My future is awesome!

[TakeActionNow]

So the 3 relationship types that I've had
1. The short ones that never took off
2. The mid ones that never should have started
3. The long ones that didn't survive.

What does this mean?
1. It means the only relationship that matters is the current one because it is still alive.
Dead or non existent ones are... Non existent.
Only the real live one matters.

2. Porn is like the short one that never took off. It's very very attractive because of its open future. But allow any relationship to run it's course and it'll sooner be undesirable or didn't survive. That's the nature of relationships. We stay on because there's either a duty or a determination to continue. With porn it's always going to be undesirable simply because there is no relationship to speak of.


Bottom line:
Don't fuck around your existing relationship unless you want it to be non existent one.

 

[TakeActionNow]

CALL TO ACTION.

Ah, marketeers.
Exiting a mall passageway, I'm greeted on the wall, "thank you for shopping with us"
I didn't, and I know what you're trying to do here, and I'm not buying.

What are my real call to actions?
Very few really:
1. Attend to my child
2. Attend to my wife
3. Attend to my self
4. Attend to my extended family

Should I attend to anyone else's call to action?
No, unless it's to help someone in distress.
So, I'm not going to attend to any marketeer's message, or any suggestive images.
They can flash their smiles and wares, but I know it's just advertisement to get me to spend my time, money and attention. No, I'm not getting baited.

 

[TakeActionNow]

OUTSOURCE

we outsource many activities with money.
Cooked food
Cleaning
Work
Purchases
Use of facilities and services
These are for materialistic and physical and sometimes cognitive products and services.

But emotional?
Should we outsource happiness management to others?

Medical help is necessary because of the skills we need but do not have.
Technical products are also needed because it's impossible to create by ourselves.

But self care should be wholely owned.
To outsource even personal wellbeing and happiness to pleasure makers is taking things too far.
We will effectively be emotionally invalid.
Even If it's just wanting to escape from day to day responsibilities, there are other better ways than "killing time through addiction". It doesn't solve the problem. More important is then the question why we got ourselves into this rut in the first case, and how do we get out permanently.

If we have a psychological problem we should seek the help of psychologist.
If we have marital problems we should seek the help of counselor
If we have school issues we should see the help of a tutor
If we have work issues we should seek the help of a mentor.

They help us by guiding and advising.
But ultimately we make the effort. And so too our happiness, because what else is pleasure for than to feel good?

 

[TakeActionNow]

PARENTING STYLES AND OUTCOMES

These are the 4 main widely received types of parenting styles and their associated personality outcomes in the children.

Authoritarian. Lack of self esteem
Authoritative. Adaptive
Permissive. Inconsiderate
Uninvolved. Lack of trust

Foundationally, I always associate addiction with an issue of self care and attention.
And if we go way back, it could be influenced the parenting style I received when young.

The only remedy I can think of is to become an authoritative parent to myself and apply their methodology:
1. Nurturing, responsive, and supportive, yet set firm limits for their children.
2. Behavior is controlled through explaining rules, discussing, and reasoning.
3. Child's viewpoints are listened to but not always accepted.

So
1. Porn is not an option
2. Rationalize everything
3. Respect but reasonable

The outcome I hope for is to become a more adaptive person and thus be happier with life.

 

[TakeActionNow]

RELATIONSHIP IS COMPANIONSHIP

The term weaker sex is a misnomer.
They should be termed the burdened sex.
Their burden means they have a dependency towards others for help. Intimacy is a form of return for that help. That is their nature and reality.

The stronger sex is also a misnomer. They should be termed the provider sex. We provide strength, shelter and security. In return we ask for attention and intimacy, because it's tough being tough all the time.

Intimacy is wonderful, but that's not the foundation of relationships. Companionship is.

Women control access to sex, but their true value is companionship.

If all a man wants from woman is intimacy and nothing else, then it's just a service call and transactional. There is no relationship to speak of.

The real value of relationships is in the companionhood. To do and enjoy things together. To bounce ideas. To speak of emotions. To discuss and make plans. To help one another.

If we are not a companion to our partner, or they are not to us, something is wrong and it should be addressed.

 

[TakeActionNow]

FINDING STRENGTH

It is tough being males or females. Social norms and the reality of life makes things generally hard.

So ironically some turn to addiction for strength positively or negatively
Positive is to identify another with perceived strengths or strong personalities and associate with them.
Negative means to identify another who is perceived weaker and derive strength by powering or taking advantage over them.

