My future is awesome!

[TakeActionNow]

One must remember that M is fundementally a consumption, not a relationship. It goes only 1 way, benefits only 1 person, through the use of another. It is a selfish self centered practice, and thus a bad habit to cultivate.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I just realized a PMO session is actually not as accessible as I used to think.

Today if I want to feel good I can just grab an ice cream, or a cold drink, or have a bite, or listen to music, or just go for a walk. I only need to think what I've already done in the day to feel good. Really easy, accessible and immediate.

Whereas an addict has to wait, wait and wait some more until the right time and conditions are available. In the meanwhile he is getting more and more uncomfortable, and so his current situation becomes more and more unbearable. A truly miserable state.

 

[TakeActionNow]

So let's summerize.
The roots to general extended unhappiness and eventual depression are:

1. External dependency
2. Restricted access
3. Delayed resolution
4. Fixed mindset
5. Damaged systems

Therefore the path to generalized happiness are

1. Self reliance
2. Many available sources of release
3. Quicker resolution
4. Open mindset
5. Repair broken systems

These use is not limited to addiction resolution.
I am also applying them to my relationship and work issues.

#2 and #4 have been very helpful.
Open mindset asks that we try to look at things from a different perspective.
Quicker resolution also means to let go of attachment to unhappiness sooner.

So far the most difficult to solved are the ones where I don't know what I don't know. That would require more in depth thinking and contemplating.

But then I am always reminded that my time here is limited so it's always better to try to live happily for every moment of my time.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Unlike environmental discomfort, emotions discomfort are not static elements.
They grow the more we feed and focus on it.
That is why letting go of unhappiness quickly is usually the best recourse.
Letting unhappiness linger will only allow it to grow and fester into a large and raging monster.

Don't give it attention
Don't give it power.
Let it go quickly.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Listening to classical music now.

Completely pleasurable and soothing.
Love it!

 

[TakeActionNow]

Today has been a wonderful day
Breakfast with friends
Nice lunch at home
A long afternoon nap
Evening at the beach
Grateful for the friendship
Grateful for the family
Grateful for the rest
Grateful for the weather
Grateful for the access
A simple life is a good life

 

[TakeActionNow]

Still, life is not without it's bumps and surprises.
But my motto "my life will end one day" reminds me
1. Pick my battles
2. Let go of unimportant stuff
3. Treasure the fleeting moments

It's hard enough to see the good
Let not more bad cloud my already dwindling days.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Destroying dependencies is a wonderful thing.
It means finally being true to oneself
It means saying no with full conviction
There is no abuse here.
Just full honesty to oneself
It really helps in letting go
To live a freeier and more liberated life

I'm not being an ass
I'm just not doing what I don't feel like doing.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I am reminded through my house painting, the more we do something
1. The better we get at it
2. The easier it gets
3. the better we can focus while we're at it
It may not be easy work, but it occupies. And when it occupies, other things, like addiction, does not happen, and can gradually fade away.

The point about reboot isn't about abstinence.
Abstaining is just pause, and doesn't do anything.
The point about reboot is replacement.
Replace the void left by abstinence with something healthier and better.

So the more we focus on our purpose, #1, 2 & 3 happens. And life gets better automatically, and addiction is effectively replaced.

 

[TakeActionNow]

ATTENTION AND PURPOSE

if we treat addiction as a person, how would we treat it? It is basically a teenager demanding complete attention, while not pulling any weight in helping the household. That's obviously unacceptable.

The husband addict on the other hand is running away from wife attention in order to feed his addiction. He has failed in his #1 role : the visible pillar that supports the family tent and brings everyone together.
If we, the rigid half of the marriage, does not express a continuous intent to maintain and preserve the family unity, how will the feminine half of life and chaos, have any trust in us?

I as a husband cannot hide away to M over another woman's body. I as a husband must own the responsibility to let everyone know the family unit is all that I want and I will do everything necessary to keep it together.

This is the purpose of the husband above all else. The wife is not our sex toy. The wife is part of the family unit I have vowed to take care of.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Damn I think I might be masochistic, not in the sexual context but in the self care context.
The challenge I often have are in self love, often preferring endurance or punishment. So this leads to extremes.

Need to remind myself of balance and values, not to get too carried away or be out of control.

Here for the long term.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I made a mistake and it cost me a few hundred.
I'm not happy with myself.
I was hasty and greedy and forgot to deduct losses in my benefits analysis.
That meant my overall benefit was lower than expected.

I wanted to punish myself for the mistake, but in all honesty I probably won't have thought of it even if given the chance.

So how?

Lesson received and must be learnt.
First mistake is ok, second mistake is unacceptable.

