A fresh start for a mountain goat ⛰️

[the_mountain_goat]

48 ME | 3 PORN
CURRENT STREAK : 18



Making the best of the family time. Breathing when I need to. Spending some time reading (and, finishing!) books. And, I will be happy to be back home.

Will try to make the best of my time back home after Wednesday. Will need to start planning. Thinking of climbing, skiing etc. And, New Years festivities!

And, considering going to the spa, too!

 

[the_mountain_goat]

51 ME | 3 PORN
CURRENT STREAK : 21



Feeling a bit low.

Getting sick again (a form of flu, or COVID)... Which is annoying as I feel that I never really got out of my cold-like symptoms that started something like 6 weeks. This makes me feel a bit weak! Trying to get a doctor's appointment to check and make sure I'm OK.

And, the dating situation I had initiated two weeks ago ended. Not on my initiative (the ending.) This is making me feel sad, disappointed and, at some moments, a bit hopeless.

Trying to stay strong, although I know P might be tempting in the coming days. Hopefully the sickness won't bother me too much and I will be able to enjoy the next week of holiday I've got ahead of me... Going outdoors, spending time with friends.

YET, CELEBRATING 3 WEEKS! Other things I'm grateful for (I should have started with this):

• Had a fun night with friends today, we went skiing at night and had a nice and healthy dinner,
• During Christmas, despite some drama, spent some quality/bonding time with my family,
• The time I get to spend off work is a blessing right now,
• I've finished many books, and have many cool ones ahead of me to read.

 

[the_mountain_goat]

PS to myself: relapsing won't make me feel good at all, it'll make me feel weaker, sadder and, less motivated!

 

[the_mountain_goat]

54 ME | 3 PORN
CURRENT STREAK : 24



Doing well. Enjoying a day on my own! Feels nice.

Had a lovely day out yesterday, climbing with friends. Filled me with happiness and love. I'm glad I'm well surrounded.

It feels like my sickness/flu is going away a bit. Fingers crossed.

24 days since I haven't done any PMO! Mostly feeling like I'm flatlining. Not trying to stimulate myself too much. Want to avoid MO for now, as I know it can be triggering. I'd rather enjoy the sobriety. I know that eventually, I'll want to MO, but I'm taking the time.

What's helped me in the last 3 weeks is my presence on this forum. Not daily but at least every 3 other days; a way to both acknowledge (and celebrate) my conscious progress, but also to remind me why I'm doing this, what lessons I've learned etc.

I might "re-read" my posts from 2023 in the coming days, to reflect on what worked, what didn't etc.

Otherwise, loving @MapleSyrup latest post, especially you said:

This time, I just realized one day that I was done with porn, that I hated having anything to do with it, and that I was done with degrading myself with PMO. I've been treating this not as a challenge, but just simply avoiding something that I despise and know is bad for me.

 

[MapleSyrup]

Thanks for the shoutout man. I appreciate your insights and replies on the forums too!

Keep up it! 24 days is a great achievement. Keep that momentum going into the new year!

 

[the_mountain_goat]

55 ME | 3 PORN
CURRENT STREAK : 25



Happy New Year everyone!

Had a lovely lovely New Years Eve party with friend. It was a lot of fun. Made me feel so grateful to have these beautiful people -my friends- in my life. And, there is someone that I like with whom things happened last night.

I'm happy that I became a lot more confident with partners in the last 1-2 months. Confident in my ability to seduce!

One more week of holiday. This week's weather won't be so great, so I'm going to have to think a bit more carefully about what I'd like to do... A chance to work out a bit, perhaps. Read some books. Relax. Take care of myself! A slow and comfy start for 2024.

 

[the_mountain_goat]

56 ME | 3 PORN
CURRENT STREAK : 26

November
December
January

Slow day so far. Had a nice time with a lover yesterday evening. Fully accepting the fact that I'm somewhat flatlining right now, appreciating everything else I can do with a partner in this context. Had such a nice discussion about this with her. I like that I'm cultivating my "special way" of being a lover, which doesn't necessarily involve sex right away, depending on where I'm at!

Today: going to the pool and steam bath! Some important life admin stuff. And tonight, tea with friends.

Looking forward in the coming days...

• Nice weather tomorrow and Thursday, hoping to enjoy the mountains one way or another
• Thursday: 4 weeks mark without PMO (and, one month on Sunday)
• Start working on a personal project (outside of work)

 

[the_mountain_goat]

57 ME | 3 PORN
CURRENT STREAK : 27

November
December
January

Just started working on a complicated personal project (editing a movie). But made some progress this morning. I will have to dedicate time to it in the coming month or two. Will take a break from it for today, and get back to it on Friday, as I also want to enjoy my last 4 days of holiday being outside!

One interesting thought I had with the person I've started seeing a few days ago is around "What do I like in my intimacy with someone and/or sexually?" - and I was surprised I never really consciously thought about it. And trying to do some introspection around this might help me. Knowing what I like, being aware of it, experimenting if I'm not sure might bring more confidence, presence and pleasure in my intimate relationships. I think I'm lucky enough to be in a safe space with that person (she's the one who asked to begin with). I'll start thinking about it on my own.

Also, 27 (current streak) is the number where I last relapsed! Feeling confident I will be going beyond that. I really enjoy how being far from porn is helping me. I do feel more confident, more aware of my emotions and feelings.

 

[the_mountain_goat]

59 ME | 3 PORN
CURRENT STREAK : 29

November
December
January

4 weeks done! Tomorrow it'll be one month. Quite proud, and happy!

I must say I'm really enjoying the intimate time with the person I'm seeing now. It's super open, safe, honest and respectful. Exactly what I need. So helpful with the reboot process too.

