in there.  You're making it!

 

[akpal2]

thanks hak, i am finding it tough today, my brain is screaming for a dopamine fix. I am resisting so far but i don't know how long I can handle this

 

[scott.84]

You can do this, man. Imagine how proud you will be tomorrow if you make it another day. Focus on reaching your goal, not on the hurdles. We're all with you

 

[akpal2]

Thanks Scott. I just checked, I m able to get an erection just to touch when sitting down and rubbing it, so it feels good to see that I am healing. Also feels slightly jarring with my brain not feeding it any images but it still is able to get some life of its own. Lol. After the reassurance I feel better and tell myself that PMO will ensure that I will lose this progress, so I am able to stop myself for now.

Thanks for the support guys

 

[anubu0]

Hey AK!

Glad you're showing signs of recovery. Mindfulness meditation, working out, and accountability! Maintain these habits and it'll be smooth sailing. Recovery 2.0 in no time!