Whammy raised to the power whammy - The beginning of the Journey

[Phineas 808]

Was just browsing the newspaper online and man, one isn't safe even there. Scantily clad women showing up in the ad bar on the side. God damn it, almost triggered me when i noticed but i quickly scrolled down.

Hey, akpal2. Good job on quickly scrolling away from this. Should this kind of thing happen again- depending on the pull of it (which is our own reaction), kind of just slow down, become aware of it (mindfully), check your pulse- did it cause a physical reaction? Okay. Nonjudgmentally take a few deep breaths until you feel calmer, then check your pulse again.

This isn't always necessary to do, only when we feel urges come up due to what we saw. But it may also serve as an exercise to dismissing urges, and to learning that you're in control- and not an image on the screen.

Too many guys (and I've done this, too) avoid this or that because they're afraid of being 'triggered'. But there's a difference between a 'higher brain' and a 'lower brain' response. A higher brain response would be to logically avoid putting ourselves in situations where we'd be tempted. A lower brain response is the animalistic 'fight-or-flight' responses, where we give too much power to the pixalized images, or circumstances, which actually weakens us and strengthens these urges.

Does that difference in response make sense?

 

[akpal2]

Was just browsing the newspaper online and man, one isn't safe even there. Scantily clad women showing up in the ad bar on the side. God damn it, almost triggered me when i noticed but i quickly scrolled down.

Hey, akpal2. Good job on quickly scrolling away from this. Should this kind of thing happen again- depending on the pull of it (which is our own reaction), kind of just slow down, become aware of it (mindfully), check your pulse- did it cause a physical reaction? Okay. Nonjudgmentally take a few deep breaths until you feel calmer, then check your pulse again.

This isn't always necessary to do, only when we feel urges come up due to what we saw. But it may also serve as an exercise to dismissing urges, and to learning that you're in control- and not an image on the screen.

Too many guys (and I've done this, too) avoid this or that because they're afraid of being 'triggered'. But there's a difference between a 'higher brain' and a 'lower brain' response. A higher brain response would be to logically avoid putting ourselves in situations where we'd be tempted. A lower brain response is the animalistic 'fight-or-flight' responses, where we give too much power to the pixalized images, or circumstances, which actually weakens us and strengthens these urges.

Does that difference in response make sense?

Thanks Phineas, I have been trying out your techniques when the urges hit. Sometimes it is just easier to take the fight or flight response and get away. The heartbeat does go up and a I see that as a moment to run away. Then I use your "higher brain" technique to breathe slower and think about it dispassionately and let the thoughts float away. Not sure if I am doing it right but seems to be working so far.

 

[stepbystep]

Nice keep up the great work. The breathing technique definitely helps me calm down and helps me make sane decisions to stay away!

 

[akpal2]

Thanks sbs, yes, it seems to be working for me so far, so fingers crossed.

Day 17

Woke up with a pretty solid morning wood, maybe 80% to 85% hardness. Of course because I haven't been cured yet so it falls away as soon as I get out of the bed, however having it around is comforting. Exercised for 75 mins and generally feeling 0 urges for now. You never know when there is a sudden trigger or urge to P or sext or edge so I am keeping my fingers crossed. Last evening was good because I got the chance to get out of the house with the family. We took a long drive and brought lots of food from some of our fav restaurants in Toronto. So looking forward to devour all of that today and in the coming days.

 

[Aussie_85]

Hey AK,

Thought it was about time I returned the favour and supported you - well done on 17 days bro good effort.

As for the morning wood, great sign. 75 mins is solid exercise, do you do weights/ cardio/ both? how many days per week?

Glad you got out with the fam, what's it like covid wise in Canada?

stay strong man  8)

 

[akpal2]

Thanks for checking in Aussie. Covid situation here in Canada is pretty bad, maybe not as bad as UK or US, but still pretty bad. It was getting so bad that for the last month the govt has issued stay at home orders and there is a prohibition on having gatherings except with anyone outside your household. Only essential businesses are open like groceries and food shops, pharmacies etc. Which makes the reboot that much harder because we are stuck at home and can't even go out much.

So I workout 5 days a week. 3 days of cardio (5-10 mins warm up and then 60-70 mins elliptical). Since I have kids at home and the apartment is not conducive to keeping weights I do resistance training for about 40 mins 2 days a week. Same routine as lifting i.e. full body workout (Squats, deadlifts, rows, bench press etc) with only difference being that I use resistance bands rather than barbells with weights.

Today has been going fine so far now, not much sexual thoughts so far. Let's hope it ends well.

Meds arriving on Tuesday (viagra) if they actually manage to make a timely delivery. I am a little nervous about it.

