The shores beyond porn

[jstatca]

Keep it going Mart71 - your comments and reflections are very helpful to us all! I workout quite a bit myself, though don't seem to look the part lol. Hope you can stay motivated working out at your house as I often find it's easier to push myself lifting when I see others working hard.

Keep posting!

Cheers....

 

[WiP]

Thanks Marti, I am coming to the realization that I need to get to the gym a lot more than I have.  I cant seem to get there more than once a week.  I will follow your progress with interest.  So far I have focused on cardio. 

 

[Viper]

Celebrated 210 days/7 months of living a life without porn with my first weight lifting training session in my basement, after carrying all the gear to the house and down into the basement. Finally I am able to do the workouts as I like, when I like and without interruptions. I am really happy about that.

First workout was really fun - but I am starting the Stronglift 5X5 programm at the beginning, even though I already had some progress doing some of the lifts at my old gym. So that means, there isn't much of a challenge yet. But I guess that will come soon enough.

Now lets see, what resuming a regular workout will do for my porn addiction recovery- starting month no. 8 clean.

210 days is a hell of a milestone being porn free.
As far as the weight training, you're gonna be sore in the beginning but hang in there.

 

[Mart71]

210 days is a hell of a milestone being porn free.
As far as the weight training, you're gonna be sore in the beginning but hang in there.

Yes. I can't believe, I am actually in my 8th month of no-porn already. But it makes me really happy.

About the training -  last year I did weight training for 9 months until october. After that I took a break and switching to a home gym now.

Regarding my recovery, there is not much to report. I have no urges to PMO or to MO, though my long distance girlfriend is still with me until tomorrow, so I guess having lots of sex creates no need to MO. LOL

I have tapered off the ED drugs even more. When I jump-started my journey, I needed a combination of 20mg of Cialis daily AND a full Viagra or Levitra before the actual sex in the first months. And even that pretty brutal combination barely made sex possible (for obvious reasons).

By now, I have reduced it to 10mg Cialis (half a pill) daily and no more of the additional, stronger ED drugs. Even just on the fumes of the Cialis from the day before, normal sex is working without problems. I am pretty confident, that with time I can reduce this even further. Though with the amount of sex my girlfriend likes to have, I doubt I can get rid of the pills completely. But let's see, what my resumed weight training does for my libido and erectile health.

 

[Mart71]

Girlfriend is back in her home country now and we probably won't see each other very much for the next three months because of her work. While I miss her very much of course, I also see this as an opportunity for some stretches of complete abstinence, that should further advance my recovery.

Did a workout session yesterday. I started videoing myself doing the excercices to check my technique and .... uggh, my lower back rounds much more than I thought it would. While training at the gym, I was told my technique was "ok", but this is far from ok. Buttwink while squatting, rounded lower back doing barbell rows, not good. So I am adding mobility and stretching exercices to improve that.

 

[savingmysoul]

I need to exercise - add this to my recovery program.
I have lost about 25-30 pounds - but not a recommended weight loss program.

I have read that getting in exercise can help the receptors revitalize/grow/strengthen faster.  It this fairly true statement?

Thanks mart for journaling.  I am at 20 weeks, PIED'd, and searching for answers.  you have helped!

SMS

 

[LTE]

I need to exercise - add this to my recovery program.
I have lost about 25-30 pounds - but not a recommended weight loss program.

I have read that getting in exercise can help the receptors revitalize/grow/strengthen faster.  It this fairly true statement?

Thanks mart for journaling.  I am at 20 weeks, PIED'd, and searching for answers.  you have helped!

SMS

Exercise never hurts, as long as you are basically in sound health and can tolerate that exercise. Breaking free from this is a project that involves mind, body, brain and, to some extent, even environment. IOW, get outdoors and get some fresh air and natural light from time to time.

 

[Mart71]

I need to exercise - add this to my recovery program.
I have lost about 25-30 pounds - but not a recommended weight loss program.

I have read that getting in exercise can help the receptors revitalize/grow/strengthen faster.  It this fairly true statement?

Thanks mart for journaling.  I am at 20 weeks, PIED'd, and searching for answers.  you have helped!

SMS

About the exercise: I read that it is suppossed to help with the receptors as well. I didn't exercise during the first seven months of my reboot though and still got lots of progress, so for me it wouldn't be mandatory.  But of course regular exercise is more or less good for everybody anyway.

Right now I want to "drive this reboot home" and I am curious how the training will affect it.

 

[Mart71]

It's been 120 days since the last time I masturbated. That is four months now. I added no-mo to my no-pmo five months ago, but I "relapsed" once after a month and had to reset my counter.

In the beginning of my reboot, coming fresh from a life when masturbation happened several times a week for almost three decades, it felt like stopping masturbation would be impossible. Not using porn any more - that was rather easy. But stopping masturbation felt almost crazy. So I ended up doing MO during the first two months of my reboot.

Suffering from P.I.ED, strong desensitization, porn libido instead of real libido and very low sensitivity in my little friend himself - MO without porn turned out to be .... not very pleasant. Which was surprising. I had cut down the frequency to about once a week to support the reboot. I thought doing it more rarely than before would make it more pleasant, but that did not happen. It felt very mechanical. Also my erection would always weaken, when I closed in on the climax - obviously my body telling me, things are far from okay.

