My future is awesome!

[TakeActionNow]

@PrometheusUnbound
Thank you very much for checking in on me.

Actually at this moment I'm rather glad for the lapse as it gave me a lot of insight regarding myself.

The long MO hiatus has distanced myself from this addiction enough to see it from an objective point of view and understand better the influences it had on me.

So I observed the points I shared above which I was not aware of before because I was too caught up in the addiction act to know what the act meant for me.

Now that I have an idea of the deeper reasons and relationship this addiction is to me, I believe I can now make better choices.

1. I am more geared towards better and more preventive self-care so I do not end up in a desperation state

2. I am wary of developing fake, false and fantasy relationships. (Idolizing)

3. I must make more conscious effort to self motivated and keep my drive and ambition up.

4. I must learn to let go more and better. A good future and better that any past.

5. I must make sure not to enter that slippery P slope with very certain outcome.

Overall,
It was a release I needed.
It was a gain of insight
It was a reminder of the dangers
It showed the better path forward.

I hope this is the final goodbye when we know the relationship has ended.

On to better things and days!

 

[TakeActionNow]

Addiction

Addiction is cunning because
1. It exists in habitual ways
2. The addict believes they can stop any time but actually can't, because addiction has emotional and physical bondage which the logical mind has a hard time countering.
3. The addiction root is usually invisible to the addict
4. The percieved joy is large, but the unperceived costs are larger

One needs a long long time from the addictive habit before they are free to see clearly
1. What were the hidden motivators that compel addicts to this behavior
2. What were addicts trying to address and how they can address it without the addictive acts

Addiction has no reason.
We were compelled to act on it by force of habit or desire.
It is a grind that gives no long term joy.
We know we are addicts when we "have to do it", not because we "want to do it".

Time, distance and honesty are the only cure to addiction.
It is like the ex you cannot let go of. With enough time and distance, their attraction will normalize and you will wonder why you once held on for so long, forever hoping but never realizing that what you hoped for is just not real.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Followup

It's day 3.
I've been reflecting what happened recently as well as in the past 3 months

1. Dead time is most dangerous. It is the precursor to lapses.
I should have a set of things to do between 8 to 10pm.
I should put the phone away whenever I am resting.
I need a greater goal to keep me occupied.

2. Blaming others is an excuse for self responsibility.
In the absense of direction, I blame others for my lack of success. I need to stop finger pointing and leave others alone. Focus on what I need to do, and move on. What others do is none of my business.

3. Lack of planning and clear goals frustrates me.
It leads to time wasting and no outcomes. Always set aside time to prioritize self care and self development. 2 more hours of work in return for 2 lost hours with child is NOT WORTH IT.

4. Opposites and irony.
The path to happiness is to deal with unhappiness. The right to freedom is to endure absense of freedom. Only when we give do we receive. Love is shown and received by warmth and smiles.

5. Drive and direction
This keeps me occupied.
This gives me results. When each day has been planned to the minute, I am free of distractions and full of achievements.

6. Let go of the past
This is yet another excuse to deny responsibility or blame others. The past is over. It make no more difference. Focus only on making tomorrow better.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Where were the reasons for relapse?

1. Attachment to certain actresses

2. Unhappiness

3. Stress and discomfort

4. Excess free time

5. Barriers to reality

These are the real triggers, not the casual internet interaction.

If I can resolve these, I will have no reason to seek pleasure or distraction.

#1 is most tricky because it essentially is a trickery of my mind : fantasy creation. How do I stop believing something that doesn't even exist? How do I see relationships honestly and not as I imagined them to be? These are rooted in my childhood and P abuse. I'd have to think more about this.

2,3 and 4 are about planning, time and self management. Scheduling, journalling and reflection would be key.

#5 I believe are rooted in looking back and closed mindset. I need to let go and see things as they are and be more optimistic about the future.

I believe tomorrow will be better
I believe my relationships will be better
I believe my life will be better
I believe I will be better

 

[Blondie]

I always enjoy you reflections @TakeActionNow.

planning, time and self management. Scheduling, journalling and reflection would be key

This is a big deal for me right now and it's something I never really learned growing up. How to handle life and life's stresses? I'm still working on it, and it's a bumpy road to be sure.