Unfortunately, associating or taking advantage are both not representative of true strength of the self. It only perpetuate a flawed and fake sense of self that cannot withstand the test of reality.

True strength comes from perseverence.
To make effort, work hard, recognize achievements and gain trust in self.

Don't depend on addiction for any fake sense of pleasure or self. This self deception only leads to hurt and delusion.

 

[TakeActionNow]

GOOD ASSOCIATIONS

And so it's is always good to keep association with good people, not only because they remind us how to be good people ourselves, but that we can repeat good practices with them.

Stop association with the bad because their values are poor and they influence us negatively.

This includes online personalities whom we will never meet in our life.

And so it is also very important to be good towards others and help them rise higher.

Surround ourselves with light so that we may become light unto others as well.

 

[TakeActionNow]

ACCEPT & EMBRACE THAT LIFE IS HARD

Life IS hard.

But if we chose to avoid, to escape, to fantasize, not only do we not deal with life's challenges, we actually weaken ourselves and make life doubly hard.

So the best way is to accept, endure and deal with the difficulties of life. And in doing so, we find that life is actually not that hard. And when we embrace life as it is, it is actually not hard at all. It was only hard because we refused to accept. It was hard because of our own doing.

When we accept life's challenges and adversity, we find ways to deal with it. It is the dealing that makes it easier. The more we deal with life, the easier it gets.

 

[TakeActionNow]

ACCEPT AND ALIGN

I would say my life today is 50-50 good bad. But the difference today is that I accept it as it is, and not wish for something else. That's alignment.

I found that the more I wish for things to be otherwise, the more unhappy I get. But the moment I accept and align myself with my reality, I become 100% happy.

It is true that the more we have the more unhappy we become. We of the 40s and above will remember the time when we are younger than 10 and everyday was wonderful even though we had nothing. And how ironic it is that as we got older and more prosperous, the more unhappy we become.

I found that many rebooters are unhappy simply because they were fighting against their discomfort. Back to chadd wright. That 34 year old lad got it right. Do not fight your pain. The more we fight, the more unhappy and tired we got. Factually everyone else is facing the same shit so why make it more difficult for ourselves? The precious energy spent fighting would be better spent accepting. Adaptation happens after acceptance whereas fighting is just rebelling.

I found that when I am well rested I can give more. When I embrace what I should be doing (eg. Putting my child to bed instead of mobile phone) I am doubly happy because I am doing what I should (responsibility) and spending quality time with my child (relationship). I was aligned.

I find that generally disagreeable people suffer alot by their own head strong opinions without realizing the grief they are inflicting on themselves and others. Let them live in their world of pain while I go enjoy my life of acceptance.

Acceptance
Alignment
Adaptation

Life is hard
Life is imperfect
No need to make it worse by fighting or fantasizing.

Accept, align and embrace.

 

[TakeActionNow]

The most female successful guy I know isn't a good looking, muscled, educated smooth talker. Heck, he's an ugly fucker who talks like he flunk school.
But
He's damn funny and he has seriously big balls.
Big balls of intention.
He knows what he wants and expresses it to girls. Nicely.
He's been rejected so many times it doesn't make a difference to him any more. But he has also scored more times than the entire team combined.

Women judge men differently.
They value sincerity not by words, but by action.
Confidence. Humility. And intention. Mostly intention.
You wanna talk yourself into her pants? Only if you're funny.
If you say cos I'm some big shot yada yada, you're only getting a gold digger.

A man who knows what he wants, even if he hasn't got anything yet, has more chances with a women just by the power of intention. Because they know, without intention, even the man of plenty will run dry one day, whereas a man with clear intentions will get there some day. And the fair women will give intention men more chances than a man without any intentions.

I'm gonna try even if I die trying evokes more desire in women than I don't know I'm not sure what if if only wishy-washy pushovers.

 

[TakeActionNow]

PEOPLE WHO ACCEPT AND ALIGNED THEIR LIFE ARE ATTRACTIVE

What is the key characteristic of the most charismatic folks?
They are 200% aligned with their life and path.
They are upbeat and positive about their life and goals.
Sure you can say they've packaged themselves well. But i'll say people who like what they do, loves their family and is fully committed in their chosen path and duties are happy and naturally attractive people.
People who complain about everything and is negative about their outlook and situation are super unattractive.

