My nofap journey (journal)
- Thread starter Blu88
- Start date
Day 22
Nothing that special to report but one thing.
In late afternoon I felt I didn't want to do anything. No will at all in getting any action. It lasted 3-4 hours, after which I was fine. During that time I had strong urges and my brain started to look for excuses for having a fap session! I didn't give in and stayed strong.
I didn't relapse neither today and I'm so proud of it because these holydays I was in my relatieves' flat, where I never have anything to do, which is the better contest for pmo! For the future I must keep in mind that my nofap journey passed through 10 days here in which I didn't relapse. Relapsing in the future would be stupid and I will prevent it with all my will and strenght!
Today I had mild headache and only in some moments of the day!
Nothing that special to report but one thing.
In late afternoon I felt I didn't want to do anything. No will at all in getting any action. It lasted 3-4 hours, after which I was fine. During that time I had strong urges and my brain started to look for excuses for having a fap session! I didn't give in and stayed strong.
I didn't relapse neither today and I'm so proud of it because these holydays I was in my relatieves' flat, where I never have anything to do, which is the better contest for pmo! For the future I must keep in mind that my nofap journey passed through 10 days here in which I didn't relapse. Relapsing in the future would be stupid and I will prevent it with all my will and strenght!
Today I had mild headache and only in some moments of the day!
M
mtaha2015
Guest
blu88 that is good.
keep going.
you are strong.
stay strong and healthy.
keep going.
you are strong.
stay strong and healthy.
Day 27
I am writing the morning of the day 28 and what follows will be the very resume of the last 5 days.
I was in a 4 days new year's eve event with a lot of people. I was so busy that I didn't even only once think to PMO. Also, I didn't have headaches, although I was tired due to the huge amount of activities I did!
In the event there was soooooo many girls, and almost all of them were nice and worth it. What was my feeling? I didn't felt like trying to hook up any of them... I didn't try to flirt for sex with any girl. I think it was the flatline to cause me this. I think it was the same flatline to provoke me bad thoughts and feeling for the event: I was not satisfied by some things and I didn't feel the enjoyment and gratefullness I usually feel in the same situations. I believe that it was another nofap withdrawal sympthom, since beign on flatline at days 23-27 it's absolutlely normal and many people report it.
Then yesterday and today morning I was overwhelmed by negative thoughts and paranoias. It's like many pending situations are going to turn out in a bad way for me, and I know it's just a feeling of mine, it's just something that lives only in my head. I an worried about others misundertand my behaviors. I shouldn't, I know, but I know also that absteined from pmo for the time I need to be clean will help out even for this!
I am writing the morning of the day 28 and what follows will be the very resume of the last 5 days.
I was in a 4 days new year's eve event with a lot of people. I was so busy that I didn't even only once think to PMO. Also, I didn't have headaches, although I was tired due to the huge amount of activities I did!
In the event there was soooooo many girls, and almost all of them were nice and worth it. What was my feeling? I didn't felt like trying to hook up any of them... I didn't try to flirt for sex with any girl. I think it was the flatline to cause me this. I think it was the same flatline to provoke me bad thoughts and feeling for the event: I was not satisfied by some things and I didn't feel the enjoyment and gratefullness I usually feel in the same situations. I believe that it was another nofap withdrawal sympthom, since beign on flatline at days 23-27 it's absolutlely normal and many people report it.
Then yesterday and today morning I was overwhelmed by negative thoughts and paranoias. It's like many pending situations are going to turn out in a bad way for me, and I know it's just a feeling of mine, it's just something that lives only in my head. I an worried about others misundertand my behaviors. I shouldn't, I know, but I know also that absteined from pmo for the time I need to be clean will help out even for this!
You're doing great so far, stick with it, however long it takes, and you will be happier for it. Remember, surges of dopamine (or even most chemicals, like caffeine) will change the number of receptors in your brain for that molecule. The same thing drug users experience - many can never reproduce their initial highs, because the body compensated. So the enjoyment and gratefulness you didn't feel is purely biological and chemical as a result of your body's response to high porn use. It needs to protect itself from too much dopamine, and it knows you were partaking in activities that release a lot of it, so as a result, normal activities that should be pleasurable aren't so much, and you don't have the after effects of porn use to make up for it. This will pass, and the time it takes is unique to the individual.
