The shores beyond porn

[Mart71]

Hi,
another YBR member, thought I would join here as well.

I am 42 years old and quit porn in october 2013 because of P.I.ED. Did an "unclean" reboot with quitting porn, reducing MO and doing lots of "forced" sex using ED drugs as rewiring.

By now I am in my sixth month since I last used porn, closing in on half a year being clean. After about three months, I started to include no MO as well, since I felt much better without it and progress has been good.

My motto is "no-porn and rewire" as far as P.I.ED is concerned - and it worked well for me. By now I started to have some sex without the ED drugs and will try to taper them off as much as possible.

Looking back at these five months, I think I might not have been addicted to porn, but rather just used too much of it to suffer the consequences. I am careful saying this, since a relapse might always be around the corner.

 

[Jverhoye]

Welcome Mart71, and congratulations on your progress!  That is awesome!!

 

[LTE]

Welcome Mart. I agree, no MO only helps matters.

 

[fcjl8]

Yes Mart,

Glad you are here and making such great progress.

And we all used too much porn and too much of our own hand!

 

[Viper]

Welcome-

I am 42 years old and quit porn in october 2013 because of P.I.ED. Did an "unclean" reboot with quitting porn, reducing MO and doing lots of "forced" sex using ED drugs as rewiring.

I got to ask, during your struggle, did you have any difficulty with simple
forms of affection like kissing?

 

[Mart71]

Welcome-

I am 42 years old and quit porn in october 2013 because of P.I.ED. Did an "unclean" reboot with quitting porn, reducing MO and doing lots of "forced" sex using ED drugs as rewiring.

I got to ask, during your struggle, did you have any difficulty with simple
forms of affection like kissing?

Hi,
no, not at all. We were kissing and cuddling a lot right from the start. My gf is very horny and wanted sex soon, but my stuff just didn't work at all. I was in a full flatline, I quit porn a few weeks before I met her the first time and didn't know about flatlines or P.I.ED yet.

I should add, that we are in a long distance relationship (long distance meaning two countries and a thousand miles apart) and we were in contact for months online before actually meeting in person for the first time.

 

[The Dude Wannabe]

Mart,
    Very impressive work.  Sounds like you've got a lot on the ball.  I initially started with a non-clean reboot.  Had no intention of giving up MO too.  After I engaged in MO I felt guilty and unclean, so now I'm going for the "Full Monty".  I'm impressed with your being able to do this while in a long distance relationship.  One, just one of my many, problems is feeling distance between my wife and I; and she is right here with me.  So my hat is off to you! 
    Glad you're hear.  Hope someday you can find support or strength from me because I've already found it in your post!

 

[Viper]

Welcome-

I am 42 years old and quit porn in october 2013 because of P.I.ED. Did an "unclean" reboot with quitting porn, reducing MO and doing lots of "forced" sex using ED drugs as rewiring.

I got to ask, during your struggle, did you have any difficulty with simple
forms of affection like kissing?

Hi,
no, not at all. We were kissing and cuddling a lot right from the start. My gf is very horny and wanted sex soon, but my stuff just didn't work at all. I was in a full flatline, I quit porn a few weeks before I met her the first time and didn't know about flatlines or P.I.ED yet.

I should add, that we are in a long distance relationship (long distance meaning two countries and a thousand miles apart) and we were in contact for months online before actually meeting in person for the first time.

I can imagine how much lovin' both of you wanted since there is distance
between you most of the time. I ask about the kissing because I'm usually motivated to make out a lot when
I'm semi horny. I'm not talking little kisses here and there, more like junior high school kisses in the corner of the hall because that's all the action you can get when we were that age- LoL.
I found it difficult to even do that during my E.D. struggles.
That act was usually what got me going below the waist.
Now since you didn't see her much, did she ever co-star in any of your fantasy PMO sessions?
Because I'm thinking if she was the object of your fantasy 90% of the time, then there probably
shouldn't be any trouble when you finally meet in person.
I'm no expert but I'm learning as I go.

