It ends here.

downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Hey man, thanks for checking in. Time for me to give an update!

It's been up and down the past couple of months. Lots of good things have been happening lately, unfortunately I haven't been able to stay away from porn in the middle of all of it. Somehow I started thinking a lot about certain things which I've been looking up, and gradually I've lost the ability to stay away. The last month I've been back to looking several times a week, and just getting really sick of it all. I think I could be doing better in being mindful of my own impulses and staying in control. So I'm back here in order to get things back on track for real.

Been looking into stoicism for a bit, and I'm going to do some reading on that subject. Also I'm still seeing the girl I was talking about earlier, and enjoying that!
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Day 2

It can be hard at times to admit defeat and come back. But I have to be honest with myself. I watched some cams this weekend, and I didn’t really take it serious in the moment or after. Truth is that I don’t really know what I feel about porn as an addiction or how it’s affecting me right now.

But I do know I’ve been a different person after I started trying to quit. I’ve been better, I’m out of my comfort zone and trying new things all the time. Life has been so much better than it used to be. Maybe that’s all there is to it - just trying to do the right thing for yourself, and taking the bad things when they come and looking at how you treat yourself when you’re down. I don’t know. I for me I just need to keep trying on this, because there’s no alternative.

I want to spend less time on social media and on YouTube. It’s just passing time, and I want to do other things that mean something to me. And of course I want to stop watching cams/porn or looking at women on Instagram. It’s been a lot less of that than it used to, and I’m grateful for how far I’ve come.
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Day 4

I had a conversation with my girlfriend this weekend about some things, and we talked a little about porn at some point. Turns out she’s had some issues with addiction as well at some point, it was nice to bond a bit about that subject and about what we feel about it.

I tried to be as honest as I could, saying that there are times I actually want to watch it but that it makes me feel bad about myself at the end of the day. I have issues keeping consumption to a casual level and I can’t stop watching if I indulge. It’s just too easy to use, too accessible and there is no one but myself that can stop me from watching it. That’s what I have to look out for, to control my impulses and not give into a whim. I really want that control back.
 
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downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Day 0

I don’t know what it was - just thinking about using porn or just being bored that made me use it tonight. I didn’t really want to and I feel like shit now for confirming to myself that I’ve lost the ability to control myself. And I feel exploited in a way by it all. I don’t want to go on like this, it’s making me feel worthless. This needs to stop now.
 
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