 

[the_mountain_goat]

61 ME | 3 PORN
CURRENT STREAK : 31

November
December
January

One month! And, I had sex. It felt great. Again, really enjoying the space that I'm creating with the girl I'm seeing, that's allowing me to feel comfortable. Very grateful for that!

I've had a great weekend. Managed to spend a lot of time skiing, and it felt AMAZING!

Holiday ends on Tuesday. I'll need to plunge myself back in work quite efficiently.

 

[the_mountain_goat]

64 ME | 3 PORN
CURRENT STREAK : 34

November
December
January

Quick note here. Doing well! Feels good to have started work again after my holiday. Going on a trip to the big city to see some friends, grateful about that.

Slightly stressed still about some big life movements (buying my first property!); but things are moving forward and it's nice. Patience and perseverance are working. Finding ways to ease stress.

Weather is pretty grey here, which explains a low level of energy, but at the same time, it's somewhat comforting.

The real sex I had a few days ago is interesting as it's the first O I had in like 30 days. It was super. I did feel a drop in energy the days after, which is a physiological thing that I don't enjoy so much! I'm however glad I didn't get any sort of chaser effect after!

Many things that I'm looking forward to...

• Trip to the big city
• A birthday party where I'll reunite with many old friends
• Skiing with a friend once I'm back on Monday
• A trip to Italy in two weeks

 

[the_mountain_goat]

68 ME | 3 PORN
CURRENT STREAK : 38

November
December
January

Had such a fun time in the big city seeing friends this weekend. Coming back tired but so grateful.

Made a big trip decision for April-May, to another continent (to visit a friend who lives there). Very much looking forward to this change of scenery for two months. This comes at the right time, just before settling in my new apartment.

Had a fun MO session on Thursday while texting with the girl I'm seing. Enjoyable, and, still happy about avoiding the chaser effect after.

 

[the_mountain_goat]

72 ME | 3 PORN
CURRENT STREAK : 42

November
December
January

Doing very well. Grateful for...

• My upcoming trip this weekend to Italy
• My job isn't taking too much mental space at the moment
• My real estate plans are advancing
• Volunteering for a super cool festival next week
• Things are still super nice with the girl I'm seeing
• Also looking forward to my big trip in April-May!

Sex is great and fun at the moment, and this is both a symptom of my progress and the behaviour of the girl I'm seeing, with whom things are super communicative, which helps a lot. I feel like I can be honest and myself with her, which helps a lot with "letting myself go/enjoy/be in the moment."

 

[the_mountain_goat]

76 ME | 3 PORN
CURRENT STREAK : 46

November
December
January

On my way back from a trip to Italy. It was a lot of fun. It was a nice little escape with friends. Grateful. Enjoying the culture a lot, and got me thinking that I'd love to start learning the language. Might be a new objective for me!

I feel unlocked when it comes to sex! My libido is present like I've rarely felt it before. I must say I'm enjoying it a lot.

Half way through 90 days (currently at 46 days). I'm noticing a lot of change: self-confidence is quite high at the moment, a sense of liberation too etc...So glad.

 

[the_mountain_goat]

85 ME | 3 PORN
CURRENT STREAK : 55

November
December
January

9 days since I last posted here. These were busy busy nine days!

I'm exhausted and resting! Taking some time for myself, while slightly sick.

Also starting a dry February. The last two weeks were quite intense and there were too many opportunities to drink alcohol and I just need to take a break from it. Looking forward to enjoying a month without alcohol, although I know there are some upcoming social instances where it will be hard to say no!

Did a lot of climbing, which felt good.

Sex last week was really nice. Two days later I had a nice solo MO session. And then maybe because of a combination of tiredness, sickness + chaser effect, I felt quite triggered yesterday. I managed but it was close. But need to stay focused! Wouldn't want to relapse now.

 

[the_mountain_goat]

90 ME | 3 PORN
CURRENT STREAK : 60

November
December
January
February

Doing super well. Had a great weekend where I managed to spend a lot of time outdoors, just like the last week or so.

Enjoying the time without alcohol. It's been a week! I feel like my body is thanking me (and my soul!)

I realized January involved a lot of partying, which is nice (and, surrounded by great friends), but it does make my body and sould a bit more tired. So I'm happy to be dedicating a bit more time to physical activity and the outdoors.

And... 60 fu**ing days! Hurray! And, enjoying real sex like I haven't before really. So glad.

 

[Blondie]

Nice @the_mountain_goat. Keep going!

 

[MapleSyrup]

Nice, that's huge. Keep it up!

 

[the_mountain_goat]

92 ME | 3 PORN
CURRENT STREAK : 62

November
December
January
February

Had a MO session today that got me close to relapse, which led to a second MO session. Have to be mindful not to go "deeper" into this! This is starting to feel compulsive.

I'm about to leave for a week long trip. My goal is to stay 'clean' until I come back and be 'charged' until I see my lover friend again

Enjoyed the MO sessions but I know it can be a dangerous, slippery slope!

Triggers: feeling horny, but also time alone with few things to do!

 

[the_mountain_goat]

92 ME | 4 PORN
CURRENT STREAK : 0

November
December
January
February

And. Relapsed. Super disappointed and a bit sad given all the progress I had made.

I know it’s not all gone and the progress is still here but stil that’s how I feel.

Triggers? I saw it coming yesterday. I could have relapsed yesterday. There has been some stress and things I didn’t want to face perhaps, like this work trip that I’m not motivated for. That plus being on my own too much in the last two days. And the romantic relationship that might become unbalanced, which is putting a bit of pressure on me.

Not sure what my strategy is during the upcoming work trip to try and bring my energy back (right now I feel empty), I’ll try and go running, workout, stretch, do yoga, find time for myself… I need to do these things in order to make the most of the next few days…