just joined and need to succeed

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savingmysoul

Active Member
The ability to get there is in us all - we are all here to support one another.

I remember early on, seeing others on here who had hundreds of days P & M free and thinking about what it would take to get there.  One thing i learned is day 2 cannot happen without a day 1, day 3 cannot happen without a day 2, etc.

This is a process, it takes constant care - filling our lives with healthy positive activities, acknowledging and dealing successfully with triggers.  One day at a time.  We cannot worry about what will happen tomorrow - but we can stay present and deal with and get through today.

it does get easier - it does need effort - but it does get easier.  Soon, all the new healthy activities you have filled your life with will replace the unhealthy ones.

Hang tough my brother - you can get there and farther.
 
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relapse king

Member
I expanded on my introductory post all the way back at the beginning. Didn't think I would last when first started this reboot so kept the intro very short and meaningless. Have gained confidence and expanded and detailed my life a little more
 
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relapse king

Member
does stress trigger the urge to relapse? I felt stressed all day and almost gave in to strong urges to click and watch. didn't but very strong urge all day.
 
rider654321

rider654321

Active Member
Hi relapse king,

Someone else had posted this link on my page and I found it very helpful. Hope its of some help to you too?

Sorry, I can't seem to make the link work, so I've had to copy and paste the entire message below.



Ok everyone, this is it.

I'm going to reveal to you the #1 secret to overcome pornography addiction.

This is the secret that all successful and enlightened rebooters share.

Those that got into the Hall of Fame already know it, either consciously or unconsciously.

Are you ready for it?

I'm very serious about this.

This is what separates those that go a few weeks without porn to those that go 6+ months without porn.

Most of you here are familiar with Laurynas and Journey to Freedom.

If you're not, then I invite you to check out their journals.

Does it look like they're struggling a lot to stay away from porn?

Are they trying too hard?

No, they're not.

To them, not watching porn is fucking easy. They don't even think about it. They don't even consider it.

Look at what Journey to Freedom posted yesterday:

"I have reached the point in time where staying away from PMO is easier than giving into temptation. I have come to a profound realization - it would be much harder to go back on the path of depression, anxiety, PMO-addiction than it would be to keep abstaining from it."

He's currently on day 153, but I believe he got to that point WAY BEFORE he realized it. Probably during the very early days of his reboot.

He was already at that point when he started his journal back on day 70:

"Even as I sit here in front of my computer talking to some friends and catching up on some schoolwork, I have absolutely ZERO desire to ever go back to the downward spiral of PMO ever again."

Here's the thing guys:

You will only be able to go long periods of time without porn when watching porn is no longer an option in your life.

I call it the "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset.

The men that have this mindset live as if porn didn't exist.

They completely forget about porn.

They do not spend their day fighting urges.

They are not "trying hard".

Urges are dismissed almost instantly.

I'm currently under this mindset and have been since day 11 or something. Staying away from porn has never been easier.

I've been alone at home several times during the last weeks and watching porn never crossed my mind, not even for a second.

I would rather spend the whole night without sleeping than watch porn. I would rather masturbate, fuck a prostitute, take a walk, whatever. But porn just isn't an option.

And it doesn't bother me one bit.

You have to be ok with the idea that you will never watch porn ever again in your life.

If this idea gives you anxiety or makes you cringe, then you don't have the "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset yet.

If you're having urges on day 17 and you're slightly considering watching porn, then that means that in your mind you haven't truly made the decision to quit.

If you know that you're going to be home alone this weekend and you're worried about relapsing, then that means you're not ready yet.

You're just prolonging your relapse. Eventually you're going to give in.

Those kind of thoughts do not enter the mind of successful rebooters. They forgot about porn a long time ago.

I'm usually completely unaware of what day I'm on.

I don't count days.

I just check what day I'm at every time I post on my journal.

There's a big difference between counting days and just keeping track of how far you've gone. I made a thread about this.

I still get urges, but I dismiss them instantly. I don't feed them or fight them.

Have you ever been attracted to your best friend's girlfriend? Or maybe to a very beautiful cousin? They might arouse you and you might get urges, but hitting on them is just not an option. It's not something you consider, unless you're into incest or don't give a shit about your friend.

I'm telling you, once you have the "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset, staying away from porn is FUCKING EASY.

How do you get this mindset though?

I'm afraid that's the difficult part and that's where I can't help you.

Every situation is different and every man has his own reasons for quitting.

I just want to make you aware that this is the mindset you should be striving for. If you're struggling a lot or trying too hard then you're doing it wrong.