 

[Mart71]

I can imagine how much lovin' both of you wanted since there is distance
between you most of the time. I ask about the kissing because I'm usually motivated to make out a lot when
I'm semi horny. I'm not talking little kisses here and there, more like junior high school kisses in the corner of the hall because that's all the action you can get when we were that age- LoL.
I found it difficult to even do that during my E.D. struggles.
That act was usually what got me going below the waist.
Now since you didn't see her much, did she ever co-star in any of your fantasy PMO sessions?
Because I'm thinking if she was the object of your fantasy 90% of the time, then there probably
shouldn't be any trouble when you finally meet in person.
I'm no expert but I'm learning as I go.

She was only part of my PMO sessions for a very short time. We started getting in contact about in may/june 2013 and finally met for the first time in october 2013. I was in full PMO lifestyle before I met her, didn't have a gf and didn't think I would need one. However once it started to become clear the two of us might work out and that there was a strong sexual attraction, I decided to give up porn sometime in august or september 2013 before meeting her in october. That was before I actually knew about P.I.ED or rebooting. I just thought, that using porn and having a gf doesn't mix well.

So I actually deleted my whole stash of downloaded stuff one day. But of course I was still addicted, so after just a little time I started using online sites to get my fix. It wasn't as extreme material anymore and the frequency was reduced as well, but it was still porn. I learned the hard way, when my dick was completely dead by the time I met her, I think I might have even been in a flatline. I mean nothing worked, I couldn't even feel her. I seriously started crying after a failed blowjob (while being on CIALIS btw). I thought, my dick was broken for good, bye bye sex forever, since not even ED drugs work on me anymore.

After we parted, I started looking for a sex therapist, since I thought my head was messed up. That's when I found YBOP and there finally was a silver lining. Didn't need the sex therapist after all...

 

[LetItGoAlready]

Mart,
    Very impressive work.  Sounds like you've got a lot on the ball.  I initially started with a non-clean reboot.  Had no intention of giving up MO too.  After I engaged in MO I felt guilty and unclean, so now I'm going for the "Full Monty".  I'm impressed with your being able to do this while in a long distance relationship.  One, just one of my many, problems is feeling distance between my wife and I; and she is right here with me.  So my hat is off to you! 
    Glad you're hear.  Hope someday you can find support or strength from me because I've already found it in your post!

Sounds like a pretty common theme in people's experiences here: reboots with strings attached. It started out that way with me, too. I had not intention of giving up MO, but soon discovered that I couldn't stay focused on the end game with MO in my life, so I cut it out completely. I'm also impressed that you can do this with a long-distance relationship, Mart71. Congrats on your progress so far!

 

[Viper]

I just thought, that using porn and having a gf doesn't mix well.

At least not abusing or excessively use porn. Of course
not looking at porn at all is optimal.

So I actually deleted my whole stash of downloaded stuff one day.

Good job! That's a big step in your commitment to rid yourself of the venom.

But of course I was still addicted, so after just a little time I started using online sites to get my fix. It wasn't as extreme material anymore and the frequency was reduced as well, but it was still porn. I learned the hard way, when my dick was completely dead by the time I met her, I think I might have even been in a flatline. I mean nothing worked, I couldn't even feel her.

I feel your pain bruther'
Not even kissing worked, am I right?
All the titty action in the world couldn't get you going. I can totally relate, it sucks

I seriously started crying after a failed blowjob (while being on CIALIS btw).

Don't get me started on Cialis or Viagra  :-\

I thought, my dick was broken for good, bye bye sex forever, since not even ED drugs work on me anymore.

Only natural to feel that way

After we parted, I started looking for a sex therapist, since I thought my head was messed up. That's when I found YBOP and there finally was a silver lining. Didn't need the sex therapist after all...

Did you talk to your girl about the situation?