As for others understanding, it's hard for anyone to truly understand what porn is capable of doing until they've experienced it firsthand. From 14-22 or so I would've called it nonsense too, hand waved it away as people's psychological issues that are unique to them. But gradually, by 27 or so (I'm 31 now) the proof was undeniable. I had no motivation to seek out women, when I once did, increasingly extreme novelty was what turned me on, and regular ordinary girls just seemed boring. On some intellectual level, aesthetic level I was attracted, but there was zero sexual excitement anymore. I'm a confident, happy person. I don't have any kind of anxiety. My testosterone levels are above average and my health is very good. Yet I had seemingly lost interest in normal courtship, dating, etc. It seemed as though I became asexual - except when I began to look at porn. Even navigating to the folder on my computer became more sexually exciting than a real woman. Crazy! The longer I can stay away from porn, the more my "normalcy" always begins to return. How could anyone deny the potential for porn to cause havoc in a person's desires?
The one common theme I see though is that it's virtually always worth giving it up and restoring normalcy. I have memories of younger years to know it can be much better than this. I'm rooting for you!
As for others understanding, it's hard for anyone to truly understand what porn is capable of doing until they've experienced it firsthand. From 14-22 or so I would've called it nonsense too, hand waved it away as people's psychological issues that are unique to them. But gradually, by 27 or so (I'm 31 now) the proof was undeniable. I had no motivation to seek out women, when I once did, increasingly extreme novelty was what turned me on, and regular ordinary girls just seemed boring. On some intellectual level, aesthetic level I was attracted, but there was zero sexual excitement anymore. I'm a confident, happy person. I don't have any kind of anxiety. My testosterone levels are above average and my health is very good. Yet I had seemingly lost interest in normal courtship, dating, etc. It seemed as though I became asexual - except when I began to look at porn. Even navigating to the folder on my computer became more sexually exciting than a real woman. Crazy! The longer I can stay away from porn, the more my "normalcy" always begins to return. How could anyone deny the potential for porn to cause havoc in a person's desires?
The one common theme I see though is that it's virtually always worth giving it up and restoring normalcy. I have memories of younger years to know it can be much better than this. I'm rooting for you!
Day 28
It was a resting day. Nothing much to do. I settled some stuff at home.
Since early afternoon I was alone at home and this triggered me a lot! I began to think "why don't watch a porno video with high volume? When a better moment for fapping like this will show up? It's sunday: by monday I will begin again from day 1!". I had urges, but I resisted and I didn't PMO.
I had mild headache in some moments of the day.
Tomorrow I go at work, so I expect I will have a busy enaught day to absteined from any porn's thought.
It was a resting day. Nothing much to do. I settled some stuff at home.
Since early afternoon I was alone at home and this triggered me a lot! I began to think "why don't watch a porno video with high volume? When a better moment for fapping like this will show up? It's sunday: by monday I will begin again from day 1!". I had urges, but I resisted and I didn't PMO.
I had mild headache in some moments of the day.
Tomorrow I go at work, so I expect I will have a busy enaught day to absteined from any porn's thought.
Day 29
Tonight my cat woke me up at 5 am and a day full of stuff to do waited for me!
I was busy for the whole day. I didn't have headache, only in a short period of time and anyways mildly.
I didn't even have time for having urges. I had some only tonight and, again, some thoughts in my mind tryed to push me to pmo. I resisted and the urges almost faded. What I want the most is to sleep, and that is what I'm going to do now!
I know myself that, due to the lack of concentration (brain fog), if I had recently fapped I wouldn't get almost anything about what has been told to me at my workplace. Instead, I got almost everything was told to me!
Tomorrow another battle awaits me and it will be the day 30, which actually is an important goal achieve!
Lets the battle go on!!!
Tonight my cat woke me up at 5 am and a day full of stuff to do waited for me!
I was busy for the whole day. I didn't have headache, only in a short period of time and anyways mildly.
I didn't even have time for having urges. I had some only tonight and, again, some thoughts in my mind tryed to push me to pmo. I resisted and the urges almost faded. What I want the most is to sleep, and that is what I'm going to do now!
I know myself that, due to the lack of concentration (brain fog), if I had recently fapped I wouldn't get almost anything about what has been told to me at my workplace. Instead, I got almost everything was told to me!
Tomorrow another battle awaits me and it will be the day 30, which actually is an important goal achieve!
Lets the battle go on!!!
Day 30
I reached it! It's day 30!
I felt fine today.
I was so busy that I didn't have any urges the whole day! I had some porn flashbacks and connected urges only in the evening before I went to sleep. But I resisted and didn't relapse.