 

[Aussie_85]

Solid workout routine bro, good work  8) Sorry to hear about Canada doing it tough - hopefully with the vaccine rollout it'll be over in a few months.

Can I ask why your getting Viagra?

Not judging at all man but on day 17 if you have PIED chances are it wont work.

The most efficient way to recover is to go a period of time without orgasm, and obviously porn, edging, MO...

Have you told your wife about your addiction?

Please watch this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKaLsoXEQfs

The risk of using Viagra is - it could make you depressed if it doesn't work, increasing the chances of relapse. Or it could work, resulting in successful sex with orgasm, causing a chaser effect and again increasing the chances of relapse.

 

[imsorrynotsorry]

Hey akpal2,

So due to lockdown we can't see doctors in person in most places and wife is getting increasingly agitated for the low volume and stressful sex in our 6 year marriage. I never told her of my p addiction obv, and while my previous reboot helped in sustaining me for some time but the relapse for the last couple of years has made things bad again. So this time I consulted a doctor online and I have been prescribed viagra. Let's see how sex goes with viagra. I know it won't work if the problem in the brain i.e. P dependence on novelty is too much, but I am hoping that my dependency has decreased enough to at least get me to have successful success with my wife once a week.

When i understand that right, you never told your wife about the P addiction. My own experience and that of others is, that the partner at one point is asking himself or herself 'what is wrong with me?'. Then partner then is let in the dark, no idea of the hows and whys and this will cause frustration and no understanding of the whole addiction and your own suffering.
For aknowledging the addiction as a part of you it's helpful to open up to your partner about it. Maybe everything at one time or slowly with information. This idea might sound impossible, but believe me (and others), that the chances of you succeeding without the support of your loved ones is long and lonely walk with the potential of big damage. The idea behind telling your partner is, that they can be supportive and take the pressure from you. You and we are addicts and we can't get rid of the addiction from one day to the next day, because our brains need time and a healthy environment.
Opening up to the partner is also showing a new part of your personality and a sensitive vulnerability. You give your partner the chance to get to know you better, instead of hiding something from them. I began my reboot with the idea that i don't want to tell my GF and hide it from her. Maybe it would have worked, but i then decided that it's important that she is seeing me as the person i am with my goods and bads.

With viagra i have no experience, but my personal opinion on it is, that it's another way to sneak around addictive symptoms that you are suffering. Like sleeping pills, viagra does not solve the problem and the chances are high that you find yourself working with viagra and PMO at the same time. On the long run it complicates the process of rewiring and therefore i speak up to not take viagra and open pandoras box.

Imsor

 

[akpal2]

Thanks Aussie and imsor, good points from both of you.


First, Aussie, yes, Viagra may or may not work because the problem is mental and not physical. But I am more than a month into my reboot now (the week of relapse where I was masturbating to touch has been somewhat discounted). Even without Viagra I was able to have really bad sex, like really bad and stressful but still did manage. I am hoping that with Viagra, I would at least be able to get it better. And no, I don't intend to get dragged into the chaser effect. P or P subs is not am option anymore in my life. It's done.

Imsor, I have had this conversation in another thread, but discussing with wife is not an option. I had solved this problem once before and I intend to solve it again, alone. Involving her would be potentially disastrous for my marriage, if it survives at all. So, I am not going that route.

 

[Aussie_85]

Hey AK,

Now I understand your situation a bit better, cool.

As I'm sure you already know, it's Very possible to Reboot from porn addiction whilst having regular sex - the key thing is to remove using, looking at and masturbating over porn. It may take longer to fully recover though - key word may. With sex, don't fantasize over porn - and try to relax. Your wife loves you...try and completely lose yourself with her. Try not to think about ED - "fuck i hope i can get it up, is it going to work" etc. If it doesn't work, or the sex is bad - Rona is a good excuse - your stressed out, everyone is in an uncertain world.

I understand not being able to disclose your addiction to your wife man, it's not an easy thing to do - especially if there is religious and or cultural beliefs that go along with it - it's not an easy thing to admit or talk about!

All I'm doing is making suggestions bro, I'm certainly not trying to push anything on you so please don't take it that way!

You seem like a nice guy so I'm trying to help.

Your going well bro keep it up (no pun intended)

 

[akpal2]

Thanks Aussie. I am actually quite glad that you commented and also played the devil's advocate earlier. The problem with pied has also been that because of it my confidence is also shot. I am taking Viagra more for the mental peace of mind and the idea that I have some support with me. Its literally more of a placebo right now than it is something that will physically help. Although of course, ideally it helps me maintain the erection for successful intercourse without me having to worry about it going down. Having done a fair bit of reading on the subject now, I do know that Viagra won't get you aroused. It even says so in many of the articles about it. Arousal is a mental issue. Pied of course is in the brain as well. I know recovering people on here who took help with th ese meds during their recovery and it worked for some of them, especially as a confidence booster and a recovery aid. That's my motivation to use it as well.