Best

 

[TakeActionNow]

At this moment I feel the worst about this addiction is the lost opportunity and learnings towards proper self care and management.

We think PMO is self care when it is not.

PMO focus on indulgence when we should be prudent about time, money and attention. We become lazy, dependent and lose direction.

My initial beliefs about reboot were Replacement.
Now I see it more as Restoration:
Restore the relationship with myself and others
Restore proper goal and time management
Restore proper outlook in life

PMO was about escape and avoidance. There is no need for this if I am the best person to be with.

 

[TakeActionNow]

PMO is about safety and guarantee. Delight is ensured.
But real life hold no such guarantee.

So to seek such guarantee is to be oblivious to reality. This is essentially the closed mindset.

Thus PMO brings about avoidance and extended suffering.

But real gain is in facing reality.
If we were wrong, we can either adjust or let go. Without these 2 we cannot move on. PMO keeps us from moving on.

If we are right, we are strengthen and uplifted.
Negativity holds us down. Optimism lifts us up.

Do not fear change
Do not fear confrontation
Instead, see it as a blessing. Become clear.
Become certain.
Become free.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I always enjoy you reflections @TakeActionNow.

This is a big deal for me right now and it's something I never really learned growing up. How to handle life and life's stresses? I'm still working on it, and it's a bumping road to be sure.

Best

@Blondie thank you.
Yes these important learnings were avoided when we used PMO to cover up our issues.

Life is nonlinear and so is this journey of ours.

For me it's about self awareness and care, letting go, and being optimistic about tomorrow.

You will find your answers too!

 

[Blondie]

You will find your answers too!

Same to you!

Best

 

[TakeActionNow]

These moments of clarity are important yet fleeting.

Indulgent behavior often makes us take things too far, often ignoring our needs and not setting boundaries necessary for our personal care.

I am more clear now who are subtly influencing negativity within me. I used to respond ineffectively with anger and resentment. Now I will practice more smarts. I cannot change others, but I can change myself and my choices. I will be more skillful in order to preserve my inner peace.

Lately I am also more sensitive to my inner sensations. We are living beings and the drive to procreate is ever present and dominant. That doesn't mean we need to indulge in it blindly. I am becoming aware of the subtle buildup, and the engagements that cause it's buildup. So I will practice more distancing and inner peace and keep negativity, anxiety and acting out at bay.

I don't need to change or influence others.
I just need to manage myself and make myself the better example for others.
They can decide for themselves what is best for them.
I will decide for myself what is best for me.

 

[TakeActionNow]

BUFFER

I have a hoarding friend and I've been helping her. She doesn't see the impact of clutter on her mental and physical wellbeing.

Everything has its limits.
Ideally we operate at 50% so there is buffer to manoeuvre.
At 80% we really slow down our abilities.
At 100% we stop responding.
At 150% things actually move backwards because the future cannot enter and the past takes up too much space.

The same goes with our
Emotional
Physical
Cognitive
Financial states.

We must not be at the 80 or 100% state. We will stop functioning and regress.

This is self care.
Knowing our limits
Maintaining some buffer
Resting and retreating when the strain or demand is too much

 

[TakeActionNow]

CAREFUL

when I was indulgent I was careless.

I didn't care what negatives the indulgence did to me.
I didn't care what was important to me
I didn't care for myself.
I only cared about pleasure.

Now that I am older the past has caught up with me
My quality of life
My quality of friends
My quality of health

I need to be much more careful now.
My health wealth and self depends on it.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Yesterday I binged a few hours on a mobile RPG game on some excuse that I need spend the credits before they expire.

The violence and endless nonsense of killing for credits got to me, and I can sense the discomfort welling from within.

Eventually I deleted the game and went to restless slumber.

Today I sit here reflecting what I felt and where that would have led me if left unchecked.

I am more sensitive to my inner sensations now.
Hunger, stress, anxiety etc.
The earlier I address them, the less it builds up to catastrophe.