I didn't have headache at all and after the day at work I felt motivatated and full of energy! Nevertheless, in the middle of afternoon I must admit I had a sudden drop of good mood. It must have been the mood swing many nofappers describe!
I reached it! It's day 30!
I felt fine today.
I was so busy that I didn't have any urges the whole day! I had some porn flashbacks and connected urges only in the evening before I went to sleep. But I resisted and didn't relapse.
I didn't have headache at all and after the day at work I felt motivatated and full of energy! Nevertheless, in the middle of afternoon I must admit I had a sudden drop of good mood. It must have been the mood swing many nofappers describe!
M
mtaha2015
Guest
blue88 after 30 days you have created a new neural pathway in the brain.
Day 31
Day 31... If hopefully I will end it without relapsing. Yeah, that's it: I have really strong urges. I have urges all the day long and tonight it's getting stronger the voice telling me "come on, it's just one pmo, you will feel better after that..."! But hell, I don't want to relapse. I really would like to fap. I really would like to open a porn tube site, search a video which arouses me, start playing with my penis, enjoy the video and have a big and good orgasm. The first in 2016! Yeah, it would be great. But if I did it, I will never reboot, I will have headaches for the rest of my life, I will be anxious and awkward in all social contests, I will not want to look for a real woman, I will not want to connect with real people.
I feel fine right now (exept for these urges): do I really want to feel bad after relapsing? Do I really want to experience all pmo's side effects? Come on, relapsing is not worth it. It definitly is not worth it! I mustn't relapse.
Sorry for this. I put here my thoughts for letting the urges pass. hope it was enought. Passing this day will be a great goal.
I had a little bit of headache only this morning. During the day I was fine.
Today I didn't do a lot. That's why these strong urges came.
Day 31... If hopefully I will end it without relapsing. Yeah, that's it: I have really strong urges. I have urges all the day long and tonight it's getting stronger the voice telling me "come on, it's just one pmo, you will feel better after that..."! But hell, I don't want to relapse. I really would like to fap. I really would like to open a porn tube site, search a video which arouses me, start playing with my penis, enjoy the video and have a big and good orgasm. The first in 2016! Yeah, it would be great. But if I did it, I will never reboot, I will have headaches for the rest of my life, I will be anxious and awkward in all social contests, I will not want to look for a real woman, I will not want to connect with real people.
I feel fine right now (exept for these urges): do I really want to feel bad after relapsing? Do I really want to experience all pmo's side effects? Come on, relapsing is not worth it. It definitly is not worth it! I mustn't relapse.
Sorry for this. I put here my thoughts for letting the urges pass. hope it was enought. Passing this day will be a great goal.
I had a little bit of headache only this morning. During the day I was fine.
Today I didn't do a lot. That's why these strong urges came.
G
garby
Guest
A thing that works for me is logging in on this forum and write some shit in my journal instead of browsing porn sites. saved me a couple of times. Keep it up 
Try to create another voice in there that says "Hey, it's never worth it, you always regret it, no matter how good it seems, it's really not"
It's hard to resist because the voice that wants to do it is very strong. It's in a more primal area of our emotions, while the rational voice doesn't have as strong of a control. So I think to win, we have to appeal to emotions - memories of feeling awful, the mental haze, the lower motivation, the regret, bad memories of what PMO does to us. Hours, days, weeks, months, years of damage because of a short period of enjoyment - a period of enjoyment that will reduce the enjoyment of everything else in life
It's hard to resist because the voice that wants to do it is very strong. It's in a more primal area of our emotions, while the rational voice doesn't have as strong of a control. So I think to win, we have to appeal to emotions - memories of feeling awful, the mental haze, the lower motivation, the regret, bad memories of what PMO does to us. Hours, days, weeks, months, years of damage because of a short period of enjoyment - a period of enjoyment that will reduce the enjoyment of everything else in life
Day 32
Yes, I made it! I didn't relapse on yesterday.
Today I didn't have urges at all, even thank to the cold shower! Yeah, I experimented the cold shower, in which I will copy and paste my comment on another post where I described how I felt. It was great, and I want to do it again.
I had headache the whole afternoon and evening, probably due to something got me upset at work.
Yes, I made it! I didn't relapse on yesterday.
Today I didn't have urges at all, even thank to the cold shower! Yeah, I experimented the cold shower, in which I will copy and paste my comment on another post where I described how I felt. It was great, and I want to do it again.
I had headache the whole afternoon and evening, probably due to something got me upset at work.
