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cranm329
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Do you do microcosmic orbit qigong? May be worth looking at YouTube for examples of exercises and sequences.
NoFap Consciousness
- Thread starter Georgos
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Thank you cranm, I will look into it.
I really want to try separating porn from vanilla images like pinups and fashion pictures, pictures of beautiful women, but already I have noticed a resistance in me and it comes from insecurity.
Why is there a tendency to move to harder stuff?
When you see a pinup or a fashion picture, the confidence of the women in it with their sexuality triggers your insecurity, you want to see them brought down a level, degraded, brought down to your level or below. And this comes from feeling insecure about your own sexuality, your ability to meet them as equals.
Again it goes back to attraction to power imbalances. I have always been attracted to sexually powerful women lowering themselves by giving pleasure for nothing in return. As I said, this comes from insecurity, wanting charity, seeing myself as unworthy, unable to meet them as an equal.
So I really want to just appreciate women in pinups or fashion pictures and stop myself from moving on to harder stuff.
In fact even these images can be degrading to women, creating false senses of what femininity is meant to be, from body image to attitude, but they are better than porn by a huge degree. The women are showing off, they may still be acting, but they are showing off, though they may still be lowering themselves to men's expectations.
Being able to meet them as equals in my viewing should help with my self esteem. Ideally I'd like to not seek out images at all. But I want to get over the trigger to move to harder stuff that such vanilla images so often cause, and this means working on my image of self worth.
It degrades me to look at harder stuff because I am accepting that I cannot meet sexually attractive women as their equals.
I need to conquer this attitude and transcend it. Accustoming myself to looking at more vanilla images without moving to harder ones will help.
Thank you.
I really want to try separating porn from vanilla images like pinups and fashion pictures, pictures of beautiful women, but already I have noticed a resistance in me and it comes from insecurity.
Why is there a tendency to move to harder stuff?
When you see a pinup or a fashion picture, the confidence of the women in it with their sexuality triggers your insecurity, you want to see them brought down a level, degraded, brought down to your level or below. And this comes from feeling insecure about your own sexuality, your ability to meet them as equals.
Again it goes back to attraction to power imbalances. I have always been attracted to sexually powerful women lowering themselves by giving pleasure for nothing in return. As I said, this comes from insecurity, wanting charity, seeing myself as unworthy, unable to meet them as an equal.
So I really want to just appreciate women in pinups or fashion pictures and stop myself from moving on to harder stuff.
In fact even these images can be degrading to women, creating false senses of what femininity is meant to be, from body image to attitude, but they are better than porn by a huge degree. The women are showing off, they may still be acting, but they are showing off, though they may still be lowering themselves to men's expectations.
Being able to meet them as equals in my viewing should help with my self esteem. Ideally I'd like to not seek out images at all. But I want to get over the trigger to move to harder stuff that such vanilla images so often cause, and this means working on my image of self worth.
It degrades me to look at harder stuff because I am accepting that I cannot meet sexually attractive women as their equals.
I need to conquer this attitude and transcend it. Accustoming myself to looking at more vanilla images without moving to harder ones will help.
Thank you.
So searching for only vanilla images is harder than you might think.
The first search I did had mostly vanilla images but quite a few hardcore ones as well. Repeating the search filtering out the "porn" still had a few hardcore images.
I'm still barely looking at porn for more than a minute or so each day, and I'm still not MOing or Ming.
I've realised that I have always been more attracted to vanilla images, although my they have always triggered me to search for harder things, this is why even when I click on the harder stuff I usually can't bear to watch it past the opening stages.
However I want to overcome the triggering towards harder things that as I said is a result of insecurity and wanting to see women degraded to a level below the level I feel I am at, so I can feel secure in my sexuality.
I need to feel secure in my sexuality without feeling the need to degrade anyone, to meet them as equals.
This is a big part of the journey for me, not just abstaining from porn, but conquering the reasons that attracted me to it in the first place.
Thank you.
The first search I did had mostly vanilla images but quite a few hardcore ones as well. Repeating the search filtering out the "porn" still had a few hardcore images.
I'm still barely looking at porn for more than a minute or so each day, and I'm still not MOing or Ming.
I've realised that I have always been more attracted to vanilla images, although my they have always triggered me to search for harder things, this is why even when I click on the harder stuff I usually can't bear to watch it past the opening stages.
However I want to overcome the triggering towards harder things that as I said is a result of insecurity and wanting to see women degraded to a level below the level I feel I am at, so I can feel secure in my sexuality.
