My Journal: The Neuro-Chemical Autopilot

[now-man]

Hey Gabriel,

Your last couple of posts are very perceptive. It's great how you're realizing some of the patterns that in the past have lead you back to PMO, even while you're going through some rough days. If you have more rough days, walking through them like you are, with your eyes open, is exactly what reboot is all about.

If you can make it through times like this, you're headed towards a healthier more centered life. Wishing you well. Keep going!

 

[Gabriel1960]

Just checking in. Saw my therapist today. We're pretty pleased with my progress.

I'm very pleased with my progress.

Gabriel

 

[Gabriel1960]

With regard to denial....today I just live with it, kind of like how a person lives with a physical deformity, or handicap. I try to make allowances for it. Acknowledging denial definitely robs it of power.

As of today I have 19 years of freedom from alcohol and drugs.

Gabriel

 

[Feetfirst]

Hey Gabriel! Just wanted to come over to you and say another massive congratulations on 19 years drink and drug sobriety. So much trsnsferrable wisdom for your current journey. And ours! Truly inspiring. Well done. FF

 

[Gabriel1960]

Just checking in. Feeling somewhat cocky, which is part of the problem. Need to get real and get humble.

I think I'll spend an extra five minutes in meditation.

Gabriel

 

[Gabriel1960]

Just checking in.  Things are going well.

Gabriel

 

[Gabriel1960]

Monday check in.  Nothing to report.

Gabriel

 

[Gabriel1960]

Just checking in again.  Nothing to report.

Gabriel

 

[Gabriel1960]

I'm reading YBOP very slowly. Only two pages a day. Right now only I'm on page 28.

I'm convinced that the slower I go through this process, without interruption, the lower my chances of a relapse.

This might just be a "turtle versus hare" thing.

Gabriel

 

[Gabriel1960]

Christians who don't have a problem with porn mean well, but sometimes, they raise more obstacles to solving the PMO problem, then they remove.

Gabriel

 

[Gabriel1960]

The last several days have been pretty rough.  I sure am glad I'm clean!  I'm also glad that we have all of these resources now.

Thanks, humanity!

Gabriel

 

[fyg]

HI Gabriel,

I just wanted to say 'Hi' as you posted in my journal last week. I've been reading parts of your journal, and well done on the 48 days man.

Cheers!

 

[Gabriel1960]

I had a rough week.  *Not* made rougher by PMO.

Hooray!

I graduating from college in early May, which will give me a chance to blog more.  That will help.

Gabriel

 

[Boo]

Congrats on school. Also, 50 days is awesome. You've got a nice streak going here. Rough weeks will come and go. Stay the course brother. My best streak was 53 days. I'm sure you'll blow past that and add many more. I hope your on your way to a new way of life. That's my hope for all of us.

 

[Gabriel1960]

Having a great day.  Glad I'm clean.

Gabriel

 

[Gabriel1960]

Having a good day.

Gabriel

 

[Gabriel1960]

Today I am experiencing a happy, joyful life. 

I know that today I won't make myself feel anything.  I will only take certain actions and hope that those actions lead to certain feels.  Those feels may or may not occur. 

Before, I was "using" PMO to achieve certain feels.  That approach brings with it nastiness and trouble that just isn't worth it anymore. 

Today I choose to achieve happiness and joy by taking certain actions, and hoping for the best.  It's a better, if somewhat uncertain and trusting, way to live.

 

[Gabriel1960]

'Sup, y'all.

 

[Gabriel1960]

Just checking in.

 

[Gabriel1960]

'Sup.  Today I am feeling exhausted, confused, suspicious, hysterical, frustrated, embarrassed, mischievous, disgusted, ashamed, cautious, overwhelmed, hopeful, love-struck, surprised, and shocked.

So, still waters run deep, huh?  LOL.