camus said:
I relapsed yet again. I was resisting coming back here and posting as I feel pretty stupid at the moment.
Today I just feel so angry with myself for being so weak. I keep asking why, why, why and there is no reason and there is no excuse.
How bad does it have to get before I stop for good?
One thing though, I will never give up on myself and my dreams so I need to get back on the path NOW.
First thing: Don't beat yourself up. This shit is really difficult. And I don't think that when you relapse, you erase all your progress and start back at zero. You've got some PMO-Free days there. Focus on those, and the progress you made there.
Next: Learn from what happened. What triggered you? What are you going to do differently next time that trigger comes up? Meditate? Exercise? Walk in nature? Cold shower?
And finally (and I'm not real good at this) try not to focus on the short term. Your reboot may take a long time, and you may go through some rough shit. Flatlines are terrible. I was too depressed to get out of bed some days.
Focus on filling the void. You've probably got lots of time on your hands now that your not PMO-ing all the time. What are you going to do with that time? Take up a new hobby? Learn a new instrument? Work out like a madman?
I'm not sure how I did this, but I just know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I'm never going to look at porn again. It's totally out of my life forever. I'm not on a 90 day reboot from porn. I'm on a rest_of_my_life reboot from porn.
I'm also going No M and No O. My wife and I fool around, and I make her O, but neither one of us touches my penis. Hands off.
GOOD LUCK! It's fantastic that you're here getting support, knowledge and suggestions. Take 'em all with a grain of salt and find what works for you.
You seem like you've got the determination, and you've got the curiosity to learn, you just need to get rid of some old habits and take on some new, healthier habits.
I know you can do it. NO PMO!!