No time like the present

Needs Coffee · Jun 15, 2014

Another newbie to Reboot Nation!
I found my way from a YouTube TEDx video, through YourBrainOnPorn, to here. So I'm starting my journal at day 2 of my reboot.

In the past month, I completed my BS and began my hunt for the perfect job. Shortly thereafter I got sick, first with a stomach bug, then a severe summertime cold, with a touch of allergies thrown in for good measure. Job-hunting slowed to a stop since I couldn't speak if the phone rang, with boredom and frustration following. The weather is beautiful and I'm stuck alone in my apartment until my lungs and sinuses clear up. So what would I turn to for "entertainment" after TV got boring? PMO. More than ever, it seemed that the temporary "high" left me feeling empty and awful afterward. If anything, I would suspect that this activity was hindering my body from recovering from my illness. Yesterday, while browsing through TEDx lectures on YouTube, I found "The Great Porn Experiment". It was very clear to me that I needed to learn more... and do something to fix me.

So here I am... making my way through day 2 of my reboot.

Coffee

savingmysoul · Jun 16, 2014

Welcome to the Nation Coffee,

Its a great first step, many of us share your struggle.
We all have the strength in us to lead better lives, be better people.
This can be beaten, it is one day at a time, being ever vigilant.

find your strength, and you can overcome.

SMS

fugu · Jun 16, 2014

Needs Coffee said:
Another newbie to Reboot Nation!
I found my way from a YouTube TEDx video, through YourBrainOnPorn, to here. So I'm starting my journal at day 2 of my reboot.

In the past month, I completed my BS and began my hunt for the perfect job. Shortly thereafter I got sick, first with a stomach bug, then a severe summertime cold, with a touch of allergies thrown in for good measure. Job-hunting slowed to a stop since I couldn't speak if the phone rang, with boredom and frustration following. The weather is beautiful and I'm stuck alone in my apartment until my lungs and sinuses clear up. So what would I turn to for "entertainment" after TV got boring? PMO. More than ever, it seemed that the temporary "high" left me feeling empty and awful afterward. If anything, I would suspect that this activity was hindering my body from recovering from my illness. Yesterday, while browsing through TEDx lectures on YouTube, I found "The Great Porn Experiment". It was very clear to me that I needed to learn more... and do something to fix me.

So here I am... making my way through day 2 of my reboot.

Steve

Hey man! It's great you're here now. "Finding out" and "discovering" the addiction is one of the biggest parts of this journey! You're on the right path now. My biggest recommendation is to start doing something new and out of the box to help pass the time and forget about your addiction. I started long distance running and working out. Lifting and running feels great, and nothing can beat that runner's high

It really help with the emotional ups and downs you might experience in the beginning of the reboot!

Free2014 · Jun 16, 2014

I'm going to agree with fugu here.

It really really does help to get out of the and do something new, interesting, creative, or social. Being social actually will help your brain with this addiction! I find a lot of joy being social with friends and family, and that really helps. Music is a biggie for me too. Excercise is good, it actually helps your brain as well. Life is too short to waste. It's waiting for you. I pray you discover some activities and people that will be an encouragement to you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Hang tough!

Needs Coffee · Jun 16, 2014

Thanks for the welcome!

It's been illuminating to put the facts together and realize that what I thought was just "a habit that I should quit one day" has become an addiction and is causing ED. More than just a waste of time, as I look back at some particular times in my life, I can now see that it was sapping my energy and potential. I'm glad to have found these resources to help myself and hopefully help others.

@fugu and Free, Thanks for the advice. I do have many interests that I've neglect over the last few years. Currently, I'm still feeling sick enough that I just can't do much but lay around, read, watch TV. But at least I've made it through another day without PMO!

Viper · Jun 17, 2014

Hey man! It's great you're here now. "Finding out" and "discovering" the addiction is one of the biggest parts of this journey! You're on the right path now. My biggest recommendation is to start doing something new and out of the box to help pass the time and forget about your addiction. I started long distance running and working out. Lifting and running feels great, and nothing can beat that runner's high It really help with the emotional ups and downs you might experience in the beginning of the reboot!

Some real good advice-

WiP · Jun 18, 2014

Sorry your feeling poorly but glad you found us and Your Brain on Porn. Read Read READ is the best advise I can give. Great group of people all struggling and supporting each other one day at a time

savingmysoul · Jun 18, 2014

It truely is one day at a time, but they do get easier.
Hope youre feeling better.

