Some of you guys asked me to post some background. Well, here it is.
I'm a dutch guy the first time I remember seeing naked women is in some magazine that my friend had hidden away in the attic in his parents house. I, like many of you, remember to be immediately captivated by it. I must have been about 12 or 13 years old.
Soon after that we tried to get some porn from the video store but most of the time the clerk would not let us rent the x-rated stuff, so mostly we had to stick with the magazines.
I bought playboy like magazines and jerked of to those. I also remember a late night show in which beautiful girls would show their boobs that I used to watch secretly.
When I finally turned 18 I was able to finally rent porn at the video store and , while I was still living with my parents at the time, used to sneak them in and started watching them when I knew my parents where sleeping. I probably did this like every weekend or so. The rest of the week I got of on fantasizing about these videos.
I was a very shy boy and girls were not interested in me at all. Also I didn't dare to try to seduce girls at all. My self esteem was very low because kids used to bully me at school :-(
This let to my first real sexual experience was with a prostitute which is legal in the netherlands by the way. The was when I was 21 years old I think.
The last Twenty years i've been jerking off a lot. First to VHS tapes I would buy or record from canal + which had hardcore porn. Then the internet came and especially the last 10 years of so I went crazy on all the porn that high speed internet provided me so easily. I never got into really weird stuff however, mostly one-on-one straight sex and some gang bang and orgy videos but only straight sex.
My self esteem is quite a bit higher now then it used to be during adolescence and although I have been with some woman, until now I never had a steady relationship.
I want to finally find the woman that I will love for the rest of my live but to do that I need to free myself from my chains first.
It's Actually a bit hard to put this all down because english is not my native language. Anyway...this is what I came from and I know I deserve to be in a meaningful relationship.
Thanks for your support guys!
NMP