I need to be fair with myself.
Over punishment would lead to wayward behaviors.
Let it go and focus on the moment.
I'm still painting my house, although in a grumpy mood.
Even through white paint it shows.
Let's not double the issues today by messing up the painting. The painting is my opportunity for redemption, not punishment for my mistake.

Let go paint better and be proud of it.

 

[TakeActionNow]

My 60+ yo neighbor came and talked to me.
He had heart issues. I suggest intermittent fasting to lower blood sugar, blood volume and improve fat loss. And to eat dark leafy greens like kale to improve nitric oxide that helps with blood vessel dilation.
He had incontinence.
I suggest him to not drink water after 8pm and to see a doctor asap before the kidneys get infected.
He then mentioned about masturbation. I suggested to him to stop so as to not to fry his neurotransmitter which would otherwise lead to sadness and depression, return to a childlike state and gain happiness from his surroundings.

I don't know if it helps, but I hope it does. It was a good distraction, and made me feel good that I can advise.

I'm off to run now.
No food since a small snack in the morning. The discomfort of intermittent fasting is managable now. I can live with discomfort.

 

[TakeActionNow]

PERSEVERE, HARDNESS AND ALIGNMENT

Adversity is the mother of invention.
That terrible cornice with it's pretty designs took 4 different methods before I finally found one that worked.
It goes to show, the beginning is always hard, but if we persevere, we will find ways and things will get easier. And it does. Persevere.

HARDNESS
When we abstain, we become harder. Which also means we can embrace and endure hard stuff naturally
This is resilience and toughness.

ALIGNMENT
The pursuit of pleasure is a wrong one.
1. The world is filled with hardness, not pleasure.
2. Pleasure seeking makes us soft. It makes it harder to endure hardness.

When we want something reality does not provide, we are not aligned. That makes our lives harder and more difficult to live.
If we can be hard, and embrace hardness, and be aligned with the hardness of the word, we become
1. Adapt
2. Aligned
3. Adjusted
Life actually becomes easier.
Unlike pleasure seeking which actually makes life harder.

 

[TakeActionNow]

We don't remedy one mistake with another mistake.
We remedy by working harder to get it right.

 

[TakeActionNow]

ALIGNMENT

I like to have a family
I like and want to be with my child
I like to be a strong man
I like to protect and provide my family.

These are simple beliefs that when true, brings me great happiness and settleness

But if I were to
1. Want to be with someone or somewhere else
2. Not want my child
3. Want to be supported by others
4. Not want to own my family duties
These beliefs will go counter and not be aligned with reality.
And non alignment only brings great suffering and discomfort.

A good life is very easy to have:
See things as they are
Align beliefs with reality
Desire what I already have

Dont fuck up a good thing just because your head and heart wonders like a disobedient child.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Go on. Have a good think what this means to us

 

[TakeActionNow]

1. Most people give up because they can't take the grind
2. Break everything down to the smallest component and go through them one at a time
3. Have the belief that either the problem breaks or I break



Other good nuggets
1. Our energy is limited.
Don't waste it on fighting and hating that which we dislike. Instead, focus on spending it wisely to promote that which we like and love.
This means automatically disassociating people and activities.

2. No need to complain to your peers. Everyone is experiencing the same difficulties. It's not only you.

3. Have a singular focus in life and do it

4. Be hard when it gets hard

5. Be fully aware of THE POWER OF THE SPOKEN WORD. Never give voice to the undesirable.

6. My tongue is my rudder. Be fully aware of the words that pass through my lips because they will come to be.

7. Remember all that we've done to get us here and never discount our earlier efforts.

8. Remember the pleasure of being in the community of men of integrity and ability.

9. We can only move forward when we let go of whatever that's been holding us back

10. Do not give voice to physical pain

 

[Blondie]

I love this, absolutely true.

The first time I went about this, I had a "great streak", but that's all I had, everything else in my life was in shambles, or so I thought. All I had was no porn, but the old man (thoughts) and my old life (shity job, no future) was still mostly the same, thus, when the tides inevitably came in hard one month, I was easily washed away, I had no strong foundation to stand on.

Porn isn't really our problem, our problem is WHY we go to porn.

Thanks for this @TakeActionNow.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Thank you @Blondie

I see this as 3 steps now:
1. Breaking the pleasure seeking cycle
2. Finding happiness in the simple daily life
3. Realigning ourselves to what really matters to us.

I feel like I've been a caterpillar all my life, reboot is the cocooning process, and now we finally emerge with wings and can fly high!

I already see you in the skies, and I follow you, my friend! It is good to be free!