 

[Jverhoye]

Hey Mart, you mentioned that you weren't sure if you were addicted or just too much P.  I think in the end what matters is how P effects us.  Labels can be helpful (i.e., I'm an "addict"), but ultimately it comes down to its impact on healthy sexuality, emotional well-being and happiness.  There are folks who say P enhances their relationships, etc.  I'm not one of them, but that's my experience.  It sounds like you have made huge progress.  Congratulations!

 

[Mart71]

Hi Jverhoye,
yes those labels are kind of dangerous.

I do not deny that porn changed my brain and that was a result of my abuse of it. However I was able to stop and not have cravings for it more or less from one day to the other, not even one relapse and not much of withdrawal symptoms. So it doesn't feel like that kind of addiction that compells one to use and go back to it, at least not for the time being.

Maybe I just got lucky, I don't know. But I didn't have to struggle to stop use using - though I had and have to struggle overcoming the negative effects of my former using, which is P.I.ED, low libido and bad sensitivity.

In other news, my long distance gf will return on sunday, which I am very much looking forward to. There will be no reunion sex, since there is some kind of problem with the birthcontrol she is using and we want to be on the safe side there. One pregnancy scare was enough...

 

[robust]

I do not deny that porn changed my brain and that was a result of my abuse of it. However I was able to stop and not have cravings for it more or less from one day to the other, not even one relapse and not much of withdrawal symptoms. So it doesn't feel like that kind of addiction that compells one to use and go back to it, at least not for the time being.

Maybe I just got lucky, I don't know. But I didn't have to struggle to stop use using - though I had and have to struggle overcoming the negative effects of my former using, which is P.I.ED, low libido and bad sensitivity.

I feel and think the same way. Getting away from porn was not too hard. Getting rid of the side effects however is a struggle. In fact an annoying one.

 

[LTE]

I do not deny that porn changed my brain and that was a result of my abuse of it. However I was able to stop and not have cravings for it more or less from one day to the other, not even one relapse and not much of withdrawal symptoms. So it doesn't feel like that kind of addiction that compells one to use and go back to it, at least not for the time being.

Maybe I just got lucky, I don't know. But I didn't have to struggle to stop use using - though I had and have to struggle overcoming the negative effects of my former using, which is P.I.ED, low libido and bad sensitivity.

I feel and think the same way. Getting away from porn was not too hard. Getting rid of the side effects however is a struggle. In fact an annoying one.

Hang in. It will get better.

 

[Mart71]

Getting close to half a year without porn and also only one MO in the last 100 days.

My libido and sensitivity keep improving, I am able to taper off the ED drugs (by simply not taking any, while being horny). It is amazing, how there is still lots of progress after this time.

I think I have very much "rewired" to my gf by now. She was away for two weeks, during which my libido fell into what felt like a flatline including a shriveled up tiny dick. But after she returned, my libido also returned and so far has been quite stable. This is quite an improvement, since in the past after one or two O's my libido would fade quite a lot.

Rebooting works, but one might have to give it a lot of time.

 

[LTE]

Getting close to half a year without porn and also only one MO in the last 100 days.

My libido and sensitivity keep improving, I am able to taper off the ED drugs (by simply not taking any, while being horny). It is amazing, how there is still lots of progress after this time.

I think I have very much "rewired" to my gf by now. She was away for two weeks, during which my libido fell into what felt like a flatline including a shriveled up tiny dick. But after she returned, my libido also returned and so far has been quite stable. This is quite an improvement, since in the past after one or two O's my libido would fade quite a lot.

Rebooting works, but one might have to give it a lot of time.

That sounds like a pretty decent outcome.

 

[Mart71]

Yes, it is really fascinating how the body and the mind keeps recovering by simple changes like staying away from porn and MO.

 

[a short guy]

Mart, just read through your journal. 175 days, awesome. Enjoy the reunion with your girlfriend.

 

[fcjl8]

Yes, 175 days! Never , ever let your guard down. I am sure you know this!