I need to feel secure in my sexuality without feeling the need to degrade anyone, to meet them as equals.
This is a big part of the journey for me, not just abstaining from porn, but conquering the reasons that attracted me to it in the first place.
Thank you.
So I managed to search for non-pornographic images that still were somewhat arousing, more so than most of the pornographic ones actually, which I more often than not find distasteful. I usually really have to search for porn that is to my taste.
The challenge now is not to let it trigger me to searching for porn.
Intellectually knowing that it is my lack of self-worth that sends me to search out degrading images of women is not the same as actually having the self-worth to not go down that path but it is a start.
Someone told me if I am ashamed of looking at porn I might be sexually repressed.
I am, but even if the women are enjoying taking part in porn, the reason I have been looking at it is still to see them brought down to the level at which they have sex with guys I think are jerks.
This last statement perhaps proves that I am sexually repressed by indicating that I think having sex is at a lower level than non-sexual interactions, but the key is that I think the guys are lower than me, being jerks.
I really do think that the attraction to porn is sexual insecurity, so I don't think stopping it will have any affect on me being sexually repressed.
I do however need to deal with my sexual repression.
Slowly, slowly I will climb out of this cave.
Thank you.
The challenge now is not to let it trigger me to searching for porn.
Intellectually knowing that it is my lack of self-worth that sends me to search out degrading images of women is not the same as actually having the self-worth to not go down that path but it is a start.
Someone told me if I am ashamed of looking at porn I might be sexually repressed.
I am, but even if the women are enjoying taking part in porn, the reason I have been looking at it is still to see them brought down to the level at which they have sex with guys I think are jerks.
This last statement perhaps proves that I am sexually repressed by indicating that I think having sex is at a lower level than non-sexual interactions, but the key is that I think the guys are lower than me, being jerks.
I really do think that the attraction to porn is sexual insecurity, so I don't think stopping it will have any affect on me being sexually repressed.
I do however need to deal with my sexual repression.
Slowly, slowly I will climb out of this cave.
Thank you.
So I managed three days of P-subs without MO before returning to P. Still no MO though.
I'm not sure if its harder to try and restrict yourself to P-subs without MO than to give up everything altogether.
The desire to move from P-subs to P is definitely a desire to see the women in the images lowered.
But then I have sexual repression of seeing sex as lowering oneself as well.
This is the core of my neurosis.
Add to that the underlying racism of so called IR porn and my neurosis gets worse, eventually leading to psychosis.
The underlying racism of so called IR porn is not the fact that it features mixed race couples, it is how I the viewer relate to it and why I have so often sought it out coming from my sexual repression.
The fact that I view sex as somehow base and a lower activity and then project that on to black men is racist.
I am a hypocrite for doing it.
The confusion comes from thinking that the fact that it features mixed race couples is somehow anti-racist. The reality is that my projections are racist, and that is how I relate to the images.
I need to deal with my sexual repression, and porn is not the answer.
Trying to look only at P-subs without MO seems like a good idea at the moment, but I have been really struggling to maintain it, so far only three days maximum.
I'm pleased that I'm not MOing, I don't suffer the same ups and downs of orgasm and then come-down.
Why do I feel the need to lower women? Why do I view sex as lowering? This is the paradox that leads to neurosis. The answer is because I have been getting my sexual stimulation through porn.
In this sense I should quit P-subs as well, but I can't help but think that healthy men can look at an image of an attractive woman without feeling repressed.
The racism is a direct result of the way I relate to my sexual repression through projection.
I need to stick to P-subs for the time being. I will try to go a week of only them, but I have found that the choice of what images to search for starts before I even search.
This is why limiting myself to text searches is also important.
I know it sounds like I'm messing around, I should just quit altogether, but I'm trying to explore my sexual repression in a more mindful and analytical way.
I will keep to the path of toning down my searches for the time being before eventually trying to quit everything again. The good thing is that I am not MOing and that is something to be proud of.
Thank you.
I'm not sure if its harder to try and restrict yourself to P-subs without MO than to give up everything altogether.
The desire to move from P-subs to P is definitely a desire to see the women in the images lowered.
But then I have sexual repression of seeing sex as lowering oneself as well.
This is the core of my neurosis.
Add to that the underlying racism of so called IR porn and my neurosis gets worse, eventually leading to psychosis.
