31yo reboot journal - Arahant
- Thread starter arahant
- Start date
arahant
Active Member
Day 6
Yesterday was another easy day.
I still haven' started to exercise, but I've noticed that with meditation I'm naturally giving up caffeine.
One funny thing that happened yesterday: I was googling for simplynoise, a website I use to concentrate (it produces white, pink or brown noise, very good to tune out the world and concentrate on work) and my finger typed "simplyporn" instead. I had a very good laugh at this.
I hope it will continue to be this easy.
Thanks to anyone reading my journal
Yesterday was another easy day.
I still haven' started to exercise, but I've noticed that with meditation I'm naturally giving up caffeine.
One funny thing that happened yesterday: I was googling for simplynoise, a website I use to concentrate (it produces white, pink or brown noise, very good to tune out the world and concentrate on work) and my finger typed "simplyporn" instead. I had a very good laugh at this.
I hope it will continue to be this easy.
Thanks to anyone reading my journal
arahant
Active Member
Day 7
Some hours ago, it was one week since I gave up P, P subs, M and O.
I'm glad I reached one week, as it is a symbolic quantity of time.
Anyway my target is to obliterate porn forever, so this is just the first small step.
I will not tolerate any relapse, I don't have time for that, I have already wasted so much time of my life on porn, no more!
Today was a tiring day, but as usual I felt no urges at all.
This forum is of great help in not feeling alone in this fight, thanks to every one of you
Let's keep going and show ourselves what we're capable of!
Some hours ago, it was one week since I gave up P, P subs, M and O.
I'm glad I reached one week, as it is a symbolic quantity of time.
Anyway my target is to obliterate porn forever, so this is just the first small step.
I will not tolerate any relapse, I don't have time for that, I have already wasted so much time of my life on porn, no more!
Today was a tiring day, but as usual I felt no urges at all.
This forum is of great help in not feeling alone in this fight, thanks to every one of you
Let's keep going and show ourselves what we're capable of!
doggybalfour
Member
Congrats on your week Arahant. It sounds like you are going strong. No more wasted time! Keep that spirit and determination!
B
BigAl2016
Guest
Keep it up Arahant, you're doing great
arahant
Active Member
Day 8
Yesterday I worked all day long away from home and when I came back I was too tired to log in here.
However, I really didn't feel any crave or anything, in fact it's being too easy up until now!
Yesterday I was in a big city full of massage parlours but I didn't feel any crave for those either.
I also gave up caffeine, and apart from a slight headache yesterday I'm very happy to have ditched it.
I love coffee and I don't think it's harmful in itself, but when I have to work a lot I could drink many and that was definitely not healthy at all as it really increased my overall stress level.
Meditation is the key, for me. It has become one of my top priorities in life, as it was some years ago.
Yesterday I worked all day long away from home and when I came back I was too tired to log in here.
However, I really didn't feel any crave or anything, in fact it's being too easy up until now!
Yesterday I was in a big city full of massage parlours but I didn't feel any crave for those either.
I also gave up caffeine, and apart from a slight headache yesterday I'm very happy to have ditched it.
I love coffee and I don't think it's harmful in itself, but when I have to work a lot I could drink many and that was definitely not healthy at all as it really increased my overall stress level.
Meditation is the key, for me. It has become one of my top priorities in life, as it was some years ago.
B
BigAl2016
Guest
You're doing great Arahant, I'm envious that you are having no cravings! Why do you think that is?
arahant
Active Member
Day 9 and 10
These two days have been very easy, I'm a bit surprised but I know I can do whatever I want if I really focus my whole being on a goal.
Yesterday I uninstalled the porn block I have on my phone because it made the browser not work at all (there is no K9 for my phone OS), so I have access now to an unrestricted browser on my phone, but I'm ok with that, as I don't feel any urge to look at porn.
I'm still reading "The porn trap", it's helping to read many life stories both of people who got their whole life ruined to porn and of people who successfuly gave it up forever. It has a chapter called "Hitting bottom" and there is one story which is similar to mine with a guy who had a sort of emotional breakdown. It was the same for me, my conscience reached out and took over, I think it just saved my whole life.
Today I was at the public library all day working on my computer and I really felt attraction for some women I saw there. I was just much more conscious of their beauty.
My meditation is going great, I feel often a sort of anxiety while meditating and I observe it and investigate it. I also felt a big, dark and heavy mass of fear while meditating today and I'm really proud I was able to gently welcome it, look at it and not identify with it.