Needs Coffee · Jun 19, 2014

Onto 4 days now. No libido here, so no real temptation... yet. I'm not sure how much of that is physical recovery (so the man downstairs can get some sleep for a change) and how much is having this cold. This virus (actually it seems to have been 2 consecutive viruses) is an unusually slow recovery, but I will recover. It gives me the opportunity to read up and get an idea of what to expect during my reboot. So many different experiences leads me to wonder what course my reboot will take.

4 days. That's the longest I've gone without PMO in a long time. Strange how I'd programmed myself to think that it should be a part of my daily routine like eating dinner and brushing my teeth. Well, not anymore.

Viper · Jun 19, 2014

Needs Coffee said:
Onto 4 days now. No libido here, so no real temptation... yet. I'm not sure how much of that is physical recovery (so the man downstairs can get some sleep for a change) and how much is having this cold. This virus (actually it seems to have been 2 consecutive viruses) is an unusually slow recovery, but I will recover. It gives me the opportunity to read up and get an idea of what to expect during my reboot. So many different experiences leads me to wonder what course my reboot will take.

4 days. That's the longest I've gone without PMO in a long time. Strange how I'd programmed myself to think that it should be a part of my daily routine like eating dinner and brushing my teeth. Well, not anymore.

This is why I'm kinda glad that I don't get morning wood anymore. Well, rarely. I did this morning 8)
Because that can always lead to jerking off if your SO/lover isn't there to handle that. So count your blessings.
You're in the beginning stages of your reboot and so far, it looks like you're on a normal pace. Keep it up, it gets better.

Needs Coffee · Jun 22, 2014

So I've gone a week without PMO. Still no libido. It looks like I have the dick shrinkage that comes from swimming in a cold pool. So I guess my libido is taking a vacation. I hope it went someplace nice and comes back well rested and refreshed!

Needs Coffee · Jun 26, 2014

Up to 11 days.
Before I read up on this subject, I would have thought my Johnson would have exploded if I went 11 days without PMO.
Clearly, I was wrong.

savingmysoul · Jun 27, 2014

coming up on two weeks!
stay strong.

Needs Coffee · Jun 29, 2014

Thanks SMS. I'm halfway to 30 days.

I am starting to notice that there is a bit of evidence of a libido. Not much. And I can pretty easily distract my thoughts so far.

To give some background... I've had high-speed internet access for almost 3 years, before that was without it for a year, and before that had it for about 3 years. No high-speed access before that, usually just dial-up and not much opportunity to access porn. I haven't had a relationship during any of this time, but have had some action. It's been in the past year and a half, or so, that I've noticed the ED. Easy enough to blame on the stress of school. And I really didn't have the time and energy for the real thing since I was busy... and wasting my time and mojo on PMO. So in this framework, my ED may not be as complicated to remedy as many of the cases I've read. We'll see.

I do have a personal history that is complicated by a religious/cult background. I'm dealing with many of those issues on another forum. And I've had professional counseling for self-esteem and depression issues. I'm very much on the mend. Certainly, I'm glad to learn about this issue of PIED and have this forum for support and encouragement.

It's been a very long time since I've gone this long without MO. During the era of my deep religious involvement, both porn and masturbation were sinful. Porn was nearly inaccessible, so that wasn't in the picture. But I had this torturous, guilt-ridden relationship with MO from the time I was about 15. I tried to resist the urge, but, well, resistance was futile. Part of the problem was that I was taught that when you don't MO, you just have a wet dream every couple of weeks and that's that. Didn't work that way for me. There was once when I was still a teen that it was long past 2 weeks and life was very uncomfortable. Then one night I finally had 3 wet dreams. I went through nearly half a week's worth of underwear in one night. After that, I was back to MO. Another time, when I was more like 35, I was determined to fight MO. Again it was long past 2 weeks, no wet dream, and I was having a constant, very hard erection. This was simply not going to work, so I did the MO so I could get on with life.

Anyway, I don't know if anyone has had this like me where the wet dream just doesn't happen or is uncooperative. I intend 100% to keep the PMO out. As far as the MO, I'm trying for 100%. Hopefully, it works out that way. But if I have that "erection that lasts for more than 4 hours, seek medical attention" type of situation, the MO is going to happen. Particularly during the reboot phase, if the wet dream thing doesn't cooperate, it will be informative to see how long I can go between MO.

Onward I proceed in the uncharted waters of my post-PMO life. Advice is always welcome!

Needs Coffee · Jul 1, 2014

I did some more reading and sorta found the answer to my previous post... that there's no one answer that fits everyone. Our histories are different. Our present circumstances are different. So for these and other reasons, our paths to recovery will differ.

I'll wait and see what happens. Up to this point, I've had morning wood a few times now, but nothing that lasted past getting up and taking a leak. And I haven't been particularly tempted for either PMO or MO. Which is surprising, but welcome, now that I understand the rebooting process.