Be smart about this.

Attractive people get ahead in life, by themselves and by others.
He who laughs laugh with others. He who cries sleeps alone.

There are advantages to be aligned with whatever we have and do.

Want a better life?
Don't give voice to your challenges and accept the discomfort.
Embrace your intention
Align yourself with your desire to quit
Become an attractive recoverer.
Let people like you for your effort and dedication.
Be an inspiration for others
Feel good about yourself.

You can do this.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Words to live our lives by

Accept, align, adapt
Embrace, endure
Intention, interest, inspire

 

[TakeActionNow]

GRAVITY - ORBIT - SPACE

I used a wirlpool analogy earlier of escaping addiction.
Now I use escaping Earth's gravity as a similar example.

Gravity is the pull that keeps us addicted
Orbiting is the space between addiction and release.
Outer space is new direction.

I am orbiting now.
I am freed of the gravitational pull of addiction but currently preparing myself for the long interstellar travel ahead of me to another distant planet.
I am not hasty
I am preparing my navigation and supplies.

Escaping gravitational pull was the toughest challenge. Like a space rocket I had to use a lot of fuel and jetison a lot of parts. That's synonymous with effort and letting go.

I was naive and fell back to earth several times. It took many retries and redesign of the rocket before I finally made it. It was not easy. Gravity is powerful and I am but a small rocketship with a team of 1. Escaping gravity was a knife's edge and I respect that greatly.

Now that I'm orbiting I must regroup and reassess. The retirements for interstellar travel are similar but different from escaping gravity. There will be many other suns and planets along the way that may pull me astray. I must be mindful of the still existing gravity on Earth as I orbit currently.

I am prepared myself
I am reinforcing myself.
I see my brothers ahead of me and I will join them soon.
I will be on my way.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I haven't had sex for a lonnnng time.
I haven't had M for a long time.

I used to think that intimacy was part and parcel of life. A necessity.

No its not.

The longer I'm not doing it, the less I need or want to do it.
But the more I want to do me

What is do me?
It is to do the things I want to do.
To be myself 100%

Sex and addiction runs deep in the psyche.
There're so many layers of issues I don't even know where to start.
Anxiety, dependency, soft and flabby, fear, warped standards and values.
It's like living with an extended family of 10 generations each with their only issue and agenda. You don't know who you are.

What about today?
No sex, no wank, no issues.

You're thinking, you gotta be fucking kidding me. What's the point of living without sex?

Bro, I'm sure many of the most successful and happy people out there don't give a damn about sex cos they are living their life!

What happens when you get no S, no M, no O, no nothing? Pretty things don't mean a thing anymore. Suddenly everything is clear.

Have it
Don't have it.
It doesn't matter.

What matters is you are essentially free!
In your head!
In your pants!
With the people!
With your life!

I'm not soft and flabby anymore.
I'm tense and tight and tough and able.
I like it better this way.

And I don't want sex.

 

[TakeActionNow]

PAINTING AS A GUIDE.

prepare.
Tape the edges
Lay the mat
Cover things up
Paint the ceiling first
Then the edges
Then the body
Then paint again.

There's no cheating in painting.
You miss a step, it doesn't look good anymore
You miss some more, and you have a ton of corrections to deal with.

That's the same with life and reboot.
Plan and excute with excellence
Don't cut corners
Put in the effort
Drink water
Be rewarded.

It was darkest at 75%
I was tired and uninterested.
I rest. I slept. I ate. I drank more water. I found things to be happy with.
And then I got back to it.

I'm 90% percent now.
Almost done.
No problems
I don't quit
I endure
Many things to be happy with
I got this

 

[Blondie]

The most female successful guy I know isn't a good looking, muscled, educated smooth talker. Heck, he's an ugly fucker who talks like he flunk school.
But
He's damn funny and he has seriously big balls.

Everything about this post should be illegal but it's spot on ha.

Action action action, that all it really takes. And yes, if you're charming and funny, then you're in like Flynn as they say.

He knows what he wants and expresses it to girls. Nicely.

Yep. Girls don't like the bullshit of being "nice" just to get something, or, "nice" with alternative motives, they see right through that nonsense. Just straight forward action, tell them (nicely and with respect) what you think and that's all you have to do. The muscles, the great job, the good looks, all of these are just reflections of what's going on inside the inner man. You can have all these things and still be a dud. Do those things help? Sure, but only superficially, it's the essence of being a man, is what gets you through the front door. The day I learned this, was the day that changed my life.