Why did I learn to avoid instead of addressing them when I was young? I don't know.
Could be poor parenting.
Could be lack of help or direction.
Could be the need to be independent too young in life.
Could be I was too dumb or too gutless.
Could be the addiction escape came too early into my life.

Regardless.
I'm playing catchup now.

While PMO has its instinctive attractions, it is only one of many addiction options. I could have easily turned to smoking, gambling etc had I a slightly different predisposition.

The issue isn't the addiction or choice of addiction, but the root behind the drive towards addiction, and that root is based on how we deal with and manage our emotions.

If emotions are checked and addressed earlier, less need for recovery.

If fear and uncertainty are addressed earlier, less need for recovery.

If the mind can let go earlier and chose more reasonable and realistic paths, less need for recovery.

Let's start from the very beginning. Let's go to the root. When that is resolved early, addictions no long are necessary.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Why need addiction when you have love and warm family?

Why need addiction when you are fed, rested, managed and in good self control?

P is social media
Social media serves only itself and the people who publish it
It paints the good but never the bad
It creates cravings but never owns the path
Too much social media and the person loses themselves.

Don't look at social media
Don't look at P
Look at what's standing in front of you.
They are real
They are alive
Social media is dead.
Dont love the dead
Love the living and real
Love the living

 

[TakeActionNow]

Social media is pretty
P is pretty
Therefore I must also like pretty
But why do I like or crave pretty?
Is it because I do not have beautiful around me
Or because I am unable to see the beautiful around me?
And if I cannot see, why?
Because I ignore or reject?
Then I am the one that blinded myself.

Everything is beautiful if I seek not perfection but improvement.
Incrementally everything's better than before.

Always look forward, never bad.
A little bit better everywhere goes a long long way towards feeling good.

 

[TakeActionNow]

EXPLORING THE FANTASY AND AVOIDANCE DILEMMA

there was something I never could understand, about preferring to start over instead of growing and developing what I already have.
I thought it was gaming related, where one can start over indefinitely when dead.

But now I think it's more fantasy related, where avoidance is key when things don't go my way.

So instead of grinding and overcoming, I've always turned away and start elsewhere, unable to handle failure that contradicts my "fantasy".

Now that MO is not an option, the escape door is also closed. I am slowing facing up to grinding in life, and to be honest, it is not as bad as it seems.

Just show up.
Over and over again.
Until the failures become success, until the darkness becomes light.

There is really no need for fantasy and avoidance

 

[TakeActionNow]

1 WEEK

it's a week since my last lapse. I already know that the cycle repeats in roughly a week, and it's been building up since the weekend.
So I'm ready and guarded.
Now comes the fun part of enduring and resisting until the urges passes, which is not too difficult given:
No P access
Busy busy busy
Resting early
Guarding my stressors well

 

[TakeActionNow]

Today's sensation:
Inner calm
No desire to talk with anyone
Not exactly peaceful
More like wary
Body is going through its cycle.
Will find balance soon.

 

[TakeActionNow]

This recovery is like peeling an onion.
P is just the surface.
Without PMO, we start peeling the onion to go deeper and deeper about fears and root causes.
It's almost meditative.
To finally see what we are fearful of, have been running away from, habitually, all these years.
And once we hit the deepest core, we bounce outward again, back to the surface of the onion and beyond
And then back inwards towards the core.

Life is not a straight line
So neither is reboot linear
We will cycle over and over
With laspses and successes
Until finally we find ourselves
Find equilibrium
Find the new resting state
And then launch ourselves forward into the future with greater confidence and conviction.

 

[TakeActionNow]

It's day 9.
The urges have passed.
I am in stable contemplative state.

The normal cycle is
Overstressed -> P escape -> desires arise -> overwhelmed.

The preventive steps are
1. Rest and recover early. Do not let one get into a desperate state.
2. No P access. None what so ever. Even without outcome, it will initiate the desire drive. That is the purpose of dopamine: motivation. This arising is impossible to turn off and only leads to relapse.