The underlying racism of so called IR porn is not the fact that it features mixed race couples, it is how I the viewer relate to it and why I have so often sought it out coming from my sexual repression.
The fact that I view sex as somehow base and a lower activity and then project that on to black men is racist.
I am a hypocrite for doing it.
The confusion comes from thinking that the fact that it features mixed race couples is somehow anti-racist. The reality is that my projections are racist, and that is how I relate to the images.
I need to deal with my sexual repression, and porn is not the answer.
Trying to look only at P-subs without MO seems like a good idea at the moment, but I have been really struggling to maintain it, so far only three days maximum.
I'm pleased that I'm not MOing, I don't suffer the same ups and downs of orgasm and then come-down.
Why do I feel the need to lower women? Why do I view sex as lowering? This is the paradox that leads to neurosis. The answer is because I have been getting my sexual stimulation through porn.
In this sense I should quit P-subs as well, but I can't help but think that healthy men can look at an image of an attractive woman without feeling repressed.
The racism is a direct result of the way I relate to my sexual repression through projection.
I need to stick to P-subs for the time being. I will try to go a week of only them, but I have found that the choice of what images to search for starts before I even search.
This is why limiting myself to text searches is also important.
I know it sounds like I'm messing around, I should just quit altogether, but I'm trying to explore my sexual repression in a more mindful and analytical way.
I will keep to the path of toning down my searches for the time being before eventually trying to quit everything again. The good thing is that I am not MOing and that is something to be proud of.
Thank you.
So for the record, I have managed 197 consecutive days without P last year. It is because I have made it that far that I am trying to take a different path than all or nothing at the moment. The real problem is sexual repression which I think is directly related to my past PMOing. Ethics is not the problem though certainly a good reason to quit. The reason I say that is because, for example, the meat industry is horrific in its treatment of animals, yet not everyone feels the need to become vegetarian or vegan. As I said, ethics is a good reason to quit, but it is not the main problem for me. The main problem is how I relate to sex. Some people consume porn and have healthy sex lives. I would like to quit for ethical reasons, but more important to me is that I have a healthy sex life.
My sex life is compounded by my diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia. Being effectively mentally disabled makes it that much harder to find a girlfriend or to keep one. I need someone who can deal with me when I'm having psychotic relapses, and that is a huge demand to place on anyone.
My PMO use contributed to my initial breakdown, in fact it was one of the main reasons, and has played a large part in my subsequent condition. It also contributed to my sexual repression to a large degree and this also makes it difficult to establish a sexual relationship.
I'm doing much better. I'm not MOing, so don't have the ups and downs of orgasm and come-down. But I need to get serious about not looking at P again. My last streak was 79 days.
Anyway, it's Christmas eve, so happy holidays everyone,
Thank you.
My sex life is compounded by my diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia. Being effectively mentally disabled makes it that much harder to find a girlfriend or to keep one. I need someone who can deal with me when I'm having psychotic relapses, and that is a huge demand to place on anyone.
My PMO use contributed to my initial breakdown, in fact it was one of the main reasons, and has played a large part in my subsequent condition. It also contributed to my sexual repression to a large degree and this also makes it difficult to establish a sexual relationship.
I'm doing much better. I'm not MOing, so don't have the ups and downs of orgasm and come-down. But I need to get serious about not looking at P again. My last streak was 79 days.
Anyway, it's Christmas eve, so happy holidays everyone,
Thank you.
So is this journey never ending? It depends what you mean by end. I did 79 days hardmode recently. I did 197 days without P at the beginning of the year, 273 days without PMO. I am succeeding. I still want to do a years hardmode, but will it end there.
I am not doing this because of ED, I am doing it for psychological reasons, dealing with my neurotic relationship with sexual stimulation.
I am sexually repressed.
When sexual thoughts come through my mind, I tense up, which is really bad on dates.
I don't like porn ethically and I have a bad relationship with masturbation bio-chemically. I want to appreciate true beauty and make real love.
This either or is my neurosis, but I have been doing the former things which I don't like most of my life, whereas the latter I have struggled to express.
I have almost completed three days hardmode as of today. Tomorrow I want to look at some fashion models. I say want, I don't really have any bio-chemical urges to do it, I just want to practice looking at fashion models instead of P.
I will look at them, however briefly, without masturbating, and then I will do another three days with no looking at any sexual images of women at all. Already I have felt the sinking feeling of the inevitability of going back to P after looking at fashion models. But it is not inevitable, it is my choice.