And yes, I need to be there in the moment. Need to relax and enjoy myself and not let performance anxiety creep in. So yeah, thanks for posting, I appreciate the points you bring here.

 

[akpal2]

Day 18, had a pretty raging morning wood this morning which stuck around for maybe 5 to 7 minutes while I moved side to side, touched it to see that it's actually quite hard. I would sybmybe 90% hard. It could have been slightly harder to the base hence I say 90% otherwise it was almost painful. I can't remember when was the last time I had such good morning wood. So progress is definitely happening. My libido isn't coming back anytime although almost 4 weeks ago I jacked off just to touch and then it had gone into overdrive and pushed me into the chaser effect where I masturbated to touch alone twice more and the second time fantasy started creeping in so I stopped.

So, it seems like progress is happening slowly and gradually. I can definitely feel the addiction pathways in the brain weakening. Yesterday an old sexting partner messaged me be I was able to walk away. Needed a slight effort but definitely not as much as was needed even a couple weeks ago.

All I need to do is to stay the course and things should fall into place.

 

[imaquitter]

You are doing great. I agree on letting your wife in on it, I was completely honest 9 years ago. It was a lot of crying, anger, hopelessness and every feeling you can dream of. She needed a couple of days to think it over but chose to forgive it all. It has been difficult to talk about my slips, but I'm still talking to her about my struggles. And you wont believe it but one day a couple of weeks ago she woke up and said that she has been so ashamed about everything connected to sex and that was holding her back. Her little mental change turned everything upside down and now I'm really rewiring.

The point is that your healing will be so much better with her on the team.

 

[akpal2]

The trouble is, I am not necessarily sure she will be on my team or that there will be any team left. Otherwise I completely agree with everything

Day 19: I woke up in the middle of the night suddenly thinking that I just relapsed. It was a terrible dream. Didn't get any nocturnal erection or mw today, probably brain really thought I had relapsed. It was an awful feeling. On whatsapp was sent two triggers today which i quickly deleted and did not think over them much. If I had dwelled over them they could have been disastrous. I am serious about leaving this nonsense. The problem with those two damned triggers was that they caused a little bit of horniness which is now in the background and is constant and I am ignoring it. But I feel I am in control and will not be giving in. Otherwise, so far so good. Another good thing is that I am developing more control over myself. I started meditating yesterday and could have given in to the triggers if it was 3 weeks ago, but I walked away. Feel proud of myself.

 

[CB]

You should absolutely feel proud of yourself!

These dreams are our brains trying to makes get our fix, like substance addicts dreaming about alcohol or drugs..
It can be quite bad with the triggers these dreams can generate.
Whatsapp is like a mine field for me, just peaking in and seeing how the app looks makes me trigger fantasies. I try my best from abstaining from such apps as of now for a while.
Maybe you should too?

Sounds like you are gaining a lot of control over the triggers and your impulses, that?s great and makes every trigger a little easier to get by.
Keep at it! You?re doing great.

 

[scott.84]

Hey ak,

the first time I quit smoking, I dreamt about it. It felt absolutely real. Normally, I don't remember dreams, but when I woke up that day, I wasn't sure if it happened or not. At first, I also felt terrible, but then I realised that I had thrown away my cigarettes and my lighter so there was no chance of this being real. After that, I was happy and it somehow was motivating me to keep going. Although I had also in mind that there was a chance of relapsing at this time.

I guess it's just the brain processing the fact that we have stopped certain routines. Nothing to worry about. In fact, it means that you are changing your habits. So after the shock you can be proud of yourself. Keep going, dude

 

[akpal2]

Thanks CB and scott84 for the encouragement. The time seems to have stopped sometimes. Day 19 is ending and I can't wait to put another 100 days from today into my reboot. I want to get away as far as possible from my last M and as quickly as possible, but time seems to slow down in recovery. Sigh.

 

[Deleted member 17609]

Hey man,

Just wanted to drop by to say a few words about Viagra. I?ve been using it for years, it?s a very efficient drug. It doesn?t work for very severe cases of PIED, but other than that, it works for almost anybody else. Male actors use it in porn movies. Normal guys use it when they want that extra ?power? on hot nights. And guys with PIED (except for very severe cases) will use it to somewhat feel normal. It?s not placebo, or mental: it?s very physical, the blood flows in your dick and stays there if you are at least a little bit aroused. It?s just like sleeping pills, it doesn?t solve your problem, but it works when you use it, that?s all. No big deal. Just remember, it?s not that good for your heart, just like sleeping pills are not good for your brain. Also, those two drugs can somewhat disconnect you from your natural ability to sleep and have sex. If you have sleep problems, you have to learn to relax at night before going to bed, and if you have libido issues, you have to stop watching porn and learn to build a new relation with sex. If you just rely on the pill, you won?t advance in your journey. But as a temporary help (which is what Viagra provides), it definitely works.

