Successful reboot?


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Hi there,

I am now 36 years old. Sorry my words are not structured so I am writing as my thoughts are coming:
When I was a young, I was a heavy wanker. Two hours a day were normal. Sometimes more. my story is probably like anyone else here. The problem with internet porn is that you get so much used to it that you do not even anymore that we were not meant to practice self-love in front of the computer. Somebody once said pornography is a way of dealing with your problems, whereas intimate sex is dealing with other people. My trigger was always the same: it was mostly being angry or hard emotions that made me decide to watch porn. the scary thing was - when I was young - I somehow knew I had a problem with pornography but I would never be able to spend it out.

Anyways looking into the future: Good habits replace bad habits:
I am doing a lot of running, so I am tired in the evenings
I frequently do meditation, it helps to relax the brain and give it some rest
Read books about what manhood is about. I am not talking about becoming the biggest seducer here, I am talking about acting responsible in life.
have goals in life.

The interesting thing about meditation that you learn is a lot of things are just random thoughts. just like the wish to masturbate. The more you meditate the more you find out that it was just a random thought.

anyways, hello again to this great community and I will be writing more soon.


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And more thing comes into my mind:

Manhood is about having goals and needing to fight for them. Jerking off is lazy.


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After porn usage, I always felt I was impatient. I hated cleaning up. My car looked like a mess.  My basement looked like a mess. I always lived for that particular perfect  shoot.  Sometimes in the evenings, I was more looking forward to wanking than meeting with friends.  When I was  young, I always blamed my mom. Well to some extent, I also found that the education she thought was best was not the I thought it should be in certain respects. When I was young, for instance, I was not allowed to play soccer because the boys in the team could be rude. I even was not allowed to watch Knight Rider because it would be too violent.  This is until 18. And it can be true that you can blame other people. But when we get older blaming other people is weak. It is like an excuse.  Blaming other people doesn?t lead to anything.
Anyways, my porn usage quite escalated also to prostitutes. At that time I actually quite enjoyed it. I never thought of it as a problem. But same with porn, it is not the real life. The real life is conquering a woman and then enjoying it. Also after conquering woman, I always felt very good about myself because I took the courage to initiate talking with them.
Also ? I talked to a lot of psychologists ? but I have found they were never off any help. Because a lot of them denied that there is such a thing such as porn addiction.
For me personally, the key to improving myself and not being a pussy in life is nowadays doing stuff. A good way to relax and to feel better is to clean up. Like cleaning the windows.  Or building stuff.
I also realized that watching porn is quite egoistic. Because it is all about yourself and all you do is to think about yourself.
I found that with meditation, I think and anticipate more how others react.
Porn usage is sometimes like running away from your emotions.  But in life, we need to learn to deal with emotions.

Another thing that I have started is writing down goals that I have.  Writing down goals helps achieving them


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Also, always watching porn is quite sad ? I get aroused to computer screen or mobile phone screen. 
Not watching porn is about keeping your emotions in check. It is about not giving in.  For me, in the past that has also sometimes been the problem: in real life, I would too easily just give in. I think this is also because of porn usage. Because we train ourselves to give in. 
Even though I never realized I also had cravings. I was getting nervous. I could not sit still. I would give easily. This was for me because of my porn usage.
So for me, meditation has been of big help. I try to incorporate every day into my life, not always succeed at it.
Another problem was actually admitting that I did have a problem with porn usage. I never wanted to admit that. But when prefer porn to going out then you know you have a problem.
For me, reading books about manhood really helped me because they helped put things in perspective.


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And there is one consistent thing about porn usage: When I masturbate in front of PC, I always think about going to mental counselling. When I do not masturbate, I do not have these thoughts.


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So my biggest goal is to go back to before Internet age: Enjoy Sex without any artificial self love arousal. I really hope to achieve that aim. Millions of people were able to live without porn. We just trained ourselfselves to do so. So I want to untrain.
As I mentioned in my journal I didn't have sex for 6 or 7 years.

That's basically because of porn. I became addicted probably in 2008-2009
when there was the explosion of the tube sites.

Is it your first attempt?


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Nope not really. I think I have had lots of attempts....but all of these forever attempts failed....I also think for me, this 90 days thing does not really work....I think it is better to think off to how to generally avoid porn and how to generally enjoy real life more....

Actually I have pretty much reduced all of the articifial arousal to zero. One benefit is that I notice a lot more women in general.

I find relapses happen. For me, I just want to change my life in general. Even if I relapse. So what. I cannot beat myself up on that. More important to me is to act responsible - but for this there is not exact definition. Everybody needs to define that himself. for me acting responsible is doing things that I disliked in the past and that I ran away from. I totally hated cleaning up when I was young. Nowadays I am starting to enjoy it. I am still not there where I want to be but I feel I improved. Or I am making nice food. But for me, actually I disliked cleaning up because while cleaning up you think about your emotions, and I never liked thinking about emotions, so this is why I never liked to clean up.

I even realized that three days ago: I was building some tables for outside for my terrace and angry emotions came up in me. But while I was building I would just let them pass. Before in my high addiction state I would have stopped to build the table.

I think this addiction is a serious disease and we must be careful about this. Also health-related wise: In my wildest time when I was 20, I even slept with a prostitute being totally drunk. I did not even remember having used a condom or not. I even caught a minor STD because I was too drunk to put on a condom. This was not responsible. I means this happens. But at that time, I wasnt ready to think about the consequences. I even was stupid enough to tell my parents. I think this was all because of porn: Porn trains us not to use logical thinking anymore. We take risks that under normal circumstance people would not do. But when watching porn the logical part of the brain is switched off. This incident only happened once to me luckily but it showed to me how bad porn can be....because after porn comes prostitutes....

what helps me the most is to just be aware that our brain is full of thoughts. 95% of my thoughts are quite random I find, so I want to put myself into a stage where I just let them pass.

one of the best strategies is running long distance. After 10 K, the brain becomes very peaceful. Not hate thoughts. Nothing. Just functioning mode. Just peace.