I want to feel comfortable looking at beauty and also discard the feeling of needing to see women having sex in order to feel superior.
I know I can avoid porn, but I need to learn to appreciate beauty without wanting to conquer it or possess it.
My plan sounds really neurotic, a day of looking at fashion models and then three days of looking at nothing, all the time without masturbating, but I think it is progressive towards my aims.
Avoiding porn is not enough, I have to deal with the underlying psychological reasons for which I have looked at it.
Thank you.
I am not doing this because of ED, I am doing it for psychological reasons, dealing with my neurotic relationship with sexual stimulation.
I am sexually repressed.
When sexual thoughts come through my mind, I tense up, which is really bad on dates.
I don't like porn ethically and I have a bad relationship with masturbation bio-chemically. I want to appreciate true beauty and make real love.
This either or is my neurosis, but I have been doing the former things which I don't like most of my life, whereas the latter I have struggled to express.
I have almost completed three days hardmode as of today. Tomorrow I want to look at some fashion models. I say want, I don't really have any bio-chemical urges to do it, I just want to practice looking at fashion models instead of P.
I will look at them, however briefly, without masturbating, and then I will do another three days with no looking at any sexual images of women at all. Already I have felt the sinking feeling of the inevitability of going back to P after looking at fashion models. But it is not inevitable, it is my choice.
I want to feel comfortable looking at beauty and also discard the feeling of needing to see women having sex in order to feel superior.
I know I can avoid porn, but I need to learn to appreciate beauty without wanting to conquer it or possess it.
My plan sounds really neurotic, a day of looking at fashion models and then three days of looking at nothing, all the time without masturbating, but I think it is progressive towards my aims.
Avoiding porn is not enough, I have to deal with the underlying psychological reasons for which I have looked at it.
Thank you.
So three days of hardmode complete and today I want to look at fashion models for one day only. I will probably only look briefly, for a minute or so, but even thinking about it makes me feel strange. I don't know how to describe the feeling, it is a sort of feeling of despair at the inevitability of caving and disgust at myself for not being strong. I don't think I describe it right. It is very hard to put into words. But it is important. This feeling can build and cause me to relapse proper. It is part of the neurosis of trying to suppress my urges. Suppressing bad things is a last resort. In reality you should not want to do bad things in the first place.
I'm going to look at the images of fashion models in the evening to maximise my chances of not moving on to P. Tomorrow I will go back to total abstention. Despite looking at fashion models, I am not going to look at P anymore. My past experience causes me to doubt this last statement, but I must believe it.
I am still not MOing at all and this is giving my the space to be mindful with the images and ascertain what is really going on psychologically. It is also not reinforcing the addiction to the images with orgasm.
I am making great progress, I have barely PMOd at all in the past eighteen months, doing better than I have ever done.
The aim is to cure my neurosis and have a healthy sex life. This requires coming to terms with P psychologically, not just leaving it in the past.
Coming to terms with P must be emotional as well as intellectual. Words are not enough.
Thank you.
I'm going to look at the images of fashion models in the evening to maximise my chances of not moving on to P. Tomorrow I will go back to total abstention. Despite looking at fashion models, I am not going to look at P anymore. My past experience causes me to doubt this last statement, but I must believe it.
I am still not MOing at all and this is giving my the space to be mindful with the images and ascertain what is really going on psychologically. It is also not reinforcing the addiction to the images with orgasm.
I am making great progress, I have barely PMOd at all in the past eighteen months, doing better than I have ever done.
The aim is to cure my neurosis and have a healthy sex life. This requires coming to terms with P psychologically, not just leaving it in the past.
Coming to terms with P must be emotional as well as intellectual. Words are not enough.
Thank you.
So I've been thinking about the spectrum of sexuality.
The truth is nobody knows how love works.
Even sexual orientation is an unknown mix of nature and nurture (some studies showing that it is only about thirty percent genetic whatever that means).
When I think of two of my closest gay friends, they were the first boys in my school to go on a date with girls, whereas I was the last.
It's probably not helpful to draw the comparison between PMO addiction and sexual orientation, but they are both part of the sexual spectrum of behaviour.
In truth the genetic component of PMO addiction is probably much lower, which is why it can be changed, but I am wondering about the studies that show that a significant portion of men suffer anxiety and neurosis with regards to PMO abuse, whereas the majority don't. Does this have a significant genetic component, like schizophrenia?
I'm not drawing any conclusions, just wondering how to move on.
Thank you.