Gary Wilson suggests that we avoid forcing an erection during our reboot, so it?s best to stay away from it, because that?s what Viagra does, it forces an erection. But... For one-night stands, or at the beginning of a new relationship, it wouldn?t be a bad idea to use it, in my opinion. If you fail to have an erection in a one-night stand, it really sucks, you probably won?t see that girl again. In a long term relationship, it?s different. Your girlfriend won?t leave you if you fail to achieve an erection with her. So I?d use it only occasionally, on special nights, to have more fun. But I don?t believe it?s a good idea to use it on a regular basis, because it?s the easy way out. It will give you the erection of a healthy man, even if you haven?t established good foundations to your sexuality. Getting used to it is just like relying on sleeping pills to fall asleep. Rebooting is about learning to incorporate sex in our lives in a natural way, and Viagra won?t help you much with that. As I said, it?s okay to use it in special circumstances. Not on a regular basis.

 

[akpal2]

Hey man,

Just wanted to drop by to say a few words about Viagra. I?ve been using it for years, it?s a very efficient drug. It doesn?t work for very severe cases of PIED, but other than that, it works for almost anybody else. Male actors use it in porn movies. Normal guys use it when they want that extra ?power? on hot nights. And guys with PIED (except for very severe cases) will use it to somewhat feel normal. It?s not placebo, or mental: it?s very physical, the blood flows in your dick and stays there if you are at least a little bit aroused. It?s just like sleeping pills, it doesn?t solve your problem, but it works when you use it, that?s all. No big deal. Just remember, it?s not that good for your heart, just like sleeping pills are not good for your brain. Also, those two drugs can somewhat disconnect you from your natural ability to sleep and have sex. If you have sleep problems, you have to learn to relax at night before going to bed, and if you have libido issues, you have to stop watching porn and learn to build a new relation with sex. If you just rely on the pill, you won?t advance in your journey. But as a temporary help (which is what Viagra provides), it definitely works.

Gary Wilson suggests that we avoid forcing an erection during our reboot, so it?s best to stay away from it, because that?s what Viagra does, it forces an erection. But... For one-night stands, or at the beginning of a new relationship, it wouldn?t be a bad idea to use it, in my opinion. If you fail to have an erection in a one-night stand, it really sucks, you probably won?t see that girl again. In a long term relationship, it?s different. Your girlfriend won?t leave you if you fail to achieve an erection with her. So I?d use it only occasionally, on special nights, to have more fun. But I don?t believe it?s a good idea to use it on a regular basis, because it?s the easy way out. It will give you the erection of a healthy man, even if you haven?t established good foundations to your sexuality. Getting used to it is just like relying on sleeping pills to fall asleep. Rebooting is about learning to incorporate sex in our lives in a natural way, and Viagra won?t help you much with that. As I said, it?s okay to use it in special circumstances. Not on a regular basis.

Thanks Bilbo for posting such a detailed answer on something I have been thinking about a lot lately. And yes, I only really need to get some normal sex going and aid in my recovery, there is no way I want to get dependent on it, which I gather from your post is a real worry. Also, thanks to all the delays going on from Canada Post I don't know when I will get mine. I can imagine it's not very good for me. the doctor gave me a whole list of side effects that go with it but I just want to use it to satisfy the wife every now and then. And I am definitely working on breaking the porn addiction cycle.

On the addiction front, the good news is that I seem to be recovering. Adding meditation seems to have quickened the reboot. Although I might be wrong because I only have been doing it for 2 days. So overall if I look at the last 6 weeks I have had some small slips with edging while sexting. One week where I masturbated just to touch and no thoughts. Last 20 days completely hard mode with good ability to resist triggers.

Today Day 20 from last MO morning wood was weak but it was definitely morning wood today and not nocturnal erection and although it was weak today it stuck with me for 10 seconds before it went down. Otherwise it usually goes down in 2 seconds on standing up. So yes, I definitely think the reboot is making progress. I need to stick with it and continue with hard mode and exercise and meditation.

 

[Phineas 808]

Good job, akpal2!

Meditation definitely helps in terms of being mindful in the moment, and also has huge benefits toward the prefrontal cortex of the brain, where we want to be stronger- as that is what suffers too, when one is addicted (hypofrontality).

Congrats on all your progress!