I stopped counting the days and I have to count them here to write the post title, as I started out that way.
I send my support to everyone fighting here!
These two days have been very easy, I'm a bit surprised but I know I can do whatever I want if I really focus my whole being on a goal.
Yesterday I uninstalled the porn block I have on my phone because it made the browser not work at all (there is no K9 for my phone OS), so I have access now to an unrestricted browser on my phone, but I'm ok with that, as I don't feel any urge to look at porn.
I'm still reading "The porn trap", it's helping to read many life stories both of people who got their whole life ruined to porn and of people who successfuly gave it up forever. It has a chapter called "Hitting bottom" and there is one story which is similar to mine with a guy who had a sort of emotional breakdown. It was the same for me, my conscience reached out and took over, I think it just saved my whole life.
Today I was at the public library all day working on my computer and I really felt attraction for some women I saw there. I was just much more conscious of their beauty.
My meditation is going great, I feel often a sort of anxiety while meditating and I observe it and investigate it. I also felt a big, dark and heavy mass of fear while meditating today and I'm really proud I was able to gently welcome it, look at it and not identify with it.
I stopped counting the days and I have to count them here to write the post title, as I started out that way.
I send my support to everyone fighting here!
Supercomeback
Member
You are doing great Arahant! You seem really committed to your reboot process, and I love how involved you are with the journals on this forum. Stay strong!
arahant
Active Member
Day 11
I'm in the middle of day 11 and as usual everything's going great. No urge whatsoever.
I'm also noticing that I'm arguing much less with my partner and that I'm a bit more attracted to her.
We have had no intimacy at all for the last 6 years, but maybe in the future we will be able to re-develop it in some way.
However, the idea of complete abstinence doesn't scare me at all.
A very good morning/afternoon/evening/night to everybody!
Never give up!
I'm in the middle of day 11 and as usual everything's going great. No urge whatsoever.
I'm also noticing that I'm arguing much less with my partner and that I'm a bit more attracted to her.
We have had no intimacy at all for the last 6 years, but maybe in the future we will be able to re-develop it in some way.
However, the idea of complete abstinence doesn't scare me at all.
A very good morning/afternoon/evening/night to everybody!
Never give up!
T
thewhitewindow
Guest
Congratulations man, I know that feeling of being on a stretch and 'not arguing'. It's a revelation isn't it?
Keep going and you rule.
Keep going and you rule.
B
BigAl2016
Guest
I really enjoy reading your journal Arahant, I really identify with you in a few ways, one because meditation is also a hugely important part of my life (and reboot), but also because I am also in a long term relationships in which intimacy has been lacking for quite some time. Just wanted to let you know that your journal is really helping me, and I'm sure others
arahant
Active Member
@The White Window: yes, a real revelation! It's really great. I realize now porn made me much more aggressive towards my partner. I'm so happy about this, as I've tried in many ways before to be more kind with her without succeeding. It was porn!
@BigAl2016: thank you so much Alan! I'm incredible happy my experience can be helpful for you. Meditation is also extremely important and I feel really connected with you on that level. We can do wonderful things, we just have to bring out our better self whom we've buried somewhere but who's now stronger than ever!
@BigAl2016: thank you so much Alan! I'm incredible happy my experience can be helpful for you. Meditation is also extremely important and I feel really connected with you on that level. We can do wonderful things, we just have to bring out our better self whom we've buried somewhere but who's now stronger than ever!
arahant
Active Member
Day 12
Today I worked a lot, but I was able to wake up at 5AM to meditate before going to work, even if I slept just a little more than 4 hours.
As always, everything very easy, I don't even have to fight anything really.
A funny thing is that I don't remember ever seeing my balls this big! It's funny.
I have the impression that girls look at me much more than before, but I think it's really just an impression.
Now I need to go to sleep or I risk getting too tired.
I wish everyone another wonderful day free of porn!
Today I worked a lot, but I was able to wake up at 5AM to meditate before going to work, even if I slept just a little more than 4 hours.
As always, everything very easy, I don't even have to fight anything really.
A funny thing is that I don't remember ever seeing my balls this big! It's funny.
I have the impression that girls look at me much more than before, but I think it's really just an impression.
Now I need to go to sleep or I risk getting too tired.
I wish everyone another wonderful day free of porn!