The truth is nobody knows how love works.
Even sexual orientation is an unknown mix of nature and nurture (some studies showing that it is only about thirty percent genetic whatever that means).
When I think of two of my closest gay friends, they were the first boys in my school to go on a date with girls, whereas I was the last.
It's probably not helpful to draw the comparison between PMO addiction and sexual orientation, but they are both part of the sexual spectrum of behaviour.
In truth the genetic component of PMO addiction is probably much lower, which is why it can be changed, but I am wondering about the studies that show that a significant portion of men suffer anxiety and neurosis with regards to PMO abuse, whereas the majority don't. Does this have a significant genetic component, like schizophrenia?
I'm not drawing any conclusions, just wondering how to move on.
Thank you.
So I'm still thinking about to what extent sexual neurosis with regards to PMO is hardwired in some men. Why do some men experience such anxiety following orgasm and others don't?
The brain exhibits plasticity meaning that it can reconfigure itself in response to the environment, which is what gives me hope, but arranging the environment to help reconfigure the brain is not really an option except on a very limited scale.
I recently watched a video on the new studies of the brains of people interacting with each other, something that has not been done before owing to the nature of MRI scans which prohibit movement.
With new specially designed technology they are now able to scan the brains of people holding conversations and engaging in other interactive activities.
The preliminary results found something that seems obvious, but is important. When two people or even groups of people interact, the cycles in their brains become entrained, oscillating in harmony.
This made me wonder about the idea that Chinese doctors can tell the difference between what they call the neurotic pulse after masturbation and the healthy pulse after sex.
There is probably an entrainment that goes on between the brains of people having sex which doesn't happen when people masturbate on their own.
In other words, the cycles in the brains of people having sex, synch, whereas I suspect there is a real danger of the cycles in the brains of someone who masturbates getting out of synch with the world. This in itself is not necessarily bad. Being out of synch gives us the chance to be original and innovative, but it also gives us the chance to become dysfunctional.
So I am still wondering whether the anxiety that many men experience after orgasm is hardwired or the result of how they synched with their environment during masturbation over the years.
Probably a bit of both.
At present, I think the best thing I can do, which I am doing, is not to MO anymore, to try and resynch by giving the cycles a break.
Much of my anxiety has gone as a result of this.
The remaining issue is about being hardwired to look at P which some people have mentioned.
I'm still not sure how to deal with this issue.
Thank you.
The brain exhibits plasticity meaning that it can reconfigure itself in response to the environment, which is what gives me hope, but arranging the environment to help reconfigure the brain is not really an option except on a very limited scale.
I recently watched a video on the new studies of the brains of people interacting with each other, something that has not been done before owing to the nature of MRI scans which prohibit movement.
With new specially designed technology they are now able to scan the brains of people holding conversations and engaging in other interactive activities.
The preliminary results found something that seems obvious, but is important. When two people or even groups of people interact, the cycles in their brains become entrained, oscillating in harmony.
This made me wonder about the idea that Chinese doctors can tell the difference between what they call the neurotic pulse after masturbation and the healthy pulse after sex.
There is probably an entrainment that goes on between the brains of people having sex which doesn't happen when people masturbate on their own.
In other words, the cycles in the brains of people having sex, synch, whereas I suspect there is a real danger of the cycles in the brains of someone who masturbates getting out of synch with the world. This in itself is not necessarily bad. Being out of synch gives us the chance to be original and innovative, but it also gives us the chance to become dysfunctional.
So I am still wondering whether the anxiety that many men experience after orgasm is hardwired or the result of how they synched with their environment during masturbation over the years.
Probably a bit of both.
At present, I think the best thing I can do, which I am doing, is not to MO anymore, to try and resynch by giving the cycles a break.
Much of my anxiety has gone as a result of this.
The remaining issue is about being hardwired to look at P which some people have mentioned.
I'm still not sure how to deal with this issue.
Thank you.
So mindless browsing is keeping me away from P but not away from psychotic triggers 
I have gone back to seeing conspiracies everywhere and trying to impose my will which is not what life should be about.
Give and ask, these are the two requisites of a good life.
But more than this, what do you give and what do you ask.
I must be mindful. I must stop trying to impose my will, offloading my problems.
Have been concentrating on family and friends wellbeing and given the problems of the clan to the world. Is it any wonder I am being triggered.
I am not insane yet, just have to watch the impulse to browse irrelevant news to me.
Thank you.
