As a partner, I and the others frequently get frustrated reading some of the comments here at RBN made by PAs. And, I am sure that the same is true of some of our comments to the PAs here.
Most frustrating of all though is the information put out that it is not us. We could be......whoever the hottest female of the moment is and it would still happen. But then we read:
IF ONLY.....
She had sex with me more often
She wasn't sick
She wasn't going through the change
She lost some weight
She didn't just want vanilla sex
She would try the stuff I want to
She dressed up for me
She realized I am horny
She wasn't depressed
She hadn't just had our baby
All of these indicate that somehow we have manipulated the PA brain and done something that made the PA look at porn and women and then masturbate. I do not understand why the taking on of responsibility for a conscious choice to PMO and then to go to great lengths to conceal it is difficult. Even if we turn into your ideal fantasy, according to all I have read, and I have been reading for 6 years on this topic, that would not make a difference. Maybe to you for a short bit. But even the ideal fantasy becomes the normal.
We get going without sex in a marriage because once the PA starts watching, we have no sex anymore. In my case 3 or 4 nights a week with the tv and maybe (if I was lucky) once a week with me. And even then I had to ask. So I felt no desire for me. We get that our body changes and hormones change. Trust me it is no picnic to have your body and brain change as an aging female. We are living those changes. We need understanding not condemnation. If you want us to try things, then make it fun not a demand.
The only person anyone can change is themselves. And we all need to be the best version of ourselves. Blaming someone else for our choices, any choices we make, means we are not ready to change. And in the process of our changing, the other will change. Like I have said before, seek out your wife/partner/gf with the same interest and time spent as you do porn and your marriage will change. I knew the entire time I was not first in his mind. I did not know what was for awhile but I knew it wasn't me.
Most frustrating of all though is the information put out that it is not us. We could be......whoever the hottest female of the moment is and it would still happen. But then we read:
IF ONLY.....
She had sex with me more often
She wasn't sick
She wasn't going through the change
She lost some weight
She didn't just want vanilla sex
She would try the stuff I want to
She dressed up for me
She realized I am horny
She wasn't depressed
She hadn't just had our baby
All of these indicate that somehow we have manipulated the PA brain and done something that made the PA look at porn and women and then masturbate. I do not understand why the taking on of responsibility for a conscious choice to PMO and then to go to great lengths to conceal it is difficult. Even if we turn into your ideal fantasy, according to all I have read, and I have been reading for 6 years on this topic, that would not make a difference. Maybe to you for a short bit. But even the ideal fantasy becomes the normal.
We get going without sex in a marriage because once the PA starts watching, we have no sex anymore. In my case 3 or 4 nights a week with the tv and maybe (if I was lucky) once a week with me. And even then I had to ask. So I felt no desire for me. We get that our body changes and hormones change. Trust me it is no picnic to have your body and brain change as an aging female. We are living those changes. We need understanding not condemnation. If you want us to try things, then make it fun not a demand.
The only person anyone can change is themselves. And we all need to be the best version of ourselves. Blaming someone else for our choices, any choices we make, means we are not ready to change. And in the process of our changing, the other will change. Like I have said before, seek out your wife/partner/gf with the same interest and time spent as you do porn and your marriage will change. I knew the entire time I was not first in his mind. I did not know what was for awhile but I knew it wasn't me.