italianwanker
Member
TiramiSu said:
probably porn made you feel not confident. that's another big, big problem with porn.
it's the same for me.
Successful reboot?
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probably porn made you feel not confident. that's another big, big problem with porn.
it's the same for me.
actually the worst part about pmo is the guilt part. When I was young, i always felt guilt about it. And even worse, I always thought to have some bladder infection about jerking off...so it is all bs.....no more wanking in life is better.....my rule is too just not touch myself anymore except for washing otherwise have the opposite sex touch me. it is better anyways....pmo gives massive brain fog as well....
My goal is to become totally indifferent to all artificial stimulation. Porn is not evil, but it should not just play that much of a role in our lives. I want to focus more on other things in my life. The entire issue has been that when I was young, I thought way too much about porn. Porn is a big lie. Even worse Prostitutes. You get the feeling somebody is sleeping with you. But in reality, I would deprive myself of my manhood. Manhood also means fighting and conquering. But for porn, we basically get it for free and for prostitutes we pay. I want to think more about what makes me more of a man. What turns me into more male. Things that turn more into a male is for instance an intensive workout. Also Meditation. Meditations confronts us with our feelings. Meditations lets us discover ourselves. So questions that I want to ask myself on a daily basis: Am I happy with my professional life? Am I doing the right steps? What uncomfortable steps am I undertaking? Do I have interestings hobbies? How do I spend my time when I am not working? What are my dreams? Sex is not only self-love ? but in case of porn and prostitutes it is self love. Because we just choose what we want. But actually we are not testing what the other person is thinking. And furthermore, we cannot test the other person.
Also when I was young I did not want to admit it but I did have a serious problem with pornography. I didn?t want to admit it. I put the blame on other people. When being young, it is possible to do so. But after 18, it has been a mistake to put the blame on other people. Porn makes the pain go away for a couple of hours. It makes forget about the stress. But it is so enticing because as soon as there is another problem I automatically turned to porn. I think I did have cravings. Maybe sometimes it would have helped to have a mirror and see how kind of pathetic that is to shake hands with the presidents in front of a mirror. The danger of porn/prostitutes is that it is too easy to get used to it.
These forums are really great help. When I was young, I really thought I would be the only person to have this kind of problem. But in reality I think more people cannot properly use the substance called pornography or prostitutes.
I once read which is totally true, but never thought enough about, is that we turn ourselves on. It is not the PC. We have just chosen to get turned on by the pc. Through that we become desensitized. I want to focus more on body sensation. How is the body reacting? What is the body feeling? Not using pictures in our brain ? this is the same of porn or prostitutes-, just focusing on the together part when being together.
These forums are really great help. When I was young, I really thought I would be the only person to have this kind of problem. But in reality I think more people cannot properly use the substance called pornography or prostitutes.
I once read which is totally true, but never thought enough about, is that we turn ourselves on. It is not the PC. We have just chosen to get turned on by the pc. Through that we become desensitized. I want to focus more on body sensation. How is the body reacting? What is the body feeling? Not using pictures in our brain ? this is the same of porn or prostitutes-, just focusing on the together part when being together.
For me, this need for porn was created because I did not dare to say my opinion enough. And I did not dare to stand up for myself. That was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I was scared of conflicts. I always chickened out. So today I always want to enter conflicts, assuming it is of use. Stupid conflicts are to be avoided of course.
Another thought is that life is not only about career and job. Most important is to be happy with myself and the family. So I want to spend ?happy time? enjoying?
Another thought is that life is not only about career and job. Most important is to be happy with myself and the family. So I want to spend ?happy time? enjoying?
Giving up artificial stimulation means giving up an old lifestyle. It means I have to be and I want to be aware that I want to change. I want to be aware that the road is not easy. I want to be aware that I will need to make different choices myself. I want to be aware that it is not the others anymore, I want to be aware that it is me who wants to change first. I want to be aware that maybe articificial stimulation is giving a good feeling, but it is an illusion. So I want to be aware that I make the choice of artificial stimulation that it is not the real thing. And I want to ask myself If I want to live in an artificial world where I can get everything or in the real world where I need to learn to get stuff.
My last comment for the day because I cannot really say it often enough pornography made me hate cleaning up. Without pornography, I actually do enjoy cleaning up. In my worst times, my trunk in my car looked like a shit hole. The problem is because when cleaning up, I confront my feeling. But in jerk off mode, confronting feelings is a no go. After stopping pornography I even started building cupboards for my appartments. This unfortunately is not superpowers, this is what we are capable of without being massive wankers. Wanking destroys the life.
actually another thing - when I was young I always wanted to impress other people. What bullshit. Only impress yourself and be happy with your self...and I always wanted to fulfill expectation of my family. what bullshit. you fulfill yourself. In general think less what others care about. it doesnt matter. They also do not care.
italianwanker
Member
TiramiSu said:
couldn't agree more.