This is why I am also now running every second day. it makes me feel a lot better.


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No matter what happens, I want to learn to stick through all emotions. Bad emotions pass. They are like a storm. Even cravings. They do go away. Life is about learning to deal with emotions and keeping them in check when necessary. Never giving in. This is my goal.
I agree.  ;)

porn has ruined part of my life till now. I know it is creating a sort of a mental fog.

I really want to stop forever. I just want not to watch porn till the day that I die.  :mad:

I am not speaking about masturbation, just about pOM.

what is your record?

my current record is about 20-25 days (didn't count accurately).

I created this account because I want to share my experience and because I think it's
gonna help me in being more disciplined.  ;)

Also reading others journal is very important. I understand I'm not alone  :(

Porn is a social plague in my opinion. In a certain way porn is even more dangerous than drugs.


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Porn also messes with our brains:
a) We think every woman is just ready for sex, wants to have sex.
b) We are lazy. We are just consuming sex like eating meat.
c) We are not honest. Not every women 90-60-90. And not everyone is Don Juan with a big. Real life is about real persons. 

My record is like 78 days.  But I am talking about all stimulations. Maybe we do not watch porn anymore but social media can be a substitute for that.

So the goal is live without any artificial arousal.
yeah you are right.

with porn I mean ''fapping in front of a computer while opening several tabs and clicking hundreds of time''.

I fapped many times while watching youtube or vimeo (or even google images  :-[) instead of xhamster or youjizz.

what happens into your brain is exactly tha same. let's say that at leats with instagram or youtube you don't watch
unreal sex acts, but the difference is very minimal, almost irrilevant.

Otherwise there is no problem in fapping while thinking of the girl next door beceause there is no searching and
clicking and viewing.

maybe could be ok to fap with a single image or video, but i prefer to avoid the visual stimuli at all right now.

78 days? that's pretty impressive, never achieved something like that  ::)



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when not fapping, I do not even miss it anymore. But again, it is all a matter of getting things done in real life. Same with Facebook, unless you use it in a good way, it is quite a waste of time.

I really regret not having known more about these forums earlier and getting education about it.

Because here is the thing:
If we count the endless hours spent on fapping, we could have done so many more other things with that time. Just like with meditation. But then again, life is about improving. and back then fapping was a way of dealing with problems. Now we all know it is a waste of time and a waste of sexual energy.


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My thoughts of today are that it is all about controlling yourself.  If it sometimes does not work, we need to move on in life.

Also for me what works is keeping myself busy. Not idle time. No procrastination. Not staying too much at home.

Also ? before I had a very well paid job, but I wasn?t too happy. Now I am way less paid, but I am happy. So finding something that gives a sense for living is important too.

Running also gives a lot of dopamine. So on average I run every second day around 8 k. After the running, I do not really think anymore. My brain doesn?t wander around anymore.


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And there was one sentence which I found to be true: Do not have guilt about something. If you do it, just do it. Even if you PMO, make sure you know it was our own decision to pmo. Nobody forced us to do pmo. So being conscious about one own?s actions helps me. 


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On another note ? last Saturday I deliberately switched off any internet device for the evening - which I am otherwise unable or more unwilling to. It was a pleasant experience, just leaving the media for once. In general internet should only be used if we have too. It even starts with going by train.  Everybody is just staring at their mobile devices, doing some internet related stuff. This is sad because train is also good for training superficial chats or making eye contacts.


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Another thing for me personally has been that I have been thinking too much about women  in my life anyways. It is waste of time sometimes. It is better to just sometimes think about man stuff. Like earning money. Or sports. Or in general any hobby that we have. When you give women the feeling you do not depend on them, you appear stronger. And not always saying yes to women. a no can confuse a woman.  women sometimes like to play games with us. just do not play along.


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For me, Pmo was my way of relieving stress and also of dealing with problems. But in my heavy times of pmo, the pmo became the problem because I got so used to it.  To some extent, porn is great, or more a great dillusion. Everything seems perfect and we do not need to fight for it. We just get it for free.  But that is not real life. Real life means accepting that life is not perfect.
Porn turned me into a hypochondriac pussy. I was sometimes even imagining stds because of guilt.  This is not a good life. So most important is to stand up for oneself. That makes me always feel a lot better. Sometimes even complaining makes people shut up. If you are constantly being nice, then nobody listens to you. If you from time to time complain, people for some reason listen to you.
Actually a good book is the book for anonymous alcoholics (the blue book). And every time the word addiction to alcohol comes up, just replace it with pmoing?..I read that, and afterwards I felt scared. PMO is messing us up.


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For me, in the past, it has been a way of feeling more powerful.  But when you want to be more powerful you need to seek conflicts. You need to feel uncomfortable.  We need to trust ourselves more.  Other people often just pretend they are stronger. But very often it is just an image to not show their weakness. Also it is better to less talk about us. Do never ever put yourselves into the focus of attention.  Sometimes being quiet and observing more is better. Let us people do the talking. Focus on doing, not talking.  In the past I ran away from conflicts. But now why would I run away. We only live once.


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Things that helped in the past at the office: I just sometimes for fun said I totally disagreed. Then people would listen. Or just criticize something this is poorly done. Then people listen. In the past, I had just been scared to say that.  It is not good to be scared. Overcome your scaredness.