Just over half way to 30 days.

HoosierState · Jul 2, 2014

But if I have that "erection that lasts for more than 4 hours, seek medical attention" type of situation, the MO is going to happen.

LMAO! I made up so much justifying last pm and this am that MO was going to happen, so I would just see how long I could hold off. Definitely trying to always think about what I might be missing if I pull the MO chute now. What further enlightenment could I get (and I'll never know if I MO) and is it really worth it. I also ask myself "What next?" meaning - what and how will you feel like after you MO. Will you feel better? Will you be happier? The answer is always no. It's failure and I don't want to discourage myself.

Hand in there Needs coffee - you (and me) can do this!

HoosierState · Jul 2, 2014

...oops HANG in there NC! (keep your hand out ;-)

Needs Coffee · Jul 2, 2014

Up to 18 days and time for an update.

There is a return of some libido. Morning wood the last two days. And 'the dribble' has started. A little bit, or more than just a little bit, of precum. I didn't mention that in the earlier comment about my earlier attempts to stop masturbating. When I went without for long enough, any venturous thoughts would cause a dribble. That little bit of dribble was just enough to feel down there, and then my thoughts would go to that area of my anatomy... and then a bit more dribble. So I need to really distract myself. Once I get done posting this, I shouldn't even think about rebooting, or there will be a dribble. And I'll need to change underwear... again. Then I've got a lot of other crap to do, so shouldn't have the time to think about that.

Another observation: Although my libido is starting to return. My thoughts aren't going toward porn, it's drifting toward... "who can I meet up with?" "where can I meet a real woman that would want me?" PMO is "easy", but there's a noticeable craving for the conversation, touch, etc. that only happens with another person. I've already had way more "alone time" than I want. And I'm desiring more than staring at a monitor and clicking a plastic mouse.

The plan is: no more PMO forever. Continuing the reboot, no P, no MO, no M for at least 30 days. (While no P forever might seem to be the 'right' answer, I'm not putting it in a black/white type of decision. At this point, seeing some of the paintings at the art gallery would be P and start me dribbling.) As far as the O, well, I'm still planning on 30 days without O, but if the right opportunity presents itself (which it probably won't), I'll likely jump at the chance. And everybody that really knows me would probably agree, "this dude totally needs to get laid."

Thoughts, comments, even pointing and laughing, are welcome! ;D Yeah Hoosier, I'm trying to keep my hand outta there!

HoosierState · Jul 3, 2014

Happy 4th Needs Coffee! (if your from America) I'm going to shoot for 30 days on "no MO" in addition to no PMO too. No PMO seems permanent as an ideal. I think I may be more of a MO addict as I struggle to control how I feel on that.

And right now I am hornier than a two peckered tomcat. Had an appt today with a woman who I would probably pass on when I was a "path of least resistance PMO'er" but today I'm looking at her and thinking (damn, if she offered me a blow job right now, I'd take it! (obviously I have more work to do) ...lol, god help the women I come in contact with this holiday weekend. I guess things in life are looking more appetizing now that we truly have self imposed, no MO, no PMO "cabin fever". Cheers and see you at 21 days clean (3 weeks).

Needs Coffee · Jul 5, 2014

Happy 4th to you, too, Hoosier!

Update: So the last few days, I had major morning wood. Yesterday, 7/4, I woke up early with it, went to the bathroom for a leak and then back to bed. Normally, the wood's gone by then and I can go back to sleep. But yesterday it didn't. I wasn't really able to go back to sleep, but sorta napped for the next hour and a half with my big wooden pole holding up the bedsheet like a tent. (Okay, I'm not huge, but you get the idea of what it felt like.) I was out and about most of the fourth, busy enough that sex didn't much cross my mind... much. When I got home, I checked in and posted to a couple of threads here and on another forum. Then it was time for shower and bed. Well, as I was lathering up in the shower, a sudden stiffness arose from the depths. I had a flashback to my very first O, as a young teen in the shower. Yesterday, the same as that first time, it only took a few rubs and the job was done. No time to even think about P, not much time or effort went into the M, but there was certainly an O. And since I was already in the shower and soapy, cleanup was fast and complete. LOL.

So I'm still going strong at 21 days against the P, the PM, and the PMO. Rather than categorizing this as MO, I'm giving it a slight downgrade to mO... since it was just a little m. ??? From what I'd read, I was hoping to wait and have 2 wet dreams in order to be able to gauge my biological load-creation clock. This O happened at 20 days, so I'll just keep taking it a day at a time and see what happens next.

No time like the present

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