If you take a look at successful rebooters you will always notice that they're able to stay away from porn pretty easily, and that's because of this particular mindset.

The "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset is as bulletproof as it can get, but having a journal (accountability) is absolutely crucial too. I don't think I would've ever been able to get this far without having a journal. Don't be afraid to use porn blockers if you want as well. Everything helps.

And if you're one of those guys that want to quit both porn and masturbation forever, the same mindset still applies. It just changes to "Porn and Masturbation are NOT an Option".

Pretty simple, eh?
 
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relapse king

Member
5 more days to make 30 the longest I've gone in a long long time am I cured? over the hump? not really sure! is it really a cure or a control i.e. once an addict always an addict! life sucks.
 
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savingmysoul

Active Member
Hey King -

almost 30 days is a great accomplishment - please remember, its only 30 days - and this can be a long process.

I would suggest you worry less about how long and am i cured, and focus on today.  It does get easier - it does, but only when its ready to - with all your struggles and all your preparing to deal with, dismiss, and move forward on triggers the demon will start to loosen its grip.  You will know when this happens.

you have shown some strength in some of your previous posts - inspirational to all of us.  You are doing great!
 
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relapse king

Member
tears rolled down my eyes as I read your post savingmysoul. Think I'm going through a little low point thats all 

thanks savingmysoul
 
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relapse king

Member
As 30 days approaches i need some advise on where to go from here? Add a small increments like 60 or more the 60.  Im proud of this 30 a first for me. Thanks for the help a long the way.
 
rider654321

rider654321

Active Member
Hi RK
Congratulations on almost making 30 days! Well done, and yes, you should be proud of yourself!

As for what target should you set next, why not just continue taking each day at a time and not bother with the counting? If you have adopted the mindset that "Porn is NOT an option" then whatever the number of days you set on your calendar is really quite irrelevant.

Keep up the good work!
 
 
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savingmysoul

Active Member
Nice job RK -

I am with Rider on this one -counters a great way to measure progress, but try not to get ahead of yourself.  It truly is one day at a time. 

You should also be building new behaviors - developing new activities, things to do with yourself now that you aren't hanging out on the dark side.  Continue to reinforce them, you will find as you add these to your life, you will start to look forward to doing them, and less concerned about what you shouldn't be doing.

You are doing great!

before you know it, 60 days will be in the rear view mirror.
 
Havetodothis40

Havetodothis40

Active Member
Thanks guys, I feel better this morning.  Kind of numb. But resolute.  Like I know I did everything I could and it the rest is in her hands.

I will continue to keep working on this PMO thing.  Because I do want someone in my life, and I want to be ready when that happens.

If I really think about it, I just have to work on two things.  That is not much.  I have  a good job, a nice place. I am a great guy. I just have fix PMO and work through some legal/driving issues. 

I still plan on seeing a counselor/therapist.  I still think that would be a good thing for me.
 
D

DeltaFosAware

Active Member
Hang on in their my friend. The main thing I always think about is doing this primarily for YOU! That way it's YOU who wants and works towards the better life after Porn.
Sometimes I think my Porn came about because I relinquished a sense of control in my life. It felt more that it was nice to be along for the rude in life but why should I do the driving!

I sense that the behaviour may well have been motivated by early issues in childhood that included a feeling of abandonment, inability to please significant others, and deeply seated feelings of lacking self worth. When trying to understand the addiction these proved very useful reference points.

Keep on doing what you are doing, it's working!
 
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relapse king

Member
been depressed for the last few days maybe because of change or maybe because i miss a long lost activity whatever it is I want to get over the feeling of inadequacy or does everyone in the world ride this roller coaster?
 
Havetodothis40

Havetodothis40

Active Member
Yes I do.  But I can't really explain it.

For me, some of the depressed feeling has to do with recent relationship and legal issues.  So I blame it on those instead of PMO.

Keep focused, You can get through this!
 
S

SO Reboot Partner

Guest
Hey guys, as someone fighting her way out of a depression, don't let yourself get too down.

Reach out to others. Ask for help from your doctor if you need to. Hit the gym, churn those natural stabilizers with exercise. You don't get a medal for being in pain. Keep moving forward. I know it isn't easy, but you can get through this.
 
Havetodothis40

Havetodothis40

Active Member
Exercise definitely helps me.  I usually run, walk or bicycle.  I am going to start adding pushups and my yoga back to the program once I feel good about my wrist.

I recommend stuff that leads you outdoors.  Just the sunshine and dealing with the elements helps you focus on something other than what you are feeling.
 
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