just joined and need to succeed

R

relapse king

Member
I've relapsed so many times i'm starting to believe it's not possible.
One more attempt and if not successful i will assume its not possible for me and will live my life an addict.

Starting Now...may get mean and nasty since my agitation caused by frustration makes me a very angry person.

Time to elaborate on my initial post since when I started this I didn't want to get too long and winded since I wasn't too confident I would make it very far. It's now 18 days and counting and I feel I'm here for the long run.

I was shown how to masturbate at a very early age by someone who was as young as I was but learnt from his older brother and shared this info with me (this was pre-teen back in the late 60s). The explosive feeling hooked me from the very first time and still has a strong pull to want to explode in the brain all the time. I love the feeling of my brain taking me to a place that is all natural (no drugs) and its the best known feeling that a man can feel naturally.
I later got involved in drugs and alcohol and for a time was never sober or without drugs in my system for 7 years. My family wouldn't give up on me and kept loving me through that period and for that reason alone I decided to quit. Cigarettes was very difficult to leave behind but alcohol and drugs although difficult didn't seem as difficult as cigarettes.
I cleaned up my act but never cleaned up the porn/masturbation/sex addiction act (thought there was no harm in it) so that went on for 40 years up until now. I've tried many time to quit but always went back thinking no harm was being done and truly believing that no harm was being done to anyone which justified my continuation in the scene. It was easier to not try to quit then to feel the lows when I tried to quit and failed.
It was only after accidentally tuning into 16X9 and watching the courageous Gabe Deem and the documentary on porn that I realize more harm was being done then I was allowing myself to believe. This led me to this site and reboot and my so far 18 going on 19 days of being clean.

although drugs are very powerful this sex addiction to me seems the most difficult to quit.

So there it is a modified intro.

thanks
 

 
OldHornyGuy

OldHornyGuy

Active Member
Hi King,

When you are trying to stay sober, what other things do you do?  It is important to replace fapping with something, otherwise you will go nuts!
 
R

relapse king

Member
you battle and are successful then the urge returns and again you battle but it consumes you so much that you give in and feel like crap and start again over and over the cycle continues
 
OldHornyGuy

OldHornyGuy

Active Member
I understand that cycle completely!  Fortunately I am in a relationship where my issue was out on the table immediately and we can talk about the struggle and my feelings.

And it helps to know that if I do stumble I will post it here (which I don't want to do!) but that a stumble does not have to be the end of the battle!
 
R

relapse king

Member
I've been married for 25 years and tried to explain it to my wife but she doesn't understand my problem....I'm cleaning the house from to to bottom to diffuse my energies in another direction...good day so far.
 
R

relapse king

Member
looking for an attachment for vacuum all over the house getting very frustrated and want to give up and go online and relieve the stress with some freakin PMO  damn vacuum... 
 
S

savingmysoul

Active Member
finding positive activities to replace those from the dark side is definately recommended.

Not really knowing what your home life is like - but may i suggest that you try and find something you and your wife can do together?  For me it is cooking, learning to cook, preparing meals with my wife for either the two of us, or for the family.  It is an example of a great activity, benefits others, and is quality time with my wife.

Exercise is also a great activity - not that i would know personally, but so i have read...

stay strong, one battle doesnt determine the outcome of the war - you can find the strength to rid your life of P & M, when you do find it - embrace it.
 
R

relapse king

Member
thanks savingmysoul for those words of encouragement...love the sentence "Exercise is also a great activity - not that i would know personally, but so i have read..."
I do exercise to excessive amounts and i find it makes me very tired physically and mentally and its the mental fatigue that breaks down my resistance to my addiction

I exercise to access because i get that same feeling of high but not to the same extent as porn i.e. its another addiction for me.

the good news is i'm still clean my first post was "August 03, 2014, 12:23:40 PM" and its the 5th at 5:55 pm so far so good.

My wife is out of town for a couple weeks and I think I took this on at this time because if I can get through these 2 weeks (till she gets back) it will be even more of an accomplishment then if she were here.

the war rages  thanks
 
R

relapse king

Member
Question:

During reboot do you all find that you sweet a lot more when you are the center of attention in a group? I find I do and its almost like an anxiety that seems to be amplified during reboot. wondering if it was just me!
 
Viper

Viper

Well-Known Member
relapse king said:
Question:

During reboot do you all find that you sweet a lot more when you are the center of attention in a group? I find I do and its almost like an anxiety that seems to be amplified during reboot. wondering if it was just me!
Click to expand...

It is an anxiety. It doesn't happen to me during a reboot per se but yeah, I could see that happening to
others and I don't think it's unusual.
 
R

relapse king

Member
another day and more frustrated then yesterday adding to this frustration is that I had to do an IT course and it was poorly presented and i was pissed more then I would have been if I were not going through this blasted reboot. Can't even effin think straight and am angry all the time and it's only been 4 freakin days. what effin chemicals or lack of chemicals are not flowing in my brain to make me feel so crappy?
 
R

relapse king

Member
5am and had a very bad sleep. Eyes are burning, very angry, all the shows on tv are tempting me to go on line. What th hell is the date today and how long has it been? Going to go to the gym and see if that will help.
 
OldHornyGuy

OldHornyGuy

Active Member
Hang in there, Man.  Withdrawal is tough, but temporary.  Freedom is permanent.  Better times are heading your way!

Peace and Be Strong!
 
S

SO Reboot Partner

Guest
relapse king said:
Another rough day very angry, almost got into a road rage altercation. Anger is another problem I have to deal with.
Click to expand...

When my partner was in the worst of it, he was impossible to be around. Irrational outbursts, anger over imaginary crimes where he was the hapless victim of some household conspiracy to undermine his happiness. He was furious with me one time because I was ready to go to movie on time. He was certain we would be late and could hardly speak to me. Another time he was certain I took the sheets off the bed to annoy him. We are past that now.

You know how little kids can have the most nuclear meltdown temper tantrums? When the challenges of the developing toddler-brain become a little too much to process, the system flashes a blue screen and the wailing begins. If the parent ignores the tantrum, the kid usually moves on from frustration to sadness and everyone gets a nap. I wish this was something we continued in adulthood.

It is pretty normal to be frustrated, even angry at the most absurd things while you're healing. Like a toddler, you're developing new pathways and relearning some emotional stuff. I don't have studies to say this is certain, but I've seen enough myself and read other accounts that I think it is pretty common. Gabe even mentions running into an alley and screaming on one of his videos on YBOP.

You might find that as you get further into the reboot, your outlook on frustrating situations changes. You become more calm and less anxious.

Good luck on your reboot.
 
R

relapse king

Member
SO Reboot partner

Your post made me smile and even laugh a little especially the first paragraph because that's exactly how I feel this crazy conspiracy against me. Good timing and thanks so much
 
S

SO Reboot Partner

Guest
relapse king said:
SO Reboot partner

Your post made me smile and even laugh a little especially the first paragraph because that's exactly how I feel this crazy conspiracy against me. Good timing and thanks so much
Click to expand...

Those feelings aren't forever. You are changing. It really helps to recognize them for what they are - just healing pangs. You'll get past them.
 
R

relapse king

Member
my wife went out of town when i started this on Aug 3rd, will be back next week early...i'm confused what do I do sex wise? is abstinence part of reboot or can i partake?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top