My wife is expecting our first child in 127 days. I can break this down as my goal to be clean until that date (and beyond) into sub-goals: 7 days, 30 days, 90 days. Each segment will give me sufficient experience and strength to progress towards the main target of being free from PMO in 127 days - ready for our first child to have a father who will have grown in humility, integrity, self-respect and a man of responsibility.
Today is day 2, which follows repeated relapses of various extents over the course of many years. Now that I am facing a new reality with many changes ahead, I choose to learn from my experiences and to grow with a new mindset to become the person that I have always known deep down that I can, and should, be: Honest, self-loving, genuine care for other people, and living authentically.
I know that this will be difficult, although I need to keep things simple. Experience has taught me many things, despite its pain, suffering and frustration. This is permission to myself to let-go of the past (both long-term and as recent as a few days ago); I am more powerful and bigger than my problem. After all, my behaviour problem is my subconscious need to escape from the possible feeling of pain, including fear of failure or not being good enough. Again, I am far more powerful than my problem only from now on I am committing to taking action on a daily basis. I am now pro-active to take responsibility for me thoughts and emotions; these are a choice - how I think/the thoughts that I let into my mind and those which can be disregarded if it no longer serves me. This requires attention, discipline and brutal honesty. E.g. How is a fantasy going to help me? It's not, it is a harmful and dangerous distraction.
So this is the new me. It will take time to become the 33 y/o father-to-be who is in love with his wife and loves his life. But I will become this person one day at a time, followed by creating the 7-30-90 model.
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Porn is no longer an option.
Today is day 2, which follows repeated relapses of various extents over the course of many years. Now that I am facing a new reality with many changes ahead, I choose to learn from my experiences and to grow with a new mindset to become the person that I have always known deep down that I can, and should, be: Honest, self-loving, genuine care for other people, and living authentically.
I know that this will be difficult, although I need to keep things simple. Experience has taught me many things, despite its pain, suffering and frustration. This is permission to myself to let-go of the past (both long-term and as recent as a few days ago); I am more powerful and bigger than my problem. After all, my behaviour problem is my subconscious need to escape from the possible feeling of pain, including fear of failure or not being good enough. Again, I am far more powerful than my problem only from now on I am committing to taking action on a daily basis. I am now pro-active to take responsibility for me thoughts and emotions; these are a choice - how I think/the thoughts that I let into my mind and those which can be disregarded if it no longer serves me. This requires attention, discipline and brutal honesty. E.g. How is a fantasy going to help me? It's not, it is a harmful and dangerous distraction.
So this is the new me. It will take time to become the 33 y/o father-to-be who is in love with his wife and loves his life. But I will become this person one day at a time, followed by creating the 7-30-90 model.
---
Porn is no longer an option.