So being inspired by members 'LTE' and directly advised by 'chicken' back at YBR, I stopped MO as well. I honestly did not think, I would be able to do it, but I tried. The relapse after one month made me think, it is not something that I can do over longer periods of time. But after the relapse, it felt even easier and the urge to MO hasn't come back since then. So - I basically stopped playing with myself since then.

And, again to my surprise, it feels good. It feels good to be in control. I feel relaxed. I don't miss it, as I thought I might.

Now of course, I am lucky to have a partner. Being single, this would be much more difficult. But changing my mindset to reserving my sexuality exclusively to my partner has worked very well for me.

Since I am still in recovery, I am limiting my orgasms with my partner. We are both enjoying sex and intimacy very much. I am really lucky to have her. Since my libido is damaged by porn, having an orgasm causes a "reset" and for a while my sex-drive is gone after it. So we are not only limiting my orgasms to help with my recovery, but also to keep the fire of my libido burning. Doing that also taught me to control myself better. It more or less "cured" my PE problem, I last longer - and can focus on my girl much better.

Compare that to jerking off alone in front of a screen, in a dark room....

 

[SO Reboot Partner]

Wow.

The concept of "porn libido" v. "real libido" really struck a chord as a reboot partner. I can tell when he's present and I would put that into "real libido", but you hint at more than that, something allusive and rare.

Dealing with PIED here, so naturally objective claims of libido are measured by erections - in the beginning. This objective measurement is a poor one because just getting a stiffy is not the goal. Being a partner is not my goal. I want to be his lover again, not just a partner. These are very different things.

Anyway, very interesting post. You've given me much to think about.

 

[LTE]

Great to hear Mart.

Porn libido vs real libido, IMO, is a good way to look at it. I think that porn libido is actually flatline plus addiction to phony sex.

 

[Mart71]

Not much to report. Lots of work, doing my training, enjoying the house, girlfriend is back in her home country.

Libido in the absence of my gf is very low - as it happens lots of times. It is "weird" how I need her to get turned on. I can really say, the reboot hasn't turned me back into an ever horny teenager yet. LOL

At least there are no urges to PMO - though last sunday I had an urge to MO, which I did not give in to.

 

[LTE]

Not much to report. Lots of work, doing my training, enjoying the house, girlfriend is back in her home country.

Libido in the absence of my gf is very low - as it happens lots of times. It is "weird" how I need her to get turned on. I can really say, the reboot hasn't turned me back into an ever horny teenager yet. LOL

At least there are no urges to PMO - though last sunday I had an urge to MO, which I did not give in to.

I find that I am rarely horny since the reboot. It happens occasionally, but most of the time it's smooth sailing.

 

[Mart71]

Three more weeks of abstinence before me, then there is going to be a short reunion with my gf. I miss her a lot, can't wait to see her again.

Really enjoying the home gym since two weeks now. 5x5 training is advancing and slowly some of the exercises are starting to feel heavy, especially the overhead press. I changed the normal back squats to box squats to help with my form - and it helped a lot.

Paying more attention to my form so far has kept my lower back without pain - I hope it stays like that.

I also dusted off my bicycle and started riding it again. Was especially great today, since the sun was shining and it was nice and warm. Good day.

 

[Mart71]

Had to reset my MO counter after 130 days. I "tested" my erection after a night of bad sleep and it led to MO. In my 8th month of rebooting and living without porn, getting hard from touch alone is still not really working. At least there was no porn involved and it was quick, almost mechanical. It was also quite pleasureless, though I did not expect much else.

At least sex is possible, even though I still had to use ED drugs, though I could taper them down, but not off so far. I am thinking about, if I should try having sex without any ED drugs, when my gf comes back in three weeks. I should be horny enough and I think I am going to try. At least I know I have my "backup" if I still need them.

Much more importantly, my training is moving along fine and I keep improving my technique, as far as I can judge from videoing myself. My body adjusted to box-squats now and after yesterday's session my legs don't even feel sore, even though at this phase I do increase the weight every session. They feel much more controlled than the back-squats I used to do, so I am looking forward to see how far I can go with them.

Adding more exercises for my lower back seem to pay off as well. My lower back is irritated less and less, but I will keep being careful not to risk too much and injure it again. I caused several breaks in my training because of that in the past.

For additional recreation, I parked the car about a mile away from work and walked there through the sun.

PS:
I was talking to my addiction today. It said: "You don't need to reset your counter, no one will know!" I considered it for a moment...

 

[LTE]

Had to reset my MO counter after 130 days. I "tested" my erection after a night of bad sleep and it led to MO. In my 8th month of rebooting and living without porn, getting hard from touch alone is still not really working. At least there was no porn involved and it was quick, almost mechanical. It was also quite pleasureless, though I did not expect much else.

