cknfella said:
Thank you guys for the encouragement, it really means a lot.
Day 6 here. Today is my day off. Grateful for almost another week of no PMO. I'm definitely going to be more aware of Days 30-40. An interesting thing has been happening as I look at my temptation and draw to porn. Even though I fell, it's pull is having less sway over me. It's allure is less appealing, it's power less potent. I believe that's signs of change. I really find it far less desirable than I use to and simultaneously my awareness of it's draw and power over me is increasing. It's an odd mix, but I think its healthy.
Here's to another week! Keep up the fight fellas. PMO free in 2018!
Around day 40 is an interesting time. I think it's one of the major hurdle periods. The first week is difficult, then it gets a bit easier, then it gets harder again during the 35-40 day period. I think it's because complacency can set in. You also forget that determination you had when you first started. Your mind can start to entertain the idea of trying it out again - for various possible reasons:
- to test your physical response in the case of PIED, sometimes to remind yourself why you ever felt so strongly about using P (or quitting it.),
- because you start to wonder if you ever really had a problem and whether it's really that bad for you,
- because you miss the thrill,
- because you felt a bit numb about sex, which feels strange when it's been at the centre of your life for a long time.
- because you are in a depressed state or "flatline"
- because you failed at something else and decided to wallow in low self-esteem and mess up your reboot.
There are other reasons too why somebody might relapse, but you get the idea. You definitely have to be watchful all the way through your reboot. There are no truly safe times when you are quitting an addiction. You have to be very aware of what's building up in your mind - and take evasive action if it looks dangerous.
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