I relapsed yesterday. But I learned one thing. I mostly relapse when I am angry. When I am angry, I do binge consumption to forget. So instead of binge consumption, it would be better to even watch some stupid TV show or to read a book. But in the past, when I was angry, I just didn?t want to think about it. Actually for me, there is a 70% relation between being angry and relapsing. So next time I am angry, I want to do meditation. When being angry, in the future, I just want to continue my hobbies.
italianwanker
Member
The emotions that lead me to binge are (I prefer to use the present tense since It's just ten days off) these: anger, boredom, anxiety, sadness, lonelyness,etc.
It's just like any other drug. :-[
anyway don't worry about your relapse. It happens to everybody.
It's just like any other drug. :-[
anyway don't worry about your relapse. It happens to everybody.
italianwanker
Member
TiramiSu said:
how many days without porn before relapsing?
offaxis
Active Member
Yes, days without is very artificial I think.
Also to be honest with yourself is really important. So, I would like to praise your courage and honesty in saying you "changed to light stuff" because that's really important you have good self-awareness and you are showing that by making such a statement. I feel you are still not comfortable with that part of your behaviour - but it's not coming out via porn but another way. So, deep down, maybe you still feel uncomfortable that the root of the problem is still there. It's not so much the porn (which is very bad) but the fact you are transgressing your own boundaries that you have made for yourself. This is what I found personally. Are you really happy with YouTube? Probably not. We all want complete release from this, not merely a step-down.
Positive things instead, like you suggest, meditation and so on that help sooth and calm down the things we otherwise try to use porn for. So, recognizing first how and why you want to use porn is a key step to then figuring out what other (self-positive) things could replace that for you.
When I got angry with women, I realised that this was also me rationalising my acting out. I would say to myself, "that woman treated me badly, so I am going to treat all woman badly back through using porn" - may not really clearly and consciously like that when I was in my bubble. But now I look back, I can see a lot of that in my actions. "Women don't like me, so I don't like women and acting out through porn is me getting my own back" - that's really warped and shows how badly my self image has got damaged over the years. I am trying to accept this about myself. It's not easy because no-one wants to think things like that. And yes, I was very angry too but totally detached from it and avoiding it. I had no positive outlet for my anger. (I think maybe of doing martial arts or boxing now instead, as much more positive).
People only have the power over your life that you give them. The anger is all yours.
Also to be honest with yourself is really important. So, I would like to praise your courage and honesty in saying you "changed to light stuff" because that's really important you have good self-awareness and you are showing that by making such a statement. I feel you are still not comfortable with that part of your behaviour - but it's not coming out via porn but another way. So, deep down, maybe you still feel uncomfortable that the root of the problem is still there. It's not so much the porn (which is very bad) but the fact you are transgressing your own boundaries that you have made for yourself. This is what I found personally. Are you really happy with YouTube? Probably not. We all want complete release from this, not merely a step-down.
Positive things instead, like you suggest, meditation and so on that help sooth and calm down the things we otherwise try to use porn for. So, recognizing first how and why you want to use porn is a key step to then figuring out what other (self-positive) things could replace that for you.
When I got angry with women, I realised that this was also me rationalising my acting out. I would say to myself, "that woman treated me badly, so I am going to treat all woman badly back through using porn" - may not really clearly and consciously like that when I was in my bubble. But now I look back, I can see a lot of that in my actions. "Women don't like me, so I don't like women and acting out through porn is me getting my own back" - that's really warped and shows how badly my self image has got damaged over the years. I am trying to accept this about myself. It's not easy because no-one wants to think things like that. And yes, I was very angry too but totally detached from it and avoiding it. I had no positive outlet for my anger. (I think maybe of doing martial arts or boxing now instead, as much more positive).
People only have the power over your life that you give them. The anger is all yours.
Thanks for your answer. I once read a sentence which seems very well thought: if a woman is sexy or not depends on just us solely. We ourselves determine the sexiness of a woman. I am sometimes confused about the role of the female body plays. For example How does breast size determine sexual happiness? But same with men, not everyone looks like a top model.In theory, our body, our mind should just focus on sensations, the way we are touched, etc. We should focus on the relationship part and not just the body. So do the eyes play too much of a big role?
One thing is definitely true: In general just have a lot of good habits. Good habits are helpful in every aspect.
So my habits are meditation (10 minutes to 40 minutes per days) and running.
One thing is definitely true: In general just have a lot of good habits. Good habits are helpful in every aspect.
So my habits are meditation (10 minutes to 40 minutes per days) and running.