At least sex is possible, even though I still had to use ED drugs, though I could taper them down, but not off so far. I am thinking about, if I should try having sex without any ED drugs, when my gf comes back in three weeks. I should be horny enough and I think I am going to try. At least I know I have my "backup" if I still need them.

Much more importantly, my training is moving along fine and I keep improving my technique, as far as I can judge from videoing myself. My body adjusted to box-squats now and after yesterday's session my legs don't even feel sore, even though at this phase I do increase the weight every session. They feel much more controlled than the back-squats I used to do, so I am looking forward to see how far I can go with them.

Adding more exercises for my lower back seem to pay off as well. My lower back is irritated less and less, but I will keep being careful not to risk too much and injure it again. I caused several breaks in my training because of that in the past.

For additional recreation, I parked the car about a mile away from work and walked there through the sun.

PS:
I was talking to my addiction today. It said: "You don't need to reset your counter, no one will know!" I considered it for a moment...

You did the right thing by resetting.

 

[Mart71]

Updating. The month without the gf was harder than expected and I ended up MOing three times. No biggie, I want to live a life without porn, no-masturbation is not high on my list. And as before, MO without porn wasn't very satisfying and erections during MO were still lackluster. Real sex is much, much better. So I just move on. The three MOs didn't change anything.

What changed things was training. One month of progressive resistance training improved my erection strength and reduced my recovery time from orgasms. When my gf was here, I was able to orgasm four days in a row until her time of the month started and she wasn't available for sex anymore. Just a little over a month ago, two orgasms on two consecutive days would throw me into a deep libido flatline. So - more progress. The only thing that changed was one more month of abstinence (with the three MOs) and the regular training. Now I can say from my own experience, that training really helps.

 

[Mart71]

Checking in.

Starting the training was a great thing to do. As I keep improving, I keep feeling better and better. Also I am starting to get some crazy MW the day after a workout. Highly recommended.

I am also getting calmer regarding issues with my gf. Things that would set me off in the past don't have that much of an effect these days, so I can steer clear of quite a few confrontations that might have escalated in the past.

No porn: check
No MO: check, be I have to be on guard. It is still a few weeks until my reunion with my gf and I did three MOs the last time I had to wait for so long. Trying to do better this time.

 

[maledictis]

    Hi Mart71 thats what i think is right for myself. No porn and just enough mo to stay "normal" as i feel maniac paranoid anxious lusty etc if i dont orgasm at least now and then (2 3 per week)(2 OR 3, not 23 lol) 6 months is impressive i only managed 80 days, but was masturbating a lot, nearly everyday and had a lover i didn't find so attractive(not really my type) so i definitly had ed. Thanks

 

[Mart71]

My counter is showing 270 days, which is 9 months without porn. Time for a little update.

Porn urges still haven't come up to this day. This is good. I am really hopeful I can live a life without porn.

Not masturbating didn't really do much for me in the end. I noticed this, when I did it a few times. I don't feel any different if I do it or not, though compared to the past, I do it much less. Urges to MO sometimes come and once in a while I give in to them, especially if I am apart from my gf for a long time like right now, when we can't see each other for a month. But then again I can also go no-MO for a few weeks without even realizing it. Point is, MO isn't important to me, one way or the other.

My PIED recovered nicely in some areas. I can get erect pretty much without effort and my potential orgasm frequency has improved. There are no more discussions about ED with my gf, she claims to be very pleased with our sex-life. As am I.

In other areas there hasn't been any progress at all. For example, I still don't get "locking" erections, that stay for a few minutes without stimulation. I can get hard for sex and stay hard enough for oral or penetration, but the erection soon fades after stimulation stops. MO to touch alone doesn't give me a 100% erection lying down (the only position I tried). But I also can't have sex lying on my back (erection dies soon even with stimulation), so I am not surprised.

My libido is not raging like that of a teenager, when I am without my partner. When she is with me, that is another matter though - since I can hardly get enough of her then.

Sensitivity remains mediocre. It still feels a bit numb, like behind a veil. During rough sex, I sometimes lose the feeling completely.

I feel I get a little better every month, but it is not really related to me abstaining from MO or having sex or no sex. Since I am in a long distance relationship, which is constantly changing regarding the amount of time I can see my gf (sometimes, we are together for a month, then we are apart for a month, then see each other just for a weekend etc.), I have tried many approaches, including staying away from MO for 120 days (even 150 days with just one MO). The rate of recovery seems to stay the same for me. Therefore I have concluded for myself, that the most important thing is staying away from porn and giving the process the time it needs.

Concerning "accessory work" to support the reboot, exercising probably had the biggest effect on me. However compared to staying away from porn and giving it time, the effect of excerise was small as well. I have also mostly stopped writing a journal about my reboot. At this point there just aren't many real world positive effects I get from doing that. I still like to contribute my opinion about questions other guys have, if I think I have something worthwhile to say. Though I also have to say, that I long for the day when I can retire from forums like these and focus more on other parts of my life. Being constantly reminded of the personal misery porn causes has a certain negative effect, which I need to step away from time to time. Another reason why I stopped writing in my journal very often.

I am convinced, this will keep improving in the coming months, but my recovery will take more than one year. That is for sure by now.