I do wish my old man would have told me this vital information when I was young instead of having to learn it myself.

But hey, there's nothing like the school of hard knocks.

 

[TakeActionNow]

@Blondie
Yup, there's a difference between a nice guy and being nice.

Character vs behavior
1. Nice - nice. All round well received guy
2. Nice - not nice. Misunderstood; no social skill
3. Not nice - nice. Player
4. Not nice - not nice. Hooligan

Don't be a player.
Hooligans don't deserve anything anyway
#2 still needs some work
#1 is the king.

My friend is actually #1. We all like him too.

Applies for girls too, but media has worse names for them. And unfortunately for them, poorly received guys can still get laid but not poorly received girls.

Don't be too hard on your old man.
You turned out pretty well I'd say.
You're a decent man and so he raised you well.
So maybe it's just our destiny not to have too many ladies.

Doesn't matter.
I'm happier now with or without the ladies. Back to painting and making myself happy.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I made a mistake and it cost me a few hundred.
I'm not happy with myself.
I was hasty and greedy and forgot to deduct losses in my benefits analysis.
That meant my overall benefit was lower than expected.

I wanted to punish myself for the mistake, but in all honesty I probably won't have thought of it even if given the chance.

So how?

Lesson received and must be learnt.
First mistake is ok, second mistake is unacceptable.

I need to be fair with myself.
Over punishment would lead to wayward behaviors.
Let it go and focus on the moment.
I'm still painting my house, although in a grumpy mood.
Even through white paint it shows.
Let's not double the issues today by messing up the painting. The painting is my opportunity for redemption, not punishment for my mistake.

Let go paint better and be proud of it.

Well, so I found out I probably made another mistake.

I over estimated my abilities and underestimated the time it took.

I thought I'd save a few grand doing it myself. But had I paid someone to do it, the job would already have been completed, and I would have gained double that amount in income.

Where were the errors?
1. Saved the pennies but lost the dollars
2. Over confident
3. Never plan and project properly
4. Never prioritized time
5. Never properly weigh the cost benefits equation

There are some tangible benefits though. I'm proud of my work. I endured alot of discomfort. It gave me opportunity to reevaluate myself, like back in August doing renovation. And I felt good achieving things.

But priorities are priorities. I need to close this loop fast and get on with the next project.

Next time I'd better not be so air headed about thing and be more prudent.

Onwards and forward.

 

[TakeActionNow]

JUMPING IN BLIND.

Things that addiction teaches you.

When the wanking stops, and the attention seeking halts, the mind settles and sees clearly

All my life I've been jumping in blindly.
So many important life choices made on the impulse for no reason other than excitement and experience. Let that simmer a little longer and regret starts appearing. Why the fuck did I do that? Why didn't I think it through?

Ok, there were some really good surprises, like becoming a dad. I can't be more grateful. But for every 1 positive, I can think of 10 cockups choices.
Poor financial choice
Poor career choice
Poor partner choice
Poor use of time
Poor decisions made

Like these mistakes last this week.
I rushed into them
I didn't think them through.
And now I have to pay, and keep on paying until it's settled.

Addiction makes you an ultra optimist, because you get to score everytime.

That's not true in reality.
There are limits
There are prices to pay
There are requirements.

I thought I was ADHD until I quit.
I was ever the moth
I talk more than I think
I attention seek
I fly to the light bulb.

Now I am the frog on the stone.
I sit quietly and watch
I'm not gonna stick my tongue out until the bug flies close enough to me
I don't want to risk making stupid decisions again.

A tired man does not have the luxury of choice. He must make careful informed decisions because he is out of energy.
Just like running clears the mind. I'm so fucking tired. I gotta be more prudent about the obligations I make.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Back to improvement

Impulse control
Sensitivity to negativity
Attachments
Attention seeking
Lazy
Bored


Again, gentle reminder that reboot is not just abstinence. It is replacement and repair of flawed practices and beliefs that led to addiction.

So these characteristics mentioned above are either issues leading to, or a result of, addiction.

Impulse control - pause and wait
Sensitivity to negativity - related to attention seeking
Attachments - letting go
Attention seeking - give attention to self
Lazy - more effort
Bored - more effort, seek interests
Inflated ego - humility
Entitlement - generosity