I have gone back to seeing conspiracies everywhere and trying to impose my will which is not what life should be about.
Give and ask, these are the two requisites of a good life.
But more than this, what do you give and what do you ask.
I must be mindful. I must stop trying to impose my will, offloading my problems.
Have been concentrating on family and friends wellbeing and given the problems of the clan to the world. Is it any wonder I am being triggered.
I am not insane yet, just have to watch the impulse to browse irrelevant news to me.
Thank you.
So when I'm stressed and trying to find the right words to say I use the yi jing.
I always throw coins, but I'm trying to remember how to do it with yarrow sticks.
I recall grouping them into a certain number of piles and then counting them off, but how many and into what piles I can't remember.
I could look it up again, but I'm struggling to be still.
I don't want to throw coins again.
Thank you.
I always throw coins, but I'm trying to remember how to do it with yarrow sticks.
I recall grouping them into a certain number of piles and then counting them off, but how many and into what piles I can't remember.
I could look it up again, but I'm struggling to be still.
I don't want to throw coins again.
Thank you.
So I have had a relapse which is now abating.
The trigger was getting involved in things that are none of my business on the internet again, mainly out of a sincere wish to contribute and a sense of boredom.
I still can't do the simplest of physical tasks, I need to start with yoga and tidying my flat.
I'm ashamed of working under duress, I want to do it voluntarily, perhaps that is my ill feelings towards slavery.
Our souls are free but our egos are slaves, so long as we are conscious, this is something to remember as you love your ego and shape it into something that can be released.
I've lost count of days which could be another reason for my relapse, especially with this tension around me.
No P, no MO, so far, just have to make the best of it.
Thank you.
The trigger was getting involved in things that are none of my business on the internet again, mainly out of a sincere wish to contribute and a sense of boredom.
I still can't do the simplest of physical tasks, I need to start with yoga and tidying my flat.
I'm ashamed of working under duress, I want to do it voluntarily, perhaps that is my ill feelings towards slavery.
Our souls are free but our egos are slaves, so long as we are conscious, this is something to remember as you love your ego and shape it into something that can be released.
I've lost count of days which could be another reason for my relapse, especially with this tension around me.
No P, no MO, so far, just have to make the best of it.
Thank you.
mobilfreak
Active Member
You are doing great!
Lift you head and look forward. It will be fine, one day. Keep walking.
I believe in you!
Lift you head and look forward. It will be fine, one day. Keep walking.
I believe in you!
So I'm doing great, just feeling stressed in my neighbourhood at the moment, too much going on in the news, I just want to relax, still no MO or P, been invited to a birthday party which is good and had a text from one of my lady friends, am quite chilled and my smoking is coming under control, sleeping well and eating when I feel hungry, so all is good.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So I finally understand my fetishes and I still don't approve at least not all the time. It is too early for developing competition with the birds which has been one of my major psychosis. Leave dragons be, they know what they're doing is my philosophy. The sun is shining, the dragons are singing, and the birds are communicating secretly to their ancestors. Where are the bones? Where is the DNA? Where is the flesh? I want to start a no-chicken diet. There are 19 billion chickens in the world, more than twice the number of humans. That the males are ground up at birth is a travesty. Sacrificing chickens has gone too far. Chicken has been my main source of food, but I'm going to try and ration it on a counter. Counting is important, and giving myself something else to count is a good way of solidifying my over reliance on PMO. My priority is to stay in heaven without descending into war, in other words, stay sane. So tomorrow is day one without chicken. I'm going to try to last the week. Thank you.
So I'm not sure I want to get into dieting. One of my TCM doctors said you should only eat when you feel like it, and that has always been my philosophy. Counting days of diet sounds like another neurosis to me. Having said that, counting days generally keeps me stable. I have to focus on my goals and improving my concentration. I will get better. Thank you.
So have been having a mild psychotic relapse and this morning I relapsed P and MO though not at the same time. Psychosis always has triggered me to relapse MO in the past. I've said there is nothing wrong with MO per se, just that it can cause problems to individuals. I already regret it, but that is part of the neurosis. I don't know how many days it's been, a fair few. Right now I'm hearing a bird taunting me. I'm still not over my mild psychosis. I wish the bird would stop speaking. I'm not even hearing it's song, just it's taunting elementals. They're not fair reflections of me. I'm not really bothered about P and MO at the moment, more about my state of mind and reality. I've got to get away from this birds taunting. I'm going to go for a walk. Thank you.