Blu88 said:
This is it:
Just made my 1st cold shower at this streak.
I began with warm water finding excuses like "I have to cut my beard and can't do it with cold water". Then, at a certain point I began to move the crank toward cold water's setting. I made it gradually. I washed my body with cold water flowing. When I finished washing me, I moved more the crank to set colder water. I began to count, setting 60 seconds to achieve. Well, the first 10 seconds were terrible, I was telling myself "I can't do it. When does this nightmare end?"... But after that traumatic beginning I felt fine. I thought "I'm ok, and this is going to be easy". Infact, I reached 60 seconds without efforts! After that I felt fine! No, I felt great! I had a sudden wave of optimism spreading in my brain. I felt motivated to do anything! I didn't have headache (which I often suffer) and all urges/porn flashbacks were dying in a few! It was a marvelous sensation and now I look forward to feel it again. I look forward to have another cold shower!
Day 34
Today I had a terrible day.
I slept only 5 hours and was the whole day at work. I had a very bad mood and many negative thoughts, especially about my job. I was thinking more time to resign. I still am thinking it, but I rationally I am aware I shouldn't do it. It's the flatline's bottom: I have no urge, depression, no will of doing anything, no motivation and a lot of negative thinking. I know it's my brain trying to tell me "do you see how it is without pmo? Just fap and you will feel better!". I am not going to fall in this trap, so I will just do the easieat thing to do: don't fap since I'm urgeless!
I had headache. Not strong, but I had it! This time it was really for lack of sleep.
Yesterday I my second cold shower! I was great and after that I felt invincibile! This time I went direcly under the cold shower and not under hot before and then cold like I did the first time.
Tomorrow it's sunday. It's my only free day. I hope to feel better and to not have urges.
Tomorrow the 5th week without pmo will expire aswell. I'm on the right path and want to hold it!
Today I had a terrible day.
I slept only 5 hours and was the whole day at work. I had a very bad mood and many negative thoughts, especially about my job. I was thinking more time to resign. I still am thinking it, but I rationally I am aware I shouldn't do it. It's the flatline's bottom: I have no urge, depression, no will of doing anything, no motivation and a lot of negative thinking. I know it's my brain trying to tell me "do you see how it is without pmo? Just fap and you will feel better!". I am not going to fall in this trap, so I will just do the easieat thing to do: don't fap since I'm urgeless!
I had headache. Not strong, but I had it! This time it was really for lack of sleep.
Yesterday I my second cold shower! I was great and after that I felt invincibile! This time I went direcly under the cold shower and not under hot before and then cold like I did the first time.
Tomorrow it's sunday. It's my only free day. I hope to feel better and to not have urges.
Tomorrow the 5th week without pmo will expire aswell. I'm on the right path and want to hold it!
M
m1992
Guest
Hey accountibility partner, stay strong, at the end you will be sooo happy and it will be one of the best desicions that almost no one makes. we are the diehards, we can do this. this flatline really sucks but is also a sign that your brain is healing Stay strong and dont give up! Greetings from France
Stay strong and dont give up! Greetings from FranceDay 35
My 7th week has gone today. I'm still in heavy flatline. The good thing is I have no urge, but the mood is still low. I know from previous streak it will pass.
this morning I made my 3rd cold shower! It was amazing and I felt a king after that.
Had mild headache in different moments of the day.
My 7th week has gone today. I'm still in heavy flatline. The good thing is I have no urge, but the mood is still low. I know from previous streak it will pass.
this morning I made my 3rd cold shower! It was amazing and I felt a king after that.
Had mild headache in different moments of the day.
Day 37
Yesterday and today I made cold showers at early morning. It was another step. Also, it faded the great sensation I had the first days in which I was doing it. Neverthess I want to keep doing it. It's healthy and I like the feeling after that.
I had strong headache yesterday and today almost didn't have it. I think the causa was the stress of a job that I figured out I don't like and that I will leave this week.
I didn't have urge. It just triggered me a russian woman who I met today. But it was a really weak and short urge. I'm still in heavy flatline.
Yesterday and today I made cold showers at early morning. It was another step. Also, it faded the great sensation I had the first days in which I was doing it. Neverthess I want to keep doing it. It's healthy and I like the feeling after that.
I had strong headache yesterday and today almost didn't have it. I think the causa was the stress of a job that I figured out I don't like and that I will leave this week.
I didn't have urge. It just triggered me a russian woman who I met today. But it was a really weak and short urge. I'm still in heavy flatline.